Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    
    I'm confused...  You say you are an NCP, but the resto of your note
    seems to indicate that you have custody. Which is it?
    
    What I did:
    My ex kept trying to have th doctors send me the the bills for 
    defeciencies in Medical/dental costs.  I'd send them a copy of the
    divorce papers with the part highlighted about medical expenses.
    Along with a note that I'd pay my part but they would have to 
    collect her part from her (along with her current address because she
    also move a lot to avoid bills), and any further attempt to collect
    from me would be met with discussions with my attorney.  That was
    when she had custody.  Now that I have custody, it's been like getting
    blood from a turnip to get her to pay anything.
    
    fred();

        re .0

	Now, above and beyond the refusal to repay for these bills,  the ex has
 	documented she knows exactly how much my two income household generates
 	per year.  Or as I was informed, "You can afford to pay for all of 
        this".  Now how does my ex know so much about my personal income.

    The only way she could know is 1) someone told her.  2) She has somehow
    (illegally) gotten hold of your personnel records, or she has somehow
    (illegally) gotten hod of your tax returns.  I think she is bluffing.

    fred();

Sorry, typing was never one of my strong points.  I am the Custodial Parent and
not the NCP.

Ken 
[Posted by WWW Notes gateway]

	I assume you had a typo in the basenote and are a CP
(custodial) rather than the NCP (non custodial).

	My grandmother used to have a saying "You can't get
blood out of a turnip".   Your note suggests that your ex is
barely getting by.   If this is true, perhaps the best choice is
for us to acknowledge its not fair and and if the male was
the NCP, he wouldn't be allowed to not pay support.  (Mass
guidelines as described in NCP 280.1 state that the minimum a
NCP must pay is NOT LESS THAN $50/month, so it sounds
like the original order VIOLATES the guidelines).   And then
you may need to accept that the cost of getting money from her
exceeds the amount you could get from her.   If she is living
in poverty, going back to court and asking for support may well
be seen as mean spirited, and won't go very far.

	If, and only if, your ex has significant income which
can be verified (by lifestyle if nothing else), I would think you
could go back to court and ask for a change in support.   Support
is the one part of a divorce which can always be reopened when there
is a change in circumstance.

	You wondered how she knew what your income was.   Why
do you care ??   One way she could find out is to fill out a social
security information request and sign your name and give her return
address, and presto she gets it.  Based on your position we
could make a guess ... and maybe even be correct.    If you
go back to court, you will both have to file financial statements
and then she will know.   But what's the big deal anyway.  (Yeah
it's a violation of your privacy, but try to focus on the important
things.)

	My advice: If you believe her income is well above the poverty
level, and her income is at least 1/3 of yours, get a lawyer and
demand support and back payments of medical expenses.

    
    A lot has changed in the last eight years (you indicated that time
    since your divorce).  I agree with .4.  If she has any significant
    income, it should be easy enough to go back to court and get the
    support orders re-worked according to the "guidelines".  Should
    also be easy enough to get her wages (if she has any) garniseed for 
    support if she won't pay.

    fred();

    If the ncp doesn't have a 'pot to p**s in' or even if they do but 
    work under the table, forget it.  I've tried everything, even a 
    private investigator to prove he's working, it's just a waste of 
    time and money.  Mass DOR won't do anything unless it's easy, a steady
    8-5 job, and even then it takes them so long (over a year).  Once it's
    being pulled from the NCP's pay, they just change jobs, and you have to 
    start over.  What the DOR tells you they will do (or are doing) and 
    what they are doing are too different things, they will out and out lie 
    to you, even if you tell them you know they are lying.  I finally put 
    in a complaint, and got them to do something, but after many years, 
    I know it won't matter.  Save your sanity.
    
    Be happy you got the kids, let them see the dead-beat, even if you
    grit your teeth (I know I do!).  They'll see things clearer when they
    get older, mine are now working part time and it does happen.
    I can't imagine you making out any better then me because your NCP is 
    a woman and mine is a man, I'm sure they'll just laugh about it. 
    
    Sharon