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Conference moira::parenting_v3

Title:Parenting
Notice:READ 1.27 BEFORE WRITING
Moderator:CSC32::DUBOIS
Created:Wed May 30 1990
Last Modified:Tue May 27 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1364
Total number of notes:23848

718.0. "What to tell a 4 year old about neutering?" by NRADM::TRIPPL () Wed Feb 20 1991 12:18

    I am looking for some way to explaing to our son, AJ who just turned 4,
    that we're having our kitten neutered this week.  I'm not looking for a
    discussin of honesty, but some way to explain that he's going to the
    doctor for two nights, and might not feel quite well when he gets home.
    We're also having him declawed at the same time, so *both* ends may be
    touchy.
    
    I'm wondering if I should bring AJ with me when I drop off the kitten,
    or just go home, get the cat to take him myself, and hope he doesn't
    notice ne's missing (which I highly doubt).
    
    When I was growing up, my parents had the dog altered and told me he
    had had his appendix out, I actually believed this til I was in my
    teens.  Would a story like this work now???
    
    Any and all input would be appreciated!!
    Lyn
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name		DateLines
718.1SUPER::WTHOMASWed Feb 20 1991 12:3325
    
    Although I believe in honesty, I think that a four year old may not
    grasp the "reasoning" behind neutering.
    
    I would *not* take him to the vets for the simple reason that if you
    are at all attached to your pet, both of you may end up crying.(I
    almost always do) But on the other hand I would *not* wisk the cat away
    without giving your son a chance to say goodbye, I love you and good
    luck. Surgery is serious and there is a chance that the cat could die.
    
    My parents had our dog put to sleep and never told us. They kept the
    dog food out and when we asked where the dog was they kept telling us
    he was at the neighbors. When I finally found out that Geoff had been
    put down and that my parents had been lying I realized that I could
    never say good bye to him (I really, really loved that dog). Perhaps
    the greatest damage was that I lost a lot of trust and respect for my
    parents and never again trusted them on issues of death or loss.
    
    I think a simple explanation that the cat is having his stomach "fixed"
    (a word that can later be modified to include the actual definition of
    "fixed") is probably more than enough. When he gets older, a talk about
    overpopulation and responsible pet keeping might be in order but I
    wouldn't think that that would come for quite a few years.
    
    			Wendy
718.2CSC32::C_HOESammy will be THREE in 11 weeks!Thu Feb 21 1991 14:0412
Mei-Mei gets shots every year for cat lukimea; when we took the
cat to the vet this year, we told Sammy that she need to see the
doctor just like we all do when we have a owie. Well, Sam got
into a fight and the other child bit him. He needed a stich so
when he was done, he started crying. He wanted to stay the night
like Mei-Mei did. Oh, well.

I guess the best thing is to not get into specifics but to tell
the child that the cat needs some time to sleep after s/he has
lost the joy of sox.

calvin
718.3NeuteringCSC32::DUBOISThe early bird gets wormsThu Feb 21 1991 17:2110
Lyn, I would tell him that you are taking the cat to the doctor to be
neutered.  When/if he asks what neutering is, tell him that the doctor is
going to make it so that the cat can't make kittens.  You don't have to
get into the specific details unless he asks.  If you do have to get into
details, whether now or some future day, you would probably want to make it
very clear that it wouldn't happen to him, just to pets. 

Good luck!!!

     Carol
718.4WMOIS::B_REINKEThe fire and the rose are oneThu Feb 28 1991 12:329
    Carol
    
    I agree with you about telling the child the truth. I would tell a four
    year old that we were going to have the cat neutered so that it can't
    make kittens. If he asks why, explain that male cats will spray urine
    if they aren't neutered and that there are too many kittens being born
    that people can't take care of. Keep it simple but don't lie.
    
    Bonnie