Conference quark::mennotes-v1

    
    
    I would like to comment on three fathers in my life.  First my bio dad.
    He was an alcoholic who was removed from my daily life at quite a young
    age.  We were forced to see him (by mom who thought it was for our
    good).  I loved him when I was younger, but once I grew old enough to
    see him for what he really was I lost all respect and unfortunately
    lost all love for him as well.  I felt that if he really loved us he
    would give up the alcohol.  He never did that, and died when I was 12.
    
    My grandpa was what I would call a substitute dad to us.  When my dad
    moved out he and my nana bought a house for the entire family to live
    in.  So luckily I had daily contact with him and still to this day
    only live 5 minutes away so I can visit often.  I love him dearly.
    He was the only person who believed in me enough to let me use his
    power tools.  Sounds kind of funny, but the rest of my family was
    afraid I would hurt myself or someone else!!  He is a great guy who
    taught me not to be afraid of challenge, how to appreciate life from
    a guy's point of view, and most importantly how valuable men are to
    me.
    
    The third father is my boyfriend.  He is a noncustodial father who
    I have watched grow into being a father.  He is great with his daughter
    and is fighting to gain full custody of her.  Having witnessed his
    growth as a father I am very confident in having children together
    with this man.  He gives the best he can to his daughter under what
    seem like the worst conditions.  Unfortunatley, he hasn't seen his
    daughter since January and it is beginning to take its toll on both
    him and her.  She loves him dearly, and maybe living full time with
    us shortly.  This father I think has taught me the most about being
    a dad.  I just hope his relationship with his daughter will not be
    sabotaged significantly by his ex.
    
    
    Michele

    
    I also have two dads, I suppose!  My real dad and my mum divorced when
    I was 10 and my sister was 9.  However, we remained very close to him
    and still do - he only lives 10 minutes from my mum.  We were very
    lucky in that both our parents have been brilliant over the years, even
    when they divorced they never once argued in front of us, and neither
    said a bad word about the other to either of us.  My dad used to visit
    the house to see us, and walk the dog etc.  He has always been there
    for me, been very supportive of what I've wanted to do, and accepted my
    sister and I for what we are (quite different!).  I love him very much.
    
    My second dad is my step-dad (both parents have re-married and have
    lovely partners).  He's a kind, gentle man who's always full of good
    advice and help.  He makes my mum very happy and that's one of the
    reasons I love him!  
    
    There had never been any antagonism between my parents for which I'm
    eternally grateful.  At my wedding last year we had all three sets of
    parents (both of mine and my husband's) at the top table and the
    atmosphere was great.  I can't think of many people who could do that!
    
    In short, I'm very lucky with my dads (and my mums!).
    
    Sam
    

    
    I grew up thinking the world of my Dad.  I've only recently discovered
    how much harm I've done to myself with my attitudes about my father. 
    I've suffered from being adopted.  Feeling that I wasn't wanted by my
    natural parents has taken quite a toll.  Granted, I know in my head
    they felt they were "doing the right thing," but that doesn't make it
    easier.  I still feel deserted.
    
    My adoptive Dad (my "real" Dad, the one who raised me, nurtured me,
    etc.) also, in a sense deserted me.  I've wondered at times why they
    even bothered adopting us (there are 3 of us, I'm the only girl).  The
    way my Dad deserted me was because he just didn't really spend any time
    with me.  He was always either working or playing golf.  (Golf is a
    major part of his life even now.)
    
    Today, I have 2 girls (his granddaughters) and he rarely comes to visit
    them.  I extend invitations for birthdays, etc., but that's the only
    time I can get him to visit.  We're not really welcome at his house
    since he has remarried and his wife and I do not really get along very
    well.
    
    I just wish my Dad knew how important it was for me to just have the
    time to spend with him.  And how much I wish he could be around for my
    children.  
    
    Sometime within the next year, my Dad and his wife are going to move to
    Florida (we live in Mass - have my whole life).  They are going so they
    can play golf year-round.  I hope - sincerely - they'll be happy.  I
    will miss him... 
    
    			...  but I''m used to that.
    
    
    			     			jean 

    My Dad died December, 1989.  I miss him a lot.  He wasn't the
    "typical" Dad.  You know, like Father Knows Best or Ward Cleaver, but
    I never doubted his love for us.  He worked as often as he could so
    we could have the best of what he could afford.  He always had a 
    smile on his face.  
    
    When I was little, I used to go with him on his school bus runs,
    especially the field trips.  He taught me silly songs.  
    
    He and Mom were very opposite.  I take after Dad a lot, very easy
    going.  They did, however, have good ideas on child rearing.  
    Always present a united front.  We could never play one against
    the other.  If Mom said no, then Dad said no.  He only went against
    Mom once. 
    
    Dad and I shared a love of horses.  He had bought tickets to 
    see the Austrian Lippizaner Stallions at Boston Garden (many
    years ago).  At the last minute, Mom said I couldn't go because
    I had to wash the dishes.  Dad intervened and told me to get
    my coat.  I still don't know what he said to her, but I got
    to go to see the horse show.
    
    I really miss my Dad and always will, but he's in my heart and
    my memories.
    
    Linda