Conference moira::parenting_v3

    It sounds like this is very hard for you.  
    
    I don't understand why the doctors are so concerned.  I would have
    thought that this would be in the range of normal, even if a little on
    the "late" end of the range.  I think my girls were about 18 lbs at one
    year.  They had about 4 words.  My niece wasn't crawling by then
    either, later she crawled for two weeks and then walked.  
    
    Are there other indications that suggest that something is wrong?  Or
    are they just playing it safe - ruling out the big stuff so they can
    say "Well, I guess this is just Brandon! Go enjoy!" 

    
    This nagging concern must be quite hard on you.   I feel for you since
    I have had many concerns with my son's development as well.  
    Fortunately for us and hopefully for you, there have been no *real*
    problems.
    
    I agree with Jane that your son's development seems within the range
    of normal behaviour for infants as it has been presented to me - on the
    late side, but within the range.   For example, when I was concerned
    about Jason not walking, his pedi assured me that some completely
    normal babies don't walk until 18 months and they don't really start
    worrying until 2 years.   At one year, Jason didn't even say "Mama" -
    he babbled it, but he didn't say it because it meant something.  
    And while other babies were crawling at 8-9 months, Jason didn't 
    start until almost 11 months.   Maybe I should be worrying???
    
    Best of luck to you and Brandon - think positive!
    
    Carol
    

    My sister was very much behind in growth rate as a child.  I don't
    remember the details too well as I am only two years older.  But I do
    know that after extensive testing in the hospital the doctors announced
    to my worried parents that she was small because it was normal for her
    to be small.  Nothing more than that.  Now she is all of 5'2", which is
    much taller than we thought she would be.
    
    These days they have so many more tests.  Poor kid, and poor parents, to 
    go through it all.  Try to tell yourself "no news is good news".  And let
    us know how he, and you, are doing.
    
    Take care,
    Wendy

    I have to agree with .1
    
    My daughter weighed only 12 lbs at one year (she weighed 7 at birth). 
    She did talk quite a bit (we spent a lot of time in this area with
    her).  She had just begun to crawl and did not walk until she was 14-15
    months old.
    
    He could be just doing things at his own pace.  
    
    Good luck!
    

    Hi,
    
    My son was 17 pounds at 1yr (he's not almost 2.5yrs and 25lbs).
    He wasn't walking at 1yr. We had "structured crawling lessons" with
    him when he was 10 or 11mos...and finally he crawled. My cousin didn't
    walk until she was about 15 or 18 months...she's ok now.
    
    I am definitely not a doctor, but I think it's =GREAT= so far that
    the tests thus far have come back ok.  It's =TERRIBLE= on your nerves
    though because this is really hard on you.  Hang in there and I hope
    and pray that everything is ok...
    
    Sincerely,
    J-E

    You say your pedi sent you to a specialist to have all these tests
    done.  I'm sure he wouldn't have done this if he thought your son's
    development was within the range of normal.  Unless he's just trying to
    be super conservative.
    
    Can he sit at all, or is he just unable to sit himself up from a
    crawling position?  I thought I remember reading that if a child could
    not sit up at all by 8 months (not sure of the 8-months, but I'm sure
    it was less than 1 year), that was a warning signal to bring to the
    pedi's attention.

    I went through something similar when my daughter was a year old.  She
    didn't gain any weight from 6 months to a year and wasn't metabolizing
    fats (which are necessary to brain development).  They put her on a high 
    fat diet at 9 months with no results.  I finally took her to a
    chiropractor at the recommendation of a friend.  She had one adjustment
    and began gaining weight immediately.  I'm not saying this will work
    for you but it's worth a try.
    
    Nanci

    My 14 month old son doesn't say a word, not one word, none.  He babbles
    and vocalizes, but not even close to any words yet.
    
    One son walked at 10 months, his twin sister didn't walk till 15
    months.
    
    My brother's daughter didn't sit or crawl til after she was at least 1
    year old.  I remember clearly seeing her mother have to pick her up,
    and place her in a seated position on her blanket on the living room
    floor.  They were so worried, but their pediatrician said to give her
    time.
    
