Conference moira::parenting_v3

         My son, Bradford, started going to Nursery school last year at the
    age of 3.  My husband would drop him off in the morning at the playtime
    center around 8:30 AM.  Then, from 9 - 11:30 AM, he would be at Nursery
    School (another building, but within walking distance.  An aid would
    take him over).  Then, he would be escorted back to playtime and would
    stay there until 5 PM.  We were charged an hourly fee for the time at
    playtime in addition to the monthly fee for school.  He was going two
    days a week.  On the other three day, he was back at his family day
    care home.  I worked out the payment with the daycare provider by only
    paying for the days that Brad was there.  This year, he is going to
    school 3 days a week and 2 days at the home care.
    
         This worked out well for us as we did not have to get out of work
    to bring him back to the sitters.  I would recommend that you look for
    a school/daycare combination.
    
    Diane
    

    My 3 year old started going to pre-school two mornings/week just after
    he turned two and just before his brother was born.  I chose to go this
    route for so that he could "stay in touch" with another child whom he
    shared a nanny with for almost 2 years, and so that I would be assured
    of having some time with my newborn.
    
    With the exception of one or two tearful good-byes, Grayson LOVES
    school!  He developed new friendships, new interests, and learned more
    stories and songs than I could ever teach him.  He stayed in this
    "school" (really a daycare center) until summer, and this fall I
    started him in a different nursery school 2 mornings/week.  He's happy 
    there too, and is always asking "Is today a school day?" even on the
    weekend.
    
    I know that this is a good experience for Gray.  He's somewhat shy, but
    is already developing nice socialization skills - and his confidence
    shows it.  We have a nanny who is able to take him to school (lucky for
    us), but I know that there are also a number of carpools that other
    families participate in to handle the transportation problem.  Perhaps
    you could work out a similar arrangement.  As far as sending your
    daughter to school on your days-off, I suspect that she won't miss you
    as much as you'll miss her, and meanwhile Phillip will be able to be
    your  "only child" for a couple of hours. 
    
    Both of my children, now 3 and 1, really enjoy being with other kids,
    and so I feel that the pre-school experience is good for them.  Gray's
    brother is on a waiting list for the school Gray first attended, and
    Gray will probably be going 3 mornings next year.  We pay our nanny a
    set amount based on the time she is "on" for us, even if we choose not
    to use her.  
    
    Talk to Kelsey.  If she shows any interest I suggest you go for it -
    you can always pull out if it doesn't work out.
    
    Good-Luck!
    
    Emily
    is always asking "Is today

    I have a live-out nanny who is *wonderful* with my 2 girls - Elizabeth
    (3) and Laura (5 mos.).  Elizabeth goes to nursery school two mornings
    a week.  The nanny drops her off and picks her up.  We also pay the
    nanny the same wage whether or not E is in school.  When E is not home, 
    the baby get the benefit of the nanny's full attention.
    
    Right now I'm working 4 days a week and am home with both girls on my
    day off.  Depending on how E takes to school, I may increase her days
    to 3 in January.  My rationale is very similar to yours; I'd also like
    to have some private time the baby.
    
    On with the balancing act!
    LZP
    

    I'm going through the nursery school search right now, and I'm appalled
    by the lack of schools that offer programs for children with working
    parents (at least in my town-Framingham, MA). What I've discovered so
    far is the following:
    
    1. Traditional nursery schools run from September-May only.
    2. Traditional nursery schools that do offer some sort of extended day
    care in addition to nursery time only do so until between 3 and 5 P.M.
    (most closer to 3 P.M.)
    3. Daycare centers/nursery schools that operate five days a week all
    year often require that children be enrolled for the full week. I might
    like to cut back on my hours and don't want to be forced to pay for
    days that my daughter isn't in "school."
    4. Some of the fees are ridiculous, considering how much the parents
    are supposed to supply in addition to paying the fee.
    
    My daughter (2.5+) has been in family daycare since she was four months
    old. She (and we) love/s her provider and has the opportunity to play
    with other children there. However, we think its time for her to be
    exposed to larger numbers of children and more structured play. At the
    same time, though, we aren't prepared to remove her totally from the
    provider's home. Unfortunately, it looks like we may have to go that
    route.
    
    As far as the base noter goes, IMHO, I don't think it's unfair for you
    to place your daughter in nursery school for 1/2 days on the days that
    you are home. You'll still have the afternoons (or mornings), and you'd
    be available to attend any special programs that the school may run.
    
    If you are able to work out this situation (or anyone else who has some
    helpful hints), please let us know.
    
    Nancy-
    
    
    
    

    Why not switch Kelsey to a full time preschool?
    
