Conference quark::mennotes-v1

    
    This is what I feel about any mixed relations....there is far tooo much
    racialism in this world..I hope that the poem makes it clear as to what
    and why I think the things I do !
    
    
                                -< "Colours" >-

    
    The People fight before they talk
    The people see colours        
    The people see barriers, that arn't really there
    The imagination controls      
                                  
    People say they hate, without really knowing
    Because of the Race, because of their skin
    People don't have faith anymore
    They act with revenge that they've never known
    They act as if it were a sin  
                                  
    If only everyone was blind    
    If only the sounds of their voices the same
    Would be different if colours were not seen
    
    
    I think so!
    
                                  
                                  Tracie Baker.
    
    
    
    
    

>    	              Have we adjusted to this situation

    I don't know about "we" but I've adjusted to this situation. One
    of the things that I think delays making this adjustment is making
    a big deal about it. The best thing one can do is to not even notice
    at a conscious level that a couple is bi racial. It's not an important
    difference so it should become unremarkable. Unremarkable in the sense
    that noone feels the need to remark on it. As long as people do remark
    on it it highlights the difference and causes people to consider that
    it is a difference worth considering when it really shouldn't be.

    			Alfred

    My wife and I are white. Her first husband was black, and they had
    three daughters during their twelve years of marriage. We are raising
    the girls; their father has failed to pay about $50,000 in child
    support during the last seven years; he has them visit about three
    weeks per year. Now the girls are 12, 12, and 15, and my wife and I
    will end up splitting the roughly $100,000 we'll spend on their college
    education during the few years... despite the divorce decree which
    makes their father responsible. I resent this man for his failure to
    contribute financially, particularly since the girls are good loyal
    daughters who remain faithful to Daddy. I haven't received a hug since
    he put in an injunction with the girls, a few weeks after we married
    six years ago. To a significant extent, my resentment carries over to
    black males in general; they ARE generally less responsible with child
    support than none-too-responsible white absentee fathers (this according
    to the then-head of the Mass. agency attempting to enforce child
    support, himself a black male). The girls' father has his share of
    problems, however, including a personality which renders him largely
    unemployable. I've come to accept him and his behavior as a fact of
    life.
    
    Another aspect of this is raising black (sort of) daughters in a white
    culture. Mom and I are pretty conventionally white, and their father
    has few black cultural attributes (whatever those are). I've spent some
    time in the BLACKNOTES conference, attempting to understand what this
    black-in-white-context upbringing implies, but didn't learn very much
    that I thought useful. The punchline is similar to th stance of the
    earlier replies to this note: my wife and I are ignoring race. We live
    in a liberal community (Brookline, MA) where the girls encounter little
    racism; each of the apartments in our three-decker (which we own) is
    integrated, as is the single-family next door, as is the neighborhood
    generally. The girls' friends are almost uniformly white, but only
    because that's who is in their classes at school. A few years ago the
    twins proudly announced to me that they were going to host the very
    first INTEGRATED birthday party. I was taken aback, since ALL their
    birthday parties have been racially integrated. They went on to explain
    that they were the first to invite BOYS (they knew I'd appreciate their
    non-sexist approach :).
    
    At this point, race isn't much of an issue. I predict that it will
    become much more so, as the girls begin dating (the fifteen-year-old is
    on the verge, but has to shed a few dozen pounds and rewrite her
    personality first -- it's amazing what you can inherit :(  ).
    
    FWIW - Hoyt
    

    
    re:.3
    
    What do you mean sort of black?  Are they or not?  Birth wise the do
    have black in them you or no one else can change that.  No matter what
    way you raise them they will always be mixed children.
    Black men are not less responsible.  There are bad apples in all race
    one is not better then the other.  There is a way to get him to pay for
    the girls.  Even though he does not pay support he is there father and
    the girls love him don't try to disencourge them.  They will in time
    decide what they have in there father.  If you embark this it may hurt
    you in the long run and you don't want to do that. Just give them all
    the love you can.
    
    V. Marie

It took me many many years to realize that there were people in the world who
had a problem with my relationship with Janice because we "weren't the same
race." It was mindboggling when I finally realized they were SERIOUS. I still
don't get it.

Someday the basenote's question will be completely meaningless and
incomprehensible. I live for that day.

	-- Charles

    re:0
    
    Have we adjusted to this situation? Depends on the "we" I suppose....
    I recently noticed that there are more images of mixed couples in the
    media, which may gradually change the overall public perception that
    it is O.K. There is now a sitcom on FOX, that shows a white woman
    married to a black man, with their kids from prior marriages brought
    together in one family. Music videos, in particular, and for better or
    for worse, probably have greater impact than any t.v. on the young,
    and they are showing many multi-racial and multi-cultural situations.
    
    I see more black and white teenage kids hanging out together; I think
    this is a good sign.
    
    My personal experience is that I, white man, dated a black woman for
    a year, and never caught any flak for it, except for the occasional
    curious look. I live in Los Angeles, which is such a broad melting
    pot, and major immigration center, that one can see every possible
    combination, and probably a few that haven't been thought of yet %^).
    
    So, I think things are getting better, overall. People are people,
    after all.
    
    -roger
    
    

    	My sister has had a similar experience to that described earlier,
    or maybe worse, and she and her ex-husband are both white and both
    English.
    
    	From what I have seen a different cultural background is *much*
    more important than a different race, but then there is often a
    correlation between race and cultural background.
    
    	If your partner believes that parental approval should be taken to
    the extent of arranged marriages or is completely irrelevant, if your 
    partner believes that by reason of sex or caste they are your 
    (superior/equal/inferior), if your partner believes in completely 
    different moral values, if your partner believes your children should 
    be brought up in religion X, attitude to (and trust with) money  - these 
    are much more important than race.