    Children progress at SUCH different paces, but it is impossible to not
    compare yours with everyone elses.  I think you're doing the right
    thing by taking him to a specialist.  But perhaps through these notes
    you will see that there are others whose babies don't precisely follow
    the charts, and find some comfort in that.
    

    
    I think the real question here is, do you think there's something
    wrong?  Often, a mothers' intuition is 100 times better than the best
    medical opinion in the world.  If you think there's something wrong
    with Brandon, then by all means, go to whatever ends you have to, to
    find out what it is.
    
    While not sitting by one year is unusual, by no means does it
    necessarily mean there's something wrong.  This may be normal for
    Brandon.  But if YOU think there's something wrong, then you need to
    explore it--and it sounds like that's what you're doing.
    
    It sounds like you're doing the right things for you--and ultimately,
    for Brandon.  It's true that all kids do things at different times and
    different rates--but if you're uneasy--then do put him through the
    tests.
    
    I sympathize with the wait for the test results.  You must be pulling
    your hair out.  We are here--and if you need to talk or just vent, we
    are here to listen.
    
    Good Luck and let us know how things turn out.
    
    Bonnie
    
    

    I too had similars fears only because my daughter (who is now 15 yrs.)
    was born premeture. She was born at 8 mos. It took her the longest
    time to catch up but when she did she started doing what she should
    be. As I said she is now 15 years and healthy and very smart. She
    started out late but I did get worried the first year or two.
    

    I had a similar reaction to some noters--that your child doesn't seem
    that far off the norm, but as someone pointed out, if your pedi has
    authorized all the testing, he/she must be feel it's worth checking out.
    
    I just wanted to write in to tell you that I would take heart from the
    fact that your child has already said Mama. My son didn't say his first
    word, "dada" till he was at least ~15-17 months. I would think this
    would be a very positive sign that there are no intellectual
    development problems.
    
    Good luck!

    
    I have had my son referred to a specialist by his pediatrician for 
    the sole reason that she thought *I* was dissatisfied with her
    diagnosis.   She thought the specialist's opinion would put my
    mind at ease.   Perhaps this is the case with the basenoter -
    let's hope!
    
    carol

    I also went thru similar problems with my son who is now 12 and weighs
    a
    whopping 56 pounds.  We went thru all the genetic testing at Childrens
    hospital in Boston last January.....nothing at all abnormal, he is just
    small. Period.  What a relief!!  However, I do have a friend who has
    experienced very similar circumstances with her now 1.5 year old.  She
    also went thru genetics testing, no abnormal results.  However, within
    the last month she noticed that her child was having more diarhea (sp)
    than usual (guess she thought the usual amount for Chrissy was
    Chrissy's "Normal" biological bm's).  To make a long story short, she
    took her to her pedi and they ran more tests and discovered a parasite!
    She is now being treated and they are hoping that this has been the
    cause for her low weight.  It is VERY dificult to diagnos a
    parasite...it can be in your system for many months without be detected
    thru regular tests.  A neighbor of mine had this problem with her 4
    year old last summer...he had gotten to the point of loosing weight.
    
    You may want to suggest that your pedi test for a parasite...even if it
    tests negative I would recommend having it done now as well as in a few
    months.  Contact me off-line if you'd like more info.
    
    Kathy

    Carole
    
    I can understand your worries and I do sympathise, having a little late
    developer of my own.  One year olds seem to differ an awful lot in what
    they can and can't do, and it's very easy to compare your child to 
    someone else's one year old who is walking and talking and understanding 
    things.  It's only natural to assume that if your child isn't doing all
    these things, there must be something wrong.  But that needn't
    necessarily be true, babies just develop at different rates - ie that
    rate that is right for them.  
    
    From what you say, it sounds like Brandon is mobile.  If he's getting 
    around in his own way, it doesn't matter two hoots that he can't crawl - 
    some babies never do. If he's getting into things, he's got the intellect 
    to be interested in objects and want to find out about them.  If he's 
    smiling and saying Mama, he's communicating with you, even though he's 
    not saying other words yet. 
    