    Aaron spent over two years in homecare, and while it was wonderful when
    he was younger, it really stopped being a stimulating and varied
    environment for him before age two, even with a fine provider, several
    other kids, and lots of outings.  The idea of full time pre-school
    intimidated his parents ahead of time, but he took to it like a duck to
    water.  Eric had homecare he and we liked even better, but on the basis
    of our earlier experience, we switched him to pre-school at 15 months,
    and it was a great change for him, too.  I don't think any lone adult
    (parent or otherwise) can really keep up with a 2 to 3 year old full
    time.  And I think it very beneficial for children to learn to interact
    with and rely on multiple adults, as well as varied groups of kids.
    
    		- Bruce
    

    
    I have Hannah in a local, coop nursery school.  She loves it.  But I am
    making a lot of sacrifices (in terms of my time) to send her there.
    First of all, since it's a coop nursery school, it is parent-run.  This
    means that I am expected to help out in the classroom a certain number
    of times a year, as well as help out with fundraisers, etc.  
    
    The program is wonderful, as are the teachers.  I guess as someone who
    is used to paying a daycare provider or center for services, I am a bit
    unacustomed to the "parent does everything" approach to nursery school.
    
    For instance, a few weeks ago we got a notice that the kids were going
    on a fild trip to the Discovery Museum.  A friend and I started
    speculating...."gee, I wonder how they're going to get the kids
    there...maybe they're renting a school bus.  Oh, the kids will be in
    7th heaven!"
    
    Lo and behold, the following day we were told that we had to have our
    kids to the museum by 9am and pick them up by 11am (45 minutes before
    the official end of the nursery school "day").  Now, don't get me
    wrong--this is a wonderful place--but it is inconvenient for working
    parents.
    
    My advice is to find a nursery school that corresponds to your schedule
    as much as possible.  Also, daycare centers offer "pre-school" type
    programs that are very similiar or the same to nursery school type 
    programs.  If time is an issue for you, you might want to consider a
    regular, quality daycare center.
    
    Bonnie
    
    

    I'm in the same boat too. My kids are 3.9 and 2.2 and at a in home
    daycare. I work 10-3 m-f. Traci has been asking to go to school since
    her older sister went back in Sept. The part time programs run from
    8:30 - 11:30 or full days. Since I pay a reduced rate by having the
    kids at the same daycare I don't want to split them up every day. I
    can't afford it. I can drop her off in the morning but can't pick
    her up since I don't get a lunch hour. I work in ZK0 and have been
    looking for something near work. If you are in the ZK0 area and 
    find a solution, let me know. I already pay $120 per week to work
    part time and can't afford school too, but will try to find a way if
    it's possible. 

    In re: .4
    
    Yes, finding good pre-school programs that meet the needs of working
    parents is hard.  With Aaron, I learned that applying a year ahead of
    desired enrollment isn't enough.  So, Eric was signed up the day he was
    born for the Center of choice.  A year and a half later it became clear
    that _that_ hadn't been early enough (though pre-natal application
    wasn't allowed!).  That year, nobody but younger siblings of kids
    already at the Center got in at all.
    
    In both cases, we scrambled around and finally found fine alternative
    schools, in different towns.  But you need to plan for this way ahead
    of time.  And even if you want to start only part time, you may want to
    pick a center with long hours available.  It can be hard to change
    centers later to accomodate a different parental work schedule.
    
    		- bruce

    The only way our family has been able to solve the nursery school/
    working parents dilemma is for everyone to do everything part time.
    We have one child, 3 next month, and he started nursery school in
    Sept. after a year in daycare. He loves it - no adjustment problems.
    
    He goes to his old sitter all day Monday. Tuesday through Thursday
    he's with my husband in the morning. David delivers Dan to school at 
    12:30, and starts work after that. I leave work in time to collect 
    Daniel at 3. Friday I'm home all day with him. 
    
    This has been somewhat hard on us, but my husband and I were both
    working part time before Dan started school, so we had already dealt
    with part-time issues. I can't imagine how we'd work it out if one
    of us had to go back to fulltime.
    
    Lucy

    
    Oh, the months and months we spent looking for the right combination
    of situations for our children!  
    
    While children were very young, I was the mommy on the block - not
    being a very good housekeeper/domestic person, I spent most of my time
    with the children - mine and others.  During the times when I needed to
    leave them (part time job), I found a wonderful woman to care for them
    in her home. 
    
    Later, after a move, we put them in a nursery school environment in the
    a.m., and took turns (hubby and self) picking them up at lunch time to
    go to the home where a neighbor looked after them.
    
    Still later, we found a nursery school/daycare environment that was on
    the schoolbus line for their gradeschool.   School activities needed
    planning well in advance for this situation.  Actually, at ages 6 and
    under, the daycare/school logistics are a lot easier.
    
    At ages 10 and 12 they became latchkey kids, with a neighbor to give
    them emergency care if required.... they were both pretty independant,
    and could do most things for themselves.  This situation was a little
    touchy - an awkward age when daycare was for "babies", and they were
    just a smidgeon too young to manage totally on their own.
    
    The most convenient arrangement of all is now - they drive themselves
    to and from school.
    
