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Conference quark::mennotes-v1

Title:Topics Pertaining to Men
Notice:Archived V1 - Current file is QUARK::MENNOTES
Moderator:QUARK::LIONEL
Created:Fri Nov 07 1986
Last Modified:Tue Jan 26 1993
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:867
Total number of notes:32923

220.0. "Love Crystals (Users Forum)" by HYDRA::LYMAN (Village Idiot) Tue Mar 29 1988 16:07

	Has anybody out there had any luck with one those love crystals
	yet?  I got one for Valentines day (bought it myself), but still
	haven't scored.  I guess they may just require a little practice
	to get used to them, because I've read some pretty good stuff about
	them while waiting in line at the supermarket.

	I figure this would be a good note for everybody to share their
	experiences and helpful hints that they've picked up along the way.
	Who knows, if we pool our resources,  maybe we can all get lucky!

	I had a rather bad experience with my Crystal recently and was tempted
	to throw it away, but after thinking about it for a while I figure
	it was all my fault.

	The first time I tried it, I put the Crystal in my pocket and went
	in town to a bar I like to hang out at.  When ever I saw a hot
	looking babe I'd work my way over to where she was and kind of
	sneak up behind her.  I figured I'd get about 5 feet away from her
	so she could get a good dose of my vibes but not so close that
	she'd figure out what was happening.  Once I was in a good position
	I'd stare at the back of her head for a few seconds then close
	my eyes and concentrate on an image  of her and I making it on
	a beach in Maui.  At the same time I'd stick my hand in my
	pocket and slowly rub the crystal whilest make a low humming noise,
	kind of like we used to do in Yoga class.

	Well to make a long story short, it didn't work.  As a matter of
	fact it had almost the reverse effect of what I had expected.  Not
	only did they not come over and start fawning all over me,  but
	most them took one look at me and walked away in disgust.  Even
	chicks I had done pretty well with in the past started avoiding me.
	It was real depressing.

	Finally I got so fed up I decided to leave.  As I was going out the
	door one of the bouncers asked me what my problem was.  So I told
	him about my crystal and how it didn't look like I was gonna "get any"
	tonight.   Then he said, "OH so THATs what you were rubbing.  Yeh
	we've been getting complaints all night from women saying that some
	pervert was following them around the dance floor playing with
	himself!"

	Well, needless to say I won't be going back to that place anytime soon!

	But the point is, I guess that I just wasn't using the proper approach.
	Maybe it still works,  but I gotta follow the directions and take the
	time to set things up right.

	Anyway I've decided to start bringing it in to work and practice during
	my breaks and stuff just to get the hang of it.  Then when I feel
	more comfortable with it I'll go into Copley Plaza and turn on some
	hot looking rich chicks.

	So just in case any of you women out there in the northern Mass or
	southern New Hampshire area start noticing yourselves feeling a little
	tingly,  getting a little excited,  maybe even a little horny, don't
	be alarmed.  It's only me, practicing!


	Jake
T.RTitleUserPersonal
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220.1exPARITY::DDAVISSend in the clownsTue Mar 29 1988 16:391
    Aha, that explains why I've been feeling this way!  (tee hee)
220.2Have You Tried Pepto Bismol??FDCV03::ROSSTue Mar 29 1988 17:095
    RE: .1
    
    Are you sure it isn't just gas? :-)
    
      Alan
220.3 TRY A DIFFERENT THOUGHT..MCIS2::MORANTue Mar 29 1988 17:5414
    
    Dear LC user,
    
    Let's take a serious look at this. I personally have never heard
    of love crystals.  But if you want to try it it's up to you.
    Speaking from a womens point of view, if I saw you at the bar I
    would have thought the same thing as the women there did.  Go back
    and read your entry and picture what they saw when they looked at
    you.  
    Everyone has there "good luck" piece, and if you think the crystal
    would be one for you then by all means use it.  But if you are
    expecting it to perform some kind of magic I feel you may be
    disappointed.  The only real magic comes naturally, give yourself
    some credit, have a little confidence.  I'm sure you can do it.
220.4PARITY::DDAVISSend in the clownsTue Mar 29 1988 18:136
    re:  2
    
    Yup, I am VERY sure...#:)
    
    -Dotti.
    
220.5Love Crystals????EXIT26::SAARINENTue Mar 29 1988 18:298
    RE: 220       
    
    Love Crystals???? 
    