    FWIW, my little girl weighed about 17lb at 1 year old, and didn't walk 
    or say any words until she was about 14.5 months old.  When she was a
    year old, I felt that she was about 2 months behind other babies of the
    same age.  She is now 17 months old and I think that she has more or
    less caught up - she suddenly started doing a lot of things at once. 
    (but she has only just started saying Mama, so your Brandon is ahead of
    her in that respect!).  A friend of mine has a little girl who didn't
    walk, didn't crawl, didn't stand up and didn't walk holding on to the
    furniture until she was sixteen and a half months old.  My friend had
    started taking her to specialists, when suddenly little Hannah just got
    up and walked.  She was just waiting until she was ready.
    
    I will keep my fingers crossed for you about the test result.  Brandon
    sounds like a lovely little boy, and I wish you all well.
    
    - Janet 
           

    By now you've probably gotten the idea that every baby is different and
    grows at their own pace.  In a few years they all more or less even
    out, but because there is so MUCH learning and changing during the
    first few years we all tend to compare and contrast our kids to others.
    
    I have three sons.  My first was and still is small.  At 6 years he is
    now the smallest in his first grade class, and weighs in at only
    38 pounds.  He crawled at 9 months, walked at 13.  At 1 year he only
    weighed 18 lbs - and I thought that was fine!  My pedi just told me
    that he was small, not suprising considering both my husband and I
    weren't very tall.
    My second son was the other end of the scale...off the weight and
    height charts.  Now he is 3 years, and only 5 lbs less that the 6 year
    old.  He crawled and walked (even teethed) very early.  Same parents,
    different kids.
    
    So don't let yourself get distraught.  Brandon sounds as though he is
    otherwise what you consider "normal".  If this is your first, maybe you
    tend to do more for him than he really needs and therefore is more than
    willing to let you do the walking for him!  One of mine would not talk
    if I was around, but I found out he could when I overheard him
    "practicing" words in his crib!  
    

    Hello!
    
    This is the first time that I have talked with y'all in NOTES - I just
    had to put in my two cents worth.  My first born (I am "blessed" with 
    two boys) is now 4 and weighs just at 34lbs.  My 7 month old weighs
    18lbs!  Ricky, the 4 yr old, is and always will be small, but the thing
    that I always would use to measure his development is:  Is he sleeping
    well?  Does he eat well?  Does he seem to be interested in his
    surroundings?  Does he have a love for life??  The doctors can run
    their tests, and if they are coming back negative/normal, put aside his
    size, and look to the positives that he can do now - grow his self
    esteem, and the rest will grow as it should.

    Another point.  I think that referring to a child as "x months
    behind" is extremely misleading, since it creates the impression
    that there is this simple linear scale, and there's a "right" place
    to be on it at every age.  In fact, there are a myriad of
    characteristics, and for each characteristic there is a very wide
    range of "normal" values at any given age.
    
    Even if (for an invented example) a given weight is the 50th
    percentile weight for a nine-month-old, and only the 10th percentile
    weight for a twelve-month-old, it doesn't mean that a twelve-month-
    old is "three months behind" if that's what he weighs -- just that
    he's a small twelve-month-old.
    
    	-Neil

    RE.0 I can certainly understand your concern due to all the tests their
    doing and I understand the agony of waiting.
    
    Maybe one place you can get more information or help with your child's
    development is through the Early Intervention Program in your area.
    There is a note in this notes file on EIP. I would be happy to tell you
    more about it. Send me mail or call if you'd like to talk.

re: .0

Have you had the pediatrician explain to you why he (was it he?) is ordering 
all the tests?  It occurs to me that it may reflect the doctor's own 
personality, and his reading of your reaction to your son's lack of weight 
gain.

One of the previous noters mentioned that the doctor would probably not have 
ordered the tests if he doesn't suspect something.  That's certainly true of 
some doctors, but also certainly NOT true of all.  My doctor, for example, 
tends to order tests relatively quickly.  If there is one indication that 
something might be wrong, but several indications that make it improbable, he 
will still order the test.

