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Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

Title:Welcome to the Non-Custodial Parents Conference
Notice:Please read 1.* before writing anything
Moderator:MIASYS::HETRICK
Created:Sun Feb 25 1990
Last Modified:Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:420
Total number of notes:4370

27.0. "Now I have been barred from calling" by CSC32::K_JACKSON (Better living through alchemy!) Mon Mar 19 1990 13:08


  This weekend I was barred from talking with my daughter, because my
ex feels that I am complicating matters and that my daughter is not responding
to treatment due to my calls.

I contacted one of the hospital administrator's and began to give them a
few "choice" words and a threat of a lawsuit if I wasn't allowed to talk
with either my daughter or her doctor.  I have left messages several times
for the doctor during the past 2 weeks and he has yet to return my calls.

Well guess what, he called about 4 hours later and told me that if my ex
doesn't want me to talk with my daughter, then they have to abide by her
wishes, EVEN if it would be in the best interest for the child.  

We discussed my daughters case a little, but I also made him aware of several
situations which my ex did not inform him about or that he did not know.
One being is that he had thought I had known about my daughter being in
there the whole time.  When I told him that I found out only two weeks ago
he started thinking about the entire situation and asked if I can join
them for some family sessions.  I told him to let me know and I will be
there, so I may be gone from here for about a week.  We are in the process
of getting this matter straightnend out but, I still can't talk to my
daughter.

Feeling frustrated, upset, confused, etc., I went back downstairs and 
listened to a favorite song of mine called "Daddy's Little Girl".  It has 
brought tears to many, and bitterness to some.  It helped me get it out of my
system so I thought I would share it with you.  The words follow but if
you would like to hear it, feel free to contact me offline and we can
set something up.  I have a copy of it here and at home.  If you want
more info regarding the song, I can send it to you.  Believe it or
not, none of the radio stations around here will play it because IT'S
TOO SAD!!  Even the country and western station wouldn't play it.


Kenn the "old sentimental fool"
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27.1Daddy's Little GirlCSC32::K_JACKSONBetter living through alchemy!Mon Mar 19 1990 13:0964

	     Daddy's Little Girl
	     sung by Bobby Hales


  This song is for my litte girl,
  I love you most in all the world,
  Your Momma took you away from me,
  And now your face I want to see

  For two years now I thought of you,
  Your memories of me may be few,
  But I just wanted you to know,
  Your still 'Daddy's little girl'


  Chorus

  I fear my daddy days' are gone
  When I would hold you in my arms
  Your little hand would pat my face
  And I would smile with your embrace

  And even though you couldn't talk
  And barely had learned how to walk
  You spoke to me just the same
  When your eyes said "I Love You..."



  My lonely days are getting grim
  My paycheck is forever slim
  But I can either pay support
  Or take your momma back to court

  But I would rather you be well
  Than leave you were you couldn't tell
  That I just wanted you to know 
  Your still "Daddy's little girl..."

  Chorus

  I fear my daddy days' are gone
  When I would hold you in my arms
  Your little hand would pat my face
  And I would smile with your embrace

  And even though you couldn't talk
  And barely had learned how to walk
  You spoke to me just the same
  When your eyes said "I Love You..."



  My nights are long and my days are blue
  But your memory still sees me through
  Your picture hangs upon the wall
  And you mittens I keep in the hall

  My love for you will always be
  Forever etched in stone you'll see
  For on my grave these words will read
  Your still "Daddy's little girl..."
27.2Sheeeeeesh!POCUS::NORDELLMon Mar 19 1990 14:1417
    Sheeesh Kenn - what a tearjerker!  And I'm having a bad day already!
    
    Is there any way for the Dr. to tell your daughter why you are not
    being allowed to talk to her?  She should at least know that it
    is not from lack of interest on your part but because her mother
    has prevented it.  Can she still receive letters?  If she can't
    receive mail from you, I am offering to write on your behalf.  I
    wouldn't want to sabbotage her therapy but what kind of therapy
    prevents a caring parent from expressing concern directly to the
    patient.
    
    What can we do to help?  Would cards from all of us in the conference
    help or hurt.  If you ex thought you were telling "the world" she
    might retaliate more, but if she wouldn't find out let go for it.
    
    Sue
    
27.3Call from SabrinaCSC32::K_JACKSONBetter living through alchemy!Mon Mar 19 1990 14:4537
  Well, I just got a collect call from my daughter and she said that she
  found out last night that she was on phone restriction.  Apparently,
  someone pulled a couple of strings and now I can call her IF I have the
  code.  However, in order to get the code, I have to contact my ex which
  already has refused.  

