Conference quark::mennotes-v1

    UM, lets not and tell everyone that we did.....
    Your notes seem to be bordering on the adolesent side....
    
    

    Sorry about that Victor.....Get yer monkey back in.

    dear sir/madam,
                 do you not think it is time you lightened up as the note
    Mr Mitchell has set up is no more childish than some of the others 
    people have started .so please please please try to see the lighter 
    side of life.
    
    
                          thank you,
    
                                   Peter
    

    Ref .1
       What's wrong with you ???  Don't you want to know how to pick
     up a chic for yourself, or how others do it ???
     Of course, you being such a Victor, wouldn't appreciate the light 
     hearted side of the matter.
    
    Eldee.

    Well first off, my name isnt Victor, and I would appreciate you
    addressing me appropriately, by my given name, Al.
    
    Secondly, Women are not CHICS, they are humans.  
    
    and thirdly, immature concepts (or topics such as this) serves nothing
    but as a trophy room.  I.E., "look at the stupid line I used the other
    night to pick up this honey, what an air head!"  or "man, she was so
    easy, I used this line and got her in the sack"..... well, I for one
    am not about to sit here and listen to a couple of children rant and
    rave (probably ficticiously at that) about their exploits.....
    
    You want to brag, toot, holler, and lie yer fannys off about WOMEN, YES
    WOMEN, go for it, but let me tell you that there are a few women out
    there (yep, they read this conference) that are going to chew you up
    and spit you out with attitudes such as that..... be forwarned..
    
    Oh, and in case you had forgotten, or maybe you had already used up
    your quota of brain cells, WOMEN are a protected minority.... that
    means, that comments such as yours are bordering discriminatory and
    should probably be deleted, Victor.
    
    Al A MALE
    
    I 

    men playing boysh roles... or worse, behaving like little boys!
    When is the TIME to grow up?
    

As moderator:

	There seems to be a trend in which people feel free in 
	pressuring people to shut up or to take it elsewhere.  Please
	stop this, and, instead, use NEXT UNSEEN.

	Again, it is the moderator's job to determine what is 
	appropriate or inappropriate for this conference.  Please let
	us do our jobs.

	My only warning about this topic is that you should consider 
	phone lines a "business."  Don't mention them by name if you 
	have anything negative to say about them (legal implications).
	Also, as usual, let's avoid sexually-explicit conversation.

	Other than that, go for it.

As a participant:

	I have met some nice men and some creeps on the phone lines 
	(and people inbetween).  I would like to stop using the lines, 
	since my phone bill has been taking a beating for the past few
	years.

	I also think that the phone lines are preying on people during 
	a very scary time in our history.  Folks are feeling very 
	lonely, disconnected, and scared of AIDS (and other diseases).
	It's safer to "talk" than it is to do something about it.  
	It's emotionally safer to rely soley on phone-line casual sex, than 
	it is to invest time and emotional energy in getting to know 
	people.

	Did anyone see the movie "Avalon"?  (God, I loved that movie!) 
	The phone lines are the "next step" in the alientation path 
	depicted in that movie by all the TV watching.  Let's stop
	interacting and turn to machines.

	It's depressing.  Since I take part in it, I'm certainly not 
	above it.  But the lack of human interaction and deep 
	connection really concerns me.  I'm very concerned for this
	culture and this country.


							--Gerry

Gerry,

I believe that "chat-up line" is what we in the US would call a "pick-up
line", such as the classic "What is a nice XXX like you doing in a place
like this?".

I had thought we had an earlier topic on the subject, but I can't find it.
I don't see a problem with such a note as long as people avoid being
offensive, and the moderators reserve the right to decide what is offensive
and what isn't (though we're certainly willing to listen to opinions by
mail.)

				Steve

    I had a discussion with a friend this weekend about the futility and
    emptiness of chat-up/pick-up lines.  A canned line is an indication
    that the person with the smooth line is, in some way, insecure about
    his/herself.  "Who I am isn't (blank) enough, so I'll use this line to
    appear really (blank)."  Who hasn't felt that way.  We came with a sol-
    ution that might work.  I can't tell you for sure, I've never tried this
    but at the next opportunity, I'm going to give it a shot.
    
    a) You see an amazingly attractive woman/man sitting across the bar.
    b) Your palms sweat; your mouth goes dry with anticipation of the
       right-thing-to-say.
    c) x number of minutes go by and you wind up doing/saying nothing
       (speaking from experience here).
    d) Rather than fill the void with bull****, as you prepare to leave,
       simply walk up to the person ans say, "I've been watching you for the
       past x minutes, trying to drum up the courage to tell you how truly
       attractive you are.  I'm glad I finally did."
    e) (Here's the important part): THEN LEAVE.  Expect nothing, ask for
       nothing, don't wait to be reciprocated; simply express the truth as
       you feel it as a gift to the person, not in anticipation of a reward.
    
