Conference 7.286::sports_91

       My pick is 8:22
                                      Denny

    And yor are wrong Denny...
    
    10:12

    9:45
    
    

11:18 am

    Tomorrow 12:37 (after lunch)
    

    C'mon guys, 
    
    anybody figgers out wacher talkin' about and this'll get keelt quicker
    than the dwar....oops, well you know the note.
    
    Sheesh, no questions yet??????
    
    JaKe
    

    	How come you don't like Barry Bonds?

    
    >>	How come you don't like Barry Bonds?
    
    Slasher, it would take up TOO much disk space if I started listing all
    of the reasons why I dislike Mr. "Mentally 11 Yrs. Old" Bond.
    
    So, I'll list the reasons TO like him:
    
    1.  None
    
    Thanks
    
    JaKe
    
    

       So Jake, how do you think Bonilla will do this year?
                                    Denny

Jake,

Are you and Jeff Needle, REALLY twin sons of different mothers?????


'Saw

    Did Jeff Needle actually like anyone at last night's get-together?
    

    This NOTE is stupid.  Moderators, please write-lock it!
    
    Thank you,
    
    JD

There's JD again, just bashing away 8^)

    
    Stop this stupid note!
    
    It's subpeona time, Hawk!
    
    JD

    Hawk,
    Yup, Needle liked the onion rings.
    
    MikeL
    
    

    
    >>   So Jake, how do you think Bonilla will do this year?
    >                                Denny
    
    
    Hopefully, he'll hit .231, with 6 HR's and 16 RBI, whilst comitting 183
    errors on the weed outfield at Shea Stadium.
    
    JaKe
    

    
>>Are you and Jeff Needle, REALLY twin sons of different mothers?????
    
    If we ARE, I'm peaved 'cause he got ALL the hair.
    
    If we are, which of us is the Arnold Schwarzenegger(sp?) and which is
    the Danny DeVito?????
    
    JaKe
    

Ah, Jake, I was thinking more along the lines of Abbott and Costello
instead of Schwarzeneggar and DeVito....


'Saw

    
    >>Did Jeff Needle actually like anyone at last night's get-together?
    
    
    Hawk,
    
    He did smile ALL night long, but that could've been gas.
    
    JaKe
    

    Jake, good thing you DON't read them physics, they smell awful!
    
    lEe

    JaKe,
    
    Howcome I'm the only one left?  (tomorrow 12:37)
    
    hep moi,
    
    I remain,
    a landlubber who can't go ta MIAMI!!!!  :*(
    Kev
    

    
    >>Howcome I'm the only one left?  (tomorrow 12:37)
    
      'Cause Ipromised to be a good little(ha) noter in this note and keep
    it on the up and up.
    
    JaKe
    

    	I bet the "over line", so let's keep it clean for another day.

    
    JaKe,
    
    What was the name of the song/group BobH said MorT played in da cah?
    
    I remain,
    I don't remember,
    Kev
    

You can all bite me.  By the way, it was 9:21.

Kev remains
Obnoxious.

    Kev,
    Da post 18 Heiny Pogies??
    

    
    okay Mr. Neddle, see if *I* ever share my crackers and cheese wif you
    ever again!
    
    JaKe,  It's time for "Get Down and Dirty"!
    
    
    
    Howcome MtM wimped out for the umpteenth time today and ain't gonna
    show at T.O.P.??????
    
    
    
    I remain(ed)
    till the end,
    Kev
    

re: .28

Da Pixies

(I was the one not drinking lasted night)

    WILL the Cleveland Browns ever win anything ?
    
    

    WILL the Cadverliers EVER make the NBA Finals ?

    Pixies,Pogies, heck Bob, they all start with P, which is the
    associative consonant for beer consumption. 8^)
    
    And Doc,
    The last three notes will go a long way to quickening the
    anticipated sentence of this topic!  8^)
    
    MikeL
    

    
    >>WILL the Cleveland Browns ever win anything ?
    
    If so, it'll probably be before the Oilers ever do.
    
    JaKe
    
    

    
    >>WILL the Cadverliers EVER make the NBA Finals ?
    
    
    Just what does a Chevy have to do with backsketball???
    
    Seriously, I don't follow backsketball, so I have no idea.
    
    JaKe
    

    PLEASE WRITE-LOCK THIS STUPID, NON-SPORTS RELATED NOTE THAT IS ONLY
    HERE TO SATIFY THE EGO OF ONE OF OUR NOTERS!
    
    JD as a republican.

    That never stop you before Jake!!!!:-}
    
    
    REK

    Jealous, eh JD??
    
    JaKe
    
    

    
    >>That never stop you before Jake!!!!:-}
    
    
    Low, REK {sniff}, Low.
    
    sadly
    
    JaKe
    

    HJake -
    
    I have money on Monday Morning, so I figure the more I plead that this
    get shut down, the more unlikely it will.
    
    HTH.
    
    JD

    1. What wrong with "Free Chicken and Beer" for a band name?
    
    2. How will the Red Sox do this year?
    
    3. Is this country ready for another freakin lunatic liberal democrat
       president?
    
    4. Who will win the Celtics-Bulls matchup in the Eastern Conference
       finals?

Jake,

Could you ask Mike Heiser to mail me a pointer to all those wonderful .gif
files that he has. I lost the other one.......


'Saw (who's practicing to take Hawk's place should the need arise)

    MikeH, since you've publicly stated many times that you'll have nothing
    to do with alcohol, you probably shouldn't have "Beer" in the name of
    your band.  Maybe you should replace it with "manna". :-)
    
    How 'bout "Release Barabas", in keeping with the Lenten theme.  Or, as
    Baba Wawa would say, "Wewease Bawaabas"!
    
    Or, how 'bout "Beelzebub's Revenge" or "Dreaded Druid"?  :-)
    
    Someone please stop me...
    
    Hawk
    

    
    >    Someone please stop me...
    
    I suspect the mod's will do this momentarily.
    
    Dickstah
    

    Okay, how about "Free Chicken and O'Dooles" (sp?)

    JaKe,
    
    Would you happen to remember that little diddy Slasher said last
    night?  Somethang to do with a skin bus or somethang?  Ahl be darned
    but I don't remember what it was and it's been bugging me all day.
    
    Sure would like a refresher - what was it????
    
    
    I remain,
    synapsilly challenged,
    Kev
    

       Scalp massage?
                                     Not Jake

    Can you forward the memo with KO saying DEC was "2 legit 2 quit?"
    
    I bet on Friday at 10:15.
    
    What's wrong with American Gladiators?
    
    

    re .28
    
    Yes I played the Pixies for Bob "Witch" Hunt, forget which album.
    
    But, I think the album that made such a impression on his brain, the
    one I played reel loud as I sped, drunk and smoking cigs, thru the
    dark streets a downtown Minny, was none other than Sonic Youth's 
    "Daydream Nation."  And the cut that probably tore him up so bad was
    "Across the Water," one a the great guitar-groove tunes a all time.
    
    MrT

    Jake, my wife tells me she has PMS...
    
    WHat is PMS and how can have have her treated for it?
    
    REK

    
    PMS is Pre-Minstral Syndrome, characterized by the uncontrollable urge
    to play the banjo, sing "Swannee River", and tell corny jokes through
    a delusion known as "The Interlocoteur."
    
    There is no cure, but keep all makup and sheet music under lock and key
    to minimize the symptoms.
    
    Dickstah, for Jake
    

Kev,

	"Driving the skin bus through tuna town"


MrT,

	You smoke cigarettes?  Oh, disappointment of disappointments.
	At least tell me they're a mainly brand like Lucky Strike or
	unfiltered Camels...

MikeH,
	
	How 'bout just "Free Chicken".  However, you should be aware
	of the various connotations of the word "Chicken", one of the
	most notable of which is in Willie Dixon's "Backdoor Man":

		
		All you men eat your pork and beans,
		I eat more chicken than you've ever seen,
		I am a backdoor man, I am a backdoor man,
		What the men don' know, the little girls understand....


Hope this heps!
'Saw

Oh, I never thought of that.

Down here, cigs has always meant cigarettes since I was a little kid.

Now, a stogie, that's a different story....8^)



'Saw

    HA HA HA, Diskstah, you are crazy, man!!!111
    
    Ha ha, what a great reply.   :*)
    
    lEe

REK,
	PMS is more commonly refered to as Post MARITAL Syndrome.

HTH

Chap

    1.  The network is moving as fast as 'Saw going end to end on the Rugby
    pitch, so I cain't answer all of the previous ??? in here from today,
    but I'll get them nexted week when I'm back in Pgh and on second shift
    again.
    
    2.  PMS--what makes 2-1/2 weeks a month hell in my house.
    
    had more to go with the lasted statement but I made some guarantees
    about this thing and I ain't going against me word.
    
    JaKe
    

How many sports noters will be eligable for the Early Retirement Package ?

    
>>How many sports noters will be eligable for the Early Retirement Package ?
    
    Here's one I cain't answer!!  ANy help????
    
    JaKe
    

    Jake, its your note, answer the question, if it is a confident enough
    answer everyone will believe you even if it is a crock of ...
    
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    JaKe,
    
    The Princeton global weather model has been criticized by some for
    its lack of vertical dimensioning in its model.  Don't you agree that
    when modeling biosperhic phenomena that it's damned silly to treat
    mathematically some 75,000 vertical feet as if it were two dimensional?
    
    As a follow on: Is this why the media-conscious Dean Smif' has a flat
    haid?
    
    MrT 

    re: .64
    
    Just to help out Jake a bit. Weather prediction is so unpredicatable,
    certainly long term (ie more than 48 hours or so) that it probalby
    makes little difference if models are simplified to 2 dimensions rather
    than 3. Considering the incredible number of simultaneous equations
    that are needed to get a weather forecast adding another dimension may
    very well make it impossible to do the necessary calculations in a
    reasonable amount of time.
    
    Jake, T-mans second question is all yours.
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    Tonight at The Channel:  "Free Chicken & Beer"!

    
    >>its lack of vertical dimensioning in its model.  Don't you agree that
    >>when modeling biosperhic phenomena that it's damned silly to treat
    >>mathematically some 75,000 vertical feet as if it were two dimensional?
    
    Mr "T"
    
    I give advice.  I ain't Mr. Wizard.  Sheez read .0!!!!
    
    >>As a follow on: Is this why the media-conscious Dean Smif' has a flat
    >>haid?
    
    Nah, it's because his parents used to hold him up by the feet and drop
    him on his haid hoping to knock some sense into him.
    
    JaKe
    

    RaKe,
    
    No doubt you've read about declining SAT and science/math test scores
    among American youth.  Question: What demographic group (inner-city,
    suburban, black, white) accounts for the bulk a this slide?
    
    And quit moaning about what joe mission is and just answer the
    questions I axe.
    
    MrT

    
    > No doubt you've read about declining SAT and science/math test scores
    > among American youth.  Question: What demographic group (inner-city,
    > suburban, black, white) accounts for the bulk a this slide?
    
    From what I've read, the group in decline is white males (separated
    from white females, where math scores are improving slowly in closing
    the math gap between males and females).
    
    glenn
    

Actually, a better question (not that yours wasn't good MrT) would be
How are we gonna fix the problem....


'Saw

    Saw -
    
    Fix the problem. Well first run a fine steel wool over the wood, taking
    care not to gouge or scratch it, then you'd - darn - wrong notes file
    again!
    
    JD

JD,

You must've thought you were in the Home Work file.  That got shut down
because a certain zipper, er, uh, SPORTSnoter was asking bad questions....


btw, I saw 36 Red Sox tickets offered for sale in a notesfile the other
day, but I can't remember which one....


'Saw

    Dagnabit Waugamain didn't axe YOU.  You ruined it.  I was gonna elicit
    a wrong answer from RaKe and make him look bad but no you have to come
    along and ruin it.
    
    ANSWER: The erosion comes primarily for the upper quartile of students
    (in terms of ability), coming primarily from white suburban kids. There
    has also been some erosion among middle achievers, but less than that
    seen among the best and the brightest.
    
    Poor kids, black, inner-city, whatever, have in fact raised their
    scores dramatically.  
    
    Note: The percentage of students taking the SAT remained relatively
    stable over the period sampled (through '87), including inner-city 
    kids.  There has been a surge of SAT takers since then.
    
    MrT

I have a question:   (And this is a SERIOUS question)


	How come, every evening when I sit down to watch a little
	television, I see some lady who looks like she doesn't even
	KNOW what she's talking about, shilling Gyne-Lotrimin, or
	Anti-Infecti-Lotrimin, or whatever the lastest "cure" is
	for vaginal yeast infections, yet at the same time, I never
	see any burley, sweaty men, shilling products to cure 
	jock itch?

	Secondly, if gyne-lotrimin is a CURE, how come you keep having
	to buy it?



'Saw

    Saw 
    
    This is not related to your previous note.  But, has anyone else
    noticed that advertisement for wart removal products has virtually
    disappeared.  I haven't seen a Compound W ad in years.
    
    JD

People don't get warts any more?


But you're right.... Now that you mention it....


'Saw

    
    >>ANSWER: The erosion comes primarily for the upper quartile of students
    >>(in terms of ability), coming primarily from white suburban kids. There
    >>has also been some erosion among middle achievers, but less than that
    >>seen among the best and the brightest.
    
    And hear I sat thinking it was the Nerds that was the source of the
    whole problem.
    
    JaKe
    

    'Saw your obviously watching the wrong channels.

       ..and how about this stuff 'Scalpicin'? Does Isiah know about it?
                                                 Denny

    	How come sportscasters say "Nobody wants to play <insert team
    name here> in the first round of the playoffs", and why don't they
    want to play them?
    
    				/Don

    

    >>	How come, every evening when I sit down to watch a little
    >>	television, I see some lady who looks like she doesn't even
    >>	KNOW what she's talking about, shilling Gyne-Lotrimin, or
    >>	Anti-Infecti-Lotrimin, or whatever the lastest "cure" is
    >>	for vaginal yeast infections, yet at the same time, I never
    >>	see any burley, sweaty men, shilling products to cure 
    >>	jock itch?

    'Saw, I been wondering this for ages.  Ya see these ads for feminine
    deoderants, Tampax, Gyne-Lotrimin, Maxi-pads, Mini-pads, micro-mini
    pads, etc... all over the tube.  The latest in the line of these things
    is the "semicid" vaginal contraceptive inserts.  I wanna puke every
    time one of these ads come on, but it seems that it's fine and dandy to
    have these on the tube prime time.
    
    Now if there was some big dude standing there hawking Cruex, or some
    other jock-itch spray/ointment/powder, in prime time, or selling
    Trojans, the networks would be lit up with a zillion calls from people
    saying these were "inappropriate" for family viewing.  Methinks most of
    these calls would be from the targets of the former type of ads.  
    
    CAUTION: the following is MY opinion, and not necessarily those of the
    management:
    
    Me thinks that if a guy watches an ad and says "Yuck", the powers that
    be figure it's still OK to show, but if a female watches it and says
    "Yuck", they can the ad and look for a new approach.
    
    >>	Secondly, if gyne-lotrimin is a CURE, how come you keep having
    >>	to buy it?
    
    Sorta like the "lifetime warranties" you see on some products.  Read
    between the lines, cause it's job security for some.  Also, some of
    these infections cain be transmit to the female from her sexual
    partners.
    
    JaKe
    

       How come they give traffic reports on TV news shows?
                                            Denny

    
    >>   How come they give traffic reports on TV news shows?
    >>                                        Denny
    
    
    As a service to their listening public.
    
    JaKe
    

    FaKe,
    
    Are there _really_ little tiny people inside the TV set, and where do
    they go when I change channels ?

    In all seriousness on the vaginal yeast infection thingie.
    
    Partners spread it between themselves, and if your partner is being
    treated for it, you probably should be to.  Ask the physician who
    originally diagnosed it.
    
    Some women are more susceptible to these types of infections than
    others.  It may be related to diet, climate, or individual body
    chemistry (among other things).  The over-the-counter remedies don't
    work for everyone, but for susceptible women for whom a minimum dosage
    clears up the problem for a couple of months, it can be a god-send.
    
    
    I'm *always* uncomfortable when there are "feminine hygiene" product
    ads on the tube.  I'd rather see condom ads - and Fox has broken
    through the taboo barrier and accepted some.  Hopefully the other
    networks will follow.  
    
    A&W

    re jock itch ads, didn't Jim Burt do one a few years ago?  (or am I
    thinking of some other product?)
    
    I'll second A&Ws advice in the second paragraph of .86.
    
                                                       
    py

    
    >>Are there _really_ little tiny people inside the TV set,
    
    
    Simply put, NO!!
    
    There aren't enuf of them that look the same so's that everybody cain
    have the same show on.
    
    JaKe
    

    JaKe,
    I plead ignorant,,,
    
    Z'acly wot is a yeast infection?
    
    I remain, 
    perplexed by the feminine stuff,
    Kev
    

    
    >>Z'acly wot is a yeast infection?
    
    
    I ain't a doctor, so I cain't give ya the technical poop on whut it is,
    BUT, I do know it has nothing to do with baking bread.
    
    JaKe
    

    re:  Condom ads
    
    I saw a couple of absolutely brilliant, funny, and most important -
    easy to understand condom ads the other night.  Unfortunately they were
    from Danish TV.  The story was how the US has such a large amount of
    teenage STD's - while Denmark has hardly any.    Good stuff.
    
    Re Da Prom.
    
    The last one I went to was the worst.  I was in college and dating a
    H.S. senior (she was about a year younger...) - I went to her prom -
    what a dweeb of a time.  Even though I was a little older than some of
    them, here I was living away from home in another state, and they were
    getting all excited about sneaking beers and staying out late.  Oh
    well.  
    
    JD

    
    >>	How come sportscasters say "Nobody wants to play <insert team
    >>name here> in the first round of the playoffs", and why don't they
    >>want to play them?
    
    Sometimes the lesser known teams suprize the big name teams in the
    early rounds.  Big upsets.
    
    Othere than that, it's just announcer rhetoric that flows and flows
    every year, year after year.
    
    JaKe
    

    Jake,
    
    If a tree falls in the forest and there's no one around to hear it...
    ......you know the rest......what's up with that?
    
    
    
    Cliff Clavins of the world deen to wonk,
    
    Nelly

The Jim Burt ad was for athlete's foot.  I guess it's okay to hawk something
a guy puts on his feet, but not on his scrotum.  And I'd be willing to
bet that more guys get jock itch than wimmins get vaginal yeast infections.

Condom ads -- they SHOULD have them.  Sometimes our puritanical roots really
bite us in the a__....


Denny, the traffic reports on TV are for two kinds of people:  rich ones,
who ride in limos and watch TV and can tell their driver, and Nervous Nelly
Wives, who wonder why hubby isn't home yet...



