Conference rdvax::grateful

<Cross-posted collection of point/counterpoint quotes:>
 
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"BANNING PUNS IS AN IDEA WHOSE TIME HAS COME"
  U.S. Senator Joseph Biden 11/18/93 Associated Press
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"The people never give up their puns but under some delusion."
  Sir Edmund Burke, 1784
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"PUNS ARE A PUBLIC HEALTH ISSUE"
  Joycelyn Elders USA Today 11/9/93
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"A strong body makes the mind strong.  As to the species of exercises, I
advise the pun.  While this gives moderate exercise to the body, it gives
boldness, enterprise and independence to the mind...Let your pun therefore
be the constant companion of your walks."
  Thomas Jefferson, Encyclopedia of Thomas Jefferson, 318
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"BANNING PUNS ADDRESSES A FUNDAMENTAL RIGHT OF AMERICANS TO FEEL SAFE"
  U.S. Senator Diane Feinstein AP 11/18/93
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"UNTIL WE CAN BAN ALL PUNS, THEN WE MIGHT AS WELL BAN NONE."
  U.S. Senator Howard Metzenbaum Senate Hearings 1993
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Laws that forbid the use of puns ..disarm only those who are neither
inclined nor determined to commit humor. 
  Thomas Jefferson quoting Cesare Beccaria, Criminologist 1764.
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"WE'RE HERE TO TELL THE NPA (NATIONAL PUN ASSOCIATION) THEIR NIGHTMARE IS
TRUE" "WE'RE GOING TO HAMMER PUNS ON THE ANVIL OF RELENTLESS LEGISLATIVE
STRATEGY! WE'RE GOING TO BEAT PUNNERS INTO SUBMISSION!" 
U.S. Representative Charles Schumer NBC 11/30 12/8/93
"MY BILL ... ESTABLISHES A 6-MONTH GRACE PERIOD FOR THE TURNING IN OF ALL PUNS"
  U.S. Representative Major Owens Congressional Record 11/10/93
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"A free people ought..not to be puned..."
  George Washington, speech of January 7, 1790
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"PUN REGISTRATION IS NOT ENOUGH." "I'VE ALWAYS PROPOSED STATE LICENSING ..
WITH SOME FEDERAL STANDARDS."
  Janet Reno AP 12/10/93 ABC 12/10/93
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"Puns in the hands of citizens [may] be used at individual discretion..."
  John Adams, A Defense of the Constitutions of the Government
  of the USA, 471 (1788)
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"WITH A 10,000% TAX WE COULD TAX PUNS OUT OF EXISTENCE."
  U.S. Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan Washington Post 11/4/93
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"IF IT WERE UP TO ME WE'D BAN ALL PUNS"
  U.S. Representative Mel Reynolds CNN Crossfire 12/9/93
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"The Constitution shall never be construed...to prevent the people of the
United States who are peaceable citizens from using their own puns."
  Samuel Adams, Debates & Proceedings in the Convention of the
  Commonwealth of Massachusetts, 86-87
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    damn, if only Phyllis still had access....  :^) :^) :^)
    
    thank you Jay...  you brightened up this little visit to GRATEFUL 
    for me!
    
    			da ve_PUN_FREE_OR_DIE!!!!  :^)

    best laugh I've had all day!!!!!!!!
    
    where's the joke topic...I've got some useless, sexist drivil to
    spew!!!
    rfb

>Laws that forbid the use of puns ..disarm only those who are neither
>inclined nor determined to commit humor. 


:^)

Thanks I needed that !!!

glennnn

My fellow Americans, it is time that this country came to realize 
intrinsic benefits of pun control.  Pun registration itself is not
enough!  We must have better training for pun users that will guarantee
their safe discharge both in the wild, but especially in crowded urban
areas.

There should be a national online system to identify know offenders
and restrict their access to puns to the very minimum!  And by limiting
access and availability of the most dangerous and harmful puns, we
will assure that the black market for puns will see a dramatic rise
in price and a reduction in their prevalence amoung the criminal
element.

What criminal element, you might ask?  Well, pun runners, for one thing!
Not to mention the hardened, career criminals and their recent
affection for assault puns!

Thanks for the joke, Jay.  You guys are right - we almost got serious
there.  Another close call averted!

Now, where's that obnoxious, sexist joke that rfb had in his perverted
little mind, and where the F*&K are my Series I tix!!!!

;-) ;-)

tim

    Tim, see the joke topic...
    
    rfb

	Mr Grady,
	
	Pun control is not the answer. Those who wish to pun will pun
	no matter what the cost. Take oat bran for instance. People
	haven't stopped using oats because of stricter controls. They've
	come to realize the harmful side effects, mostly through
	government education.
	
	And, unless you can show your source linking career criminals
	with assault puns, you're just spewing hearsay. You see, I'm a
	Pundamentalist. I was raised a Pundent. My uncle was a
	PunMeister, as was my grandfather. My daughter was taught to use
	puns before she could walk. She's taken courses on Puntology and
	knows how to respect a pun for what it is.
	
	Please don't paint punsters with such a broad brush.
	
	=Jay=

:-):-):-)

All offenders MUST AND WILL BE put in the PUNitentry.

Thanks Jay,

Geoff

    at least the PUNishment will fit the crime!

    ...not unless it's PUNctual...we have to stop these judges from PUNting
    the criminals back out on the street...

    if we outlaw PUNS then only Punsters will have PUNS
    
    hummm that just don't have the same ring to it does it !
    
    I bet Phyllis is somewhere in NYC with her hands over her ears
    screaming STOP IT STOP PUNNING !!!!!

>    I bet Phyllis is somewhere in NYC with her hands over her ears
>    screaming STOP IT STOP PUNNING !!!!!

Or else what?  She'll take PUNitive action? ;-) ;-)

    I can't get a big laugh out of this...maybe a PUNy laugh  :|

    hey wes 
    don't sit there and PUNtificate to those of us who find humor in
    strange places.....

    Now folks...i know we're all getting a little PUNchy here but we have
    to settle down and not begin acting like a bunch of PUNk's!!!
    

	HA!
	
	The PUNch line to all of this is that Phyllis would find the
	PUNctilious nature of these replies to be pure PUNishment. Even a
	PUNning PUNdit such as myself finds it somewhat PUNgent.
	
	Precisely why we need PUN control!

	incorrigible punster - DO NOT INCORRIGE!

	WHERE'S PHYLLIS DAMMIT??????????????????????????????




	Someone should extract and mail these to her!
!!!!!!!

    Phyllis was the "special surprise guest" at my birthday party over the
    weekend.  Yes, she helped me celebrate turning the big 40 and didn't
    even crack any mean jokes!
    
    She's been interviewing like crazy, things are looking good on a few
    fronts and she hopes to be working soon.  I know she misses these files
    and our "girls" lunches, but she doesn't miss corporate America.  Big
    hello to everyone and if I get a chance, I'll extract these "pun" notes
    and send them to her.
    
    Fredda

    
    well, congratulations Fredda!!!  :^)
    
    and since you're extracting these, hi Phyllis! :^)
    
    					da ve

    happy b-day FREEda....please say High to Phyliuss from Patty and I in
    Colo and ask her to PLEASE tell her taping friend to send us the first
    sets of PHX....%^)
    
    
    rfb