    Odds are nothing more will happen than an increased amount of courage
    on your part.  However, if I were on the revceiving end of such state-
    ment, honestly delivered, I'd chase that person into the parking lot.
    
    You never know ...
    
    LArry

I met my wife during the last month of ninth grade....

We got married 5 years later..

I wouldn't know a pick up line (or should I say how to deliver a pickup
line) if my life depended on it..

Not too mention my wife would murder me :?)

>I believe that "chat-up line" is what we in the US would call a "pick-up
>line", such as the classic "What is a nice XXX like you doing in a place
>like this?".

Oh...<insert-Emily-Lattella-mode>...nevermind.


					--GerFace  :-0

    Dear Mr Martin,
                 i hope the moderator's note will put you back under the
    stone from which you crawled.Not all chat up lines/pick up lines are
    used to get a member of the opposite sex in to bed!!!They can be used
    by a naturally shy person to break the ice with someone who he/she
    feels attracted to.Not everybody wants to jump into bed without
    knowing something about the person first.
    
                  thank you for your attention,
                                               Peter.

    Dear Mr Moon (how appropriate),
    
    I am not from which a stone was turned dear boy.  Tis you.
    Anyone can take a possible meaning to a topic that SOMEONE else thought
    up.  In other words, others here have given you an ideal escape.....
    
    And if your entry was indeed authentic, for which I doubt it very much,
    it still came across as immature.
    
    

    Can we stop this petty bickering now and get back to the subject of the
    note........My advice to you Mr Martin is not to bother reading these
    notes if they are too immature for you. Take heed of the moderator and
    butt out.
    
    Graeme
    

    Excuse me, but no moderator, that I am aware of, asked Al to "butt
    out".  This moderator would, however, really appreciate it if folks
    would stop the personal attacks.
    
    Al does have a valid point in that one should avoid entries that
    are vulgar or insulting.
    
    				Steve

    At last somebody has got the drift of this topic.Please can we hear
    some Mike.
                   
    
    		thanks,
    		      Peter.

         Well, I'm not mike but I've got a sure fire line for you guys.  It
    works wonders.  The response has been overwhelming!
    
         "Hi, My name is Scott...and you are?"         ;-)'s
    
    
         ....but i am serious.  I'm very straight forward.
    
                                                           Capt. Scott

    Not true ... Scott's best line is ...
    
    
    	"Really, I'm with the band !"
    
    ... which is true ...
    
    Jerry (ya gotta love rock and roll bands !)

    Typical dialogue @ a Regulators Gig:
    ------------------------------------
    
    Me: "Hi, My is name is Scott...I'm with the band," he said with a smile.
    
    Girl:  "Oh really?  You must be the Roadie", she said sarcastically.
    
    Me:  "No, no...I'm the one that gave them their start...shot their first
         video...taught them to sing and play," (Etc. and any other
         plausible show-biz line!) he said with his fingers crossed!
         ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-)'s
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
    
    Capt. Scott
              (who_finds_it_hard_to_hold_a_camera_steady_whilst_intoxicated_)
              

    Bill Wyman swears by the following on his second meeting with an
    attractive lady -
    
    "I had the most amazing dream about you, but I can't tell you about it
    as it was very very naughty."

        Well come on now Scary. . .what ones do YOU use ? :^)
        
        Why use lines  ?   i.e.:
        
        I went out Friday night with  a  bunch  of  friends.    Had a
        pretty good time too, but when there were  only  three  of us
        left towards the end of the night, I  noticed  a  guy walking
        around selling roses to people who wished to buy  them  for a
        sweetheart, etc.  Being that I was kinda' down in  the dumps,
        I  decided  to  buy  two  roses for two ladies that had  been
        catching my eye all  night (Something about tiny/petite women
        and we're talking 5' tall)  and  had the guy deliver them for
        me.  (Yes, anonymously!  :^))  I  had  to  smile as I watched
        them looking around trying to figure out  who  gave  them the
        roses.  Finally I decided to go  up  and tell `em that I just
        couldn't resist.   They  were very appreciative too, although
        their friends that they  were  with did seem to get a descent
        laugh out of it all.    I  talked with them for maybe five or
        ten  minutes,  and  then  went  back  to my table,  expecting
        nothing from them and leaving shortly after that.  Don't know
        if  I'll  even  see them again, but I met two very  nice  and
        polite young ladies.  (young = younger than me :^))
        
        It made my night to make some one  else's, but  what makes it
        even  better,  is that they appreciated it.  (Some do take it
        the wrong way.)
        