'Saw

    'Saw,
    
    
    I partially resemble that remark!!!
    
    
    Nelly

>    I partially resemble that remark!!!
>    
>    
>    Nelly


Whoa Nelly!  (We had a sportcaster on Channel 3 that used to say that
a lot).

I never gave that a thought...  


Actually, Nervous Nelly has a companion, Gutsy Gert, who is forever telling
Nelly to get some guts...8^)


'Saw

    
    >>If a tree falls in the forest and there's no one around to hear it...
    >>......you know the rest......what's up with that?
    
    It was made up by somebody trying to mess with your mind.
    
    Sound waves don't discriminate whether there's somebody to enjoy them.
    
    
    heck, the same thing could apply to:
    
    If ya pass gas whilst you're sleeping, is it noisy.
    
    Oops, almost overstepping my boundaries here
    
    JaKe
    

    
    >>But doesn't physics tell us that sound only exists when there is a
    >>transmitter and a receiver?
    
    I ain't had a good physic in ages!!
               
    Sound is vibration transmitted by air(or water or some medium).  If a
    tree falls, it's going to creat that noise no matter if someone is ther
    or not.  Ya figure, maybe the "receiver is 100 miles away, but the
    sound is completely dissipated by the time it gets there.
    
    Walking a thin line
    
    JaKe
    

Well, you could go the the quantum level, and destroy the whole
argument by saying that the outcome is only and outcome when it
is observed...

So in that scenario it wouldn't matter if anyone heard or not...

Kind of sort of...


'Saw

    
    
    
    NEXT!!!!!!
    
    JaKe
    

    Physics is fake.  The earth is flat.  The sun revolves around the
    earth.   Noise is noise even if it can't be heard.
    
    
    DJ

    JD you're just jealous because you don't have your own note.
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    I lost a girlfriend once cuz a a yeast infection.  All her sorority
    sisters sneered at me for months after.  Adapt improvise and overcome
    is MrT's way, so I learned to always work a gal into a good sweat and
    then sniff her down.  If she smelled like bad beer it was a no go.
    
    MrT

    Re: -1,
    
    In an unbelievable coincidence, I just got out of a meeting where we
    were discussing working a gal into a good sweat and then sniffing her
    down!!!!!!!!
    
    
    What are the odds against that?????????????
    
    
    Nelly

    I strongly suggest we change this train of thought.  

    Jake,
    
    What is the origin of the expression "train of thought"?
    
    
    HTH to get us on a new track!!
    
    
    Nelly

    What is the sound of one hand clapping ?

>    What is the sound of one hand clapping ?

    

    C'mon Midnight.  You hear that sound every time I dog-walk you and
    then take you over my pillar-like thighs for a good old-fashioned
    spanking.
    
    MrT

Jake, 

Since I don't know much about hardware, I was wondering if you could
explain something to me about he Megahertz of a chip.

Like for instance, if you have a 486 33mz it is slower than a 55mz,
but I don't understand what that means.


I know frequencies in music (ie the audible freq range) are expressed in
MHz, but I don't understand how that ties in to chips....


Hope you can help this software dude,
'Saw

       It has to do with the CPU's clock speed 'saw. The higher the number,
    the faster the clock. Each tick o' the clock allows 'things' to happen,
    so the faster it runs, the more of your code cain run through.
                                        Jake(not)

    'Sawmain, megahertz is an expression for when a person of male
    genatalia slips off the bicycle seat onto the cross-bar below...
    
    HTH.
    
    

    The inverse of the clock speed = speed of the cpu cycle

Okay, Denny, I see that.   I know, for example, how in the VAX the hardware
clock relates to the software clock and stuff, and how many cycles instructions
take, so I can relate that...


So another related question is what determines what that speed is?  how do
they do that?   (In a similar vain of the little people inside the tv) do
they have a little tiny watchspring inside the chip that makes the clock?

When I hear MHz used, I think of something vibrating (like a string in
a piano will produced 440 Hz).  So what's vibrating in there...


I know this sounds awfully stupid, but sincerely, I have no idea of what
makes the hardware work....


'Saw

    Jake,  I thought of a question whilst in the shower after my daily
    run at lunchtime. 
    
    Why is it that a certain part of the male anatomy has darker skin than,
    say, your arm, even though that part never gets any sun?
    
    Or, is it just me?
    
    Thanks,
    Pete

Pete,


Your elbows are always a little darker than the rest of you because the
skin collects there in folds.  Those folds have a lot of shadows, thus
making the area look darker....

hth,
'Saw

Bob, spoken like a true father of wonderfully inquisitive children...8^)


'Saw

       We're not allowed to tell!
    Actually it's an oscillator. What you might call a crystal. It
    vibrates.
                                         Denny

    > Whenever someone asks "How does it work?", the answer is ...
    
    >		"It works great!"
    
    
    My answer is, "Go ask your mother!"  :-)
    
    Hawk
    

    
    Can you say vibrating osculator in here?
    
    

    No!

    Re: .125,
    
    INCREDIBLY, I just left a meeting where we were discussing vibrating
    osculators!!!!!!!!!  What are the odds against that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    
    HTH,
    
    Nelly

    
    'Saw,
    
    	The clock is not, in all cases that I know of, inside the
    	u-processor.  There is a clock input on the chip where an
    	external oscillator or crystal output is fed.
    
    	And BTW, a "hertz" is defined as cycles/second.  So, a
    	33 MHz clock is 33 million cycles/second........
    
    just a lowly technician,
    
    Claybone

 
    >>              -< better see your Doctor, Pete ;-) >-
    
    Mike, I took your advice and did just that.  He said it appeared I
    was in an accident as a small child, and they had to replace the unit
    with one off of Secretariat.  That 'splains the color.
    
    Relieved,
    Pete

    
    re.129
    
    What, one of Secretariat's hairs from its mane????   (8^)*
    
    Re all the rest, thanks guys for taking care of the questions.  I were
    in a seminar 2-day and couldn't get to them.
    
    Re  "T", nice try, "T" but I'm not smutting this thing up and getting
    it closed down like the lasted one.
    
    JaKe
    

RE the Vibrating Oscillator:

	Gee, now I don't feel so stupid.  I was going to ask if there was
	a crystal, like a quartz crystal in a watch, but I figured everyone
	would laugh.


	I knew that a Hertz was a cycle/second and not a rental car. 8^)

	I just didn't know what was vibrating in there.

	So the higher your Hertz, the more the little man with the whip	
	is making the oscillator vibrate inside there, right?  ;^)


	You folks had better watch out -- if I figure out this hardware
	stuff, I'm gonna be MIGHTY dangerous....


'Saw

PS  Jake, Mac informed me he almost shut us down during the Yeast thing,
    but I told him that it was a legitimate question....8^)

    Oscillator is the correct spelling.  Osculate is another term for kiss. 
    An osculator would be a person performing a kiss.  A vibrating
    osculator would be, well, uh, er, never mind.
    
    Ninj

Ninj,

A vibrating osculator would be one helluva kisser!  8^)


Guys, you can keep this hardware stuff coming.  I enjoy it!



'Saw

Okay, here's another real one:

	My truck has almost 75K on it.  I figure it might be time for
	something remotely resembling a tune-up.  Since the long-term
	warrantee ran out at 50K, and it would cost me $$$ to have the
	dealer do it, I was wondering what I might do myself to save
	me some $$$....

	I'm doing an oil-change tomorrow, and I thought I might change the
	plugs and put in an oil filter.

	Keeping in mind that tomorrow is my dad's birthday, and that I'm
	taking him and the family out tomorrow night, what else could I
	do to my truck that won't take me all day to do?


'Saw

    
    >	Keeping in mind that tomorrow is my dad's birthday, and that I'm
	taking him and the family out tomorrow night, what else could I
    	do to my truck that won't take me all day to do?
    
    Give him the truck for a birthday present.  Let him do the maintenance.
    Buy him a Timex on Sunday, take back the truck, and tell him you were
    joking about the truck gift.  If he gets mad, just tell him you were
    doin' 'shrooms and couldn't help it.
    
    Dickstah
    

    So Slah,
    By yo' P Name , does we takes it that you is steel a 
    NaturallyVibratingDeanButtOsculator ??
    
    MikeL
    
    
    

       Change the air filter, Pcv valve, and what ever other emmission
    control stuff your manual says to change. Fuel filter is also easy. All
    you should have left to do that they woulda charged you 80 bucks for as
    a 'tune-up' is timing and carb(?) adjustment. If it's running okay I
    wouldn't even worry about those.
       Also, spring's almost here, so it's time to get that winter air outta
    the tires!
                                       Denny

Okay.

I gotta manual for the danged thing (a Chilton's) but I haven't bothered to
look at it.  I probably should do that.


Got a nifty air exchanger from Sears (it's a Craftsman!) for gettin' rid
of that winter air.  Sucks out the old, blow in the new all at the same
time.  No responsible driver should be wifout one!


'Saw

    Sawmain, assuming that you'll keep the truck another couple of years/
    50k miles, I'd recommend the following:
    
    	- oil & filter change (you were planning that anyway)
    	- air filter, pcv valve, and fuel filter (I'm 50-50 on this one
    	  cause if it's the type that's near the gas tank, which it most
    	  likely is, it's a pain & would take you longer than you want to
    	  spend. A better investment in time are the next items)
        - Spark plugs, spark plug & ignition coil wires, distributor cap
    	  and rotor.  And, like Denny said, if it seems to be running ok
    	  now, no need to worry about timing, idle, and CO2 adjustments.
    
    A few other pointers.  Buy Fram filters & pcv valve.  Spark plugs are a
    toss-up (so many types, just get what you feel are good quality). 
    Actually, getting OEM replacements (AC) might be the best/safest way to
    go.  Gap them tight (they tend to open once used).  And, if you have
    the 2.8L V6 that I have in my Chevy, make sure you have a "universal
    joint" a.k.a. "knuckle" and a couple of extensions for your socket
    wrench cause there's a couple plugs in the back that are a bear to get
    at unless you're a contortionist!  Also, make sure you have the right
    spark plug socket cause the plugs are the narrow type.  I also
    recommended the plug wires, cap, and rotor cause it's time (actually, I
    would've done them at 50k miles).  The wires especially build up a lot
    of resistance as they age, and the more resistance, they less "energy"
    to fire the plugs.  Good, heavy duty wires are about $15-$20 for a set
    of 7 (1 coil wire, 6 plug wires).  And, get resistor type plugs and
    wires.  BTW, replace 1 wire at a time!  Cap & rotor (simple to replace)
    are about $10.  Forget Chilton's too for all this stuff.  It's all 
    common sense- remove, then install the same way as removed, in reverse...
    
    A dealer would charge you a good $250+ for all of the above.  It should
    cost you less than $75 for all the parts (buy 'em tonight), and 2-3 
    hours time.  Send me a case a_Heineken, and you still saved yourself
    over a hundred and fifty bucks!  :-)
    
    Hawk
    

    
    And don't forget to service the nut behind the wheel.
    
    

Hawk,

I'll do all that.  Might not be Saturday (tomorrow) but I will.

I had the truck given a top to bottom service at 50K.  I do my own breaks
(front and rear) and those are in great shape, and I figure the suspension
stuff should be fine, although I don't think the shocks have ever been 
replaced, and it's probably  getting to be time.

I do have the 2.8L, and it's fuel injected....


I had a case of Heiniken to send to you, but darnit, I lost it somehow.
Actually, it was more like a case and a half.....8^)


'Saw

    Saw -
    
    Here ya go, JD's rules/tips of car maintenance.  My wife's SUburu has
    110,000K on it - runs like a charm.   My Nova had 140K on it before I
    sold it.
    
    ANyway:
    
    First - go out to the truck, walk around.  Scratch yer haid a few
    times, rub yer crotch, and open the hood.   Take a good look.  Sniff
    around the engine.  See if ya notice any smell like burnt oil or stuff.
    
    Get the Owner's manual/Chiltons.  Take a break.  Look at yer watch.  No
    matter what time it is, its time for a beer.
    
    Figure out what yer going to need.  Make a list, and then put it
    somewhere where you caint find it.   Finish yer beer - or what I find
    works better - put it down and forget about it.  You'll find it better.
    
    Get in yer truck.  Start it.  Drive to a store and buy all the stuff
    you need.  Oil.  Oil filter.  PCV.  Air filter.  Fuel filter.  A fresh
    pine air freshner.  A couple of beef jerky's.  Spark plugs.  A new CD.
    Whatever else ya need.
    
    Stop somewhere and get something to eat.
    
    Get back to house.   Stumble upon beer you left before.  Take a swig. 
    SPit it out.
    
    Get all the stuff you just bought and spread it around the truck.  Open
    the hood again.  Sniff again.   Think about changing yer clothes.  
    Remember about the new CD.  Put it on and crank it.   Play some air
    guitar around the truck.   
    
    OPen a new beer.  Oh yeah.  Replace yer anti-freeze with pro-freeze ;-)
    -
    never hurts.    
    
    ANyway - start working on the truck.  Keep the Chilton's handy.  Get
    warm oil on you when you drain the oil.  Let the oil drain.  Take a
    swig of beer.  Whip yer hands off - cuz they got oil on them.   Remove
    oil filter.   Procede according to the manual.
    
    Get another beer - eat the beef jerkies.  Put more tunes on.  Turn on
    the TV - watch some college hoops.  Get distracted.
    
    Return to truck.  Try to remember what you were doing earlier.  Replace
    things that need replacing.  Clean the inside of the truck out.  Put in
    the air freshner.  Clean the sucker out.   
    
    Finish.  Close the hood.   Start the truck.   Take a swig of beer. 
    Wash the truck.  Drink another beer.
    
    Done.
    
    JD

    > I had the truck given a top to bottom service at 50K.
    
    You should've told us that in the first place!  *If* they changed the
    plugs, wires, distributor cap and rotor then, I wouldn't do anything
    but the oil & filter change, and replace the air cleaner.  That's it! 
    Be real careful though, and check your 50K mile receipt.  If the parts
    such as the plugs, wires, cap and rotor aren't listed (good chance
    they're not), then replace them now.
    
    I learned a lesson a couple a years ago about the mega-buck tune-ups
    where they say they'll replace everything.  They don't!  I had one of
    these done to my Chevy (2.8L V6 MFI) at 50K miles, assuming everything
    meant everything, only to discover that the reason the car ran shitty
    and had no power at 90K miles was that the wires were the factory
    originals!  What happened was that they'd built up so much resistance
    through the high engine heat, corrosion, and age, that the energy in
    the coil couldn't get out, and the coil actually glowed (aurora
    effect)!  Was I ever pissed!  Didn't bother trying to figure out if
    *everything* else was changed at the 50K so-called tune-up, I changed
    it all.  Difference was like night and day.  Then, the car got stolen,
    and after we got it back, the wife smashes-up the front end!  :-)
    
    Hawk
    

Yeah, I'll have to check the receipt.  It probably wasn't done, because
I was more interested in the suspension, CV joints and all that crap....
It was tuned at 35, but I doubt they replaced the stuff...


I like JD's suggestions....8^)


'Saw

    Hey Denny, was that you I saw on Rt 2 in your truck and topless?!~?!?!?
    
    REK

       Yup! Took the top off so the back'd fill up with snow. Didn't work,
    no snow!
       'Saw Whatever you do. DON'T (DO NOT) follow JD's instructions!! If
    you do you're injun'll freeze up! He forgot to tell you to put oil back
    in the dang thing!!
                               Denny

      BTW, I change my plugs once a year, about a week before I get my
    sticker. Also dump a bottle of Gumout carb/injector cleaner in the gas
    tank at the same time, does wonders for ypur emmissions test. I've
    never come close to failing one!
                                    Denny

    Denny -
    
    I thought I said "Finish what yer doing" - but yeah, Saw - remember to
    put fluids BACK into the truck....
    
    JD

    JD.. Does that include the beers you've been drinking?!?!?!?!
    
    How do you put those back!?!?!?!!?
    
    REK

Only seized an injun up once, and it was on a ambulance call.


Got an emergency call on night for a guy who had met with an accident on
the Rt 17 exit ramp in Glastonbury.  When we got their, the victim was
lying on the ground at the start of the ramp, having apparently collided
with a guard-rail post, and his truck was further down the ramp apparently
having met the same fate.   (Police investigation later showed that he
had an individual in the truck with him, they argued over a bad drug debt,
the passenger managed to push this guy out the door and then fled the scene.
The victim had a lot of coke in him too).

Anyway, it's a bitchin hot summer evening in August, around 98 degrees and
90% humidity, and we pull up on the scene.  Out of the ambulance it took
the three of us to body survey this guy.  He was one messed up dude.
From the bottom, he had a compund fx tibia, dislocated hip, fractured cervical
vertebra(e), and an incision, widening to a laceration, back to an incision,
on his throat.

We packaged him as quickly as possible, and got him in the ambulance.  We
were not sure if he was going to make it.  


Now, at the time, I was the 2nd on the crew.  My senior partner Rick had
been making me ride in the back a lot, because I was about ready to get a 
crew of my own, but we both knew this dude was really bad.  Our 3rd was
not an EMT, which by the rules meant he couldn't drive.  So Rick said to
me "You drive, get us to the hospital as quick as you can, and DON'T SPARE
the HORSES".


So, I got in and we took off for Hartford Hospital, probably 10 miles away.

As I hit the East Hartford town line (probably 2 miles) I heard this terrific
WHUMP under the hood.   I shouted into the back that we had an engine problem
and that we were starting to over-heat.  (That little red needle was slowly
creeping up).... I asked Rick if he wanted me to radio for a back up ambulance
and to pull over.  He said if I did the guy wasn't gonna make it.  He
said "Get us there. I don't care how you do it but get us there".

At that point, I turned off the AC in the cab, and cranked the heater on
full blast.  I left the AC on in the back -- didn't have much choice on that.

As we got into Hartford, about a two miles from the hospital, I could see
all this neat white smoke billowing out of the exhaust in the back, and
the engine was starting to sound like a rented mule that I'd beaten a
little too hard.

I got on the radio.  "590 to dispatch."  "Go ahead 590"  "590 we're
having some serious engine problems, and when we get to Hartford we're gonna
be out of service.  Can you get another crew to the ambulance building
to cover for us till we can get a ride back?"  "No problem 590.  Will
you need mechanical assistance"  "590, we'll land line from the hospital".

The last thing I wanted was the President of the Association hearing about
how we messed up an engine over the radio....


About a mile from the hospital, things started to go really bad.  We had
smoke coming into the cab, and the was smoke going into the back end.
Rick yells up "Are we gonna make it?  How far are we?"  I told him yeah,
no problem.

Back on the radio "590  to dispatch"  "Go ahead 590"  "590, can you have
Hartford Fire meet us at Hartford ER....we're going to need their services".
"No problem 590"....


