Conference moira::parenting_v3

How old is your child and is she within the "normal" range of weight
for her age/height?  Also, does she do a fairly good job of feeding
herself?

    You haven't said how old Samantha is.
    
    My attitude is that you set the tone/foundation for how you want
    Samantha to be treated while at daycare. A good compromise would be for
    the provider to agree to have your daughter feed herself at the start
    of a meal (they do great when hungry!) and she can finish..... Be real
    clear on what you expect... sounds like your provider's expectations
    differ from you. Quantity of food is often difficult to determine for
    kids, in terms of how much is enough.
    
    Best of luck,
    

    I don't think this is really an "is she old enough?" issue (BTW, how
    old is she?). It's getting daycare to comply with your wishes and
    Samantha's teaching.
    Maybe they would go for a "compromise"? One of the intermediate steps
    which all our children have taken in learning to feed themselves, is
    that we load the spoon and they put it into their mouths. As we see
    they are ready to be able to get sufficient quantities for adequate
    nutrition, we back off on the help, until they do it themselves. Maybe
    your daycare provider would be willing to do this...thereby satisfying
    herself that Samantha is getting "enough" food, but still allowing
    Samantha to use some of her emerging skills.
    I won't tell you that they shouldn't control this...you already know
    that,a nd it looks as if you've done most everything you could think of
    to this point to try and get them to comply. Could you request someone
    else help her with her lunch, as opposed to the woman with whom you
    have the problem?
    Good luck!
    --dave--

    My son is 13mo. and for the past 2 1/2 months I've been trying to let
    him feed himself.  He does a pretty good job, has a little trouble most
    of the time but will use his hands in return.  I sit next to him while
    he is in his highchair to make sure he just doesn't play in it, every
    3 bites that I take I will give him 1 just to make sure he's eating 
    properly.  He hates when I do that - He has to do everything himself.
    I understand what your saying about the daycare.  My son gets fed by
    the sitter (which I'm really not complaining as long as he eats). The
    #1 thing he loves is to sit in his highchair and eat raisins out of the
    little miniature box.  He loves pulling them out, it's really cute!!
    
    How old is Samantha?
    
    -Nadine
    
    

    Samantha is almost 20 months old.  Yes, she does a very good job by
    herself.  She just doesn't eat everything that I put in front of her. 
    I have been letting her eat be herself without assistance for 8 months,
    but it is just recently that she has been giving me problems about
    eating.
    
    As far as height and weight she is in the 50th percentile for weight
    and the 75th percentile for height.  I would, and the pedi, considers
    this perfect.
    
    The daycare is the women's home and she is the only one there.  There
    is one other child about 22 months old. (I don't know if she feeds him
    as well) I love the daycare and I am very happy with it.  The only
    thing I am worried about is my daughter is going to be 2 and still have
    someone feeding her.
    
    I think her resisting her food at mealtime, with me, could be due to
    the fact that I have her feed herself when she is used to being fed.
    
    Your responses are much appreciated.

    
    20 months is tooooo oooold to be fed, IMO.
    
    Tell the daycare provider what YOU want her to do with your kid.
    You shouldn't have to compromise. I would think that the daycare
    person should be happy that she doesn't have to feed the your kid.
    I was so thrilled when my daughter could manage a meal all by
    herself!!! 
    
    
    Eva.  

    My son (14 months) does fairly well feeding himself and has become
    independent to the point that if I try to feed him he either grabs
    the spoon or bites it to prevent me from feeding him.  As for the
    pickiness, I'm told it's a stage that all kids go through.
    I have found that Josh actually eats MORE when allowed to do it
    "MY" (himself).  I have the opposite problem, Josh's daycare expects
    them to feed themselves all of the time.  I can just see Josh trying
    to spoon up spaghetti, etc. with his stiff movement of the spoon.
    :-)
    
    Pam
    

    It sounds like Samantha's not eating very much on her own for
    either you or the sitter, but the sitter wants to take matters in
    her own hands, while you let her eat what she wants.  Will she eat
    if her father or someone else gives her the food?  Does she eat a
    little bit and then stop, or does she refuse to eat from the
    first? 
    
    If she eats some, then stops, she's probably just not hungry. 
    Kids at about 2 yrs. often have their appetite, and food
    consumption, fall off drastically.  It has to do with decreased
    growth rate.  (Another noter in here called it the "orchid stage"
    because it seems like they're living off the air.) 
    