        Matt 

    I don't use any lines - don't think Mrs. Scary is *that* good of a
    sport ... even though one brave lass waited until my wife left the club
    and wrote her name and number on a condom pack and slipped it in my
    shirt pocket.  Kinda subtle, wouldn't you say ?  But I do enjoy watching 
    the *game* progress during the course of an evening when my band is 
    playing in a club.
    
    The guys buy ladies drinks ...
    
    They dance, most men can't dance, almost all women *can* ...
    
    The guys get lit and brave (and obnoxious) ...
    
    The girls get tired (of being pawwed) and leave ...
    
    The guys then get drunk, and keep yelling, "PARTY !!! YEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!"
    
    What an ideal way to impress women !    8^)
    
    
    Such a soap opera !   8^)  Glad I'm not out there playing !
    
    Jerry (aka ... "Scary")

    A few that have worked for me (I don't know if getting a man's
    attention is different from getting a woman's, but it takes a lot of
    pluck for me to say *any* of this....nerves, you know)....
    
    "Read any good books lately?"
    
    "Care for a shoulder rub?"
    
    "Are you going to drink, or are you going to dance?"
    
    "Hi."
    
    
    still chicken after all these years
    
    -Jody
    

    RE: .15
    
    I dont recall a d telling me to "butt out"....
    Furthermore, I said that thier comments came across as immature...
    
    RE: .16
    
    "Protected Group" is an authentic term dear person.  I prefer it to
    "minority".  "Minority, in my book, is not correct.  Tally up all of
    the persons with "minority status" and you have a "majority" NOT a
    "minority".
    
    and just because you dont happen to find the comments offensive,
    doesn't mean that they are not.  I considered then to be
    inappropriate...I was wrong.  Two mods have made statement that they
    are OK as long as they stat within the guidelines.
    
    So......
    
    Melissa (my wife now) was having a really bad day at work (Bradlees)
    I (also working there) saw this, was also attracted to her, but felt
    bad asked her if she needed someone to talk to.  "Maybe we can go for
    coffee and talk?  I am a good listener.....whaday say?"  
    
    We spent the whole night in Denny's talking....
    
    and the rest is his(or her)story.....
    

|    They dance, most men can't dance, almost all women *can* ...
        
        Well, in  some cases that's true, but there are exceptions to
        that rule.   When  I  went  out  Friday,  we  were  all  at a
        50's/60's club.  (Sh-Na-Na's) I have a very hard time dancing
        to that style music, although  regular  dance  music (Top 40)
        really isn't a problem, nor is R&R or Heavy METAL.   (Yeah, I
        was headbanging to `Highway To Hell', the only REAL rock song
        they played all  night  Friday  night !  Didn't quite fit the
        scene in  downtown  Burlington,  VT !  :^)) Picture trying to
        dance to `At the Hop', the only way you know how.  It doesn't
        fit does it ?
        
        So. . .sometimes yes, sometimes no.
        
        Matt_who_has_tired_of_the_singles_game_! 

    I must have taken the initiative to introduce myself to a stranger
    about twice in my life, NOT successfully. I did NOT spend my youth
    entirely alone, however, BECAUSE I LOVE TO DANCE. My high school was
    unusual, apparently, in that it was the predominant fashion to dance
    without a partner. We just danced. I've carried this tradition forward,
    dancing in some corner where I can get a good look at the band. VERY
    commonly, women would come up and ask if I cared to dance. If I felt
    like meeting someone, I'd say "Sure!" Otherwise, I'd smile, say "I *am*
    dancing," and turn to watch the band some more.
    
    I always thought that it was a good basis for selection. By approaching
    me in that circumstance, she showed (1) she could take initiative, and
    (2) she appreciated good dancing :).
    