So, now I'm feeling like Van Johnson in "Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo", because
my plane is going down, I'm trying to see through the smoke inside, that
little red needle has been pegged for quite a while, and I'm starting to
get this vision of three ambulance guys having a stretcher race the last
quarter mile....


Fortunately for us, we made it to the ER driveway before it seized up.
I managed to coast in.  Time for the last radio transmission:

"590 to dispatch"  "Go ahead 590"  "590, vehicle is out of service,
Hartford ER, vehicle is on fire, crew bailing out".


We got the guy in -- he lived, although he had some 'splainin' to do the
the Po-leece.  We came back out and found the Hartford Fire Dept dousing
our vehicle...


Come to find out, and much as I suspected, a belt had let go under the
hood, and caused us all that excitement.   

To this day, I don't know how we managed to make it just as far as we
needed to get before it seized up....


'Saw

We don't have yearly inspections down here.  We just have what I call
nocturnal emissions.

Once a year you go in, and they stick a probe up your pipe.   You gun 
your engine, and all this neat DEC equipment tells you if you're good
or bad.  Then you pay $10 CASH (no checks, no credit cards) to the
person.  8 of the ten goes to Hamilton Standard (who developed the test stuff)
and the other 2 goes to pay for Lowell Weicker and William Cibes' food bill
for that month....


'Saw

       From the white smoke sounds like you blew a haid gasket. That'll
    sieze the injun cause all the anti-freeze gets cooked out by the motor.
                                     Denny

    
    RE: .157
    
    That sounds like my last physical exam!
    
    Dickstah
    

    Haid gasket is what I thought too, Denny (the white "smoke" is the
    give-away).  But then, 'Sawmain (great story, btw) said there was a
    broken/missing belt.  If it was the fan belt (I suspect the ambulance
    was pre-1980), the engine could've overheated and caused the haid
    gasket to let go...
    
    Hawk, on haid
    

Yes, that's what it was.

The belt let go, the engine overheated, the haid gasket went, and 
just after it seized, there was a little fire in the engine compartment.


The aftermath of the story was that the Prez of the Association, called
me up, started chewing me out about it, and I let her for about two
minutes.  Then I told her to get her head out of her anal pore, and to
realize that I wasn't the senior member, it was not my decision to keep
going (but that if it had been I would have) and that a guy was alive
thanks to my keeping going, and finally, if I had to do it all over again
I would have.  Then I gave her Rick's number, told her to take it up
with him, and hung up.


I quit the Association not long after, but I had fun for the two years
I was on....



'Saw

    Maybe I should be in the automobile repair/maintenance business.  I'm
    definitely more a mechanicalweenie than a technoweenie.  And, my
    beer-drinking credentials are rock solid...  :-)
    
    Hawk
    

       Yeah, but do you smoke 'Luckies' Hawk? When I worked in a garage
    after H.S it seemed like everybody smoked 'em.
       I missed the part about the belt going.
                                       Denny

    Gotta have a tatoo on the upper arm too Denny, either a Navy tatoo or
    an eagle or something...
    
    Hawk
    

    1.  'Saw, you may not need the u-joint extension for the spark plug
    socket, I think Hawk was talking Celebrity wagon, and the engine is in
    sideways on those, in your truck, the thing is in straight, with the
    plugs on the sides instead of front and back.  MUCH MUCH easier to get
    the plugs out, cause I got a '89 Celeb. and the rear plugs are a
    mother.
    
    2.  If ya seized the motor, when the haid gasket went, coulda filled a
    cylinder up with coolant and created a hydra-lock.  Theing fills up,
    piston comes up on compression, can't compress water, engine no go no
    mo.
    
    I had a Taurus wagon that sat for 3 days with a bad haid
    gasket(unbeknownst to me at the time), I were off sick and it was my
    DECwreck, went out at 7:45 on way to work, cranked engine, it fired for
    minute amount of time, made HUGE banging noisy, then died.  Cylinder
    had filled up with water and when the thing came up on compression,
    just drove the connecting rod thru the piston, and shattered the
    cylinder wall.  Good thing the damned thing was under warranty.
    
    JaKe
    

    Yer right, JaKe, about the positioning of 'Sawmain's V6.  Looks like
    I'll stay put at DEC...  :-)
    
    'Sawmain, be careful.  After 6 beers or so, 'specially if'n you're
    drinking Foster's, oil cans don't look much different... :-)
    
    Hawk
    

    Hawk, based on what *I'VE* seen in ::'buffs, and your comment about 
    being a mechanic, I have some advice -
    
    Keep your present job!
    
    ;^)
    
    'Sawmain, be extra real careful if you think you wanna change your fuel
    filter.  The blasted thing is actually located in the carb rear, near
    the firewall.  The carb is aluminum, the filter housing is brass, you
    need to disconnect the fuel line (good luck) to remove the filter
    housing.  The filter slot has a stinkin spring in the inside and it's 
    tight and damm near impossible to align the stinker and screw back the
    brass.  
    Naturally, you'll almost strip the threads and almost need a new carb
    becaus enothing you do will prevent a gas leak all over yer engine.
    
    Of course, if you have EFI, make believe Gilda did her famous line!
    
    hth,
    Kev
    

Yep, it's EFI.


I opted for minimum maintenance on Saturday.  I changed th oil.  Too danged
cold to do anything else.

Priced plug wires ($25-35) and distributor cap ($15), and the first warmed
weekend, I'll do that too.  I've got another 600 miles to go before 75K.....


Thanks for all the tips....   

re the plugs, I'll be their easier to get out than the stupid oil filter!


8^)

'Saw

    Re: tune ups
    
    Replace your vacuum tubes while you're at it too.  Leaky tubes can make
    your vehicle run like it needs a tune up.  Out in the desert, the tubes
    dry out and crack faster than other areas.  We have to check them every
    few years or so.
    
    You'll probably have to adjust your idle and fuel/air mixture too after
    replacing bad vacuum tubes.
    
    Mike

       I know what all these past notes are from T, but I cain't think of
    it! Please hep me!
                                          Denny

I think he's building up to:


	Everybody's doin' the loco-mo-SHON....


hth,
'Saw

> ANGLIN::SHAUGHNESSY "DailyAffirmation w/ BayouMain"    1 line  16-MAR-1992 16:22
   
    T, it was CajunMan.
    
    HTH,
    Joe 

    Jaque',
    
    Here's a scenario for you...
    
    Say, by chance, you go to an establishment known for its female
    entertainment.  The feature act has been billed as having a bust
    line about as large as the last 2 digits of the year of birth of
    someone just able to drink legally.  Going around for a tip letting
    people see up close and personal.
    
    Just as she rounds the corner to walk in your general direction, 2
    gentleman sit next to you.  You look quickly and realize the guy right
    next to you is the guy who signs your paycheck, who had the reputation
    of being a mild-mannered, happily married, fine older gentleman.  
    
    How do you deal with the introduction and commentary or do you just
    find another seat?

>    You look quickly and realize the guy right
>    next to you is the guy who signs your paycheck, who had the reputation
>    of being a mild-mannered, happily married, fine older gentleman.  
    
    Kevin Farley signs your paychecks, Walt?
    
    Kev remains sans raincoatedly yours...
    
    	--dan'l
    

    JaKe, I gots a question.
    
    Howcome if'n ya drop a can o' beer and it (maybe) gets dented and it
    rolls about 5 - 10 feet from ya, if ya open it right away, ya get a
    spray (or somebody else if yer aim is OK) but if, after ya drop it, ya
    put it back in da 'fridge for about a hour or so, and THEN open it up, 
    it acts right purty and don't spit at anybody?
    
    I always wondered bout that......
    
    Kev
    

    re.180
    
    Cause it ain't angry at ya fer dropping it anymore.
    
    When ya firsted dropw it, it gets extremely urinated at ya, and spits
    in you face (or wherever) when ya open it up, but beers got a short
    memory, and fergit after a little while.
    
    JaKe
    

    Dear Jake,
    
    Why do dogs circle round and around before lying down?  My dog
    sometimes circles 3 times in the same spot before reclining.
    
    lEe

I ain't Jake, but I can answer that.

It's an instinctive behavior from way back in their past.  It served to
mat down a bed of grass, and also to drive any snakes away...

That answer came from my vet, when I asked her the same question....


'Saw

       Why do dogs always 'shake' themselves? You know, like they do when
    they're wet. But, they also do it when they're not.
       My dog 'buries' her dog biscuits and bones in the corners of rooms
    in the house. She even uses her nose to scoop imaginary dirt on them.
    Then she gets pissed when onea the cats 'finds' them. What a riot.
                                        Denny

    FWIW, .186 and .187 are gonzo and I had NOTHING to do with them.
    
    Now, back to business.
    
    >>   Why do dogs always 'shake' themselves? You know, like they do when
    >>they're wet. But, they also do it when they're not.
    
    When they're wet, they shake to git the water off and loosen up their
    fur.  When they're dry, they just do it to loosen up their fur.  Sorta
    like shaken you're haid during the summer to loosen up your hair and
    cool off a little.(I seem to remember doing this at one time, but it
    was a long long long long time ago.)
    
      
    >> My dog 'buries' her dog biscuits and bones in the corners of rooms
    >>in the house. She even uses her nose to scoop imaginary dirt on them.
    >>Then she gets pissed when onea the cats 'finds' them. What a riot.
    >>                                    Denny
    
    You gots one SICK dog, there.  I remember a comedian once who did a
    thang on "dog psychiatrists" or psychologists.  was hilarious,
    something like when the owner left and it was just the dog and the
    "doctor", the doctor would kick the dog and explain to himhe was just a
    mutt.  Guess you had to be there.
    
    JaKe
    

>    >> My dog 'buries' her dog biscuits and bones in the corners of rooms
>    >>in the house. She even uses her nose to scoop imaginary dirt on them.
>    >>Then she gets pissed when onea the cats 'finds' them. What a riot.
 >   >>                                    Denny
 >   
>    You gots one SICK dog, there.  I remember a comedian once who did a
>    thang on "dog psychiatrists" or psychologists.  was hilarious,
>    something like when the owner left and it was just the dog and the
>    "doctor", the doctor would kick the dog and explain to himhe was just a
 >   mutt.  Guess you had to be there.
    
Wolves love to "cache food".   Every so often I have to keep an eye
on Rak to make sure he's not stuffin' some goodies behind the couch
or in a corner...

He takes his dog bones and hides them under his blanket, and the son of
a gun remembers where he put them... If I move them, he gets pissed...


'Saw    

    re-.1
    My dog only hides things around the house after everybody is in bed,
    then ya gets up in the middle of the night and step in them BAREFOOTED
    and kick the mutt out of the house for the rest of the night.  
    
    It's hell cleaning up a floor at 3AM, then washing it off of your feet. 
    The damn dog has dents in her side from getting kicked out of the
    house, though.
    
    JaKe
    

    JaKe, true story:
    
    On the way to work today I saw a car with a personalized NC plate that
    said FEEDJAKE.  What could this mean?
    
    	--dan'l

    re.192
    
    This is OBVIOUSLY C & W music, eh???
    
    Ya know the kind that when you play it backwards, you get your girl
    back, your dog back, your money back, your truck back, your job back,
    your house back, you get outta jail, your traffic tickets are all
    forgiven, etc. etc. etc.
    
    JaKe
    

    Why Jake, thany for the nice lead-in.  Why are Country Western songs
    apt to have BAD titles.   For exampe:
    
    *  "You Make My Heart Want A Dip Of Snuff"
    
    *  "Making Love To You Is Like Eating Peanuts"
    
    *  "Your Favorite Worn Out Nightmare Coming' Home"
    
    *  "I'd Like To See Jesus On the Midnight Special"
    
    *  "Where Have All the Average People Gone"
    
    *  "Ain't No Flies On Jesus"
    
    *  "You Can't Have Your Kate and Edith Too"
    
    *  "Love Will Beat Your Brains Out"
    
    *  "Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth Because I'm Kissing You Goodbye"
    
    *  "I've Been Roped and Throwed By Jesus in the Holy Ghost Corral:
    
    *  "Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and your Buns in the Bed"
    
    *  "I Won't Go Hunting With You Jake (But I'll Go Chasin' Women)"
    
    *  "You're the Reason are Kids are So Ugly"
    
    
    Why?  
    
    JD

    Re .195
    
    $set mode/voice="Mr_Rogers"
    
    Cain you say, "HICKS"?????
    
    $set mode/normal
    
    JaKe
    
    

Yeah, but all those bad C&W songs are just like bad disco songs.  They
exist, but who the hell listens to them?


Feed Jake is a cool song.


Other favorites:

	Alabama,
	Kentucky Headhunters
	New Grass Revival  ("Callin' Baton Rouge")
	Oak Ridge Boys

and Bocephus himself, Hank Jr....



'SAw

    What kind of sane thing could you do/wear/show to get on national TV
    during March Madness?

    Wear a multicolored Afro and hold a "John, 2:23" sign
    
    HTH,
    MikeL
    

    Been done...

    
    Make myself up to look like Doris Day or Dyan Cannon.
    
    Dickstah
    

    Re: John 2:23
    
2:23  Now when he was in Jerusalem at the passover, in the feast day, many
 believed in his name, when they saw the miracles which he did.

3:16  For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that
 whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

    Walt -
    
    Wear a replica of the Bronx zoo on yer haid (Zoo Mass + fordham only a
    few blocks away).   Give the folks near you peanuts and sunflower seeds
    to feed the animals in the zoo.
    
    JD

    Thanks Mikey,
    But you got da drift.
    

    Re: .204

    re: John 3:16
    
    thanks I always did wonder what was in that verse and not having
    a handy reference at home no way to easily look it up.
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    re .207

    re: All Of The World's Religions
    

Actually-shon, what you should do is wear the orange wig (and be sure
to tell the FBI where you're sitting, because they'll be lookin' for you)
and hold up a yellow sign with black letters:


			Raul  43:68


That will be sure to get you on TV.


When they put the camera on you, whip off your orange wig to expose
a bald wig underneath and hold up a sign that says

			Dissatisified Hair Club for Men Member


and finally, rip off your shirt to show a panoramic painting (done in
lipstick) of Dolly Parton and Bill Clinton doing the Wild Thing at
Studio 54, on yo' chest...


If you don't get on TV for that......


'Saw

    But Saw, I don't want to get tossed out...
    
    Hm... what about a Dolly 44:24:35 sign?  Nah...
    
    Zoo hat could be taken out by a good toss with an orange
    
    How come you don't see multicolored  high-top fades?
    
    Could have signs like "Excellent"  "Unbelievable"  "Obsucay-shon"
    "Party on Jimmy, Party on Dick", "2 Legit 2 lose 36 tickets"....
    

    Walt -
    
    
    Make a HUGE sign with a red circle with the line through it (you know,
    the NO symbol)  In da middle of da circle, have a Ford Taurus being
    driven by a pig (Ford-ham)...
    
    JD

    >      <<< Note 245.213 by RIPPLE::DEVLIN_JO "Go Fordham Rams!" >>>

    >Walt -
    
    
    >Make a HUGE sign with a red circle with the line through it (you know,
    >the NO symbol)  In da middle of da circle, have a Ford Taurus being
    >driven by a pig (Ford-ham)...
    
    >JD
    
    
    Who are you rooting for?  

    I'm rooting for Fordham, but the only thing I could think of for
    Minuteman was quite lewd and would probably get you kilt ;-)
    
    JD

    Too funny, "too legit to lose 36 tickets"!
    
    Hawk
    

>    re: All Of The World's Religions
    
    I agree!  

    Finally Heiser, after all these years we agree on something.  Now 
    send me the tape.
    
    MrT

    Yup, I'm glad we agree.  Mail me your address.
    
    Mike

    Yo Jake, I gots a dee-lemma. 
    
    When at a bar, u is getting ragged on by a militant_feminist_from_hell,
    
    is it bad form to call her "toots". 
    
    
    Please send beer!

    Ya, Jesse, it is bad form, but it's even worse form to change thi "oo"
    in toots, to "I"s.  That could get you face slapped, or even
    pulverized.  
    
    BTW, I'll send beer, but you gotta send money.
    
    JaKe
    

    So then when I noted she had a bra on and told her that with her 
    attitude she might be happier if she used it to start a weenie roast,
    that was in bad form too? 
    
    Jeez Jake, what should I have done. She's in a sports bar ragging on
    all the male_*$$#o!e_Jocks. Fergit it, I couldn't take it. I told her
    that the jock don't go over the gluts, unless it was backwards. 
    
    Did I goof?

    Jesse,
    
    You may want to ask these questions in IKE22::WOMANNOTES-V4.
    
    If I start spouting off in here what my gut reaction was to your notes,
    it could get this thing write locked, or set hidden or sumthing, and I
    ain't gonna do that.
    
    JaKe
    

    Jake,
    
    A long time ago in a place far far away a guy named Zeno came up with a
    paradox that you could never ever really get where you were going. He
    claimed that if you started somewhere and then kept closing the
    distance to your destination by 50% or any % you would never really end
    up where you wanted. I cannot fathom the details for the solution to
    this paradox. Could you clearly explain the details for the solution.
    Thank you.
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    Lessee, 
    
    If you start at point A, and decrease the remaining distance to point B
    by 50% every move you make, you cain only get halfway to the end every
    move you make(and after a while, you have to be REAL agile).  Same as
    with 75%, you only go 3/4's of the remaining distance each time.  You
    never close the gap completely(sorta like Alfred E. Neuman's front
    teeth).
    
    Now in Pittsburgh, the shortest route between two points is under
    construction, either that or ya have to go by the addage, "You cain't
    get there from here."
    
    JaKe
    

    Jake, 
    
    I understand the problem what I need help with is the details of the
    solution.
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    But Jake I am looking for a general solution that would apply in the
    corfields of the midwest as well as to Pittsburgh/
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    Let's just say that if you had a 20' log and a VERY agile frog, who
    only jumped half the distance to the other end every time he jumped,
    he'd die 'fore he got there.
    
    JaKe
    
    

    re .235
    
    Assuming that 100% and above are not true percentages but whole
    numbers percentages never make a total and if you never do that
    you never quite git there but only part way there.
    
    re 1
    
    You cain say that about midwesterners like me, RaKe, but I don't
    do frogs.
    
    MrT

    CZMet, FaKe is incapable of answering your question (he is a fraud), so
    I'll take a whack - by giving you a reference source.
    
    The Limit Theorem in Calculus sez that as t (time) approaches infinity,
    you will get to your destination. But only at t = inf. Otherwise, you
    *never* really get to where you're going.
    
    You kinda 'pile up' on the front porch - just like life ...
    
    Doc

It reminds me of the dichotomy between the real world (or our
observable world) and the world of quantum physics.