    Do they *come* with Love Condoms as well?
    
    "The 80's... What A Time To Be Alive"
    -Arthur
220.6QUARK::LIONELWe all live in a yellow subroutineTue Mar 29 1988 18:344
    I was wondering if this note was three days too early...  Love
    Crystals?  Really?  Do you have to recharge them under a lucite 
    pyramid?
    					Steve
220.8PHhhhfffftttttt.....AXEL::FOLEYRebel without a ClueTue Mar 29 1988 20:538
       RE: .7
       
       	You don't know Jake.......
       
       	BTW, I was beginning to feel a little tingly.. It WAS gas! (But
       just to be on the safe side Jake, don't walk up behind me..)
       
       							mike
220.9let us know when..RANCHO::HOLTWed Mar 30 1988 05:187
    
    Jake, you are a character!
    
    Are these the same as the "harmonic convergence"
    crystals that people hang fron their car mirrors?
    
    It sounds to me like an old Hakowi trick..
220.10(lacking imagination for titles tonight..FSLENG::HEFFERNWed Mar 30 1988 05:2218
    Ok, I'm going to take this one slowly...
    
    First, what in the hell are you talking about?  I guess I'm out
    of touch having never heard of a Love Crystal. Let alone rubbing
    and humming to try to pick up "hot looking babes" (I gagged over
    that one...).
    
    Has it gotten that tough out there picking up "chicks"?  Maybe an
    attitude adjustment would help.
    
    I must admit, I did get a good laugh out of this note if nothing
    else.  I did imagine my reaction to some guy rubbing at his pocket
    and doing whatever else it was you described yourself as doing at
    that time.  No doubt would have chalked you off as just another
    weirdo.
    
                                           cj
    
220.11Saturday Night FeverPNEUMA::WILSONWe're Only Making Plans for NigelWed Mar 30 1988 11:548
    RE: .0
    
    What's next? Will leisure suits make a comeback? What about loud
    nylon tricot shirts? Medallions? Disco duck? Platform shoes? 
    
    Love crystals prove that the seventies are not dead yet.
    
    WW
220.12SEDJAR::THIBAULTLife's a glitchWed Mar 30 1988 15:0610
220.13At Least You'll Be Turned On :-)FDCV03::ROSSWed Mar 30 1988 15:277
    Hey Jake, if the Love Crystals don't work, you can always try
    the old 'Spanish Fly' treatment.
    
    For best effect, though, I think you should put in *your* drink,
    rather than the woman's. :-)
    
      Alan
220.14Tingle Indeed!HYDRA::LYMANVillage IdiotThu Mar 31 1988 00:2916
    Well first of all its not those sparkley glass things that people
    hang off their car mirrors.  Its supposed to be some kind of a gem
    type stone but it just looks like a smooth rock to me.  I bought
    it at a book store and it came with a little pamphlet that I threw
    out accidentally.  That's how come the problems I guess.  Also don't
    confuse these with those so called "Banzii Love Beads".  I sent
    away for those one time but after I read the instructions on where
    you're supposed to wear them, I asked for my money back.
    
    You guys can scoff all you want but I'm already starting to get
    some positive results.  On my way home tonight I was followed all
    the way down route 3 by a good looking blonde in a porshe.  She
    missed my exit but that's understandable on account of all the traffic.
    Tomorrow I'll make sure to put my blinker on earlier.
    
    Jake
220.15PSYCHE::WILSONWe're Only Making Plans for NigelThu Mar 31 1988 14:3812
    This could be a movie! Better than the stuff coming out of Hollywood.
    
    A few years ago, on cable TV, there was a movie about a blond guy
    (a newspaper reporter), whose assignment was to make love to women
    from every sign of the zodiac. Interesting...not too graphic. I
    never _did_ find out how that turned out, nor did I get the name
    of the movie. 
    
    This topic somehow brings that movie to mind...
    
    
    WW 
220.16IPOVAX::BARBERSkyking Tactical ServicesThu Mar 31 1988 15:1812
    
    Jake ...me lad.....you threw out the directions ?????
    
     Gad !!!!   didn't you remember the frist unwritten rule of
     new gagetiry...... ???? 
    
    
     When all else fails .....Read the directions ...
    
       Ih well another time in another day
    
                                        Bob B
220.17Is this a joke ?BETA::EARLYBob_the_hikerThu Mar 31 1988 16:4220
    re: .0
    
    Love Crystals ????
    