    - Hoyt

        Regarding the Wyman/dream line; a variation on that used to be;
        
        "I dreamed about you last night, and gawd, you were _good_!"
        
        Another possibility;
        
        He "I'm thinking of making slow passionate love with you again."
        
        She "But we've _never_ made love"
        
        He "I know, but I've thought about it before!"
        
        

        RE: .31
        
        BINGO !  You hit it right on the head, Mike.

    It's never worked, but it is a great line:
    
    "If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"
    
    
    -roger
    

    That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my bed...
    
    Do you want to see something swell?
    
    What do you like for breakfast?
    
    Is that a tic-tac in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
    
    Irish : Have you got a little Irish in you?
    She:  Uh...no....
    Irish: Well, do you want some?
    
    Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about
    the first thing that pops up?
    
    Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us
    
    At the office copy machine:
      Reproducing eh?  Can I help?
    
    Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
    
    I think we must make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!
    
    I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty
    good.
    
    She (to passing man):  Excuse me, do you have the time?
    He: Do you have the energy?
    
    Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak
    heart.
    
    Bond. James Bond.
    
    Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her
    clothes.
    
    Excuse me, do you live around here often?
    
    Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a
    cab
    home together?
    
    You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the book...
    So what's one more??
    
    At the dinner table, (if you eat together) pickup the bread and say,
            "Wanna roll?"
    
    I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I've got more of something else.
    
    Ever tried those wierd prickly condoms?"  (sure to get responses)
    
    Hey!  Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?'
    
    I would die happy if I saw you naked just once.
    
    I am writing a new algorithm, and I need some test data.  What are your
    measurements?
    
    I have some hard code I want to try your compiler on.
    
    Sometimes it can be helpful to start with a compliment.  eg.  after
    "accidently" bumping her boobs, noticing a loose button, etc. say
            "If they weren't sooo large it wouldn't have happened"
    
    I love every bone in your body - especially mine
    
    Say, Didn't we go to different high schools at the same time?
    
    Excuse me, is it true that you're a sexual tyrannosaurus?
    
    Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
    
    Excuse me... do you have change for a $100 bill?
    
    ----------
    
    I had a friend give a card that read on the front:
    
            1       2       3       4
                    Pick a number
    
    and then on the back of the card it read:
    
                    Sex maniacs always pick 3
    
    you wouldn't believe how meny women pick 3. It was a great!

    RE.27
    
        Glad to see you have mellowed out a bit Al,nice to here you have
        your own line in chat-ups.
    
    
    PETER.

    I mellowed none Peter.  Read your entries, then reread your P_name.... 
    Ill bet that you jes might come to the same conclusions yerself...
    
    Peace..

|	Matt, babes are one subject where we usually agree.
        
        Hee hee  hee.  .  .yeah, you're right.  So when we gonna' hit
        the clubs in RI ? :^)
        
        Matt

    
    "I feel absolutely nothing when beautiful girls kiss me. I guess
    I'm just doomed to be an absolute failure in the passion stakes".
    
    
    
    	Well it worked for Tony Curtis in "Some like it Hot".
    
    		Johnny A.
    	

    
    RE .10
    
    I had someone say something like that to me....once.
    It didn't feel at all like a chat-up line.
    I still treasure the memory, and that person is now a much-valued
    friend.....
    (and you know who you are! :-)
    
    I agree that you should just say, simply and honestly, how you feel.
    Decide *honestly* what you feel first.
    If you think the person is beautiful and you'd like to get to know
    them better, then say so.
    If your introspection reveals the fact that what you honestly feel
    is that you want to get into their pants for that one night and you 
    don't care to pause for a conversation en route maybe a little
    attitude-adjustment is in order.....
    And it may also explain why some of the truly gag-inducing lines
    mentioned in this string don't work - you'd need to have that kind
    of attitude to deliver them.
    
    'gail
    
    

    RE: 34
    
    Thanks for the laugh!  They reminded me of some of the lines my brother
    and his friends used to talk about (but probably never actually use). 
    Two others I can remember were:
    
    "Don't I wish I'd met you somewhere before?"
    
    "Wanna dance"  (said somewhere like on a street corner, at the water
                    bubbler, grocery store, anywhere other than at a club)
    
    
    I guess I've always responded positively to a silly line if it was
    obviously in jest (flirt flirt) and not a real come-on ("hey babe, you
    wanna get lucky?") that feels threatening.  And, of course, it has to
    be delivered by someone *reasonably* attractive.
    
