| From: harrison@cs.ubc.ca (James Harrison)
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
Subject: Re: Wanted: - Norm! quotes
Date: 25 May 1993 21:49:46 -0700
Message-ID: <1tustaINNoc8@shiner.cs.ubc.ca>
The Normisms file, Version 1.3.
Maintained by rjc@math.princeton.edu (Raymond Chen). Please
do not distributed modified versions of this file. This header
may not be deleted.
In chronological order:
The Coach's Daughter:
Norm: Gentlemen, start your taps.
Any Friend of Diane's:
Coach: How's life treating you, Norm?
Norm: Like it caught me in bed with his wife.
Friends, Romans, and Accountants:
Coach: How's life, Norm?
Norm: Not for the squeamish, Coach.
Truce or Consequences:
Coach: How's it going, Norm?
Norm: Daddy's rich and Momma's good lookin'.
Coach Returns to Action:
Sam: What's up, Norm?
Norm: My nipples. It's freezing out there.
Endless Slumper:
Coach: What's the story, Norm?
Norm: Thirsty guy walks into a bar. You finish it.
The Spy Who Came in for a Cold One:
Sam: What's new, Norm?
Norm: Most of my wife.
Now Pitching, Sam Malone
Coach: Beer, Norm?
Norm: Naah, I'd probably just drink it.
Let Me Count the Ways:
Coach: What's doing, Norm?
Norm: Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst. I happen to be the
guinea pig.
No Help Wanted:
Coach: Can I draw you a beer, Norm?
Norm: No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.
Coach: How about a beer, Norm?
Norm: Hey I'm high on life, Coach. Of course, beer is my life.
Fortune and Men's Weights:
Coach: How's a beer sound, Norm?
Norm: I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.
Coach: What's up, Norm?
Norm: Corners of my mouth, Coach.
Snow Job:
Coach: What's shaking, Norm?
Norm: All four cheeks and a couple of chins, Coach.
Coach: Beer, Normie?
Norm: Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week.
Eh, why not, I'm still young.
Norman's Conquest:
[Norm comes in with an attractive woman.]
Coach: Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?
Norm: With a lot of expensive surgery, maybe.
I'll Be Seeing You (Part 2):
Coach: What's up, Normie?
Norm: The temperature under my collar, Coach.
Diane Meets Mom:
Coach: What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?
Norm: Going down?
[Norm returns from the hospital.]
Coach: What's up, Norm?
Norm: Everything that's supposed to be.
Peterson Crusoe:
[Norm comes in, depressed. He just stands by the door with a sullen face.]
Norm: [mutters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm? (Norman?)
The Heart is a Lonely Snipehunter:
Sam: What's new, Normie?
Norm: Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach.
They're demanding beer.
King of the Hill:
Coach: What'll it be, Normie?
Norm: Just the usual, Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.
The Mail Goes to Jail:
Coach: What would you say to a beer, Normie?
Norm: Daddy wuvs you.
Behind Every Great Man:
Sam: What'd you like, Normie?
Norm: A reason to live. Gimme another beer.
Norm: Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Cliff: Afternoon, everybody.
All: [silence]
The Executive's Executioner:
Sam: What will you have, Norm?
Norm: Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever
comes out of that tap.
Sam: Oh, looks like beer, Norm.
Norm: Call me Mister Lucky.
Birth, Death, Love and Rice:
Sam: What do you say, Norm?
Norm: Any cheap, tawdry thing that'll get me a beer.
Woody Goes Belly Up:
Sam: What do you say to a beer, Normie?
Norm: Hiya, sailor. New in town?
Diane's Nightmare:
Norm: [coming in from the rain] Evening, everybody.
All: Norm! (Norman.)
Sam: Still pouring, Norm?
Norm: That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.
I'll Gladly Pay You Tuesday:
Sam: What's the good word, Norm?
Norm: Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.
Sam: Oh no, not the Hungry Heifer...
Norm: Yeah, yeah, yeah...
Sam: One heartburn cocktail coming up.
Love Thy Neighbor:
Sam: Whaddya say, Norm?
Norm: Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink. And down it goes.
>From Beer to Eternity:
[Norm goes into the bar at Vic's Bowl-A-Rama]
Off-screen crowd: Norm!
Sam: How the hell do they know him here?
Cliff: He's got a life, you know.
The Bar Stoolie:
Woody: What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Boxer shorts and loose shoes. But I'll settle for a beer.
The Triangle:
Woody: What can I do for you, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Elope with my wife.
[Norm is angry.]
Woody: What can I get you, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Clifford Clavin's head.
Take My Shirt... Please?
Woody: How's life, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Oh, I'm waiting for the movie.
The Peterson Principle:
Sam: Hey, what's happening, Norm?
Norm: Well, it's a dog-eat-dog world, Sammy,
and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear.
Diane Chambers Day:
Sam: How's life in the fast lane, Normie?
Norm: Beats me, I can't find the on-ramp.
Strange Bedfellows, Part 1:
Woody: What's happening, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: The question is, Woody, why is it happening to me?
