Conference noted::equitation

    Ouch!  This is really a tough situation which I run into regularly with
    relatives/friends whom I CANNOT turn down for one reason or another. I
    have a couple different ways of handling it. 
    
    1.  If I don't like the person or I want to thoroughly discourage
    someone I let them ride my gelding down the road (not in an enclosed
    area).  He is a real handful.  He wouldn't deliberately hurt someone
    but because of his energy especially out in the open, he can intimidate
    even an experienced rider. 
    
    This is probably the least NICE way of doing things.  (I'm not really
    that mean--I've only done this a couple of times in DIRE situations.)
    
    2.  Put the mildest bit I can find on the horse, use the most secure
    saddle I can borrow, and walk along side the inexperienced individual
    as they ride in an enclosed area.  My horses will walk right along side
    of me even if the rider is trying to do something else.  Usually for an
    inexperienced rider, 15 or 20 minutes is enough.  If they are really
    getting along, I have them ride in a 20 meter circle around me.  (Thats
    still close enough that I have voice control over the horse.)  
    
    This works with both my energetic gelding and my very sensitive
    mare.  Plus it can save or avoid broken relationships.  (And I pray
    a lot.)
    
    3.  If all else fails, borrow a horse.  If you board somewhere,
    generally there is a very gentle, quiet horse you can beg, borrow,
    rent...  The investment in time, energy, and/or money can have GREAT
    returns. 

Have you tried impressing on your persistent relatives how dangerous
a horse can be?  One of my favorite deterents is to show them a
shattered log that my horse splintered with a playful kick. If that
doesn't work, I explain it to them in terms of cars and car insurance. 
Most people recognize how dangerous a car can be if you don't know how 
to drive.


If, after all that, they STILL want to ride, I let them ride my big horse.
But they must agree to the following conditions:

	1) They do all of the grooming, etc.

Most people are happy to do this. It gives me a chance to introduce them
to the animal and get them comfortable with him. It also allows me to
tell them some basic DOs and DON'Ts about horses and riding.

	2) I put the horse through his normal workout first.

This means that they'll have to wait at least an hour and a half before
they can ride. That normally deters the instant gratification crowd.
Also, it means that the horse will be somewhat tired, and hopefully
less apt to act up.

	3) They ride on the lunge.

I make them ride on the lunge for a few minutes so I can see how
good/bad they really are. I was concerned at first about giving
my horse conflicting signals, but have opted in favor of general
safety. The lunge gives me direct control over the animal. This
is useful from both a safety standpoint, and from a teaching
point of view. When first explaining about the various cues, having
the horse on the lunge means that I can guarantee the correct response.
(I'd be interested in comments about this practive from experienced
trainers?!?)

	3) They stay in the ring.

Unless they are doing exceptionally well, I do not take them out into the
pasture.

    I have only run into this situation twice.  The first time, the person
    chickened-out after watching me lunge and ride my mare; it was a
    windy day, and she as a bit on the wild side.  With another person,
    who had "attended horse camp 10 years ago", I bored her to death.
    On this day, my horse was behaving like a lamb.  This person was
    sure she knew everything about riding.  I told her maybe she knew
    more than I did, but my horse was used to a particular way of riding
    and if she wanted to ride, it would have to be "my way" so as not
    to confuse her.  When I mentioned half halts and got a blank look,
    I knew our methods were not similar.  After about 20 minutes of
    riding, mostly at a walk, with me explaining some of the basics,
    she had had enough.  If this situation ever comes up again, I
    may try the lunge line tactic; this way, you can be sure they
    don't jab your horse in the mouth.
    
    I feel sort of bad about my attitude, of not wanting other people,
    especially inexperienced ones, to ride my horse - for one reason.
    We really need to "expand the ranks" (as mentioned in another note
    on a different topic by Merrie Aiken).  The horse business (at least
    in Colorado) could use some help.  One way to generate a market
    for our horses is to get more non-horse people interested in them.
    I wonder if I had approached the "lesson" above with the intent
    of encouraging an interest in horses, rather than trying to get
    the person to quit bugging me about riding my horse, if she would
    have been more interested.  Maybe not; I have heard watching dressage
    referred to as "like watching paint dry".  :^)

       >..." I have heard watching dressage referred to as 
       >   "like watching paint dry"...."  

     And my husband has mentioned that watching dressage is like watching 
grass grow / cement set!  I like the idea of keeping an older beginners
horse around for guests - not only can the horse keep your horse company, but
can give you a trail companion AND could motivate a potential new horse owner!
(But first - I get a horse...)  I also feel that if friend wants to ride, they
should be prepared to help clean the stall, brush, etc.. After all, there's more
to it than sitting in a saddle.  For every 5 minutes of riding you seem to put 
in 5 hours of work ;^).

