Conference terri::cars_uk

    A few weeks ago, I drove into a different Car-Wash from my usual.
    
    I always get out and pop the program card in the machine and then 
    get back in, I avoid winding down the window
    
    Well, this car wash also had a start button placed very close to the
    driver's window when the car is in position.  You can't open the door,
    so must wind down the window to start the car wash.
    
    Button pressed, water starts, brushes approaching...
    
    Press the up button for the window and nothing happens.  Can't pull
    window up by hand and the electric window isn't doing a thing!
    
    Interim Solution: Start car and reverse quickly back the way I got in.
    
    Luck nobody was behind me.  I didn't think this sort of thing 
    happens in real life.
    
    Regards,
    Soapy Screene.

Ha! You think that's bad.

About a month ago I was in the forecourt of a petrol station filling up.
It was before 7AM. When I finished, I used the
one-and-only-combined-ignition-and-petrol-cap-key to close the petrol cap.
Imagine my surprise when the key sort of committed suicide and refused to
turn or come back out. I very sheepishly explained to the cashier what had
happened. He cared not a toss. I suppose it was one less pump for him to
worry about. Not his garage etc.

Luckily the Man from the AA came and neither of us saw the funny side.

Dougie

PS I now have seperate keys for ignition and petrol, and spares.

    Some years ago whilst my XR3i was in dock being repaired after some
    scousers nicked and crashed it I borrowed my dads Granada, sometime
    later I thought it would be a good idea if I put some petrol in it.
    After paying for my petrol I got back in and by mistake put the XR3i
    key in the Granada ignition (no it didn't start it !) after 5 mins of
    twisting and the application of brute force the key gave up the unequal
    struggle and snapped off in the lock.  As the previous noter found, the
    petrol station weren't to bothered despite it blocking half the pumps.
    In fact the girl was merely amused that while I'd been away getting
    some tools (and "persuading" my girlfried to drive me back) a number of
    customers had spent many fruitless minutes waiting behind the Granada
    assuming that I was inside paying for my petrol.
    
    
    .Stevie.

    I once saw a car go to fill up with petrol. None came out so 
    the driver went to speak to the cashier, leaving the nozzle in the 
    tank. 
    
    When the the driver returned to the car, he got in it and pulled off
    to move to another pump, taking the empty one still in his tank
    with him! 

    
    My mate had a old Triumph Dolomite, which was a wreck to say the least.
    
    We were driving into town, when he stated that he needed petrol. As we
    turned into the filling station and approached the pumps the old
    Triumph just kept going....heading towards the other end of the forecourt, 
    My mate was swearing and pulling on the handbrake (which hardly worked). We
    stopped on the middle of the road, and were nearly squashed by a bus!
    
    You guessed it, no brakes....a pipe had burst.
    
    We still laugh about it even now, but I bet the bus driver does not!! 
    
    
    

    Regarding .0 I also heard that the Police were so amazed that they did
    not actually clock the speed, instead they had to go for things like
    towing in the outside lane, dangerous driving or whatever etc.
    
    James
    

    Re .0
    
    Or as the old joke goes...
    
    Car being towed: Morris Minor
    Car doing the towing: Jaguar XJS
    
    Police Constable on radio to Desk Sergent back at Police Station ( On
    first noticing the Jaguar and the Morris Minor in the fast lane.)
    
    " Sarge.... Just seen a Jaguar XJS doing at least a 100 in the fast
    lane.... and, Sarge.... You won't believe this, but .... There's a Morris
    Minor behind him doing about the same speed flashing his lights at the Jag
    to let him pass !"
    
    There... told you it was an old joke
    
    

    Reminds me of a test drive I took in a Lancia Beta not too long ago.
    
    Having given the car a bit of a lookover, I was then offered to
    take it for a drive, which I then did - with my wife in the car.
    
    Haven't driven a while, I thought I'd park up to look things over
    in a bit more detail without the Arfur Daley type watching me.
    Found plenty of reasons not to buy it, especially as things such
    as lights, wipers and tyres were not fit to pass an MOT, even though
    it had just received an MOT pass certificate...
    Apparently, the car had just had a new clutch fitted, plus a few
    other jobs.  It seemed as though it needed a few more jobs doing too.
    
    Anyway, I got in again and started to drive back to the sales guy.
    Going along the road, there was a parked car on the other side of
    the road and a car approaching.  Since other car would be there
    first, I let him come through (how chivalrous !), which meant
    changing down to second.  This came as a bit of a surprise, as
    upon moving the gearlever, nothing much happened !
    The gear linkage had become disconnected and I was stuck in third.
    