Strange Bedfellows, Part 2:
Woody: What's going down, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: My cheeks on this barstool.
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, can I pour you a beer?
Norm: Well, okay, Woody, but be sure to stop me at one. ...
Eh, make that one-thirty.
Strange Bedfellows, Part 3:
Woody: How are you feeling today, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Poor.
Woody: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Norm: No, I meant `pour'.
The Proposal:
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's the story?
Norm: Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy gets another beer.
Tan 'n Wash:
Paul: Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?
Norm: Like a baby treats a diaper.
Norm: Hey, everybody.
All: [silence; everybody is mad at Norm for being rich]
Norm: [carries on both sides of the conversation himself]
Norm! (Norman.)
How are you feeling today, Norm?
Rich and thirsty. Pour me a beer.
Knights of the Scimitar:
Woody: What's the latest, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Zha-Zha marries a millionaire, Peterson drinks a beer.
Film at eleven.
Chambers vs. Malone:
Woody: How are you today, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Never been better, Woody. ... Just once I'd like to be better.
Norm's Last Hurrah:
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what do you say to a cold one?
Norm: See you later, Vera, I'll be at Cheers.
Sam: Well, look at you. You look like the cat that swallowed the canary.
Norm: And I need a beer to wash him down.
Home is the Sailor: [the bar is completely different, since Sam went
sailing around the world and sold the bar]
Norm: Afternoon, everybody.
Woody: Norm! [nobody else in the bar says anything]
Norm: That was it, Woody. Last chance. I'm out of here.
Norm: [comes in, pretending to be Joe Average customer,
as part of operation Wayne Down the Dwain]
This looks like a nice, friendly tavern. What the heck,
I think I'll give it a chance.
Little Carla, Happy at Last, Part 2:
Woody: Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass.
Paint Your Office:
Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Let's talk about what's going <in> Mr. Peterson. A beer, Woody.
A Kiss is Still a Kiss:
Sam: How's life treating you?
Norm: It's not, Sammy, but that doesn't mean you can't.
Let Sleeping Drakes Lie:
Woody: Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: A little early, isn't it Woody?
Woody: For a beer?
Norm: No, for stupid questions.
Airport V:
Woody: What's the story, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery.
Let's just cut to the happy ending.
One Happy Chappy in a Snappy Serape, Part 2:
Pepe: [something in Spanish]
Bar Wars II: The Woodman Strikes Back:
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you.
Norm: I know, and if she calls, I'm not here.
Don't Paint Your Chickens:
Sam: Beer, Norm?
Norm: Have I gotten that predictable? Good.
Call Me, Irresponsible:
Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: A flashing sign in my gut that says, ``Insert beer here.''
The Two Faces of Norm:
[Norm tries to prove that he is not Anton Kreitzer.]
Norm: Afternoon, everybody!
All: Anton!
Two Girls for Every Boyd:
Sam: What can I get you, Norm?
Norm: [scratching his beard] Got any flea powder?
Ah, just kidding. Gimme a beer; I think I'll just drown the little
suckers.
Feeble Attraction:
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?
Norm: Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?
Bar Wars III: The Return of Tecumseh:
Sam: What are you up to Norm?
Norm: My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall.
Loverboyd:
Woody: Nice cold beer coming up, Mr. Peterson.
Norm: You mean, `Nice cold beer going <down> Mr. Peterson.'
Sam: What do you know there, Norm?
Norm: How to sit. How to drink. Want to quiz me?
Sam: Hey, how's life treating you there, Norm?
Norm: Beats me. ... Then it kicks me and leaves me for dead.
Woody: How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Pretty nervous if I was in the room.
Breaking In Is Hard to Do:
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's up?
Norm: The warranty on my liver.
[Norm returns from another trip to plug the parking meter]
Sam: What'll you have this time, Norm?
Norm: A cow if I have to climb those stairs one more time.
[The Cranes are concerned that Frederick has yet to say his first word.]
Norm: Afternoon, everybody.
Frederick: Norm!
Lilith: He said Mommy!
Bad Neighbor Sam:
[The bar clientele has turned yuppie.]
Bradley: Ciao, gang!
All: Bradley!
Veggie-Boyd:
Sam: What can I do for you, Norm?
Norm: Open up those beer taps and, oh, take the day off, Sam.
It's a Wonderful Wife:
Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Another layer for the winter, Wood.
The Norm Who Came to Dinner:
Sam: [answers the phone] Cheers! ... [to gang] Hey guys, it's Norm.
[holds up the receiver]
All: Norm!
Sam: [to phone] Hey, what's shakin' man? [chuckles]
[to gang] Where does he come up with these things?
Where Have All the Floorboards Gone:
Sam: What's going on, Normie?
Norm: My birthday, Sammy. Give me a beer, stick a candle in it, and I'll
blow out my liver.
Head Over Hill:
Woody: Hey, Mr. P. How goes the search for Mr. Clavin?
Norm: Not as well as the search for Mr. Donut.
Found him every couple of blocks.
---
Not yet categorized:
"How about a beer, Norm?"
"That's that amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good things about it!"
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