    Luckily I have not run into this situation. First of all, I don't
    have any relatives up here in Massachusetts, and secondly, I've
    stressed how nervous my horse is. Considering I really didn't have
    to exagerate about some of the situations my horse has put me into,
    (he's a baby about any new place, and sometimes will jump in front
    of moving cars) most of my friends have no inclination to ride him.
    If they do ask, I hope that I'm straight forward enough to tell
    them that I don't let anyone ride him because of the training that
    I'm currently doing with him. 
    If they persist, the best answer I see is NO. 
    Of course, like anything else, it's easy to say what you would do
    in a particular situation. Whether or not you stick to your guns
    is another story.
    					Cindy

    
    I tell'm that I don't even let my husband ride her and he's taken
    lesson with my coach. That usually puts them off. My coach ops for
    the lunge line bit. Since I'm at a barn with lots of animals, I
    can 'borrow' the beginner horse for a walk. I'm lucky.
    
    	Nancy
    

    
                            (Protect yourself!)
    
    I find that the people who ask me about riding my horses are
    people I don't know that well.  Friends either wait for an
    invitation from me or own their own and so have no interest
    in mine.
    
    Those that are stubborn learn that I can be more stubborn.
    This is because I know that if someone did get hurt around
    one of my horses, they would probably have me in court the
    next day and end up owning everything I have (horses in-
    cluded).  I find it hard to persist in saying no, but I
    feel the embarassment or "selfishness" is worth it in the
    long run.  I've been asked by people who could be VERY
    pushy but backed off the momment I asked them if I could
    take their car for a test drive. That usually works.
    
    

    just wanted to add my 2 cents worth to this discussion.
    
    about 2 years ago, my brother-in-law asked to ride my newly purchased
    horse whom i had been leasong for 4 years previously.  My mouth
    answered before my brain got in gear and just said "NO".  I then
    esplained that Bourbon and i have a very special relationship and
    that he resents strangers riding him.  There was no further discussion
    of it either that day or since because i made i very clear that
    my horse is not available to anyone else for riding.  End of
    discussion.
    
    

        
    I ran into this problem last fall with my best friend.  She'd come
    to the stable and wait patiently while I rode-all the while dying
    for me to offer.  I did just what you said about having her "learn",
    she started off feeding carrots, then cleaning stalls and feeding,
    and finally grooming and tacking up.  I showed her how, and gave
    her this challenge:  She'd have her first lesson the day she tacked
    him up "to my specifications."  3 or 4 times went by, either she
    couldn't get the bit in his mouth properly, or the girth would be
    too loose, but finally she did it.  Of course she had figured she'd
    be hopping right on and heading for the trails, but instead, I put
    her on the lunge, taught her to post while trotting, and gave her
    some basic instruction. She learned fast!  She knew my horse well
    enough, had watched the way I dealt with him (talking, praising,
    and my gentle attitude toward him) and she treated him the same.
    In the past, I had been leery of letting anyone even sit on his
    back, it seems "non-horse people" have no respect.  They think riding
    is all "Hi-Ho Silver, Away!", they drag them around by the mouth,
    and think the small crop I use (only to tap/signal) is to bludgeon
    the poor animal to death.  At the stable I ride at, I see this all
    the time.  The looks on these poor horses' faces is so sad.
    

	I have to agree with the just say no answer. I have a
    Morgan/Quarter horse mix, and have not had this problem yet.
    However I do have a pool table at home and have a custom ($200.00)
    cue that NO ONE else uses but me. (My previous cue was ruined by
    a friend 2 weeks after I got it). 
    	It seems to me I owe my horse the same care, for the reasons
    mentioned in earlier replies. One word of caution though.
    Always question your own motive and if there is a good way of 
    teaching a beginner to ride. I like the attitudes in this note
    for this.
    	I have taught many people about guns and safe shooting with
    patience and lot of BASICS. This is also a pretty scary area
    where safety is concerned.
    						Steve
    

	I just worked out my own solution for this problem. You may
	have seen the ad for the "very gentle standardbred mare - $150"
	in this notes file. I bought her to replace the old free-lease
	pony I had to keep my horse company. The pony was worthless,
	but the mare can be ridden by anyone, and doesn't eat a whole
	lot more!
	
	So I've solved a lot of problems with this. (1) I don't need 
	to ride alone so much (2) people who are always asking me to
	ride have a horse to ride (3) they won't ride my horse who's
	not real gentle and (4) since I have 2, they'll NEVER go out
	on the horse alone - I'll always be there to be sure they
 	"do the right thing".

	I know keeping 2 horses is out of the question for a lot of
	people, but there may be some who have, like I did, a pony or
	companion horse which can't be ridden. Trading it in on one
	which can could solve more than one problem.

	-julie