    I knew a guy who always had lots of women friends and/or lovers.  He
    wasn't all that good looking, short, balding.  But he had a great
    smile, was very friendly and non-threatening to women (not pushy,
    seemed like he just liked women and wanted to get to know you and was
    fun to be with).  He used to walk up to women on the beach or at a
    table or something and say "mind if I join you?"  He got lots of
    positive responses, and when he got rejections, he just moved on and
    found someone else to talk to.  I was always amazed.
    
    Well, it's tough for people to meet each other, especially strangers. 
    "Chat-up" lines are silly sometimes, but at least they can break the
    ice.
    
    Leslee
          
    
    
    
    

    one for the ladies..
    
    man:  may I have your telephone number
    
    lady: sure you can read it off of the phone in the morning !
    
    Tracie.

This might sound stupid, but I try to talk about something that is 
going on in the moment.  For example, the two intros that I was most 
proud of (because the men were ultra hot, and I really, really wanted 
to meet them, and I had been having no luck with eye contact), were as 
follows:

	o  After seeing him look at another guys butt, pointing at the 
	   butt, "I'm surprised he doesn't crush those cigarettes when
	   he sits down."

	o  Watching him watch someone fool around at the pool table 
	   after a game had been played, "What happened to the eight
	   ball?"

Nothing exciting. Nothing intelligent.  Nothing funny.  Nothing 
charming.  But both those lines led to 2 of the best conversations 
I've had with men I was chasing (one led to an exchange of numbers).

Another thing that I find works very well is to answer the usual 
intro. question, "How ya doing?" very, very honestly.  Like, "I'm 
really up lately, because I started a new job that I like."  Or, "I 
was in a bit of a foul mood, so I decided to go out to shake myself 
out of the duldrums."  I've noticed that the other person really perks 
up and responds when you offer a little more than "doing fine" or a 
little less packaged than "where have you been all my life?"


							--Ger

    re .38 clubbing with mike
    
    not for a while, dear, unless you'd like SOme company... :)

        Okay, the only one I used in the past was. . .
        
        `Hi, lets skip the introductions and go get married !' :^)
        
        Matt

 "So, have you been waiting long?"

    i can't say that i have ever used lines in bars, but i have
    used them for flirting over e-mail.  one thing that i thought
    was funny was that i didn't 'get' the line about "If I said 
    you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?" for
    a long long time....then i laughed quite a bit, and started
    using it.  and it made other people laugh as well.
    
    depending on the delivery of the line, it can be a great ice breaker.
    it can spark some silly conversations when other threads seem
    to be falling apart.
    
    as for using a line to pick people up.....i can't think of a faster
    way to turn a woman off.  i have seen guys try to pick up friends
    of mine with lines, and i suddenly become a 'boyfriend' or a date
    in order to help fend off the wolves.
    
    

"care to fool around?" Said half seriously has worked quite well for me.

-j

    Get your bbags out for the girls..........
    
    
    Kat.

    "I like my bacon crispy in the morning"
    
    
    
    Steve

      You don't sweat much for a fat lass !!!
    
    
     Sid (the SEXist)

    When a girl comes up and asks you if you've got a match???
    
    Reply to her....Not since Errol Flynn died.
    
    Sid the sexist.

As moderator:

	The asterisks don't help.  Please stop using profanity.   
	Otherwise, the note will be deleted.

	Thank you.

						--Gerry

    Saw this on the old WKRP In Cincinatti TV show. The only, well maybe
    not the only reason I have wanted to win Megabucks or any lottery was
    so I could sit next to a woman in a bar and say "Hi. I'm incredibly
    wealthy." I know it might not work, but I saw Les Nessman, a caricature
    of the stereotypical nerd use it on Jennifer Marlowe, who was the
    caricature of what might appear to be the "dumb blonde" and was really
    the most efficient and perfect person on the face of the planet and was
    probably capable to angelic proportions. Also a stereotype. This is in
    case someone doesn't know the show of the characters. Anyway, I liked
    the line.
    
    Phil

    >.57  Not since Errol Flynn
    
    
    The man will never be matched or improved upon.
    
    
                                   L.J.
    
    
    

    A girl in a bar offers you a cigarette and says "Do you smoke"
    You reply "I only smoke after sex , And at the moment Im on 20 a day"
    
    
    
                                                     Anon. 