  I've got a call into one of her doctors now and hopefully she will be
  calling me very soon or else I'm going to say the hell with it and 
  head out for Chicago this evening.  I feel so helpless at this point.

  Before I go though, I want to have appointments set otherwise it would
  be a waste of my time.  I had a very good discussion with a read only
  individual who wishes to remain annonymous who also experienced the
  same problem.  The conversation was very uplifting and deeply appreciated.

  I appreciate all of thoughts with cards but my ex could cause a stink
  about it.  I feel that I can get everything accomplished if I attack
  the problem with reason.  I have already started the doctors thinking
  about my ex's stability.  As the read only individual pointed out, I
  can probably get her out but not until she starts "dumping" all of her
  problems that she has had/is having with her mother.  Then I will suggest
  that part of the "discharge plan" include Sabrina being allowed to 
  move out here with us.

  Sabrina has already told the doctor's that there is no love from her
  mother, only dominance.  She is ready she says to get on with her life
  with someone who cares for her and will listen.  I warned her that I 
  don't want to be used as a pawn and that she *REALLY* needs to open
  up with the doctors.  She says that she is trying but her mother keeps
  beating into her mind, she is not going to come here and live therefore
  she rebels.

  I will obviously keep you posted as to the further progress of today's
  ordeal.


27.4Get the facts straightCSC32::HADDOCKAll Irk and No PayMon Mar 19 1990 15:0110
    In regards to your daughter's wanting to live with you, have her 
    get the *facts* from soneone she can trust.
    
    Maybe you should suggest that the daughter contact a lawyer and find
    out just what her rights really are,  or maybe get a lawyer to 
    write her a letter stating just what her rights really are.  As I've
    stated before--THIS IS A CHILDREN'S RIGHTS ISSUE as well as a 
    non_custodial right's issue.  
    
    fred();
27.5general updateCSC32::K_JACKSONBetter living through alchemy!Tue Mar 20 1990 14:4768
   Since things have calmed down here at work for the time being, I 
   thought I would provide everyone with a general update.

   Last night, me being the persistant one that I am, I called the
   hostpital again to try and talk with my daughter.  When I was
   transferred to my daughter's floor, I was asked for the "code".
   I said that I was I was her father.  The guy shocked me with,
   "Good evening Mr. Jackson, hold on and I will get your daughter."

   SHOCK CITY!!!

   Sabrina answered the phone and she too was surprise that I got
   through without a code!!

   I don't know who did what, but I'm definitely grateful.  Sabrina
   sound in great spirits and she said that she had a real good
   session with her counselor.  She opened up to the counselor and
   really let her mind dump.  She explained the reasons for wanting
   to live with me now and why she never mentioned it to her mother
   for fear of retribution.

   She said that at my house there is alot of love and that she 
   can be open with us.  She also mentioned that she misses having
   a father figure like other kids/adolescents and that I have 
   changed quite abit and am more fun to be around.  She said that
   we have alot of friends and that I am involved with the Jaycees
   which help underpriviledged and handicapped children.  

   (Before our divorce took place, I was just starting my career
    so I didn't really get to do things with the children like I
    should have or wanted to.)

   She also said that she wants to be part of her other sisters' life
   and be able to watch her grow because she cares so much for her.
   (The other sister being Lisa who is my daughter from my current
   marriage).  She then went into the fact that she has not had a 
   change in over 12 years and she feels that she wants to get to
   see another part of the U.S.  She knows that we take mini-vacations
   to the mountains and she wants to be part of them.

   She wouldn't bring it up to her mother because she sees that as
   long as her mother has control over her, she will still continue
   to get the child support.  She has stated that she feels that
   is the only reason her mother "keeps" her and Jennifer around.  

   She said that her mother also seems to be jealous on my new life
   here in Colorado.  She said that Linda is constantly saying that
   I have a home (they live in a trailer), couple of cars, boat, etc.
   Sabrina tried to tell her that I have the boat and second car
   because my father left it to me in his will.  She said that Linda
   thinks I'm quite successful since I remarried and am leading a
   happy life.

   Another thing Sabrina said that bothers her and that is when they
   are visiting, her mother grills them about what we do, how much
   I spend on them, what kind of friends I have, etc.  Sabrina feels
   that she is being used to spy on me.  When they are here, I
   don't even bring their mother up or ask questions because it's
   none of my business what she does with her life and that's another
   issue that Sabrina said that bothers her mother.  Sabrina even
   hinted that she thinks, that Linda thinks I will come back to her
   someday.

   Oh well, at least I'm seeing some light at the end of the tunnel
   and so is Sabrina.  Just a matter of time.....

   Will let you know the rest of yesterday's event's later today.