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| Title: | Topics Pertaining to Men |
| Notice: | Archived V1 - Current file is QUARK::MENNOTES |
| Moderator: | QUARK::LIONEL |
|
| Created: | Fri Nov 07 1986 |
| Last Modified: | Tue Jan 26 1993 |
| Last Successful Update: | Fri Jun 06 1997 |
| Number of topics: | 867 |
| Total number of notes: | 32923 |
490.0. "Are men always "ready for sex?"" by NCDEL::LITASI (to the land of Gitchi-Goommie....) Wed Aug 22 1990 16:36
Learning to date in the 90's is a delightful experience. Every man is
different, yet there seem to be some similarities based on cultural norms.
Men are expected to be "ready for sex". Women are expected to say "no".
But, women don't always want to say no, and men aren't always ready for sex.
I've noticed that most men will try to interest the woman (by flirting,
casual touches, passionate kisses, etc), and see how she responds.
If favorable, then they push some more... never really expecting to
score, but "it would be nice". They sort of expect the woman to say no.
If she doesn't then they hopefully will be ready with a backup excuse
like indigestion or drinking too much, or they plunge ahead with reckless
abandon. If it works, all is fine. If it doesn't work they may be
embarrassed and choose not to see the woman again. Sometimes they will
not see the woman again on the assumption that if she will do that with me
she will do that with anyone (ignoring that they might actually have had
something to interest the woman). Best case, they both had a good time
and continue doing more of the same.
Most of the time, however, if they don't try to interest the woman in sex,
she will loose interest, believing that he is not very interested in her.
They are being gentlemen, of course, and if they are too bold, they could
loose her anyway.
Taking things slow means different things to different people....
- to some it means a hug on the first date, a few kisses on the second,
kisses and hugs on the third, and by the 77th date, get engaged
and make love.
- to some it means a kiss and hug on the first date, heavy petting on
the second, third and fourth dates, and sex on the fifth
- to some, if you haven't kissed by the fourth date, there won't be any,
cause it's definitely a platonic relationship.
I'm interesting any and all comments!
| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 490.1 | not always ready...but always interested... | ESRAD::ESRAD::TOWNSEND | | Wed Aug 22 1990 18:27 | 1 |
| Why would you want to know the answer to your question? Are you always ready?
|
| 490.2 | some thoughts | SA1794::CHARBONND | in the dark the innocent can't see | Wed Aug 22 1990 21:34 | 18 |
|
re .0 Different people have different 'comfort levels' . Maybe it
depends how much 'seriousness' you want out of a relationship ? If
what you want/are looking for is a casual, 'fun' time you might be
more 'ready for sex' than someone who's looking for something that will
be 'serious' and lasting. (I *don't* mean to imply that a serious
relationship can't be fun. Or vice versa. A matter of personal
priorities, not absolutes.)
Confidence is a factor, too. Old fears and hurts can make you
apprehensive, or in some people the fear and hurt has been buried
in a shell of invulnerability that seems very confident, but
stops deep emotional involvement. ("No one will ever hurt me
again" syndrome.)
Personal observation: as my values have shifted from 'fun' toward
'serious' I'm slower about being 'ready' within a 'new' relation-
ship than I used to be. Have had women take it wrong, too.
|
| 490.3 | little California | USWRSL::BOUCHER_RO | | Thu Aug 23 1990 00:20 | 12 |
| In many cases I think If a woman likes you,and she lets you
know, I think its your move.This is very true that some men like
too see how far they can get,and then if someone calls there bluff,
they don't like it.Well this maybe something that is a subject in
itself.
But lets face it guys,if we start something then you better be
able to finish it.I like a woman who knows what she wants.At least
this way I don't have to play a guesing games.Keep the comunication
open,for this is a key allament in a good relationship.If I don"t
think It would be a good thing at the time,then I let my partner
know.In this manner nobody gets hurt.
|
| 490.4 | | TLE::FISHER | Work that dream and love your life | Thu Aug 23 1990 18:14 | 18 |
|
With a lot of gay men, it seems as if "trying to do it" and "getting
ready to do it" are incredible preoccupations. Sometimes it can be
fun, and other times it can be draining, time-consuming, and besides
the point. Even the gay men who aren't constantly sexually active are
"romantically active," which is similar.
I think that the so-called "gay male promiscuity" is indicative of how
much men in this culture are trained to always "go for it," and what
happens when the partner who is trained to say "let's wait!" is
removed. Despite popular opinion to the contrary, we are in essence
"a bunch of guys."
Feel free to disagree. This is all generality, and doesn't apply to
all gay men, all the time.
--Ger
|
| 490.5 | Should I, shouldn't I? | TIGEMS::ELKINS | | Mon Aug 27 1990 19:37 | 32 |
|
Dating is one big game in itself. The women should say no, if they
expect the phone to ring again. Which is sad! Why should people deny
their feelings? Men and women! If two people meet, and their knees
get weak, and their palms get moist, then why can't they sleep together
without any assumptions. I would hope that if a date led to the
bedroom, the two people would be mature enough to just accept it.
Women have to think if he'll ever call again, men have to think if
she'll want to see me again.
So on the first date what are you supposed to do? Ask...what are your
intentions of this evening? Would you like to sleep with me, have
breakfast in bed and call me in two days? Would you like to believe
you're the only person that makes me melt? Are you going tell me you'll
call again and then never do? Or maybe you'd like to neck on the couch
and be home by midnight?
Even if the question was asked at the beginning of the date, the answer
would probably be smothered with the RIGHT stuff. But as the night
went on, the words and actions probably wouldn't match. Why do women have
to play hard to get for the man to call again? Why do men have to be
so cautious or phony? Why should these feelings be hidden? Don't people
know that passion exists and yes you could be the only one I've felt this
strongly for? If it's there, it's there, why should the desire to sleep
with someone be analyzed?
I'm babbling because it's so confusing. Damned if you do, Damned if
you don't. It's also being in the right place at the right time.
Hugs,
|