              <<< Note 537.61 by MASALA::SWRIGHT "Chi Mi,n Tir" >>>
                          -< Asheesh sheeesh sheeesh >-

>    A girl in a bar offers you a cigarette and says "Do you smoke"
>    You reply "I only smoke after sex , And at the moment Im on 20 a day"
 

Black Adder

    This happened just a couple of days ago..
    
    I'm standing in line at the photo counter waiting for service
    and there is a lady in front of me wearing a jumpsuit under
    a leather motorcycle jacket.  kind of a odd combo.  
    well, I was being nosy and when she opened her checkbook to 
    pay for something I noticed just one name on the check.
    Good sign.  I also caught her first name.  When her transaction
    was over she walked away to the stand that had the christmas cards
    and such.  I said "Debbie, would you care for to have a cup of coffee
    with me"?  She said yes, and we sat and talked for about 20 mins or
    so.  It was very enjoyable.  The one thing I said to her as we parted
    after I gave her my biz card "which I though was tacky" was.
    
    "You look like you have a great attitude towards life and that is 
     why I asked you for to have coffee with me....."
    
    She hasn't called, probably never will, but it was nice just the same.
    

    You want a real killer ? A 100% perfect chat-up line ? Guaranteed to
    get response and even a smile ?!!!
    
    Try :
    
    
    "You're ugly...
    
    ...but you intrigue me!"
    
    
    If it doesn't raise a smile, it'll probably raise a knee to your groin!
    
    
    
    				Jamie.

    - Ah! If I'd only been born rich instead of so d*** good looking.
    - You know, I'd be perfect if I just wasn't so d*** conceited.
    
    fred();

    You>>> Polar bear
    
    Them>> ugh ??
    
    You>>> Polar bear
    
    Them>> WHAT ??
    
    You>>  Well it breaks the ice doesn't it!
    
    D.                                            

    
    
    Coffee ?

    I like the bad joke/humorous approach.
    
    Home in on the woman sitting alone, and say "Why aren't you
    smiling ? Didn't your mother teach you how to pick up guys ?"
    
    Be warned, when using this approach seven out of ten women will 
    figure you for a clown and tell you to get lost. You don't need 
    them. Two out of ten won't get the joke. You don't need them 
    either. The other one in ten will laugh. She's yours >;-)

    
    who needs any of 'em?

	A slight variation of this qualifier can be heard
	near closing time in singles bars: "I hope you don't
	mind my asking, but can I see you naked?"


	kits

    re .71 >who needs any of 'em?
    
    Were you referring to chat-up lines, or women ? 

    
    I was talking about cats... what were you talking about?

    I don't know where the Poll was published but I heard this on the
    radio:
    
    <some number> bartenders were asked for the best or most common 
    pick up lines they had heard.
    
    The most common were "Don't I know you from somewhere" or "Haven't we
    met before"
    
    The most off the wall were:
    
    "I'd like to be your bathwater"
    "I fell in a puddle and I'm dripping with love"
    
    And for the self-confident: "Bond, James Bond"
    
    ed

	
	I can make you see God.

    
    re -1
    
    Or at least scream his name......

    Hi, I'd like to be married within the next twelve months, I don't smoke
    or drink, I'm a Democrat and not a runner, and I make $45,000 per year:
    would you like to have lunch some time so we can get to know each other?
    
    - Hoyt

    RE: .-1

    Depends upon your part of the country ... now ... in Bakersfield
    it's..
    	
    	"Howdy!  I don't care all that much for marriage, but, would sure
    	like a good romp in the hay with you!  I'm a confirmed Republican,
    	voted for Bush and Reagan, make $70,000 a year, have a new pickup
    	truck, gun rack, and cellular phone ... "

    You have to be REAL careful though ... don't want too many people to
    overhear you saying that ... you wouldn't even have time for going to
    work ... nothing but sex-sex-sex ... 

    I was overheard saying that in a bar out here .. didn't go to work for
    nearly a month .... 

    Jerry

    
    Hey Jerry,
    
       Does it work if you have a volkswagen????:-)))))))
    
    
    David

    .81> Does it work of you have a volkswagen?
    
    Look...city boy....you can't put a gun rack in a Volkswagen!

    Re .79: "I'm a confirmed Republican..."
    