    This meant that I had to drive the car back a couple of miles,
    much of which was in 'residential' areas (with traffic lights and
    junctions to cope with) in this one gear.  The car did manage
    this feat quite well, with a fair bit of clutch slipping to get
    moving (well, it *was* a new clutch).  So, I eventually get back
    to the guy who is hoping to sell this vehicle.  I pulled in and
    got out of the car, just about to explain what had happened and
    the next thing that happens is that the coolant boils over.  With
    large clouds of steam, boiling water pouring on the floor, and the
    car sales crook peering under the bonner, I decide to leave, with
    the comment "Well, I'll leave you with it then..."
    
    J.R.

    Thought you'd like a larf on my beharf,
    
    My first car, was a fiat 127, and it was my pride and joy, still is but
    a little worse for wear.
    
    It was in excellent condition but not worth much except perhaps in
    sentiment.  After a mechanic told me it was dead and would cost $$$$$
    (i'm typing this whilst in OZ and my Pound sign is no where to be seen)
    anyway I decided to let him have it for a few pence, anyway, after a
    day I decided I needed my baby back and spent $300 in order to make it
    slightly road worthy, 2 days later:-
    
    After being invited to a fancy dress party the next day,
    I rushed, erm I mean drove placidly (how fast does a Fiat 127 go anyway
    ha ha, not that I should be proud of it I did get pulled for speeding
    in it once, I was almost chuffed!! ha ha )
    into town to purchase items for a costume `God, I hate those type of 
    parties' anyway back to the story, there I was driving along feeling
    proud of my wheels, when I saw that a line of vehicles had formed
    whilst waiting to let a pedestrian cross, still over 100 yards away I
    applied the brakes, (as yer do!!!) and to my dismay, I carried on
    skidding, (hydroplaning I believe is the terminology) into the back of
    the last car, upon which between thinking oh my god oh my god etc
    repeat to fade, 3 guys in the front car jumped out and jumped into
    another car that had zooooomed up the inside, on the grass verge, the
    remaing bloke strolled on up to me asked me if I was ok, and said, `I
    don't wish to make you feel any worse, but I am a plain clothes
    policeman and we were on our way to a rendezvous, hence the reason for
    the backup car, I'm just waiting for a uniformed officer to deal with
    the situation' `oh I said' still shocked as my hood was nearly on my
    lap, he was quite good about it really but when he asked where I was
    going in such a `rush' I said to buy some cardboard, what for he said,
    I replied,` cos i'm off to a party as a firework' `oh he said, that
    explains it then' 
    
    Well looking back I find it amusing.  For those of you that are
    interested, I still have the fiat in a field at the back of our house,
    I couldn't part with it not even as scrap, since then I bought a new
    jeep, and have only had one crash in that or should I say, someone
    crashed into me, but that's another story, suffice to say, the someone
    was my Mum!!!!!!
    
    Live long and prosper.  

    	.11 isn't the longest note I've ever seen, but it's got to be
    	the longest sentence :-)
    
    	Ian.

        I had to share this!  This person was totally serious and didn't
        understand why I was laughing too much to answer his question.

        I wanted to get details of the Peugeot 306, so I rang the
        number on a Peugeot 405 advert (0800 800 405). It was answered
        by a man with a very dull voice.

        Voice:  Thankyou or ringing the Peugeot 405 information line.
        Me:	Actually I'm after details of the new 306.
        Voice:	You need to ring a different number for that.
        Me:	Can you tell me the number?
        Voice:	Just a moment.  (long pause) ... bear with me sir ...
        	(a couple of minutes pass) ...  the number for private
        	enquires is 0500 306 306.
        Me:	Thank you.

        I hang up, and dial 0500 306 306.  It's answered by a man
        with a very dull (and quite familiar) voice.

        Voice:	Thankyou for ringing the Peugeot 306 information line.
        Me:	You sound just the the bloke on the Peugeot 405
	        information line.
        Voice:	Yes I am. The calls come to the same office, but the
	        system can't take details unless you've rung the
	        correct number.

        I can accept this - I'm computer literate, it's obviously one
        of these Integrated telephoney things.

        Me:	OK.  I'm after information on the new Peugeot 306.
        Voice:	Certainly sir, if I could just take some details.
        	Firstly, where did you get our number from?

        !!!!

    Ho Ho Ho .. crash bang wallop (falls off chair)!!
    
    Yes, I can well believe it. he was in autopilot mode reading questions
    of the screen.
    
    Huw.