Things that happen at that level almost seem to happen according to
a totally different set of rules than what we experience on a daily 
basis.

Like in the world of quantum physics you'd never get there, but here
and now you would.....


'Saw

    RaKe,
    
    Why oh why cain't my main main BobKnight recruit a legitimate
    center?
    
    Poor MrT

    I can't say about them quantum physics, but a regular physic will clean
    you out 100%!  None of that 50%, or 75%, a good physic does it all!
    
    Reminds me of a cousin o'mine who was in newkleer physics.  He worked
    down at the local hospital, giving Barium Enemas.
    
    lEe

 giving Barium Enemas.
    

Glow in the dark moons! 

8^)

    
    MoRT,
    
    I'd liek to take a stab at answering your question about Rev. Bob
    not being able to get good centers.....
    
    
    
    'Cause Snuffy got'm all sittin on his bench!
    
    Hal Tried Hard(tm)
    Kev
    

Well, I read a couple of books on Quantum Physics, and it's way out there
stuff.  (Almost beyond me, to tell the truth).


The big thing in quantum physics, as far as I can figure it out, is that
the outcome of any thing is dependent on the observer.  If I observe it
to be one way, it is that way, if I observe it to be another, it's another.


The outcome of any situation is indeterminate until observed.  So, I know
that at some point in the future, UNC will play IU in a hoops game.
The outcome is indeterminate.   If ACC Chris observes the outcome, Dean
wins, if MrT observes the outcome, IU wins.   kinda sorta....


heavy duty.  


hawk can probably explain it better than I....


Say, wait a minute!  Hawk, why don't you go back and re-observe those tickets,
only this time you FIND them!!!!!!


'Saw

>  If I observe it
>  to be one way, it is that way, if I observe it to be another, it's another.

Yeah, I think I've had some of those SPORTS::SHROOMS, too!

Me an' Trevor Dread an' Desmond an' "Smokey" was a settin' round after work 
(don't ask WHICH job...) and Peter Tosh comin' on da rediyo. We was tinkin de
sayme ting, but we was a no callin' it Quantum Physics....

Hallie-Sallasie-Eye-Rastafari-Mon

Dread mon.....

It's all a higher plane...


'Saw

    
    'saw, ifn your looking to understand quantem physics, read the Hawkings
    book that I talked about somewhere.  It splains that stuff relatively
    simply.  
    
    Bruce

    Hey,
    
    I watched Quantum Leap once, is that the same????
    
    Re Bob Knight
    He wouldn't know a good center if he jumped out and bit him on the a$$.
    
    re.240  You sure are a dreamer "T", ber you, try mm's instead of '
    
    JaKe
    

    What about Kent Benson?

    
    >>What about Kent Benson?
    
    Never smoked them.  Weren't they cigs made in a partnership of Kent and
    Benson and Hedges???
    
    JaKe
    

    First, I didn't say Bob has never in the past recruited a legit
    center.  He's recruited two: Benson and Ray Tolbert, who was
    much better than Benson.
    
    Benson was a stiff who could play a role, had a nice touch, but
    was basically carried by May/Green/Abernethy and the other, more
    talented, front-line players.
    
    re: FaKe
    
    Dreaming am I?  I ought slap you up side de haid with it and then 
    you'd pipe down.
    
    MrT

    re .248

    Saw, you are referring to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle - namely the
    act of observing affects the observer as well as the observed. 

    In other words, there is no such thing as a truly disinterested,
    detached observer.

    I find that principle isn't relegated to the subatomic world, but in
    fact does apply to the macro (relatively) cosmic world as well.

    QM is fun reading on the layman's level, it's a pity that the math is
    brutal - took some of the fun out of it for me - about 90% of it ...
    :-)

    Doc

    Saw -
    
    Doc's wrong.  You are really referring to Hidenberg's Theory - which
    says that things filled with hot air will float - but will also
    explode.
    
    HTH.
    
    JD

    I was kidding about Benson...
    

    
    Yo JaKe, i gots to ax you sum-than'...  Can you use the crystal ball
    and tell me if DrM is going to show up tomorrow night for the 3pt
    contest and a little 1-1 hoop game.  His original excuse was that
    he'd be out of town all week... clearly this is not the case.
    
    Thanks in advance.
    

    Dear Jake,
    
    Where does this 3-point contest that Groaner keeps talking about take
    place?
    
    
    Thanks in advance,
    
    Nelly

    Dear JaKe,
    
    Howcome usually in the middle of the night Digger_the_Goat-dog
    suddenly starts to whimper, shake a bit and in his sleep do the whyne
    thang?  What do dogs dream about that makes them skeered?  
    
    I remain,
    yawning_from_the_unplanned_wakeup_call,
    Kev
    

    
    Kev,
    
    I think your dog has the DT's.  It's genetic, they get it from their
    master.
    
    Brews, for Jake

    >I was kidding about Kent Benson.
    
    I shoulda known.
    
    Here's my prediction for the Groaner vs. Midnight match:
    
    1. Midnight fails to show.
    
    2. If Midnight shows, he attempts to weasle out a going haid-to-haid
       with the mighty Groaner.
    
    3. If Groaner cows him into playing the game is marred by a raft of
       ridiculous face saving foul calls.
    
    4. Groaner overcomes Midnight's weasling and wins 11-3.
    
    MrT

    
    >>Dear JaKe,
    
    >>Howcome usually in the middle of the night Digger_the_Goat-dog
    >>suddenly starts to whimper, shake a bit and in his sleep do the whyne
    >>thang?  What do dogs dream about that makes them skeered?  
    
    Near as I cain tell, the only thang for a dog to dream about that wil
    make them skeered is that they're getting a drink of water out of the
    toilet and the freakin' lid falls on their haid.
    
    Re Doc and showing up, Groaner, ain't knowbody cain answer that one but
    the Doc himself.
    
    JaKe
    

    
    Brilliant Jake,  my dog "Pete" suffers from the same nightmares. I
    would have never thought that was the reason.
    
    Pat
    

Wail, I speck Digger_the-Goat_Doag is havin nightmares of all them bunny-huggin'
dirt-eatin' tree huggin Druids over in ::CANINE tryin to take away his 
chew-bones.

HTH

Tom

Jake....


	- What does O.K stand for?

	- Why is it that no matter how warm you keep your house
	  in the winter, the toilet seat is always freezing, and
	  no matter how cool you keep your house in summer, that
	  same seat is always warm.

	- Why is it that when I drink a lot of beer, I can go a long
	  time without having to relieve myself, but as soon as I go
	  that first time, I have to go every fifteen minutes.


'Saw

    Aw c'mon Shag,
    
    You've been here long enuf to remember Ninj's coining that phrase
    during the "park effect" tangent!
    
    For those who are new here, LDUC stands for;
    
    		Long
    			Distance
    
    				Urination
    	
    					Contest
    
    It was an attempt by the Ninj' to bring kindler and gentler PC'ness
    to the SportBar!
    
    Hal Tried Hard(tm)
    
    I remain,
    in need of a catheter!  :*(
    
    Kev
    

    JaKe,

    Here's a serious inquiry that I invite all to provide advise on.

    As you know, I am now dating a very fine Korean lady who just might be
    the one to drag dan'l down into commitment...she's already made me a
    one-woman main.  My parents really like her too.  Everything is just
    about perfect except...

    Jai's parents are strongly against her dating anyone not Korean.  She
    has "broken" the news to her mother about me and mom and pop beetched
    her out lasted weekend for stooping so low as to date a white man.  Mom
    and pop I can handle.  My real problem comes with bigger brother who
    subscribes to the same bigoted theories and may just break me in two
    when he arrives back in Charlotte after finishing his MBA at Virginia
    Tech in May.

    I've seen pictures of this guy.  He makes me look like Kevin Farley. 
    Please provide advise and/or money.

    Thanks.

    	--dan'l

dan'l.....


There are two things that you must always remember....


First, a big man falls just as hard as a small man if you kick him
in the test-ti-kals.

Second, a big man falls just as hard as a small man, if you kick him
in the knee.


Aside from that, you cain always take this tack:

	Let him beat the shit outta you and then sue his ass
	for everything he's got, press charges, and ride off
	into the sunset....




hth,
'Saw

 Dan-l,  if her family is that pig-head and plans tro remain that way then
 either get out or make her choose between them and you. If you don't they're
 going to cause you more headaches then it's worth. They'll instagate fights
 between you and try to break you apart....

 mike

Dan'l,

I went through the same thing sorta.   Cindy's family believed that the 
entire 5,000+ year history of the Jewish people was coming to an end if she 
went out to see the new Warren Beatty flick with me.   

I listened to their physical threats and doomsday wishes and her family cut 
her off for about 2 years.   Dead silence.   Her dad even sat "shiva" for 
her ... a private mourning ritual.

It all boils down in the end to Jai.   If she loves you, she'll stay with 
you.   If the family pressure is too much and she caves in, you'll be 
better off in the long run without the potential problems.

Tough situation.   You gotta let her work it out.

Bob Hunt 

[A Serious Chainsaw Reply]


In the meantime dan'l, don't forget that you have some "brothers" up here
who listen really well, and offer fine advice.

You know the address if you ever need to shoot off some "I'm goin' outta
my SKULL" vaxmail, dude...


Bob hit a nail on the head.  For the most part, things have a way of
working themselves out.....


Good luck,
'Saw

By the way, Cindy's "exile" from her family ended forever at exactly 4:52am 
on Wednesday morning, 10-Apr-1985.

It is amazing what the first grandchild can do to one's pride and emotions.

Bob Hunt

    Dan'l,
    
    I tussled with a martial arts guy once.  It's simple.  Pick up a
    2x4 or some other blunt object.  Martial arts relies largely on
    fair fighting cuz they lead with their limbs.  This means when the
    bigot sticks in his arm or leg just whack down on it and the bone
    breaks and he's laying there bleating like an overtrained babe.
    
    Works every time.  If no long hard objects are available pick up
    a handful of rocks and hurl them into his face.  This really hurts.
    And as he staggers around trying to see you cain dog-walk him wherever
    joe choose.
    
    I always laugh when certain ethnic groups cry racism, cuz these groups
    are among the most bigoted in the world.  Doan wanna rathole, so I 
    won't enumerate these groups.
    
    Good luck!
    
    MrT

>If no long hard objects are available
    
    Hey, this is me we're talking about.  Of course there's going to be one
    available.
    
    	--dan'l

    
>>Aside from that, you cain always take this tack:

>>	Let him beat the shit outta you and then sue his ass
>>	for everything he's got, press charges, and ride off
>>	into the sunset....
    
    'Saw,
    I seriuosly doubt that I would recommend this tactic.  The guy could go
    crazy and kill -dan'l.  Plus, is it worth the pain & body cast for what
    he'd get out of it????   Could be years before all of the injuries
    totally heal up, ya know.
    
    
    Re the toilet seat, I've often wondered that myself.  Guess I'll have
    to sit down beside the terlet with a couple a six-packs and do some
    research.
    
    JaKe
    

    re .281
    
    Yeah I have the same facility but you don't want to use *that* one.
    
    I once saw a 140 lb hillbilly fight a Purdue offensive tackle silly
    with a unopened cain a Budweiser in the infield at the Indy 500.
    
    Main, when that fight was over this Bud cain looked like a asteroid!
    
    MrT

    
      Listen to Bob Hunt, Dan'l. He's been there and his advice seems pretty 
     sound to me.
    
      There's no sense trying to fight her brother either. One of my best 
     buddies is a black belt in tae kwan do and I really wouldn't recommend
     trying to tangle with someone like that. Hitting him with a stick or
     sucker punching him is liable to just piss him off.

    re.271  O.K.  Old Koot?????
    
    re drinking and urinating, Once the leak occurs, it's hard to plug
    up!!!
    
    JaKe
    

    in a battle with a martial arts whiz, a .357 normally wins!!!
    
    JaKe
    

    --Dan'l I have a friend who is married to a Korean lady. 
    UNfortunately, I don't know what, if any, parental involvement
    occurred.  I'll ask 'im.
    
    I know it'll work out for ya but be forewarned, yer living quarters
    will have black laquered furniture all over the place, you'll be eating
    a bunch of mysterious looking fried stuff and yer wall will be covered
    with this gold threaded stuff complete with pictures of peacocks and
    swamp reeds in a tapestry!
    
    Dunno if you'll be sleeping on hardwood floors with bamboo mats!
    
    Hmmmm, brother's to you what you are to me????
    
    Buy some lightweight Addidas and remember to pump your arms and lift
    your knees!
    
    hth,
    
    I remain,
    unscarred 'cause I run fast!
    Kev
    

>    I know it'll work out for ya but be forewarned, yer living quarters
>    will have black laquered furniture all over the place, you'll be eating
>    a bunch of mysterious looking fried stuff and yer wall will be covered
>    with this gold threaded stuff complete with pictures of peacocks and
>    swamp reeds in a tapestry!
    
    Rollward!  When we got back from vacation, I took Jai to her house (in
    the middle of the afternoon when mom and pop Kim weren't home).  You
    just described it perfectly!
    
    Hey, what am I laughing at?  What the hail were you doing at her
    house!?!  :-)
    
    	--dan'l

    Be patient and give it some time.  If they see she's happy, they may
    ease up some...
    

 Dan-l, a question for you are happy with your life now?

 if so don't spoil it. I realize that you maybe thinking that Jai is
 different from the rest but rest assured she's not. Even if she is,
 the fraternity of married women will straighten her out before long.

 the only legimate reason to get married is to have kids.....

 naturally this is my own MCPHO.....

    Rat on Mikey.  Your comment about the girl being straightened
    out reminds me of the story in Eddie Murphy's "Raw" about what
    the girls taught poor Eddie's pastoral ideal Bush Beach.
    
    Anybody know that story?  Haa.
    
    Gnii woynt gnhalff, nEddeeee?  *Gnahalff* !!
    
    Haa.
    
    MrT

 Just image her runnin into one of Dan-l ole flames who just like the one
 in the VW in that yuppie puppies commercial....never mind the couch,
 he'll be lucky to sleep on the porch...

 ;^)

 mike

    Ok... Enough of all this useless advice...
     Here's what you need to do...
    
    Dan'l rent the movie "They call me Bruce?"
    
    Watch it and learn.... Its a classic....
    
    REK

Dan'l send me a plane ticket and I'll come down and kick some ass!
I've been pretty frustrated lately and this would be good therapy for me!
8^))

Really though, hang in there, maybe if you show her parents how much
you love their daughter, they'll come around. True love conquers all.


Steve

re injuries:

	The human body can absorb a tremendous amount of punishment
	and you can still keep on going.....

	If the guy IS a martial artist and he does kick the living
	daylights out of you, then it's more than just assault....


re wiry guys beating on big guys:

	wiry little guys are a pain in the ass.  On the rugby pitch
	I'd much prefer to try and tackle a big old bruiser than
	a little wiry guy.  Little wiry guys have all these bumpy
	protrusions (elbowns, knees, shoulders) that HURT when you
	get hit with them...


re weapons:

	I've known a couple of ex-cons in my time, and one of the 
	best weapons in the world is a tightly rolled magazine.
	The butt end of the magazine, correctly, swiftly and forcefully
	impacting a person just below the sternum is one of the most
	debilitating weapons going.


	Also good are those zappers.  Zapper old Tai Kwan Do with that,
	then threaten to crush his tes-ti-kals with a nutcracker when
	he's whimpering on the ground....


hth,
'Saw

    JaKe,
    Friday questions
    
    1. If there were no ice shacks in Minny, would we still be able to
       buy frozen fish?
    
    2. If there were no trailer parks, would there still be tornadoes?
    
    3. If the Susquehanna ran dry, would Pittsburgh rename their stadium
       Two Rivers and a Dry Bed?
    
    MikeL
    

>    1. If there were no ice shacks in Minny, would we still be able to
>       buy frozen fish?
 
    Shack plays for LSU not Minnesotta.
       
>    2. If there were no trailer parks, would there still be tornadoes?
 
    Yes, there would still be tornadoes, but there would also be a lot mor
    aluminum to make more beer cans with.  Sounds like a good idea.
       
>    3. If the Susquehanna ran dry, would Pittsburgh rename their stadium
>       Two Rivers and a Dry Bed?
    
    You've obviously been reading "Geography Made Easy: The Mr. T Method"
    (MyRaw Hill, 1988, Norfolk, Louisiana).  
    
    	--dan'l

Dan'l, 

Seems to me her parents might be worried about cultural things. They probably 
have seen things like MTV and movies that show what "typical" American vaules
are. These probably conflict with the values they have and how they would like
to see their daughter. If they see that you take an interest in Korean culture
it will go a long way toward them feeling that you're "not like most Americans" 

Then again, I s'pose I'd be worried too if my daughter was datin' a doag like 
you... :-)

Tom

Dread Tom has a point, dan'l.

A few dont's:


	o Don't wear a Ren and Stimpy t-shirt when you first
	  meet them.

	o Don't mention your dinghy.

	o Don't mention Pepper.

	o Don't tell them you have a friend named Chainsaw.



Hope this helps,
'Saw

    Korean culture and hunky culture have one thing in common:
    

    cabbage!

    Ah, the spice of life (and flatulence).

    	--dan'l

    Ah rats, dan'l!
    Make it the Monongahela.
    
    I remain a dadgum New Englander,
    MikeL
    

    
    dan'l,  have Jai lie.

Jake,


I've noticed lately that everything is being made to be recycled.  
A few months back I bought some Heinz Ketchup, and it was made in a
#7 recyclable plastic bottle.  Since #7 is not commonly taken around
here, I've noticed that now Heinz Ketchup is coming in a #1, which most
of our landfills DO take.


But the thing that has me wondering is Sunkist oranges.  Now, when I was
a kid Sunkist used to stamp (in ink) Sunkist on the orange.   The whole 
orange was biodegrable, the peels would shrivel up and eventually biodegrade.

Now, however, Sunkist is putting these little PLASTIC stickers on their
oranges with a cute little Sunkist logo.

I'm not sure if the plastic sticker is biodegradable or not, so I peel
them off and put them on the silver border of my whiteboard, along with
stickers from banana peels.




Why is Sunkist doing this?  Is it bad for the environment?


I need HELP on this one.......


'Saw

>    dan'l,  have Jai lie.
    
    Isn't that the sport that's real popular down in Florida? :-)
    
    

    
    Well, I was trying to put a sports twist on it.  Glad you caught it.
    
    Brews

    Hey, I had a girl friend who had a fronton for a bed. Pretty damn
    comfortable - and you could turn it into a coach or a chair or
    anything.   ONly problem was she had some Basque neighbors, and they
    were constantly throwing hard little balls at the damn ting.
    
    JD

Jai Alai is pretty cool.