    You've got to be kidding !!! How much did they cost ?? Is Barnum
    stil right !!! You'd have better luck with PTL ..
    
    My sister used to tell me .. wish into one hand and spit in the
    other and see which one fills up the faster.
    
    Actaully, some women are funny. If you think about sex and horny
    stuff, they get turned off (5th sense or something). But if you
    try a philosphic discussion on the nocturnal habitue of the june
    moth (actually comes out in March) ... and retire  to a dark place
    to see these little critters .... works wonders .... most women
    "love" to be admired for their brains and ability to carry on an
    intelligent conversation .. they go wild .. sort like a feeding
    frenszy ... except there not exacly feeding ... if you can read
    between the lines .. eh ?
    RWE
220.188*)MCIS2::MORANThu Mar 31 1988 20:481
    The only crystals i want to see are the expensive diamond one's!!
220.19 <Hell with the horse,my kingdom for a crystal>NEXUS::KOCHEVARSun Apr 03 1988 15:388
    
    
    Sorry, Jake... but,
    	Sounds like a definite case of East Coast radioactivity complicated
    to the point of severe "dame bramage".  Sure cure, as I've always
    heard, has been to "stop rubbin' them jewels and use them tools".
    		:^)  ............    Bill...........  :^)
    
220.20HOTJOB::GROUNDSSuicide is painlessSun Apr 03 1988 22:325
    RE: .17
    I think our boy Jake hadn't heard of the great P.T. Barnum.  In
    case you're perplexed, Jake, Mr. Barnum has gone down in history
    for one of the great quotes : "There's a sucker born every minute."
    Keep trying, Jake!
220.21P.T.Barnum the rest of the story...NEXUS::MCCLOSKEYGort,klaatu veradas nictoSun Apr 03 1988 23:265
    The rest is "and two to take him....."
    
    
    
                            Kevin
220.22FRAGLE::CZIRIAMon Apr 04 1988 11:234
    To: "The Village Idiot"
    
    Thank you....I needed a good chuckle.  Now back to a frustrating
    project with a positive attitude...Heather
220.23PIGGY::MCCALLIONWed Apr 06 1988 23:448
    TO: All
    
    This has got to be the funniest piece I read in months.  I laughed
    so hard I'm in tears.  Thank goodness the only person near me is
    a 2 year old.
    
    Thanks.... 
    marie
220.24laughter, the best medicine32883::LOKIETZThe same story the crow told me...Fri Apr 08 1988 17:497
    Re: 23
    
    Ditto for me.  I'm not even sure whether or not I should believe
    it.  You know, I've got an uncle who writes for Hollywood.  Can
    he buy the movie rights? [:^)]
    
    Steve
220.25RANCHO::HOLTUdobreha KataSun Apr 10 1988 03:434
    
    
    My 7 year old gave me one for my birthday. He says its
    just a pretty rock. 
220.26THIS SOXGRANMA::MWANNEMACHERTue Apr 12 1988 17:228
    JAKE,
    
    IF ALL ELSE FAILS, TRY THE OLD SOCK DOWN THE SHORTS TRICK.  THIS
    IS SURE TO IMPRESS.
    
    DRAWBACK: DISAPPOINTMENT WHEN THE CURTAIN COME UP!
    
    ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
220.27RANCHO::HOLTUdobreha KataTue Apr 12 1988 19:152
    
    Oh boy. Another Catalano...
220.28JUST FUNNINGRANMA::MWANNEMACHERTue Apr 12 1988 20:421
    Oh well.............................................
220.29Who's in the lead roleSALEM::HANLONTue Apr 26 1988 16:482
    This would make an excellent Woody Allen flick.....
    I can see it now........
220.30wow!TELALL::LAAKSun May 29 1988 09:2014
 Is this the biggest joke I've heard since back when people
    were resorting to Pet Rocks for friendships.  I mean 
    are we so lost in our own individual/idealistic 
    realities that we can't see true reality.  Meeting 
    and establishing genuine relationships are
    realized through things other than the ability
    to rub a rock and hum a tune.  
    
    I'll bet the guy who invented this thing is living
    the lapp of luxury with every sucker's money who 
    bought one.  Since he doesn't have to work any more
    he probably has time to meet woman in a more
    ligitimate way.  How ironic if you think about it.
    Ha!!!