Conference 7.286::digital

4667.0. "I've been reincarnated as the Duke of Wellington" by ODIXIE::PFLANZ () Sat Jun 15 1996 11:57

    A friend of mine recently sent me the following reference to a message
    sent by the Duke of Wellington, in 1812.  The intent was to cheer me up
    as I feel like the Duke in 1996.
    
    Message from the Duke of Wellington to the British Foreign Office in
    London (written in Central spain, August 1812
    
    "Gentlemen:
    
    Whilst marching from Portugal to a position which commands the approach
    to Madrid and the French forces, my officers have been diligently
    complying with your requests which have been sent by HM Ship from
    London to Lisbon and thence by dispatch rider to our headquarters.
    
    We have enumerated our saddles, bridles, tents and tent poles, and all
    manner of sundry items for which His majesty's Government holds me
    accountable. I have dispatched reports on the character, wit and spleen
    of every officer. Each item and every farthing has been accounted for
    with two regrettable exceptions for whihc I beg your indulgence.
    
    Unfortunately the sum of one shilling and ninepence remains unaccounted
    for in one infantry battalion's petty cash and there has been a hideous
    confusion as to the number of jars of raspberry jam issued to one
    cavalry regiment during a sandstorm in western Spain. This
    reprehensible carelessness may be related to the pressure of
    circumstance, since we are at war with France, a fact which may come as
    a bit of a surprise to you gentlemen in Whitehall.
    
    YThis brings me to my present purpose, which is to request elucidation
    of my instructions from His majesty's Government, so that I may better
    understand why I am dragging an army over these barren plains.  I
    construe that perforce it must be one of two alternative duties as
    given below.  I shall persue either one with the best of my ability but
    I can not do both:
    
    1. To train an army of uniformed British clerks in Spain for the
    benefit of the accountants and copy-boys in London, or, perchance
    
    2. to see to it that the forces of Napolean are driven out of Spain.
    
    Your most obedient servant,
    
    Wellington"

    http://altavista.digital.com/cgi-bin/query?pg=q&what=web&fmt=&q=%22
    number+of+jars+of+raspberry+jam%22
    
    :-)
    

    http://altavista.digital.com/cgi-bin/query?pg=q&what=web&fmt=&q=%22
    daniel+kalikow%22