The only thing that gets me is that it is so damn fixed.  I mean, sure, the
players come out and take this oath and swear on their mother and all, 
but I can recall so many times where you see this longshot guy playing,
and you know that there's some bucks riding on him, and he's making these
unbelievable shots.

Like the ball comes high and he runs up the wall and gets it, and returns,
then the ball scoots in way low near the front wall and he sprints up and
just barely gets it.... 

then an easy shot comes in and he drops it....   FIX!


One thing that is cool is that it's in the rules that you MUST play
right handed.   Zulaika was one of the all-time best, and he was naturally
a lefty....   Naturally, being a lefty all the time, I'd root for Zulaika...


Americans are starting to get into it pretty big now....



'Saw

    'Saw, I've done some research on that Sunkist label, as I had noticed
    it and wondered the same thing.
    
    Turns out that the label is made from fumber, which IS biodegradable. 
    It's the ink on this fumber that is the potential problem.  
    
    HTC
    
    lEe

    The inking process itself can produce alot of waste.  You need solvents
    to clean up spills, clean the machines, etc.  
    
    People are jumping on the anti-plastic bandwagon.  Replacing with paper
    isn't the end-all solution either.  Paper processing is much messier
    and dirtier and probably has a larger volume of processing waste than
    plastic.

    I think Bob Hunt hit the nail on the head in his note!!!  The answer to
    Dan'l's problem is a simple one.....impregnate Jai.....then, once the
    baby is born, or by the time the young'n is ready for college, Jai's
    family will have warmed up to you!!!!!   :^)
    
    Having never met you, Dan'l, I hope you don't find this recommendation
    offensive!!!!
    
    
    HTH,
    
    Nelly

    I think the problem with Jai's parents is that they're freaking over
    the possibility of having grandchildren with blonde hair...  :-)
    
    (For those who've never met dan'l, calling his hair blonde is an
    understatement!)
    
    Hawk
    

Lee,

I assume you're serious on the fumber thing.  What is fumber made of? 
It seems almost like a layer of skin or something.



re Waste products:

	Now we're getting into an area I know something about.

	As a veteran of a summer job at a waste water plant, I always
	keep a keen ear open to stuff involving that area.

	They have made great strides in processing the liquid wastes
	from the processes.  Gone are the days, hopefully, of raw waste
	from paper milling just being dumped into a river.



Plastic packaging is okay, but I always look for the recycling number on
it, and I feel guilty if it is anything but a 1 or a 2.  My landfill doesn't
take anything other than 1 or 2....


'Saw

Great story there Bob.  Even if they didn't thaw right then, there's
no way they could have held out as those three beee-yooo-teee-full children
grew....



Dan'l, keep the faith, bro, keep the faith.....



'Saw

	Jake, what do you think of the new DCU policy called Buy a Vote? 
  
   In a nutshell I ogt a letter from the DCu yesterday increase my VISA
   limit by 1K and lowering the interest rate on a balnce >2.5K...

   nice guys huh?  too bad I already vote...

  ;^)

    
    re .315
    
    Great note ,Bob. 

    Bob, that's a real-life "reach out and touch someone" story if'n I ever
    seen one.  :-)
    
    Hawk
    

 Did Saw get the mail I sent him last night?

    MIke -
    No,  he didn't.
    
    HTH.
    
    JD

Mike,


If it was that address...yes.  I did....



'Saw

Great story, Bob. 

After having been married almost 2 years, I'm beginning to dislike all the 
politicking involved with families. It ranges from my wife's older brother who 
we call "The Answer Man" who knows EVERYTHING (just ask him) to my wimpy younger 
brother's psychopath bully wife. 

Sometimes I just want to throw up my arms and say "fuh-geddaboutit!"

Tom

    BUY A VOTE?????
    
    Sheez, I ain't got a DCU Visa(or anybody else's for that matter), does
    this mean they're going to send me some bucks in the mail with a no
    payback clause on them if'n I vote?????
    
    Have ta call home and have Mrs. JaKe hold onto the envelope till the
    money comes in.
    
    'Saw
    
    What's this thang with recycle numbers???  Never heard of 'em up to
    now.
    
    --dan'l, thanks for clearing up the river thang and answering the ???'s
    earlier.  Tis a beach working evenings and not getting to this place
    till late in the afternoon.
    
    BobHunt:  GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT note.  wonderful knowing that
    everything got worked out, 'cause life is too short to spend in that
    kind of situation, from BOTH sides.
    
    JaKe
    

>    BUY A VOTE?????
>    
>    Sheez, I ain't got a DCU Visa(or anybody else's for that matter), does
>    this mean they're going to send me some bucks in the mail with a no
>    payback clause on them if'n I vote?????

I won't get going on the DCU thing.  Denny or I could fill you in.
All I can say is if'n yer interested, read the DCU note from about 1-mar
onward...

    
>    'Saw
>    
>    What's this thang with recycle numbers???  Never heard of 'em up to
>    now.
    
Jake,

On the bottom of plastic containers, you will find a little number
inside a triangle.  Those numbers I think represent the different
types of recycling processes.

For example, plastic milk jugs are usually 2s, so are Sunny Delight
OJ containers, most shampoo bottles, and some margerine tubs.

1's are peanut butter containers and heinz ketchup.

The big plastic water jugs that Poland Spring delivers to my house are 7.

And so on...

Look for them.


In Connecticut, recycling is mandatory, so we get to know these things.

We have to recycle glass, plastic, newspapers, and cans.





Dread Tom,

Mon, you are a writer.  It's soundin' to me like you got some great
stuff dere to write a story wit.



'Saw

BobHunt

My question is: what religion are the kids?

I also married a Jewish woman (who likes the exact same movies as Cindy), but it
took a lot of pressure off when my mother-in-law found out that a) I had Jewish
relatives, and mostly b) that I agreed to raise our kids Jewish.  My father in 
law re-married a Catholic, so his only major problem was that I was sleeping 
with his daughter 8^).

I also found that the older the generations, closer to being immigrants, are the 
ones who have a bigger problem.  For instance, my wifes grandmother kept 
complaining everytime we broke any tradition of a Jewish wedding.  This may be
the case with Jai.  I assume her parents lived in Korea at some time, and may
be more unwilling to give up the culture.

=Bob=

The MicroHUNTs are officially Jewish by Jewish law.   But *structured* 
religion is pretty much a non-issue in our home.   I'm less worried about 
what "label" they wear and more concerned that they respect other people 
and learn to love themselves, their God, and their friends and family.
Religion is a club, in my opinion, and should be approached as such.

They do make out like bandits around the Holidays, though.  Eight days of 
Hanukkah gifts and then a huge Christmas blizzard of tinsel, wrapping 
paper, and bows.   The Passover/Easter clash is fun, too.

Personally, I enjoy Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year.   Jewish cuisine is 
a very underrated cooking style.  I've become a big time fan of good ol' 
fashioned corned beef on rye.

Bob Hunt

    'Saw, fumber works cause you never ever seen lumps of it in dumps. 
    Must degrade real quick!
    
    You should know that I'm hardly ever serious in here.  Maybe I should
    go out and invent fumber, huh?
    
    lEe

    re:.??
    
    Thanks Doc but I know the answer just wanted to see how Jake dealt
    withh it. The simplest answer is that an infinit sum (1/2+1/4+1/8 ...)
    can have a finite answer, in this case 1. So that is why you eventaully
    do get there.
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    JoKe, err, JaKe,
    
    What is it in lettuce that sometimes turns rusty?  Should I WD-40 the
    lettuce after I buy it, or put on a primer coat?  I'd hate to have to
    wear a coat during the summer, so what should I do?
    
    lEe

    lEe,
    
    'cause you used a knife!  As a ol' US Army cook, we were told to
    never use a knife on lettuce cause it maked the edges "rust".  Pull
    the leaves apart into pieces instead.
    
    hth,
    
    I remain,
    Dr. Tomaine  (NOT!)
    ;^)
    SSgt. Kev
    

    
    If "The Terminator" tore apart a head of lettuce, would it turn brown
    because his hands are metal?
    

       I heard from slasher this AM. He's back, he's tanned, and he's
    recovering from goin' to 'rasslin on Sat. night.
                                   Denny

    Who cares about /Don?  (-:
    
    What I wanna know is where is Dinz?  Everytime I try callin' him,
    someone picks up his line and says he's busy.  So, like... he's been
    out straight for 3 weeks now?  I think not.  Anyone got any clues?

       Dinz is alive and well, I ran into him in the hallway this morning.
    He's very depressed that he's the only flounder fain in here now that
    'saw's seen the light! Anyone have Dr. Inga's number?
                                  Denny

Hey, *I* care about Slasher.

If it weren't for him, I'd not have seen the light about da Broons!

Slasher-main, I owe ya a beer on Patriots Day....  And keep me in 
mind next season when you have extra tickets!


Dinz is a fish fan alright --- a SHARKS fan!!!!!


'Saw

    I got a couple of questions for the Jake-meister:
    
    1.  Now that 'Saw has seen the light about the Broons, will Dinz?
        (The ultimate Wardlevane ... or is that bet welcher????) ;^)
    
    2.  If so, will Dinz come totally clean and start rooting for the
        Red Sox??  :^)
    
    deen to wonk
    
    Jo

    JaKe,
    
    1) The WLAF began it's season.  Has anyone noticed?
    2) If the NHL players went on strike, would anyone notice?
    3) If you got a hair cut, would your wife notice?
    
    Dean to wank (cause he's got nothin' better to do now).
    
    	--dan'l

    Jo, Don't know re Dinz, ain't seen him since we played football some
    years ago.
    
    
    >>1) The WLAF began it's season.  Has anyone noticed?
    
    Straight and to the point, what's a WLAF.  Is that some kind of radio
    station???
    
    >>2) If the NHL players went on strike, would anyone notice?
    
    I would, but only cause Mario's game is coming up to a peak just in
    time for the playoffs.  Him and Toggett(sp??) are playing great hockey.
    
    >>3) If you got a hair cut, would your wife notice?
    
    Hail, you gots spies up here or sumthin????  I just got a haricut
    Saturday (actually I got both of them cut).  The wife noticed something
    was amiss.  The barbershop experience was crazy, took Robbie, age 6,
    Nathan, age 2-1/2 and myself, age unknown, and went to get haircuts,
    ended up Robbie got pissed off and walked out of the joint right after
    his haircut and sat outside of the door pouting.  He wanted the sides
    of his haid shaved and a tail left in the back.  Least, that's what he
    told me AND the barber.  So the guy cuts his hair just that way, Robbie
    immediately throws the apron off and runs out of the place.  Seems he
    wanted ALL of his hair on the back of his haid long, instead of just
    the tail at the bottom.  Had the barber cut off the tail afterwards.
    Had a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG talk with the boy on the way
    home about controlling his temper in front of the public, too.  
    
    Nathan was pretty good.   Was a shame when the guy cut my left hair off
    completely, and I ran out crying, though.  (8^)*
    
    JaKe
    

    WLAF = World League of American Football (of American football got axed
    this year...)

    I knew that Walt, just forgot the smiley thangie behind it.
    
    JaKe
    

    
    >>What is it in lettuce that sometimes turns rusty?  Should I WD-40 the
    >>lettuce after I buy it, or put on a primer coat?  I'd hate to have to
    
    Cause the lettuce growere are growing cheap lettuce today.  If I were
    you, I'd take the stuff straight from the grocery store to Ziebart and
    get the stuff rustproofed. 
    
    JaKe
    

    jAkE,
    
    Would you happen to know the best way to remove a partially eaten
    Briggs and Stratten lawnmower muffler from a canine stomach?
    
    I remain,
    a noisy 2 1/2,
    Kev
    

>    jAkE,
>    
>    Would you happen to know the best way to remove a partially eaten
>    Briggs and Stratten lawnmower muffler from a canine stomach?
>    
>    I remain,
>    a noisy 2 1/2,
>    Kev


Well, why don't you feed him some syrup of Ipecac, and hopefully he'll
hurl it up.....


'Saw
    

    Hurling Mufflers?
    
    wazzat? a new rock group?
    
    Dare we mention hurling mufflers and not fear <set hidden>?  Did
    MtM go away for the day?
    
    ???????
    
    I remain,
    tiptoeing vewy carefully in heah,
    Kev
    

       don't worry Kev, it'll eventually rust away! Just like lettuce.
                                    Denny

  
    >>Would you happen to know the best way to remove a partially eaten
    >>Briggs and Stratten lawnmower muffler from a canine stomach?
    
    Is it the part that's still attached to the mower?????  If so, is the
    started cord hanging out either end of the dog???  If so, pull the cord
    and everything will take care of itself.  **CAUTION** Only do that
    outside(unless ya want to paint the walls.
    
    If it's not the part still attached to the mower, get him to swallow a
    fair sized magnet and everything will "work itself out" eventually.
    
    JaKe
    

    No problem, the spark plug was removed lasted September.
    
    ;^)
    
    Kev
    

re the magnet.


That's not an unusual thing to do.  

Because cows have a tendency to eat all sorts of things, farmers will very
often feed magnets to their cows to "collect" any metal objects they
may have ingested.

I'm not sure how the magnets are recovered (I think the vet will do it)
but with all the stomachs a cow has, it makes sense...


'Saw

    
    
    Re:
    
    	Digger_the_Goatdog going "heavy metal"
    
    
    
    
    
    				APRIL FOOL!!!!!!!!!
    
    ;^)
    
    I remain,
    the prankster,
    Kev
    

    But in the process, Kev, you've come up with a great name for a new
    band.....
    
    Hurling Mufflers - perfect for a Scottish heavy metal or punk group
    
    A&W

    Aww, too bad.  Now, you'll still hear his farts.
    
    lEe

    Jake, how come Tom Brydie's p-name doesn't say "Julie's Been Working
    for the Drug Squad" like it should?
    
    Mark.

>    Jake, how come Tom Brydie's p-name doesn't say "Julie's Been Working
>    for the Drug Squad" like it should?
>    
>    Mark.


Jake, 

How come Mr Lufay is interested in Mr Brydie's p-name?


Jake,

How many ducks will Mr. Lufay take this upcoming season?


Jake,

If Dan Schneider is no longer in here, who will give Mr. Lufay
a hard time about hunting bambies?????



'Saw

    
     Is that the proper title, Mark ? I wasn't sure.

    
>>How come Mr Lufay is interested in Mr Brydie's p-name?

    Infatuation, maybe?????
    
>>Jake,

>>How many ducks will Mr. Lufay take this upcoming season?

    Who gives a duck????

>>Jake,

>>If Dan Schneider is no longer in here, who will give Mr. Lufay
>>a hard time about hunting bambies?????

    We'll just have to make it a group effort.  Who, in their right mind,
    would kill something so innocent and beautiful?????
    
    (8^)*
    
    JaKe
    
    

    Jake, how come everyone in here is so quiet about reviewing my band's
    demo tape?  It can't be that bad because the reviews in CCM and
    HEAVY_METAL notes have been positive.
    
    Thanks,
    Mike

    Dunno Mike.
    
    As I said in my mail, I give it 3.5 stars out of 5.  (ah, up that to
    3.75 after listening some more tonite in the car).
    
    I must be getting old, though, cause Heavy Metal just don't do fer me
    what it used to.
    
    JaKe
    

>    I must be getting old, though, cause Heavy Metal just don't do fer me
>    what it used to.

Do ya really think it's HM?  Most people think its more like HR.  HM to me is
stuff like Metallica, Testament, Megadeth, etc.


    Mike
    
    "in this day & age...music performed by humans...hum?!" 
       - wilde silas tomkyn

>Do ya really think it's HM?  Most people think its more like HR.  HM to me is
>stuff like Metallica, Testament, Megadeth, etc.

Iron Maiden, Queensryche, Black Sabbath, Scorpions, Great White...


I like that new Metallica album.......



Mike, do you have any tapes left?  I never did get around to giving you
my address.  If not, no sweat, but if you have an extra, lemme know....


'Saw

>Iron Maiden, Queensryche, Black Sabbath, Scorpions, Great White...
    
    Personally, I wouldn't consider Queensryche, Scorpions, or Great 
    White HM.  I'd consider them HR too.
    
>I like that new Metallica album.......
    
    Going by the few songs I've heard, it isn't nearly has hard as the
    early stuff.  They're showing some diversity now.

>Mike, do you have any tapes left?  I never did get around to giving you
>my address.  If not, no sweat, but if you have an extra, lemme know....

'Sawmain, I'll make one just for you.
    
    Mike

I kind of lump all of those bands in there together... guess I don't
make as much of a differentiation as I used to...


re the tape:

	Why thanks, Mike. I'll be mailing you my address any minute
	now!


'Saw

    
>>Do ya really think it's HM?  Most people think its more like HR.  HM to me is
                                                               ^^
    
    What the hail does Hair Replacement have to do with the cassette, other
    than your low blow in mail the other day, Mike!   (8^)*
    
    Correction noted, and now that ya mention it, you're right, it's more
    HR.
    
    JaKe
    

    I gotta question that may havew been asked somewhere in this notesfile,
    but I cain't figger out the answer to it, so I'm gonna ask younz.
    
    
    Why, if I'm wearing light colored trousers, after hitting the men's
    room, no matter how much shakin' goes on, does the lasted drop always
    show on the front of my trousers?????
    
    Inquiring minds and all that sh_t
    
    JaKe
    

    Well, Jake, as the saying goes:
    
    
    
    No matter how much you shake and dance...
    
    
    
    ...the last few drops are in your pants!
    
    
    :^)
    
    Joe
    

    Jake, try wearing Depends.
    
    hope this helps,
    Mike

    
    JaKe,
    
    Doncha remember to bring tissues?  Why I clearly remember you an me at
    T.O.P. standin side by side and you sayin to me "Brrrr, da water's
    cold"!  and den I said " Yeah, and DEEP TOO"!
    
    Tissues solve your problem - I ought to know!
    
    I remain,
    frequently confused with a Shetland pony (no offense KimTBD),
    Kev
    

    
    >>frequently confused with a Shetland pony (no offense KimTBD),
    
    I thought I recognized that smell.
    
    (8^)*
    
    JaKe
    

    JaKe,
    
    today the banks and such are closed because it's a "legal holiday." 
    What then is an illegal holiday?
    
    	--dan'l

A_illegal holiday is when you have more of your people off work than the
other team. Some call this a Zone holiday but that's a misnomer.

TTom

    Hmm, I thought a_illegal holiday was when you celebrated such dates as
    Jesse James Birthday, or the day Dillinger went to the movies.
    
    lEe

    
    MLK Day is an illegal holiday in AZ.

In Britain they call them Bank Holidays because the banks are closed....


'Saw (who still is trying to figure out what Boxing Day is....)

    >I thought I recognized that smell.
    
    So, RaKe, whaddya doing sniffing Kev's shetland pony, huh?
    