    
    -m

    I'd see if there are any nursery schools that also do daycare in the
    afternoons. I've started the daycare/nursery search again and most
    nursery schools are only half day but many are now offering afternoon
    daycare because of your exact problem. From a logistics point of view,
    this seems the best solution (no worry about who can pick-up at noon)
    but do ask your daughter. Maybe you can even find a daycare program
    that offers more skill building activities for the 3 year olds. That is
    my ideal for my son because he loves to learn but he'll be in school
    full-time soon enough so getting him into a formal program at 3 isn't a
    priority but a stimulated environment is. 
    
    If you find a program for her that is Tuesday & Thursday, maybe you might
    consider changing your work schedule to Tuesday to Thursday so the kids
    will still be with you for 2 days out of the weekdays. It all depends
    upon how important that time alone with your son is to you (and him and
    your daughter).
    
    Hope you find a suitable place.
    Andrea

    From experience, I'd say don't rush the nursery school, and don't 
    start her in the middle of the school year.  Remember that they are
    only this little once, and need love and security more than anything
    else.  
    
    Our oldest was 3 years 4 months when we started him in January,'88.  He
    actually chose this school when I was visiting several in our area, and
    they happened to have an opening in the 3-year old class at the time. 
    This turned out to be a bad move because all the other children had a
    few months experience with the routines and had set up their
    friendships, and had also learned quite a bit even though the school
    was not emphasizing much more than social skills and a stimulating
    environment.  Since he had been in daycare all along we did not think
    he would have a hard time, but we were wrong.  And he hated it.
    
    The next year was a completely different story.  He went to the same
    school, was in the 4 year old class (pre-kindergarten), with many of
    the same children as the previous year.  However, starting the year
    with all the others made a world of difference.  He loved it.
    
    I started my second son this past September when he was 2 yrs 9 months
    (our town kindergarten cutoff is Dec 1 so he'll be in Nursery school
    for two years).  He loves it and has had no problems, even though he
    has never been in daycare.  
    
    As for the transportation, I worked second shift at that time so that I
    could be with the second baby.  But I would drive another child to and
    from school and take her to her daycare while her parents worked.  Her
    mother had asked the school if there was anyone that was coming from
    the same area that would be willing to drive and the school got in
    touch with me.  They also publish the class list with parents full
    names, address and phone (all with prior permission at registration) so
    we could arrange carpools (or invite special little friends over to
    play since these little ones have no idea how to get phone numbers for
    their playmates!)  
    
    
    
                                                                  

    Starting at an off time can give you an edge on the waiting list.
    Most parents do want to start in the fall, for the reasons .12
    pointed out, and if they don't get the school they want, they make
    other arrangements and  generally don't want to disrupt the
    children by moving them during the year.  And with most schools,
    once you're in, you have priority on renewing for next year.
    
    We started Steven in nursery school at age 3.5 in Januaury,
    because he seemed ready for it and I wanted to go back to work. 
    But it worked out well for him.  Because he likes routine, doesn't
    deal well with noisy or disorganized times, moving into an
    environment that was already stable meant he wasn't threatened by
    the general chaos of the first few days of school. And because he
    was the only new person in a small class, the teacher was able to
    devote more time to making him feel welcome.  
    
    Kat started preschool in the summer, and that worked out very well
    indeed -- the classes were smaller and more relaxed, the schedule
    was less pressured, and it was generally a more low-key way to
    start.  So that by the time classes started in the fall, she had
    already had time to adjust to the idea of being away from home all
    day.  
    
    --bonnie
    

    Thanks for all the input thus far!!  However, I still have some
    concerns.  
    
    I did find out that Kelsey can begin at Meadowbrook Garden Nursery
    school on Nov 1st... only 6 weeks after the session began.  Meadowbrook
    is a private nursery school e.g. no daycare..
    
    I could send her to either a daycare/nursery school, e.g. Bright
    Horizons, Children's World , and keep her their the entire day. 
    However, I still have my 13 month old.  I don't want them in two
    different places.  
    
    I would prefer to have him stay with the babysitter he has now.  
    It's a warm and nurturing environment for him -- he and Kelsey 
    are the only ones.  I guess I am hesitating putting him a "daycare 
    center".  I'll take feedback though!
    
    I am speaking to my manager today.  I am proposing that I work at home
    on Tuesdays mornings.  My husband would bring Phillip to the
    babysitter's.  I would drop Kelsey off at 9:00 at "a" nursery school --
    only 1/2 mile from my house -- and return home to work (I have a system
    at home).  I would pick Kelsey up at 11:30, drop her off at the
    babysitter's, and be in the office by 12:00.
    
    Problems in paradise?  Yes, I occasionally travel and so doesn't my
    husband.  I'll need to look for backups.
    
    I could wait until next fall, but I feel that Kelsey really would
    benefit if she had a change.  Does anyone know of other "kids only"
    activities that would provide similiar stimulation in the Marlboro
    area? 
    
    Thanks for all your feedback.
    
    -L.