When our mildly asthmatic son visited the allergist, one of the first things 
they tested for was cystic fibrosis.  Now that scared me.  But the fact was, 
that test is routine for kids who wheeze or have breathing difficulties, 
even if the probability is quite remote.

So the doctor may actually believe that nothing is wrong, but wants to be 
positive.  I'd suggest that you talk with him about it.  Sometimes knowledge 
is scary, but it's better than not knowing.

Clay

    First, I would like to thank you all for your encouraging words.  I
    probably should have put this note in a long time ago.  
    
    My Pedi is wonderful, thats why he has referred Brandon to a
    specialist.  I might even add that I owe him for my Oldest son (now 13
    years) life.  
    
    At about 4 months Brandon fell off the growth chart.  Instead of
    maintaining a curve of his own he was headed for trouble.  The amount
    of calories he consumed each day couldn't account for his lack of
    weight gain .At that time they did some local testing .  At one point
    the local radiologist (sp) thought both kidneys looked abnormal. Thats
    when my Pedi decided to send Brandon to Boston, for the sole purpose of
    having an expert in that feild caring for Brandon.  Once everything
    seemed to be normal Brandon continued to see his Pedi on a regular
    basis.
    
    Although Brandon is on an upward curve, still of his own, the Pedi feels
    that this specialist will be our last stop.  The specialist feels that
    there is something, but he's not sure what.  Right now they are trying
    to rule out "Storege Diseases",  They don't want to really get into
    what they are, because they feel Brandon doesn't have all the symtoms. 
    I do know that it's not treatable, what that means, well I was to
    afraid to ask.
    
    Sorry for being so long winded, but I wanted to create the actual
    picture.  
    
    Thanks, to all of you for your support.
    Carole       

    RE.19
    My daughter had cystic fibrosis (I say had because she passed away 5
    years ago) and that was one of the first things they looked for when
    she failed to gain weight.  So, I imagine one of the tests .0 has had
    was for C.F.  There are also unexplained reasons children don't fall in
    their range on the charts and frequently they refer to that as "failure
    to thrive".  
    RE.0   I sincerely hope they don't find anything.  One thing I didn't 
    see in your notes was you and your husbands size.  My son never fell
    where he was "supposed to" on the chart but his father and I are both
    short therefore our pedi was never concerned. 
                                                     

    Carole,
    
    Although at times it may be painful emotionally, I would pursue finding
    out if there is anything medically going on with your son.
    
    I believe mothers have an "instinct" in this area and should follow it.
    Even if it turns out to be "something," you can get a head start and
    get Brandon the help he may need.
    
    Unfortunately,I know this from experience.  My three-year-old son was
    not holding his head up at six months.  When I questioned my
    pediatrician, he said "his gut feeling was that nothing was wrong, but
    if I wanted to pursue it, he would give me the name of neurologists,
    etc."  Well, I pursued it, and immediately enrolled my son in an Early 
    Intervention Program, even without a diagnosis.  At nine months he was
    diagnosed as having cerebral palsy, and only now we are in the process
    of going through genetic testing because, in fact, it may be something
    genetic.  At any rate, he has been receiving "extra" services since 
    age 6 months and as a result is being "mainstreamed" into a school
    program.
    
    I wish you the best for Brandon.  You'll know what that is, too.
    
    Jeanne
    

    Carole -
    
    Any update on Brandon?   
    
    cj/

    Well it's been a long couple of months, but Brandon has made a lot of
    progress.  Most of the test results are back, and all are within
    "NORMAL" range.  The decision was made to sit back and watch Brandons
    progress with a recheck with the specialist in the spring.
    
    I had the week of Christmas off and it just seemed like Brandon wanted
    to show off for me.  He got out of his walker, he pulls himself up in
    his crib (New Years Day), and he walks only holding one of my hands.
    He is eating and drinking more and is very nosey.  I'd stay he's
    starting to be a normal 1 year old.  I still have some concerns, but if
    he keeps up with his current pace he'll catch up in no time.
    
    Thank you for you concern, I would have written sooner, but I couldn't
    find the note.
    
    Carole