Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

405.0. "MY 10YR CHILD CUSTODY BATTLE" by QUOKKA::34136::AVERY_BR (brett Avery) Thu Sep 05 1996 17:54

Well All, It's over (at least for the time being) after 10 years of
fighting for custody.

Awhile back I "noted" that I was going to court for custody.

Well let me say this- Men bend over - .... let me give a little history...

(this is somewhat long, I tried to make short, but in my attempt to give you 
a CLEAR picture of the INJUSTICE done to my kids, it was necessary)
 
Married 9/84... twins born 3/85... seperated 8/85... kids left at my job 8/85.
she leaves state (without kids) (Ca.) 9/85....she returns 12/85.... I return 
kids 12/85 (old thinking that I'd never win custody) ...she leaves state, with
kids 1/86 ... I send checks/money from 1/86 to 5/86... 6/86 I go to Ct. get 
kids and keep until 9/86...(again old thinking) Custody fight begins 11/86.
have kids EVERY weekend from 1/87 to 4/87... had kids every other weekend from
5/87  until court makes 50/50 (kids spend one year living with me then one 
with her, 1 w/me, 1 w/her..etc) ruling to begin in july 5/88....(spent 1 year
trying to get divorce final (she didn't want to sign paperwork) and going to
mediation to "TRY" to agree on custody.

I have kids my year from 7/88 to 7/89... SHE DOES NOT WANT THEM HER YEAR..
I have kids HER year frm 7/89 to 7/90
I have kids my year from 7/90 to 7/91 .. goto to court 1/91 for full custody,
 7/91 "proposed ruling states a couple of different court cases
where custody had not changed for whatever reason. we had 10 days to respond.
or proposed order became court order..responded on last day.  9/91 got paperwork
which states that She gets 80% custody, I get 20% custody.. FIRE LAWYER..
4/92 while reveiwing my file, I notice my objection NEVER got put into my file.
4/92 I ask Judges clerk how I get my objection into my file. she says I have to
refile it. I say the letter that my kids wrote, which specificly (sp) ask that
it NOT be put in the file is in the file, and I KNOW she did not "file". I leave
a copy with the clerk, ask her to give to judge.

Meantime kids keep asking me to go back to court, they want it to be like it 
use to be.. they live with me and visit mom on the weekends.

finally go back to court, get a 1/96 court date. ( I spent years thinking I was
the cause of their unhappiness , in that I felt as long as they KNEW I was
fighting for custody they were never going to "learn" to be happy.) 

I move to GA. because a judge told me "You moving to GA is not going to be
a problem." I stated that if it was I would not move because my kids are 
more important. Court/case continued until 6/96 so that I can finally get
an evaluation after 10 years of trying. 

6/96 I go back to court.. case continued until 8/96 because I have not
met w/"shrink" .. I tell Judge. I've called numerous times, left the guy
not 1 but 4 different numbers to get in touch w/me. "shrink" tells me that
he called but got a wrong number.. I knew he was lying, because area code
770/404 numbers still had the referrals on them because of a recent split.
(meaning if you dial a 404 number and it was now in the 770 number, it 
would tell you, you need to dial 770 and vice versa)

6/96 and 8/96 kids state they are afraid of mom, intimidated by mom.
shrink says mom is very controlling, still in love, has a lot of hate.
18yr old tells shrink that kids should not have to live like she has for
the last 4 years.. in fear, paying for rides to/from school,store, friends
house.. etc. All kids tell shrink its not fair that dad pays for everything.
its not fair that mom talks bad about dad. ALL tell shrink that they do not 
want to live with mom, but they also don't want to leave CA. Shrink says its
not healthy to live in fear/intimidation..she lies to shrink about length of
marriage and my reason for fighting for custody.

go before a judge.. shrink makes a recommendation that kids stay with mom,
because of friends..

Judge rules kids stay with her..

MY BIGGEST MISTAKE.. When I started the fight for custody, never once did
I say anything bad about her..In none of my declarations did I ever say
anything bad. In all of hers' I never took care of my kids, never gave her
money etc.... I have proof for all of mine... old money orders, old letters
thanking me for the money. A letter saying shes sorry for dropping the kids
off at my job and leaving the state... etc.. 

And now years later whenever I've tried to submit documentation that shows
I've ALWAYS been apart of my kids lives, I've had trouble getting submitted,
either because the judge has said "it does not matter now" or "its old and
I won't read it." to its to late.


thanks,

brett

    Thats just gotta be the Massachusetts courts system?  You've been
    hosed, and the worst of it, is that your insecure actions relevant 
    to custody of your kids, repeatedly handing them over to the mother, 
    actually helped her and them hose you:-(   You were fighting a useless
    battle unless you took custody up front, filed for temporary custody 
    and divorce got temporary custody, and then made her fight you to get
    them back......that may or may not have helped you.  This all sounds
    so darn familiar:-(  You must be sick from all this.  Probably the best
    thing to do at this point is wait for the kids to all move in with you,
    and then get the support stopped.  Depending upon age of kids, this can
    take awhile, but it does work over time.  In the meanwhile, you need a 
    life, this has been going on for too long, you must be really
    depressed:-(  I guess what it amounts to, is that if anything is worth
    fighting for, it's worth fighting dirty for, you were one of the good
    guys, but now you know what you are up against:-(
    
    Good Luck
    B 
    
    

    
    If nothing else, you've achieved one big victory---the _kids_ know
    what you tried to do and what happened.  It will pay off in the end.
    fred();

No I am/was in California.. And I don't think my actions were any part
of me being "insecure". 

Now from what I remember, 10 years ago kids went to the mother no matter 
what... If I had "tried" to keep them , she calls the police, they either
take me to jail and/or make me give her the kids...

believe me it almost happened in 1991 when the "proposed order" came along
and I still had the kids, her weekend, I race back from Las Vegas for her
weekend, she has them over the weekend. I go to pick them up on Sunday. She
says no, because of the "proposed order", I call cops, cops says there is 
nothing he can do because it's a domestic battle.. I show him the court
order and the proposed order which states it is just a proposed order 
and I have 10 days to respond.. I also show him my response with the court
stamp..Still nothing he can do...Kids stay with mom.

2 days later, she becomes a smarta*%, saying I can take them to spend quality
time, (after 7yrs she wants to invoke a little know clause) I take them, shes
late to pick them up.. she curses me out for not bringing them home, hangs up
on me.. I ask kids if they want to go. they say no... 

she shows up .. I tell her they are not going. she calls police, police show
up and threaten to take me to jail, even though I have same court papers as
before...Only reason I did not go to jail was because my kids cried and told
the police that if they had to go with mom, they'd rather go to a shelter.
    
so what a man to do..

    re:405.0
    
    	You sure got the old one/two. Your story is so typical in the
    United States today. Been there - done that, and won't do it again 
    that's D*mn for sure!
    
    Energizer Fathers, they keep paying...
    
    		....and paying
    			....and paying
    				....and paying
    					....and paying
    						....and paying
    							....and paying	
    
                        
    	Bill     |%*0)--/--------''