    I'm surprised that this is an asset, even in your part of the country
    (wherever that is). Surely the politics of selfishness extend to your
    behavior in bed: "Hey, babe, it's not *my* problem if you're not sexually
    satisfied. What? I gave you V.D? Hey, you made a *choice* to go to bed
    with me, it's your responsibility! I should have told you about having
    the disease? Hey, babe, haven't you ever heard of 'caveat emptor?!'"
    
    Hardly what locals would call sexual nirvana (though that sounds a bit
    too sixties for you... maybe "sexual Orange County"?). But then, if we
    enlightened, considerate, Democratic men are rare in your part of the
    world, I suppose that the women you meet don't know any better. And
    since you've probably not experienced it, let me advise you that there
    are *wonderful* benefits in the pleasure department from an on-going
    sexual relationship, i.e. repeated encounters, like lots of one-nights
    stands with the same person, gee how can I make this concept clear?
    
    :) - Hoyt (who lives one mile from Mike Dukakis and is represented in
               the U.S. Congress by Barney Frank -- wow, what credentials!)
    

    	
>    	"Howdy!  I don't care all that much for marriage, but, would sure
>    	like a good romp in the hay with you!  I'm a confirmed Republican,
>    	voted for Bush and Reagan, make $70,000 a year, have a new pickup
>    	truck, gun rack, and cellular phone ... "

...a _pickup_ truck???   My, oh my, I feel all *flushed*!    ;-)

[I wish I could say that I was completely kidding...]


						--Gerry

>                                                              ....on-going
>    sexual relationship, i.e. repeated encounters, like lots of one-nights
>    stands with the same person...

:-)

Re:81

> Does it work if you have a volkswagen????:-)))))))

Thats the stupidest chat up line I've ever heard! :-)

.83> Re .79: "I'm a confirmed Republican..."
.83> I'm surprised that this is an asset, even in your part of the country
.83> (wherever that is).

Bakersfield is about 150 miles northeast of Los Angeles - at the edge of the
Mojave desert - population is predominately immigrants from Oklahoma, Texas
and New Mexico ... if you looked up "redneck" in the dictionary it would say
"see Bakersfield, CA".  It's lily_white_Anglo Saxon_Prostestant_heterosexual-
Republican_praise_the_Lord_and_pass_the_ammunition_cowboy boots_jeans_beer-
drinking attitude is the order of the day .....

.83> Surely the politics of selfishness extend to your behavior in bed:

Never discuss politics or religion while in bed ... 

.83>...if we enlightened, considerate, Democratic men are rare in your
.83> part of the world....

They are .. and I thank God for that.  One was discovered out here last
month .. never heard from him again ... 

.83> I suppose that the women you meet don't know any better.

Well, there are some people out here who have encountered Democrats.  We've
set up deprogramming clinics and offer free counseling to those who have been
tainted by Democrats.

.83> (who lives one mile from Mike Dukakis and is represented in
.83> the U.S. Congress by Barney Frank -- wow, what credentials!)

PLEASE!  Don't ever come to Bakersfield and let anyone know this ... those
two "people" represent everything which is the antithesis of humanity and
decency!  For you, all of the restaurants would suddenly run out of food ...
motels will be "full" ... there'll be no gas at filling stations for you -
and - women and children will run and hide as you approach ... REPENT!

:-)
Jerry

    On second thought, maybe I *won't* visit Bakersfield. :^)
    
    LArry

> Surely the politics of selfishness extend to your behavior in bed:

 Surely the politics of mediocrity extend to your behavior in bed:

   "Hey, babe, it's not *my* problem if you're not sexually satisfied; 
   it's society's fault.. Didn't you ever hear of orgasm redistribution?
   The government decided you'd had more than your share of orgasms and
   decided to give them to someone else. What? I gave you V.D? I did not 
   give you VD- society gave you VD. Everyone should have VD. Equal
   opportunity and all that... Why should <groupA> have a higher incidence
   of VD than <groupB>? If 100% of all groups have VD, then we have reached
   equality! Oh my, I never get on the top or bottom- that shows dominance
   and submission; that's inequality! We have to do it lying next to one another
   on our sides. And don't expect me to wear the government distributed condom
   without you taking the government distributed BCP. That would be unfair."

>And
>    since you've probably not experienced it, let me advise you that there
>    are *wonderful* benefits in the pleasure department from an on-going
>    sexual relationship,

 Hoyt, your first comment that I quoted was pretty bogus. I found it offensive.
Yet this one is even more cruel, and less VoD than the first. I cannot imagine
that you thnk this is "cool." Is this how "enlightened, considerate, Democratic
men" treat others? If so, thanks but I'll pass. 