    MrT

    
    JaKe... I gots two questions... you may need the crystal ball for
    these.
    
    
    1)  Does Lufay still drive that family Volvo?  I thought I saw him
    getting out of a Chevy Wagon on Easter.
    
    2)  Softball season starts for my team in the DMSL next tuesday.
    We play a team called the Cardinals.  DrM played on this team lasted
    year and I'm looking forward to facing him this year.  Do you think
    he'll show?  
    
    Is he on the team or did he get waived?  
    
    Will he claim some rotis football/hoop injury will keep him out of
    action this year?
    
    Any help you can give me would be appreciated.

    Groaner, I cain answer the first.  No, I don't *still* drive a Volvo. 
    Never have, never will.  Course someone with the mental capacity of a
    Cleveland fan probably wouldn't be able to tell the difference between
    a bitchin' Nissan Maxima from BMW wannabee Volvos.
    
    Besides, I wasn't in Leominport for Easter.
    
    Mark.

Maximas are pretty nice, from the ads I've seen these days.


Of course, I still like my GMC S-15 pickup.



Which brings me to my next stupid car question:


	Back in January, on the night I went to the hockey game
	wif /Don, Denny and Chap, I noticed on my way up to Maynard
	that my truck was overheating.

	On the way home, I stopped, checked the coolant and found
	that I needed to add a lot, which I then bought and did.


	Things were fine until Tuesday night, when again the truck
	was overheating.  Being a little smarter this time, I bought
	coolant, added it, and now everything is fine.


	I routinely check under my car for signs of leaks, as I had a 
	small slow oil leak once.   I have seen NO signs of any type
	of coolant leak.


	Where could this coolant be going?

	
'Saw

PS Please don't tell me I'm stupid, because I already KNOW that....

    The American made/GM syndrome.
    
    Shoulda bought a Nissan Hardbody.
    
    Mark.

    'Saw, have your radiator replaced.  It probably has a bunch of little
    leaks that you don't really notice.  Most of the coolant is probably
    leaking during the drive when the system is under pressure.  This
    happened with my Jeep.  I kept topping it off every few days and never
    saw any puddles.  I just assumed I was slowly losing fluid through the
    overflow (Jeeps don't have that plastic jug to catch it).  I finally
    noticed a little bit of coolant trapped on the bottom flange of the
    radiator.

RE Mark:

	Nope, I wouldn't trade my truck for the world.  I've had
	extremely good results with it, it's fun to drive, great
	to have, and I'd buy another one.

re Hawk:

	This is only the second time it happened, so I'm at an interval
	of about 4 months.


	
	A generic question:

		How hard is it to replace a radiator?


'Saw

    Saw, how old is this beast?
    
    Mark.

It's an '88, with 76,800 on it.


Over the years it's had minimal repairs, and has been very easy to take care
of....


'Saw

    	Hey 'Saw, maybe that coolant is getting sucked up into the engine.
    8^o  Paul, I heard from someone here at the Mill than you had your
    chance to fact the Doctah and backed down.  True?
    
    				/Don

    Why don't you take it to a mechanic?  That'd be way easier than you
    trying to do it.
    

    'Saw,
    
    If you know which end of a socket wrench to use and what a common head
    screwdriver is, replacing a radiator is maybe a 2 hour job.
    
    hth
    
    ps - a radiator repair place is a good place to take a leak!
    
    glad to oblige
    
    I remain,
    drippy myself,
    Kev
    

    -1.... 2 hours... ??? I did a pontiac sunbird for one of my co
    workers at lunch time and still had time to eat... and thats
    front whell drive (which is a bi$%H because you have no room).
    
    If you have another vehicle to drive, pull out the radiator bring
    it to a repair shop (much cheaper then a new one and a junk yard will
    always scr$# you).  They will recore (repair it) and I believe most
    places have a standard 30 day gurentee on recore's (some may be
    longer).  I dont know where you live but there a guy in framingham
    that does good work.   If you decide to have a machanic do this good
    luck they will charge you for 2hrs + labor (what a joke) and have a
    markup on a new/used or recore radiator......Believe me I know I work
    part time at a garage :-)....
    
    							M_Air_Brooks

Yeah, that's why I asked about doing it myself, since I'm not happy
about forking over money to someone to gouge me for labor.


'Saw

Yup definitely sounds like a leak, while your at it check your thermostat
too, a definite cause of overheating.



Steve

The strange thing is that it has only happened twice in the last four
months.  Other than that, it has been fine.

In fact, that way it's been behaving, it's almost like one night someone
decides to siphon out coolant....



I'll check into all of this, and keep younze (how's that Jake?) informed...


'Saw

    
    >>2)  Softball season starts for my team in the DMSL next tuesday.
    >>We play a team called the Cardinals.  DrM played on this team lasted
    >>year and I'm looking forward to facing him this year.  Do you think
    >>he'll show?  
    
    I understand you played Barry_Bonds_Choker and intentionally didn't
    face himn lasted year.  What happened Groaner, filberts not big
    enuf????
    
    >>Is he on the team or did he get waived?  
    
    I hear he's on the team and ready fer you.
    
    JaKe
    

    'Sawmain
    
    Go around and make sure all of the hoses are tight.
    
    Secondly, have a garage pressure test the entire cooling system.  If
    there's a small leak, they should be able to tell ya by doing a
    pressure test on it.
    
    Third, pray ya ain't got a haid gasket going bad and leaking small
    amounts of coolant into the cylinder, where it gets turned to steam. 
    My old Taurus was loosing coolantin minute amounts, and, I could never
    find where I was loosing it from.  Well, two days off sick, and the car
    weren't run at all, one cylinder filled up with coolant and when I
    started the crate, the damned piston went sideways in the cylinder from
    a hydrostatic lock and put a real nice hole in the cylinder wall which
    facilitated a new engine.  Luckily the thang had 49,800 miles on it and
    the engine had a 50k warranty on it.  Only cost $100 fer a new engine.
    
    Schnort Schit Schleps
    
    JaKe
    

Jake,

I've been the head gasket route...  I think I'm okay there.

I'll give the dealer a call.  The guy that runs their service center
knows me, and he gives me all this free advice and stuff so I'll see
if he's heard of similar stuff....

I'll keep younze informed...


'Saw

    'Saw
    
    The "younze" is a nice touch.  Sort of adds a touch of Pittsburghese to
    the note.
    
    JaKe
    

       Check the watah pump too.
                               Denny

    
    
    	Saw, I'll second and third the notion of doing it yourself.  I've
    done 3-4 in my day with no problem at all.  Usually costs about 35-50
    bucks to have the radiator tested and repaired if it's got a leak.
    
    	As for a suspect leak, drive the truck around and then park it
    while it is running.  Once the coolant temp gets up there, it will
    stay up there while the vehicle is idling.  Then you can check for 
    any visible leaks.  It might be just a hose that is slightly leaking
    due to a clamp that has eaten through the hose, or you could have
    a very small pinhole somewhere.  Also, does it only happen or have
    you only noticed it in winter?  Maybe there is a problem with your
    heater core or one of the hoses going to the heater core.  Anyway,
    check for leaks after the truck heats up.
    
    	If you do take the radiator out, that's a good time to replace the
    thermostat and the two main hoses that go to the radiator.  Also a 
    good time to check the water pump.  Grab the fan (of course while the
    engine is off..) and try to shake it up and down.  If the fan shaft
    moves up and down, the pump is starting to go.  You said the truck
    had 70K+ miles, and water pumps usually go by 70-80K.  
    
    	If you need some help, just give me a ring and I'll be gald to 
    take a peek under the hood.
    
    
    								bill..g.

    Sawmain,
    
    How's that truck of your's doing???
    
    Just a leaky hose?????
    
    JaKe
    

    Hey Jake you're supposed to give answers, not ask questions in this
    note!! :-)
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    Whut the hell, TCM, gots to get an update on whut 'Saw axed in here
    a few months ago.
    
    Happier than a pig in dung
    
    JaKe
    

Yep, it was just a leaky hose down underneath.  

Evidently, the leak was hitting the engine, turning to steam so I never
saw any trace of coolant.

Big difference between the price I paid for the leaky hose and the
price I woulda paid for a head gasket.


Best vehicle I've ever owned.....


'Saw

    Well,
    
    I have this 89 Celebrity wagon, which used to be my company car, but I
    bought it and went on plan "B".
    
    Been a damned good car too till some local dealership mechanic was out
    test driving a customer's Infinity M-30 today and cut over 2 lanes and
    ate my front end with the passanger side of the M-30.
    
    Cops said that the kid was at fault cause he "infringed on my right of
    way".  Kid was crapping bullets too, cause he had taken the customer's
    car, picked up his girl-friend and headed to Mcdonald's for a low
    budget lunch, unfortunately I was travelling in the lane just in front
    of the entrance to McD's when he got there.
    
    Damage to the Infinity is in the $4000-$5000 range.  My car took it
    lighter, only getting $2100.
    
    As an aside, When we collided, the Infinity bounced off into a Grand Am
    that was waiting to pull out.  The Grand Am was damaged in the left
    front, but the driver yelled something about being fruitful and
    multiplying(not in those words) and drove off at a high rate of speed. 
    We could only figure that he was either:
    
    			A.  Stealing the car
    or
    			B.  Driving with NO insurance.
    
    Oh well, now onto the hassles of dealing with insurance companies
    trying to get the money for my car.
    
    JaKe
    

>    As an aside, When we collided, the Infinity bounced off into a Grand Am
    
    I just bought one of these 3 weeks ago.  Nice little cars!      ^^^^^^^^

Grand Ams are cool cars.  My mom has one.  I had to rent a car a few years
back when my manager directed me to let another employee "borrow" my
company car for a trip to training, and directed me to rent one for the week.

I promptly went out and said "screw this compact deal" and asked the cute
Avis girl what the hottest midsize they had was.  She said a Grand Am.

Rented it, drove it all week, my folks saw it, test drove it, and bought one.




Jake,

Never mind the insurance company hassle.  Sounds to me like you could have
that dealership fixing your car free, shining your shoes, providing you
with an "escort-concubine", and generally putting all your kids through
college.

If I were you I would definitely explore the possibilities my main.  Not 
only is that kid responsible, but so is the dealership.  

And if I owned the Infinity, I'd be OWNING that dealership right now....



'Saw


PS  You ought to find out who owned the Infinity and do a tag team on the 
    dealer....

    
    So 'saw, you won't be complaining about the letigitous nature of
    American society, right?

Brews,

In some instances, it's clearly warranted, in others it's not.


There are times when things are clearly ridiculous to sue over, and then
there are times when it's not.


Here's Jake, out driving his car, minding his own business, when some joker
who's clearly being negligent crashes into him.  Come to find out it's a test
ride, where the guy has the girlfriend, is headed to MacDonald's etc etc etc.

If the guy is not being negligent, Jake still has a virgin front-end.


Now, on the other hand, you take a woman who has a few beers too many,
and who is driving home down a windy country road, when all of a sudden
she sees some cows in front of her.  She's going too fast, and she's tipsy
and nexted thing you know she hits a tree.

Now, she sues the farmer who cows were in the road, she sues the owner of
the land (who happens to be a major corporation who was leasing the land to
the farmer).    Not cool.


Or better yet, the one I heard recently:

	Man rents a car from a car dealer.
	Man drives car a few blocks over to a bar where
	  he drinks all afternoon.
	Man heads out on highway where he wipes out a guy in 
	  a drunk driving accident.
	Victims family sues:   Man, bar, car dealer, and Ford.

Like the car dealer has anything to do with what happens to the guy after
he leaves the dealership, and like Ford must've encouraged the guy to drink.



Differences, differences....   


And finally Brews, all Jake has to do is THREATEN to sue 8^)


'Saw

    > and asked the cute Avis girl
    
    I thought that they didn't make any of those anymore :-)
    
    The Crazy Met
    

>    > and asked the cute Avis girl
>    
>    I thought that they didn't make any of those anymore :-)
>    
>    The Crazy Met


One of the few pleasant things about Bradley Airport and renting cars
there is that the girls who worked (don't know if currently work) there
are quite pleasant in very many ways....


'Saw    

    You are all wrong.  You forget that JaKe was driving in Pittsburgh, one
    of the friendliest places in this nation to drive.  It was JaKe's
    unwritten responsibility driving in that city to yield to the kid as he
    careened across the lanes.

    One of the funniest things I've seen in my life is out-of-towners in
    Pittsburgh sitting at a red light wanting to make a left-hand turn
    across traffic.  When the light turns green, the oncoming traffic
    usually doesn't move until they allow one or two cars to make their
    left turn.  But out of towners just sit there abiding by the normal
    rules of the road and wonder why everyone is beeping at them.

    	--dan'l

    'Sawmain
    
    The car goes into the shop tomorrow for new bumper, new fender, and a
    ton of other new parts.  The place that's fixing it is "throwing in" a
    complete buffing and waxing of the car, complete carpet and interior
    shampooing, and basically, they're going to give me back my '89
    Celebrity looking like it came out of the showroom, with NO COST to me.
    
    I pick up the rental tomorrow(full size rolling mansion) and I'll get
    my car back nexted Thursday.
    
    I went to the dealer yesterday after the wreck, got an estimate, and
    they said deal with them thru their insurance company.  Went to my
    insurance company, and they said don't worry about a thang, all costs
    will be taken care of.
    
    As for the Infiniti M-30 with a customized passenger side, I doubt the
    kid has a job today, sorta feel sorry for him, but then again, it was
    HIS fault.
    
    I would just LOVE to be a little birdy and be there when the guy who
    OWNED the Infiniti got to see it.  If I was him, I would definitely
    push the bozos into giving me a NEW M-30.  If they balked, I'd say that
    magic catch phrase, "My attorney will be in touch."
    
    Litigation free
    
    JaKe
    

    Re .415
    
    Mike,
    
    I ain't seen the movie, probably won't until it comes out on cassette.
    
    JaKe
    

Jake,

I sent off a DECnet Phase V Intro for Hardware Weenies tape in interoffice
snail today.

The first name is Rich, right?  @PTO?



Glad to hear it on the car, dude.  Glad you weren't hurt either.


'Saw

    ?Yep, Rich Jacob @PT0
    
    The only thang hurt was my pride, and my car.  (8^(*
    
    The only thang that stopped me from considering pummeling the weedy
    creep driving the car was his girlfriend was about a 9.7 out of 10.
    
    JaKe
    

    Took the Celeb. wagon to the shop and picked up the rental 2day.
    
    They gave me, for $18/day, a fully loaded Nissan Maxima.  Freakin'
    flying machine.  Damned thing really moves out.
    
    Driving in some sort of style fer the nexted week
    
    JaKe
    

Jake,


For Giantsmania, I decided that I always wanted to drive a Cadillac,
so I rented one.  Cain't wait till August!


'Saw

    At one time in the late '80s, the Maxima and 300ZX were using the same
    6 cyl, fuel injected engine.  Not sure if this is still true.
    
    Mike

    Mike, 
    
    The thang has a 3.0L FI V-6.
    
    Was passing a truck 2day and thought I was doing 65-70, looked at the
    speedo and it showed ~95.  And it felt like I was hardly moving at all.
    
    Scary
    
    JaKe
    

    	Hey 'Saw, I dunno about driving a Caddy in Joisey.  Someone
    might mistake the car for one that belongs to a goodfellow and you'll
    end up with Jimmy Hoffa!  Well at least you'll be in the Medowlands.
    
    				/Don

    RE: ridiculous lawsuits
    
    A guy with one of those artificial hearts is suing the manufacturer,
    the inventor, the doctor and his staff, and the hospital because the
    heart makes too much noise and keeps him awake at night.
    
    	--dan'l

>
>    	Hey 'Saw, I dunno about driving a Caddy in Joisey.  Someone
>    might mistake the car for one that belongs to a goodfellow and you'll
>    end up with Jimmy Hoffa!  Well at least you'll be in the Medowlands.
    
hahahahahaha....too funny.

I'll just make sure that I don't wear a white suit, red shirt, and yellow
tie....8^)


'Saw

    re .426
    
    That sounds fair to me ...shame on the manufacturer ... they ought to
    pull the plug on the heart and reduce the noise. Ha.

       What's the scoop on this new movie 'Patriot Games'? Who plays Victor
    Kiam? Is Lisa Coles in it?
                                 Denny

No Lisa Coles but it dows have Anne Archer (bestill my heart).

The movie is faithful to the book up until the beach house attack....then it
deviates from the book a lot. It was a decent flick but not the blockbuster
of the summer.....


Metz

    IMHO, Patriot Games was a terrible book.  Granted Clancy isn't what you
    would call a good writer, but at least he can spin a yarn.  I don't
    think he used more than 4 words in a sentence in the whole book.  And
    the story is so implausible that it strains all credibility.
    
    Prince Charles hunting down assassins in a speed boat?
    
    NOT.
    
    Mark.

    
    The blockbuster isn't due out for a week or so! 

    I went to an Albany Firebirds game lasted weekend (Arena football-
    the 50 yd. indoor war).  During timeouts, the PA would play "We
    will rock you" or "Rock and Roll Pt. 2".  But they also started
    playing "Jump" by Criss Cross and people would jump in unison during
    the "Jump jump" parts... are they the trend setters of the 90's with
    the other tunes on their way out?
    
    How can people who hate rap also justify listening to music sung by
    a guy who has the same name as a guy who sang "I got you babe" or
    great tunes like "57 channels and nothing's on"?  And RAP is MINDLESS?
    
    
    
    

    
    What's a Duckworth today on the open market?
    

    
    >>What's a Duckworth today on the open market?
    
    About $1.99/pound.
    
    JaKe
    

    
    >>    the "Jump jump" parts... are they the trend setters of the 90's with
    >>the other tunes on their way out?
    
    If these are the trendsetters of the '90's, guess I won't go to too
    many games and listen to the garbage!!
    
    
    >>How can people who hate rap also justify listening to music sung by
    >>a guy who has the same name as a guy who sang "I got you babe" or
    >>great tunes like "57 channels and nothing's on"?  And RAP is MINDLESS?
    
    Most of the stuff hitting the shelves these days is mindless
    bullSLOF's!!
    
    I steel think the days of REAL music are back in the late '60s and
    early to mid 70's.
    
    Gawd, I'm starting to sound like an old FART!!!1
    
    JaKe
    
    

    If Bruce Springsteen is the balladeer of the blue collar worker, why
    is he charging $38.50/ticket for his concerts?

    re: .438
    
    38.50 I thought it was 28.50.
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    It _is_ 28.50 per ticket. ... I bought 4 of 'em.
    
    Dennis
    
    PS ... It's still a bunch of bucks!
    

    re: .440
    
    Which concert are you going to??
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    re: $38.50 to see the Boss
    
    Ouch!  But, that was the same price I was quoted by Ticketmaster for
    Crosby Stills and Nash at Great Woods.  No thanks.  I'll just fire up
    my Deja Vu and CSN vynals.  Heck, that kind of money buys their cd box
    set!
    
