Conference moira::parenting_v3

    Dear Author of .104:
    
    I share alot of your longings for a child.  I am in the same position,
    but am only now getting ready to consult a doctor regarding whether or
    not we can have a child.
    
    From my perspective, everybody here in this file is open, friendly, and
    caring.  Alot of the comments that I hear from the pregos (if you will
    pardon the term), are light-hearted.  Most are said with a sense of
    humor.  In fact, I suppose when you're pregnant, you have to hope to
    god that you have a good sense of humor!  And yes, I'd like to know
    what it's like to be pregnant, and long for that day, too.  But I also
    know that everybody here is well-meaning and if you really got serious
    with 99.9% of everybody here who has issued one complaint about being
    pregnant, or being a parent - I betcha they'd say that they wouldn't
    give it up for the world.
    
    Though I don't know who you are, I send you my genuine and warmest
    wishes that all works out for you with your infertility treatments. 
    Isn't it wonderful that technology today has progressed this far?  What
    did people do years ago when there was no such thing as artificial
    insemination, GIFT, or any of those other acronyms that I can't
    remember... ?  Thank God science has taken us this far.  
    
    Stay with this community.  You're right in that many of us come here
    ready to become parents, hoping to become parents and trying to become
    parents.  Your sentiments about seeing pregnant women and little babies
    all the time hit home, too.  
    
    If you need support... if you just need to vent... you'll find it here
    in this community.  If you want to talk privately, you may feel free to
    send me mail directly to my node.  There are alot of us out here; you
    are not alone!
    
    All my best,
    marcia
    
    Ever find yourself driving to work (or anywhere for that matter) day-
    dreaming about what you'd name your baby girl/boy?
    
    

    There's one other thought that I had, too.
    
    Many women here are pregnant for the first time.  Many are also looking
    for support - either directly or indirectly - when they share their
    experiences of pain, cramps, nausea, etc., in this conference.  Even
    those who are pregnant for the 2nd or 3rd time could use some
    encouragement and support, I suppose!
    
    Like I said earlier, I think that 99.9% of those who have issued any
    complaint - wouldn't trade it for the world.
    
    What do you think, community?
    
    Rgds,
    

    
    Marcia (Mrs. Kip):
    
    I agree with everything you said in your last two notes.  As you
    know, my husband and I had a hard time conceiving and I could've
    written most of what the anon reply said.  I had a zillion concerns
    and many people in this particular note helped me alot.  Once I
    found out I am pregnant I was hit with a whole new set of concerns,
    aches and pains.  No, I would not trade this in for the world, but
    along with the elation is the constant fear that something bad is
    going to happen and we'll be back at square one again.  I think that
    99.9% of everyone I've encountered in this file are supportive and
    although at times it might seem like pregos are complaining about
    something a non-prego would welcome with open arms, I agree with you
    that I don't think anyone would trade those pains for anything.  
    
    Please hang in there, anon, and I hope everything works out the way
    you dream it should.
    
    Regards,
    Cherie  

    To Anon in the base note:
    
    My husband and I have been blessed with a wonderful child yet I cannot
    help feeling very emotional after reading your note.  I have a friend
    who seems to be undergoing the same emotional/physical roller coaster
    pattern that you are enduring and I give her so much credit and respect
    for hanging in there and always smiling.  I know that she has had a
    very difficult time but in no way has she lost sight of her ultimate
    dream...a child.
    
    In this conference I have used the community to vent, question and just
    perform sanity checks on myself.  Being a parent is a 30 hour a day job
    and one that I cherish with my entire being.  I have become to rely
    on this file just to re-assess where I am in the parenting stage and
    even to learn the words to nursery-rhymes that I know I should be
    singing to my child.  We really are understanding and are here to help
    each other out. 
    
    I may not be able to fully share in your hardship but as a concerned
    reader I would be happy to listen and lend a shoulder to lean on.
    
    All the best for your prayers to be answered.
    
    -Patty

    
    
    I too share the feeling of the base note person.  I know EXACTLY
    what you mean.  I am also going thru the same thing.  It's hard
    and all of you are right - the notesfile people mean well and
    support you.  It's still hard - very hard.  I went into major
    depression last Friday when I got "news" I did not want.  The feeling
    of giving up was there - but my husband was able to pull me out of it.
    Depression continues.
    Technology works - but it only work on everyone else, not me.  I need
    to change that feeling and think positively.
    
    The world out there, my best friends, our best friends have families
    and are expecting again.  It very hard to keep those friendship alive -
    it's hard to see them.  
    
    The base note person wrote my feelings precisely, and I understand ...
    
    Good luck to all of us who have experienced infertility and are now
    pregnant (and worried), who are still infertile and trying everyday,
    and to those who are so fortunate to conceive.
    