 The Doctah

    
    .86 Beeler
    
       Amen brother Beeler..Republicans are the better choice between
    the sheets:-)
    
    The Nurse

 I dunno 'bout men, but women don't seem to have a strong correlation between
their politics and their bedroom performance.

 The Doctah

.90> I dunno 'bout men, but women don't seem to have a strong correlation 
.90> between their politics and their bedroom performance.

    Not in the south .... we are respectable people of taste ...before I go
    to bed with anyone I want three personal references, voting records,
    financial statements for the last 5 years and a complete medical
    report....

    Jerry

    Re .88: Dr. Levesque: 
    
    See Jerry's .86 for an example of a good-humored response. I was
    laughing, Jerry! Great stuff.
    
    Re your recasting of my politics-of-selfishness monologue: I don't
    think most people (excepting you, of course, Dr. L) would contest that
    for at least four decades the political party which has regulated the
    bedroom has been the Republicans. Legislation re sodomy, birth control,
    abortion, even the presence of fathers in welfare households -- in all
    these instances, the Republican Party has been engaged in getting the
    government to tell the people how they will run their lives. The
    Republican concept of lassez faire (sp?) extends to "Let me retain my
    monopolistic business practices" but just the opposite philosophy is
    applied when Republicans are legislating behavior in the bedroom. It
    *would* be a Democratic impulse to seek some equality in bed, true, but
    you should be informed that that can take the form of taking turns :).
    
    Re your complaint that my comment about on-going relationships is bogus
    and offensive: yeah, well it was kind of tongue in cheek. And I'd have
    to take back the implication that one-night-stands are a Republican
    phenomenon: if I had to guess, I'd predict that one-nighters are more
    common among Democrats, since they're more characteristic of the young
    and of the lower economic classes. I more meant it as a response to the
    general idea of "chat up lines." I'm offended by the image of men as
    entities with just one thing on their mind, which "chatting up" seems
    to reinforce. I was making the remark in keeping with my original
    sentiment a few notes back -- "I'd like to get married during the next
    twelve months" -- and Jerry's hilarious rejoinder re "sex-sex-sex." 
    
    - Hoyt

    re .90, I think it's true of men as well.
    
    Lorna
    

    re .90:
    
    > -< small sample size alert! >-
    
    Isn't that a little too personal.
    
    - M

    
    Here's one...your in the grocery store....in the frozen food section...
    you see this bueatifull woman....go up to her...
    
    guy:  Excuse me, do you know you shouldn't be here in the frozen food
    	section?  Its dangerous!
    
    girl:  Whatever do you mean?
    
    guy:  You'll melt all this food!!!  
    
    	:-)
    
    		Hal

    
    >   Does it work if you have a volkswagen????:-)))))))
    
    	Yes, it does work in a Volkswagen too. 
    	At least it does for me. :-)
    
> ...before I go
>    to bed with anyone I want three personal references, voting records,
>    financial statements for the last 5 years and a complete medical
>    report....                                               
    
	Imagine, 'safe sex' for Jerry is an extremely political issue.
    	Who'd have thunk it... :-) 
    

	a quote from Mae West:

	"I used to be Snow White--but I drifted"

I've enjoyed good times with gay Republicans.  But they tend to turn 
"straight" as soon as I take them out of the house?

;-)


							--Gerry

    
    
    
    RE: .72
    
    I got a line very similar to that one this week in Cancun.  The guy's
    body resembled the Hulk (humina, humina) and he was pretty good looking
    (blonde hair, blue eyes, the works).  
    
    He was staring me down, so I stared him back and said, "What?"  His 
    response was, "I'm just wondering what you'd look like nude."
    
    After the ensuing conversation, I'll take it as a wicked compliment
    (considering he wasn't drunk at the time).....but I'd have to say, it
    was a MAJOR turn-off.
    
    kath

.96> Imagine, 'safe sex' for Jerry is an extremely political issue.
.96> Who'd have thunk it... :-) 

    I will not go to bed with a Democrat or a Yankee ... I *do* have my
    reputation to consider ... it is currently untainted and and I intend
    for it to remain as such. Yes, "safe sex" does extend beyond that of
    the biological variety.

    Beauregard
    

    kath,
    
    
    YYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!
    
    Wish I'd been there to see his face!  (*8
    
    E Grace