| < Note 250.0 by RDGENG::HOPE >
>>>>...how do you put it politly as my mother is also our
childminder whilst my husband and I are at work.
Tracey
You may not like what I have to say: here it goes. Get another
sitter. That starts with the amount of influence over the child.
Then, work the agreement with your spouse so that you will not
get the grandparent working one spouse against the other. I have
seen two families who let the parents run the grandchildren's
lives (mine included).
Lastly, tell your mother, other relatives that you respect their
views but only one works for your way of bringing up your kid;
your way.
calvin
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| Tracey,
I think you are little luckier with it being your mom and not your
mother-in-law. Assuming you have a good relationship with your mom, I
would capitalize on what Calvin said - you see only one way of raising
your child and that is your way. Tell her you don't mind her advice and
all her help, but you think you know how to raise your child and want
it done your way ("your" being both you and your hubby). If you request
that something be done a certain way or that certain rules are followed,
then you don't expect her to undermine you and do it her way (undermine
is a strong word - beware). Tell her you trust her child-rearing
expertise but you are trying to do this yourself with her help as
needed but not with her taking over your role and giving conflicting
messages to the children.
Don't get emotional - that's probably the hardest part. Maybe you could
even present it in a different light and and ask her if she is happy
watching your child because she is doing things that you requested not
be done so something must be bothering her? (If that is the case).
Ask her for advice and recommendations rather then assume she can put
something into practice immediately. It might feel very strange to her
to ASK if she can try a new food on her grandchild, especially since
you loved it as a kid (forgetting your were 6 and your child is 1 - for
example).
As a last resort, get it new childminder if at all possible.
Andrea
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