    Debby
    
    

I was very moved by the base note.  Some people who've replied have seen it as
almost accusatory, but I don't see it that way.  To me it seems more wistful.

Becoming pregnant is easy for some people, but that doesn't mean that *life*
is easy for them.  My wife and I feel very fortunate to have what we have,
even if we don't have children.  That doesn't mean that we don't have a hard
time dealing with the friends' pregnancies and babies.

I think I can add something to the base note regarding the emotional
roller coaster of infertility.  There's another factor besides the monthly
dashed hopes.  Fertility drugs cause some women to become depressed to the
point of non-functionality.  This compounds the stress of infertility.

    My prayers are with you and all others who are desperately trying to
    have a child.  After years of infertility and some painful surgeries, I
    have a 2 1/2 year old precious wonderful son, and am pregnant again. 
    (I lost three in between - 2 tubal pregnancies and 1 blighted ovum.)
    
    When I read your note it painfully reminded me of all the times that I
    would see a pregnant woman and think "I happy for her, but why can't it
    be me too?"...  I used to pray for a way to know for certain if it
    would ever happen to me.  Just tell me God that it will happen in a
    year, or three years, and I'll keep trying 'till I drop.  Or if you've
    decided that having children this way is not meant to be, just let me
    know so that I can decide what other options to pursue.  It was the not
    knowing that was so hard.  I kept thinking "Maybe this month, maybe
    this month"...
    
    To me, infertility was like having a loss every single month.  I pray
    it will happen for you soon.  Please keep us informed - you're not
    alone in your dreams!
    
    Dale

    Dear anonomous,
    
          Thank you for reminding us how lucky we are for being parents. 
    There are times when parenting can seem like an overwhelming job, but
    then if we think about what you have brought to our attention it brings
    us back to the reality of how blessed we are.  My prayers go with you,
    may you be able to bare the child you long for.  
    
    Peace,
    
    Mike

As my second daughter naps quietly down the hall, my eyes are full
of tears.  Those of empathy for you, those of joy for me.  Thank
you for once again giving me some perspective on what having
children really means.  May your quest for parenthood be shortlived.

Many hugs,

Liz

    Dear Anon,
     You are so right in your feelings, it becomes an all-consuming thing
    when the desire to bear children happens.
    
    I remember being almost nonfunctional because I was so consumed with
    charting days of my cycle, temps what fertility drug to take when, the
    mess of the progesterone suppositories and son on.  And then the letdown, 
    so many months I would leave the bathroom sobbing, because my period had 
    started and I new that this month there was no baby inside, and I had to 
    begin the same vicious cycle all over again.  I remember going to the
    Mall or Canobie Lake day and feeling as if every woman in the world was
    either pregnant or pushing a baby carriage, it was just awful.
    
    I guess that's what makes me not complain an awful lot getting up at
    night to tend to our son.  We finally got what we had wanted and prayed
    for, for so long!
    
    Lyn

    Hi,
    
    I was really touched by your note about infertility because I can
    also relate to all your feelings.  You would be surprised probably at
    how many of us are out there.  
    
    It is very hard to go through those same feelings month after month.  
    The hardest thing for me was to not really be able to share it with
    anyone.  I felt like knowone really understands how I feel unless they
    are going through the same thing themselves.
    
    If you want to send me mail as a friend who just needs to talk to
    someone about it, please don't hesitate.  Good luck with you!!  
    
    
    Sincerely,
    
    Angela
    

>    The hardest thing for me was to not really be able to share it with
>    anyone.  I felt like knowone really understands how I feel unless they
>    are going through the same thing themselves.

Have you considered a support group?  Contact RESOLVE for information.

Dear Anon...

I can totally relate to what you and everyone else here has said.  I too did
the temp taking, Lupron, Perganol, Follicle study ultrasounds, etc, although
I didn't do IVF or GIFT.  Not to mention all the tests and day-surgeries.
Not to mention all the driving to Boston and the exhaustion, both physical
and emotional.  And I don't have a husband to share it all with and was doing
artificial insemination as well.  Please send me EMail if you want to talk
about ANYTHING...I can totally relate to the years of yearning and heartache.
But I'm pregnant now, and it was surely all justified and worth it.  One thing
it does is make you not really believe you ARE pregnant (I'm in my 8th month
and still can't believe it), since you had so many months and years of 
faillure.

Keep the faith...dreams DO come true.

Waky

    
    re: -1

    I will vouch for you, that dreams _do_ come true!! After two years of
    trying to conceive, the doctor told me that there is a 99.5% chance of
    me _never_ getting pregnant, unless I go on a hormone routine.

    Well, 5 years later, with out a single hormone routine, I conceived.

    Daniel is 5 1/2 months old now and I _still_ can't believe I have a
    child!! It _does_ take time to sink in, doesn't it?

    Hang in there all of you who are trying. You are not alone and you are
    not the first one that has had this problem.

    Norma