    Another thing to check into is to make sure she's not getting too
    much in the way of snacks or sweets in the hour or so immediately
    before meals.  My kids used to fill up on nibbles, then not have
    room for the meal.  I found that the easiest way to deal with that
    was just to make sure the snack was nutritious -- for instance,
    letting them have carrot sticks an hour before dinner, so they'd
    already had the vegetable.
    
    --bonnie

    I would personally insist that she fed herself since you don't want her
    spoon fed. Maybe a few encouraging spoonfuls to get her to eat the
    things she is turning up her nose at. I would also be very interested
    to know if she expects the kids to get their food down within a certain
    time frame. Maybe she just doesn't feel like sitting for a long time
    while the kids eat and it is easier to fed them herself. 
    
    IMO, if your daughter really stops eating (not just slows down the pace
    or takes half-spoonfuls) then she is no longer hungry and forcing food
    is wrong. 
    
    I think a conversation about how you are trying to encourage Samantha
    to feed herself and eat at HER own pace and to try everything will
    stress to the daycare provider that you want it done your way. Tell her
    you can tell whether Samantha is imporving her "skills" because you do
    or don't see an improvement over dinner and keep letting her know you
    don't see an improvement if there isn't any. She will know you are not
    respecting your wishes. 
    
    Andrea

    After reading the replies I was wondering what some thoughts are on:
    
    Providing Samantha's lunch for the Daycare and make sure it is food
    that does not require a spoon.
    
    What are your thoughts?
    
    You have all been extremely helpful in your replies.
    
    Cheryl

    Marc (12 1/2 mos.) has recently become completely obsessed with spoons
    during meals.  For starters, he won't open his mouth unless he has a
    spoon in his hand, and his dish is right in front of him.  He then
    takes the spoon and bangs it into the food over and over.  This has
    the effect of flinging food all over the place!  If I try to help
    him actually pick some food up with the spoon, he usually grabs it
    away and won't let me help.  He also tries to grab my spoon as well,
    which I won't let him.  (I draw the line at one spoon :-)
    
    I'm not doing anything to discourage this behavior, since being so
    interested in spoons is probably a good thing.  However, I'm wondering
    how long it will take for him to progress to the next stage of wanting
    to use the spoon for eating rather than just banging!  Also, all this
    spoon banging is cutting down on his interest in finger-feeding.  He
    would rather bang the spoon on pieces of banana, for example, rather
    than picking them up with his fingers.
    
    Does anyone else's kid do this??

    .11 > He also tries to grab my spoon as well, which I won't let him. 
    .11 > (I draw the line at one spoon :-)
    
    Ah, there's your problem.  You need three spoons, one for each of his
    hands, and one for you to feed him with.  He can't take away yours
    without putting one of his down first.
    
    You're at the stage where some parents just spread old newspapers under
    and around the chair for easy cleanup.  Some kids pass through the
    worst of it quickly, and some less so, but you'll feel nostalgic about
    it sooner than you think.
    
    		- Bruce

Hey, Deb, use Bruce's suggestion and quietly say, "spoon one is 
database node 1, spoon two is database node 2, spoon three is..."

    Our dining room is carpeted wall-to-wall (yes, we bought the house in
    our pre-baby days), so we spread a vinyl tablecloth under the high
    chair, and just let Chelsea drop her spoons away.  If dead Cheerios
    could grow money trees, we would be wealthy.
    
    Mark
    

    David doesn't like Cheerios. David likes cottage cheese.  David
    won't let me feed him any more.  David holds the spoon in one hand
    and uses the fingers of the other hand to apply cottage cheese to
    his mouth.  
    
    Ammonia in warm water works great for cleaning the whitish dairy
    film off the floor . . . 
    
    At 13 months he's more entertained by an empty baby food jar and
    lid (which occupy both hands) than by a spoon, except when he
    wants to use the spoon for eating.
    
    --bonnie

    Nathan uses his left hand for the spoon, right hand to eat with
    directly...sometimes I give him my spoon too, for avoidance of hassles. 
    Sometimes when I get totally frustrated with his eating habits, I just
    let him do it; hasn't starved yet, and he is remarkably good at feeding
    himself when mom is out of the way!
    
    Adrienne