    I could be wrong, but it sounds like $38.50 is the new standard price
    to get into Great Woods this year.  Sheet, I thought last year's $26
    was outrageous...
    
    I will, however, shell out $38.50 for 1 concert this year- The Allman
    Brothers Band.  Wasn't going to at first, but since buying their new cd
    earlier this week, there's no way I'm going to miss it.  Crazy? 
    Insane.
    
    Hawk
    

    
    >>It _is_ 28.50 per ticket. ... I bought 4 of 'em.
    
    >>Dennis
    
    >>PS ... It's still a bunch of bucks!
    
    Hail, that's only OVERPRICING the tickets by $28 each fer old SLOF
    voice himself.  DOn't like Springsteen's music MUCH, although there are
    a few exceptions to the rule when it comes to him, but watching his
    videos, he always looks like somebody switched the liquid in his Fleet
    enema bottle with battery acid and he's in a great deal of pain.
    
    Montavani Rules!!!
    
    JaKe
    

    
    BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN IS OVER-FREAKIN-RATED.
    

    Woops.  $28.50 is still alot of cash, especially since all seats are
    this price.  But then again, aren't you supposed to go to concerts to
    listen to the music, not watch the musicians?  You can still hear as
    much from the "cheap" seats as those from the front row.

    
    >>this price.  But then again, aren't you supposed to go to concerts to
    >>listen to the music, not watch the musicians?  You can still hear as
    
    If'n I went to a concert JUST to listen to the music, I'd be just as
    well off to stay home and put on a "live" album, no??
    
    With Springsteen, If I was to go to one of his concerts, and I'd only
    go if somebody PAID me to, I'd have to take along a gross of airline
    sickness bags cause he MAKES ME SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    Long Live The Archies!!!!
    
    JaKe
    

    
    If ya go to a concert JUST to hear the music, then why not save the
    money and wait for the "live" album, er, disc???
    
    I go to a concert to be entertained.  If the performer just stands on
    stage and picks his posterior, that's pretty damned boring.  Ever go to
    see Neil Diamond??? Ever go see Kansas in their heyday????  These guys
    not only play their music, they make it entertaining to watch them in
    the process of it.
    
    There's a certain "stage presence" involved in a live concert.  Some
    entertainers have it, some don't.  I saw Lynyrd Skynyrd at Knebworth
    fair in England in 1976 and they stole the show from the Stones. 
    Everybody who had been there talked aobut Skynyrd being the highlight
    of the day, while the Stones were good, but not up to par with Skynyrd.
    And the Stones put on one helluva show that day(night).
    
    Now if I had sat down with 2 live albums, one of Skynyrd and one of the
    Stones, and just listened to them, at that time I probably would've
    preferred the Stones.
    
    $28.50 to see a guy look like he's in critical condition and in MUCHO
    pain is $28 to much for me to pay.
    
    The moral, If I'm going to plunk down some cash, I better get a show
    with the music.
    
    JaKe
    

      $1.00 is too much to pay for a Springsteen concert.
    
    Mark.

    re: .441
    
    I'm going to the August 28 show at the Spectrum in Philadelphia.
    
    re: the rest
    
    I don't understand how JaKe can say he wants to see a performance and
    not like Springsteen. The man pours his heart all over the stage every
    night for 3+ hours. I've seen every Springsteen stop in the
    Philadelphia area since 1973 and he just keeps getting better with age.
    I saw Kansas during their heyday and they weren't even close. The
    nearest comparison I would give would be the Faces circa 1973 and ELP
    of around 1972.
    
    Maybe JaKe can go see Wayn Newton... sounds like he may be more your
    speed.
    
    Dennis
    
    ;*)
      

    I first saw Springsteen in Madison Square Garden in December 1980
    (might have been 1979). He did a 4:30 hour show with a 15 minute break.
    Truly AWESOME!! Next saw him in the first night of his Tunnel of Love
    tour in Worcester in 1988. He did about 3:30 hours that night. I have
    seen lots of concerts in all kind of venues (stadiums, clubs, small
    theaters, etc.) nobody comes close to the show Springsteen does. In all
    fairness I did not see the Stones in their heyday.
    
    The Crazy Met
    

The last time I saw Stringbean was December of 1981 at the Philly Rectum.  One
of the most boring nights of my life.  I fell asleep twice and they were the
two highlights of the show.  The girl who dragged me to the concert insisted
that I HAD to see Stringbean because he gave the best concerts of anyone. 
Pretty disappointing for the girl who dragged me to New York to see the Clash
in 1977.

Just say no to Stringbean.

j.

     I'm wif' Jeff...Springsteen is a bane to music.  Hasn't met a 1-4-5
     progression he hasn't butchered.  Should be relegated to hotel lounges
    and such.
    
    Mark.

 and he dropped Clarence. I will say I enjoyed in 77 at the Garden but the 
 second time around which was 84 also like Jeff found me bored. I agree with
 Mark a bucks too much for a ticket.

 If you really want to see a good show this summer in your area check out the
 Allman Bros. when they come to town. I saw then in NY in March. Warren Wells
 sounds like the second coming of Duane. Close your eyes and your at the 
 Fillmore in 71....

 AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!

 mike

    Ha ha, you guys cracks me up!  Wanna see a performance, go see a
    Allman Bros. Band and/or a Santana concert.  Carlos don't jump around
    stage like he ate chili for lunch, but when the man wails, look out! 
    The Allman's are just plain awesome (the new live cd is a must for
    Allman haids!)...
    
    Hawk, whose buying tix today for Santana and the ABB
    
    

    
    >>I don't understand how JaKe can say he wants to see a performance and
    >>not like Springsteen. The man pours his heart all over the stage every
    >>night for 3+ hours. I've seen every Springsteen stop in the
    
    C'mon Denny, the guy looks like he's being given a battery-acid enema
    when he's singing.  Makes me wanna puke.  As far as his "music" goes,
    and I use the term loosely with him, if ya heard one of his albums, ya
    heard em all, fer the most part.  He releases two albums that sound
    pretty similar, both with each other and the lasted album he put out.
    
    TCM, for putting up with the 4.5 hour concerts, you get the masochist
    of the decade award.
    
    JaKe
    

    You guys need to see Prince. Now THAT'S a show !

    I saw him from the front role, but I was concentrating on Sheila E and
    Cat at the time...

    Exactly my point ! :-)

Thanks, Mark....


BTW - Metz's latest reccomendations on the alternative scene....

        If you like the wall of sound style try a band called Curve. It takes
    a while to grow on you but it's good stuff if you like that style. Toni
    Halliday does the vocals and she's quite the looker...

    Another band to take a listen to is...Toad the Wet Sprocket.


Metz...still waiting for that baby to pop out....

    What stands 4'2", wiegh 22 pounds, has an IQ of 7, on a good day, and
    has 1 pubic hair????
    
    PRINCE!!!!
    
    (8^)*
    
    JaKe
    

    5:15?
    

    JaKe, you sound like a faux main who is jealous of those fouine women
    that Prince has on stage with him.

    DocMidwifeawicz,
    
    I ain't jealous of any guy whose voice mimmicks that of someone wearing
    underwear that are 7 sizes too small, plus is just plain butt-ugly.
    
    JaKe
    

    So I guess you don't like Mike Tyson either?
    

    Good one, Walt.
    
    Re Tyson, he was alright until he let his appendage do his thinking,
    from there, I can't concern myself with anything about him.
    
    JaKe
    

    Prince is a talent that the mainstream public will never understand.  I
    don't like most of his music, but to say he has no talent is ludicrous.
    
    And he has the most babe-er-iferous vids.
    
    Mark.

    Any main that cain attract the likes of Sheena Easton, Sheila E.,Tina
    Marie, Betty Z or whatever is OK wif me. I can take some of his music
    at times.
    
    BTW, I shall bear witness that Lufay does indeed drive a Maxima not
    a Volvo. But he does drink 'Rocks.
    
    8^)
    MikeL
    

    Wonder what Hawk was watching at da fernbah lasted light...

    Mike Leary, you're all right by me ! 
    
    Hawk, I had the wooodiferious pleasure of running into Shelia E and
    Cat (to describe her dancing as merely high-energy, is like saying
    Mozart wrote some decent music) at a hotel in Marlboro they were
    staying at the lasted time Prince was here (Worcester) for a concert
    ('88 ?) ... drrrroooooooollllll ....
    
    doc

    re.469
    
    Mark,
    
    I never said anything about talent.  Lots of people have "talent" but
    only a few know what the hail to do wif it.
    
    Long live Bobby Goldsboro
    
    (8^)*
    
    JaKe

    BTW,
    I've never seen Bruce live so ah cain't comment on his stage
    jeenyus, but let me tell ya, I was listening to the radio this
    AM whar the newsdolt was readin'  a story about Springsteen
    opening up his tour in Sweden( performin' fer the English hooligans!!
    8^). And let me tell ya, they played a tape of him wailing " Born
    in the USA. If'n my cat was in the car, he woulda scratched the hail
    out of me and my upholstery. I thought I was listening to Curly
    doing his rendition of "The Voice of Spring is in the Air" ( Oh, OH,
    Oh) I had visions of Robert Shaw scraping his fingernails down
    the chalkboard in "Jaws". I was not amused. He sounds more and more
    like that leather-lunged ape from AC/DC.
    
    Yecch,
    MikeL
    

>    the chalkboard in "Jaws". I was not amused. He sounds more and more
>    like that leather-lunged ape from AC/DC.
    
    Which one?  Bon Scott?  Not that it matters, they all went to the
    Johnny Most School of Dran-O Gargling.
    
    Mike

Wow.

Well, let's see.  To me a performer does not have to jump around to
put on a good show.   I've seen Clapton stand stock still for almost
and entire concenrt, and the pain that has gushed forth from the
man made me stop dead in my tracks.

Harry Chapin (RIP) used to put on a wonderful concert, and to this day
I still miss him a lot.


re 28.50 for a ticket:

	Life is too short sometimes to worry about stuff like this.
	Sometimes, you have to do something that will make you HAPPY,
	be it eating a package of Oreos, or spending $$ on tickets....


re Prince:

	Talented, yes.  But not innovative.  More like a retread of
	many different things that have gone before.   He just doesn't
	do it for me....


'Saw

    What Markie said.  Ack.

    Maybe he doesn't do it for you Saw, but to say that Prince is
    unoriginal is missing the mark. Sometimes, his stuff is so far out
    there, that people can't handle it - including me.
    
    Try his "Sign 'O The Times" album. Brilliant stuff - I hated all but
    two tracks at first ... then it grew on me.
    
    I think it's his best album now (yes, better than '1999' or Purple
    Rain, when so-called "mainstream" America "discovered" Prince), and
    "Dirty Mind" and "Prince" are two other great ones ...

No, I disagree.  I haven't ever heard him do anything really original.
To my ear it's a skilled blend of a lot of retread stuff.

His videos are not that different from some of the old sixties stuff, but
the music is a combination of a lot of old styles.


The man is not without talent.  I will not say he's untalented though....


JMHO,
'Saw

    Call "T" and have him Fed Ex a few Pixies tape!
    
    

    	Hey Walt, stop in our room at the Swamplands Days Inn and have
    a few Red White & Blues with us.  Our room will be easy to find.
    Just look for JD hanging out the window by his shoetops singing
    the praises of Boston fains.
    
    				/Don

    I'll be there or at Saw's room... bringing my Cons for some hoops
    if Wardlevane feels inspired...
    

    	Oh boy another basketball game.  Another three hour ride through
    North Joisey looking for a glass littered court with bent rims.
    I'll stay in the parking lot and drink beer.
    
    				/Don

    I know you're still in mourning... Doc sez pretend you're Chamberlain..
    

    	Pretend I'm Chamberlain?  I did the other day when I almost
    choked on a BigMac.
    
    				/Don

	JD can find safe haven in my room at the Swamplands....

	Jim M a Knicks fan

    Are Jets-Giant on delayed tape or live TV this time?
    
    The Crazy Met
    

       WPIX midnight (tape).
                                          Jake (not)

    
    >>          <<< Note 245.491 by ACESMK::FRANCUS "Mets in '92" >>>
    >>                              -< yo Jake >-

    >>Are Jets-Giant on delayed tape or live TV this time?
    
    >>The Crazy Met
    
    Hey TCM, what do I look like, TV Guide??????
    
    Re the tape question(I know the weekend's over, but I was off on Friday
    to go to the Awards weekend), take anything with ya but Sprungstien. 
    Otherwise your car speakers will be shot by Monday from all the
    scratching and catterwalling.
    
    JaKe
    

    The title of this note seems to indicate that questions for JaKe should
    go here. No indication of what questions arenot appropriate, hence
    everything becomes appropriate ... But be very very careful I hear
    MtM coming :-)
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    
    >>          <<< Note 245.494 by ACESMK::FRANCUS "Mets in '92" >>>

    >>The title of this note seems to indicate that questions for JaKe should
    >>go here. No indication of what questions arenot appropriate, hence
    >>everything becomes appropriate ...
    
    TCM,
    Anythang is appropriate, as long as it conforms to what is appropriate
    rules wise in here, ie no lewdness, crudeness, or anything deemed by
    MtM as offensive or detrimental to keeping this notesfile around.  It
    was created mostly for fun, and I cain't answer EVERYTHANG, either
    straight or sorta snappy comeback type, but I try.
    
    JaKe

    
    Who are those guys in the ad where the basketball player's grandmother
    in the dress does the slamma-jamma routine?  Doesn't he wear a baby
    blue Charlotte shirt?
    
    Dickstah, who doesn't recognize *every* basketball player who dresses
              up in drag.
    

 That's Sir Larry Johnson, power forward deluxe for the Charlotte Hornets
 who wear the colors teal and purple (*not* baby blue).
 
 Johnson was the No. 1 draft pick in 1991 and won the NBA Rookie Of The
 Year award in 1992.   The Hornets' selection of Johnson was the worst
 mistake made since Western Union told Alexander Graham Bell that no one
 would use his new-fangled invention.
 
 Bob Hunt

    Thanks for answering that Bob.  I haven't seen the commercial.  In
    fact, recently I haven't seen very much television at all.  I been
    playing "This Old F^&*ing House" again, this time building a room and a
    hallway out of an old HUGE room, and I been slinging plaster for the
    lasted week and haven't watched ANYTHING.
    
    Never buy a 100 year old house
    
    JaKe
    

And in the latest episode, LJ crushes KJ, Kevin Johnson.

TTom

    I'm Here whatcha want?
    
    Kev(in)
    
    ;^)
    

 I thought Grandmama crushed KJ....the best part of the commercial is Larry
 hiding out from Grandmama IMO...

    NO NBA player crushes KJ!  Must've been Grandma.

    JaKe et. al.,
    
    over the weekend I went out to a club and met a sexy sexy sexy woman. 
    The kind that will make you break your neck when she walks past.  I
    called her last night and we're going out tomorrow.
    
    She does have a negative in my book.  That is: she smokes like a
    chimney.
    
    I suddenly forgot this negative during our phone conversation last
    night when she began talking sports with me.  Great!  Then I asked her
    what college hoops team she liked.  She said it would be easier to say
    which she hated...and said:
    
    
    
    "I just hate UNC.  In everything.  Can't stand them."
    
    
    
    My question, JaKe et. al., is: should I ask her to marry me tomorrow or
    wait until the second date?
    
    	--dan'l

    --dan'l,
    
    Under your present circumstances, I'd first ask her how much she's
    worth.  You cain then decide when/if to pop da question.
    
    Kev
    

.505 is *precisely* the reason I will miss Bob Hunt in this file.....


'Saw

Dan'l -

Don't worry about the smoking part.  My wife was a smoker, and she kicked the
habit.   I never gave her any ultimatums, but subtle hints and suggestions.

She's been a non-smoker for years now.   Minor problem if she's a neck breaker
IMO ;-)

JD

    
    	Dan'l, wait a minute...hating UNC is only part of the story.  The
    most important thang is does she like the black and gold of the Steel
    City?  It would be a nasty weddin (shotgun probably) if she was a
    'gag' Cowboys fan...
    
    	I could live with a woman that liked UNC, but I couldn't bare the
    thought of sharing my home with one that hated the black and gold of
    the steel city!  Lucky for me, my wife loves the Steel City...in fact,
    that's one of the reasons I wed her!  Although she did draw the line
    when I wanted to paint the house black and gold...
    
    						pour on the Iron
    
    

    'Sawmain,
    
    I agree with ya.
    
    BobHunt, GREAT NOTE!!!!
    
    Totally rollward!!!!
    
    JaKE
    

    
    Jake,
    
    I have a terrible dilemma.  I was the first person in this notesfile
    to call Needle a technoweenie, and coined the term non-technoweenie
    back when this file was on exit26::.  My boss made me go to this laptop
    class, and now I have my own pc with windows, a fax modem and I can
    even write programs in this state-of-the-art programming language
    called ms-basic (if I could figure out what the computer means when it
    says "c>"  Am I no longer a non-technoweenie?  Do I have to trade my
    sideout shorts in for a pocket protector?  
    
    Oh, one other thing.  Could you guys refrain from typing anything
    to the right of this line, please------------------------------>
    They didn't tell me in class how to widen the window, and it's a real
    pain in the ass to scroll back and forth inside the window.  Especially
    when you have 1000 new notes.
    
    Brews

>    called ms-basic 
            ^^^^^^^^


Brews, 

I can now call you a nancy-boy programmer.  

Program in a MAN'S language, like Microsoft Assembler, or Microsoft C....



hth,
'Saw


PS  You can probably just call yourself a weenie now 8^) 8^) 8^) 8^)

>    Oh, one other thing.  Could you guys refrain from typing anything
>    to the right of this line, please------------------------------>
    
    Can't believe they didn't tell you how to fix that.  It's easy.  All you do is

    rollward --dan'l!
    
    ;^)
    
    Kev
    

       Hey Brews, I'll give you 10 bucks for the PC. That way you won't
    have to learn about it!
                                            Denny

    
    danl, ya didn't finish.
    
    Denny, six pack of what?  My wife's already urinated at the computer,
    (notice what time my note was entered) so I may ta<ke you up on the
    offer.
    
    Brews

       You name it!! Old Milwaukee maybe?
                                     Denny

    My son urinated on my old VT220 once.

    No, neither was my son.  He was sleepwalking.  Forgot to turn left to
    the bathroom and took a right instead into my den.

    
    Why do they make prune juice, when they can squeeze whole plums and
    have four times as much juice?
    
    Why is there grape juice, and no raisin juice?
    
    Do they dry oranges and then squeeze 'em to come up with orange juice
    concentrate?
    
    Dickstah
    

    Brews,  'Sawmain said it right, you're just a weenie now.
    
    >>Why do they make prune juice, when they can squeeze whole plums and
    >>have four times as much juice?
    
    Or do they squeeze the plums, and wait til it gets rancid and call it
    prune juice????  Goog ???, eh??
    
    >>Why is there grape juice, and no raisin juice?
    
    Quit wine-ing.
    
    >>Do they dry oranges and then squeeze 'em to come up with orange juice
    >>concentrate?
    
      Nah, they put em' in one of those Ronco food dehydrator thingies and
    wait a day, then grind em up and use what juice they get for the
    concentrate.
    
    Schnort Schit Schleps
    
    JaKe
    

    
    What quick replies!  I didn't know we had so many experts on the 
    physics of prune juice.
    
    Dickstah
    

       Sounds like sour grapes to me!
                                 Denny

    so I'm still a non-technoweenie?
    
    Brews

       I'd say you're definitely 'non' if you don't know what c> is!
                                     Denny

>       I'd say you're definitely 'non' if you don't know what c> is!
>                                     Denny


Brews:

	Normally, in MS-DOS, the c> means that you're on the C drive.

	But in your case, MS-DOS is telling you to look out for the
	scorpion in the direction of the arrow....


Phoe shit schlpes,
'Saw

    
    guys, I ain't THAT illiterate.  I was kidding about what does c> mean. 
    I know it's prompting me to type "win"
    
    Brews

    JaKe,
    
    'Saw and I have a question for you. Why is it that the phrase Nice guy
    is basically the kiss of death? Do you have any suggestions as to how
    to ban use of this phrase?
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    JaKe,
    
    I was down yer way in Steel Town the other day. At one point I had a
    little spare time between meetings and I figgered I'd stop by to say 
    hello. Wail, I had a hard time bevembering what your real name was, and 
    the receptionist in that glass lobby area lookt at me funny when I tole 
    her I only knew you as JaKe. Anyway, I guess you don't get in until the 
    afternoon, and I had to leave at 4, so...
    
    Oh well, I'll let you know the nexted time I'll be at PTO. 
    
    Funny thing about PittsburgH, rather than build a road going up/around 
    (small) mountains, they blast through it and build a tunnel. Gotta love
    the signs in the airport: "Welcome to Dynamic PittsburgH" and "If you
    thought Paris was sophisticated, wait until you see PittsburgH" (in 
    reference to the new airport/mall opening soon). Yeah, Paris Texas is
    quite a town, but it cain't hold a candle to PittsburgH...
    
    Tom

    TCM,
    
    Just start calling guys like Jeff Dahmer "Nice Guys".  That'l;l get it
    banned sooner or later.
    
    >>Funny thing about PittsburgH, rather than build a road going up/around 
    >>(small) mountains, they blast through it and build a tunnel. 
    
    Those tunnels are the source of some of the world's biggest traffic
    jams everyday about 4 or 5 o'clock, and 'specially Fridays.
    
    the damned thangs were obsolete when they opened them.
    Lasted name is JACOB.  I starts work at 3:30.
    
    JaKe
    
    

For a nominal fee I can be coerced into telling his first name....

If you guys think Clell is funny.......;^)

    re traffic in Pitt
    
    Yeah, it reminded me a bit of Boston, where Storrow Drive merges with
    93 going over the bridge near North Station/Bopton Gahden. The road I 
    was on goes parallel to the river (The Mon?) and 4 lanes all of a sudden 
    become 2. Then you make a sharp left over the bridge and it becomes a 
    tunnel. This is near 3 Rivers Stadium. That's why I left at 4 to make a 
    6 o'clock flight.
    
    JaKe, I eventually figured out what yer real name is. It was kinda like
    dealing wif Hawk, where, apparently everywhere else in life outside of
    this notesfile, people actually call him by his real name...
    
    Tom   

    From the office, ya probably took the Parkway East, as it's called. 
    'Bout a mile and a half from the office is the Squirrel Hill Tunnels,
    ya exit the city side of the tunnels and about 7 or 8 or 9 miles later,
    the road turns into the Parkway West, narrows down(near Grant St Exit),
    then makes a hard left over the Mon, onto the Fort Pitt bridge, then
    into the Fort Pitt tunnels.  From there it's something like 14 miles or
    so to the airport.  
    
    Both sets of tunnels are a pain in the posterior in the morning rush
    hour and the evening rush hours.
    
    JaKe
    

    Been absent for awhile but .512 was the funniest thing I've read in a
    while. 

    -2 Yup, that sounds exactly like where I was going. Funny thing, when I
    axed for directions, it was "just take the Parkway...." but there are
    no signs that say parkway, just whatever the road number is. I spose
    that's like one of us telling you to take the "Pike" when all you can
    see is signs for route 90. 
    
    Tom

    I used to commute from my parents' house out near the airport to
    Carnegie Mellon every day while I was in grad school.  More often than
    not I went during rush hour both ways.  What a pain in the dupa!
    
    The tunnels weren't the problem...it was the merging to get into the
    tunnels.  Once inside, everything flowed.  So if you think of driving
    in Pittsburgh being just like sex, it's much more pleasant.
    
    In the spring of 1985, the biggest traffic jam in world history
    happened when a truck lost its brakes coming down the hill that feeds
    into the Ft. Pitt Tunnel, couldn't stop, entered the tunnel, ran over
    several cars, and exploded.  Gridlock around the entire city since they
    shut down the tunnel in the other direction as well fearing another
    explosion.  There was no getting in or out of Pittsburgh that day.
    
    	--dan'l

    Never heard traffic jams being explained quite that way, dan'l
    Rollward!
    
    MikeL
    

It went into the tunnel and exploded?

Well, if you think of it like dan'l does, that must have been quite the
experience......


;^)

>>    JaKe,
    
>>    'Saw and I have a question for you. Why is it that the phrase Nice guy
>>    is basically the kiss of death? Do you have any suggestions as to how
>>    to ban use of this phrase?
    
>>    The Crazy Met
  

TCM & Saw:

After much more thought,(and some prompting from TCM to come up with a better
answer), I think I'll go into my theory on the KOD power of being called a
"nice guy."

I agree, when you're seeing someone, and she tells ya something like, "Ya know,
you're really a nice guy", that is warning No. 1 that the proverbial axe is
going to fall on the relationship.

A guy I knew when I was in the Air Farce used to tell me, "Treat them like sh!t
and they'll love ya forever."  This guy did just that, treated all of his
wimmen friend like crap, and he NEVER was without companionship when he wanted
it.

Hail, he suggested that once in every relationship, when the two of ya come out
of, say a restaurant, and she walks over to the passenger side and waits for ya
to open the door, just get in, and drive off.  Get about 200 yds down the road,
slam it in reverse, come flying back, pop the door open and say, "Are you going
to get in or stand there like an idiot????"

He said it doesn't produce the best results at that point, but it opens things
up for the future.

Ya see, IMHO, wimmen don't want a "nice guy", from the start.  They enjoy the
challenge, much like the pottery maker, of taking a rough piece of clay and
forming it into their own masterpiece.

Only problem is, if you're already a "nice guy", there ain't much she cain do,
so once she realizes this, and tells ya it, she's on the quest for that ole
lump of cold wet clay.
      
I was also told that the best thing you cain do, being the guy in the
relationship, is act as disinterested as hell.  That drives wimmen crazy.  They
wonder why in the hail you don't go goo-goo-gaa-gaa over them.  Do this by
saying you'll call them, say, nexted week, then don't call for two weeks.  Be
late picking her up.  Not just 10 or fifteen minutes, something like an hour or
so.  

Also, give them a benchmark that they cain start from and work towards their
goals for "rehabilitating" you.  just, don't EVER let them complete the job,
cause when the job is done, you're history.  That's why the divorce rate is so
high.  Too many guys eventually give in and do everything HER way.  Giving them
a benchmark to start at cain be doing thangs like, say, belching at dinner,
then acknowledging it with a statement like, "Oops, 'scuse the burp(insert
small chuckle here), I meant to puke" or passing gas and saying, "Heh-heh, hell
if they don't pay the rent ya gotta get rid of them," or "Guess it's better to
bear the shame than bear the pain, right?"

Although these cain be disgusting, she'll get it in her haid that this is one
rough, horrible lump of clay, and the challenge is on.

BUT, if you end up getting married, NEVER, NEVER(and I cain't stress this enuf)
let her finish the job, cuase then it's alimony and child support time.  As
soon as my wife thinks she's getting me "trained" on one thing, I pop up with
another "bad habit".  Keeps her busy, happy(sorta) and NEVER NEVER brings up
the words, "You're such a nice guy".  The common statement in my house this
year is, "Dammit, why can't you put your own underwear in the wash?????"

Keep them on their toes, and give them the challenge and we cain erradicate the
term "nice guy" from the wimmen's vocabulary once and forever!!!

Schnort Schit Schleps

JaKe

Jake, the "Wilson" of SPORTS....

Now I understand why Male Bashing os the sport of the 90s.  Thanks Jake - good 
advice to live by.

8^)

>                  -< BTW Jake  -pollinated any Iris lately? >-


I don't know if he's done that, but I heard he participated in a
dithyram with 49 other naked men, dancing to the arhythmic beat of
a drum.....


'Saw

    You followed that advice and someone actually married you, Jake?

    
    Re; Karen
    
    Hahahahahaha!  I was thinking the same thing!
    
    

    Brilliant note JaKe. 'Sawmain and I thank you very very much for those
    words of wisdom. Amazing what a few beers can do to jog the memory :-)
    
    The Crazy Met
    

Jake has a point, but I do my thing just slightly differently.

I just bring them to see me play rugby.  They realize that off the pitch
I'm a nice guy, and like Jake says, they begin to worry about not having
that old wet lump of clay to work with.

But then they see me play, and since I'm such a bast**d on the pitch,
they get all warm and fuzzy realizing that not only is there a wet lump
of clay, but there is a HUGE, primordial wet lump of clay....


8^)    

>>    You followed that advice and someone actually married you, Jake?
    
>>    Re; Karen
    
>>    Hahahahahaha!  I was thinking the same thing!
  
    Sort of modified version of it.
    
    Long about 11 or 12 years ago, I was going with this young lady, who
    was going thru a rough time in her life, unfortunately.  Namely,
    getting divorced.  No I wasn't the cause of it, she had been seperated
    from her hubby for a long time and just was finalizing everything.
    I was head over heels for her and she seemed that way for me, and then
    came the KOD,
    
    One night she told me I was one helluva nice guy and one classy
    individual(no she wasn't drunk or high, suprized me too).
    
    It wasn't 2 weeks later she cleared me out of her life, using some
    excuse or another, but I didn';t see hger for a few years after that,
    even just to talk too.  Now, she belongs to the same church as we do,
    and even plays racquetball with my wife.
    
    Now my wife is another story.  We went out for a while, and there was
    no huge spark and one night she said something like, "call me nexted
    week" and I sorta didn't.  That was in August.  In January, I called
    her and the rest is history.
    
    She did say that I fooled her, though, cause my car was immaculate, I
    was immaculately dressed, and all that stuff.  It wasn't until after we
    was married that she found that I was Challenged when it came to
    certain thangs, like hitting the clothes hamper on a consistent basis,
    keeping work areas cleaned up, etc.
    
    We were talking recently and she said that she figured that she could
    change me when it came to all of these aspects, but after 10 years,
    she's just in the mode where she tries to IMPROVE me slightly.
    
    Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not an absolute slob, but I just have this
    tendency to leave something lay somewhere, or step over something not
    even noticing what the hail it is.
    
    I constantly get asked, "Couldn't you have taken that basket of
    clothes, which is blocking the stairs, up when you just went up
    there??"
    
    To which I generally reply that I never saw it, or noticed it, which is
    true, I get something on my mind and other things around me go totally
    unnoticed.
    
    So, she sometimes gets this lump of clay started forming and off it
    collapses into something else.
    
    I heard somewhere thatthe things that a woman, after ten years or so,
    hates the most about her spouse are the things that she thought were
    the cutest about him in the early days.   True, I don't know, but it
    seems to have some merit.
    
    JaKe
    
    

    Horse-poop!
    
    Ya gotta treat her like a lady.
    
    Lee

Jake, you're note highlighted the CLASSIC differences between women
and men.

If you watch "Northern Exposure", Maurice will say that "a man is ruled
by two things -- the penis, and the stomach.  Women are ruled by the
right half of their brain".


You get some additional information from "Home Improvement".  A guy wants
things straight up, no hints, just tell me, while a woman is far more
subtle.....

It's kind of interesting when you come right down to it...


'Saw

    
    >>Horse-poop!
    
    >>Ya gotta treat her like a lady.
    
    Make up your mind, Lee!!
    
    (8^)*
    
    JaKe
    

    See Karen and Cathy.... If Jake the Make can find some one to marry
    him then there is bound to be some one for youse two....!!!!
    
    REK
    
    Hell, I even found two!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
    
    :-}

    
    The best women do like nice guys.  If they don't, they ain't worth it.
    
    They especially like "nice guys finish last" applied in the bedroom.
    
    And marriage is like a lot of learning experiences.  Sometimes you have
    to keep trying till you get it right.
    
    I remain, borrowing from Kev, 
    
               A nice guy
    

JaKe,

I'll be headen ta da Steel City tanight. (unfortunatly too late ta catch
da Buccos again dem der Expos.) U'm gwen daantaan ta see da Bucs Friday,doe.  
Is dair a good sports-type beer hall near da Tree Rivers ta stop at after 
da game an maybe swill a few Arns?  It's been a while since I been dair.

I'll be stayin at sy sisters on da Norseside.


Bill

    
    >>The best women do like nice guys.  If they don't, they ain't worth it.
    
    That's why they get married seven or eight times.  Cause they tired of
    "Mr. Perfect" and wantsome lumpy clay to FORM!!!!
    
    
    >>They especially like "nice guys finish last" applied in the bedroom.
    
    Don't only apply to "nice guys".  
    
    JaKe
    

    I think the CLARK BAR & GRILL, right near 3 rivers has gone "Sports
    Bar", but I cain't be sure.  Ain't done the sports bar thang in Pgh. in
    some years.
    
    Sorry
    
    JaKe
    

    
>>I don't know if he's done that, but I heard he participated in a
>>dithyram with 49 other naked men, dancing to the arhythmic beat of
>>a drum.....
    
    If for any reason I was in a room with 49 naked men, I'd be the one
    holding a 12 gauge double barreled shotgun to ward off any moron with
    the wrong tendencies.
    
    JaKe
    

    
    RE: .553  FDCV06::KING
    
    > If Jake the Make can find some one to marry him.....
    
    > Hell, I even found two!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    
    Well, there's no accounting for taste, Rick.
    
    Ta-Boom!
    
    Cath

    At least some *have* taste Cat...... What's your excuse?!?!? :-}
    
    REK
    
    

    When tipping, is there a message projected when a dollar bill is left
    face up, rather than face down, for the person receiving the tip?
    
    Also, should the bill be left flat, folded in half, or some other
    configuration, and is there any significance to any of the above?
    
    -Walt
    

    Tipping is an art, when done properly.  The way the dollar bill is
    folded cain send a statement, or just burn the image of the tipper into
    the brain of the tippee.
    
    Broke
    
    JaKe
    

    >Broke
    >
    >JaKe
    
    Took the collar?
    

    
    >  or just burn the image of the tipper into the brain of the tippee.
    
    JaKe,
    
    Sometimes I have wanted to do that. How exactly does one fold the bill
    to accomplish this??
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    Unique-ness is the key here, fold it into odd shapes, or "familiar"
    shapes, for the tippee.
    
    Make them remember it, and where it came from.
    
    JaKe
    

>    Unique-ness is the key here, fold it into odd shapes, or "familiar"
>    shapes, for the tippee.
>    
>    Make them remember it, and where it came from.

If anyone is interested, I'm quite good at this skill.  I'll be
glad to assist in teaching anyone how to make the bill look and act
real in almost every sense of the word.....


Make it dance, boys, make it dance.....


'Saw
    

    
    
           Or you could lay it face up in the palm of your hand then
    Squeeze real tight and place it neatly in your gravy....:-)

Folding your tip? 

	"Fold like the Donks in the Superbowl"
	"Fold your tipee into a tepee"

This could, perhaps, be the best advice I've received by this "column".

TTom

    	Walt, glad to see that you were able to put your eyes back in
    your head and drive home.
    
    				/Don

    My eyes must have looked bigger because I was straining to see the
    Tigers game... nice shot Cecil put up in the upper deck on...

    re: folding the bill
    
    Yo 'Sawmain if the opportunity presents itself we'll let you showoff
    that talent Wednesday night. Maybe there is something we can all learn
    from you :-)
    
    The Crazy Met
    

>    Yo 'Sawmain if the opportunity presents itself we'll let you showoff
>    that talent Wednesday night. Maybe there is something we can all learn
>    from you :-)
    
I'm a man of many talents, and that is but one small talent in my
repertoire.

But, it is definitely a skill which I FIRMLY believe must be passed on
and handed down to any and all generations.


Oh, is the Lawrence Welk show gonna be in there again??????


'Saw    

I have a burning question that needs to be axed:


	On Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom, how come Jim let Marlin
	Perkins tell him what to do all the time.

	I mean, if I were Jim, I would have snuck up behind that scrawny
	Marlin with a boa constrictor, and nexted thing you know,
	Jim would've been hosting, and we'd have had some excellent
	footage of Marlin trying to wrassle with a snake?


	This is really making me wonder!


'Saw

    
    'cause Marlin Perkins is daid and cain't do the rasslin with gators no
    more.
    
    Brews

    Yo SAwmain, dat remines of uvva Show I seen on the discovery channel.
    There was this jaguar stalking a little bambi. Well, just as the jag
    sprung into action a massive anaconda nailed him and wrapped him up and
    ate him. that damn anaconda came from no where!

    Couldn't figure out if to put this here or in the Junk note. But given
    the discussion of a few days ago in this note it almost fits.
    
    Saw this commercial for Maalox last night that had me rolling.
    
    Woman sits down and tells a guy (who is eating some real greasy
    spaghetti and sauce) "we need to talk". He keeps slurping as she
    goes on "I've been dating someone else". He of course keeps eating. She
    continues "I've been seeing your brother". He looks up takes the
    Maalox, gives it to her and says "here you need this more than me, I
    know my brother." 
    
    BRAVO!
    
    The Crazy Met
    

that is good one...

    JaKe,
    
    Regarding the P-name:
    
    Do ya get to rip your thumbs off yer hand too?
    
    dtw,
    Kev
    

    re.578
    
    Kev, I do the best to keep EVERYTHING attached whilst practicing "Rodeo
    Sex"!!!!
    
    JaKe