Conference moira::parenting_v3

    
    I would think it would be a good idea to ask her outright what kinda
    of munchies she liked. Tell her you just thought you'd get her
    "something special" for when she babysits...(when actually, your making
    sure she won't eat things you don't want touched).
    
    How about frozen or microwave pizza??  Don't all teens like pizza??
    
    I guess it would depend on the "time" she babysat too..if its around of
    before dinnertime, and she hasn't eaten, the popcorn and chips might
    not be enough. 
    
    Good Luck,
    Chris
    
    

	First of all, she finished off a whole gallon of OJ and seltzer...?
	Is it possible she had company?

	As a rule, it's a good idea to say something like "I left some
	xxx and xxx for you to eat if you get hungry; is that OK?"
	Also, your idea to ask her not to eat certain things is
	reasonable.  

	In general, I've found that you should leave them something to
	snack on, but you should also be specific about what they can and
	cannot eat from your kitchen.

If a sitter of ours consumed that much food, without permission beforehand,
there is NO WAY he/she would sit for us again.  In general, most of our
sitters have neither eaten nor drunk any significant amount of anything!
Moderation in all things please.  We don't mind sitters having food or
drink, providing it's reasonable ... what do you eat / drink between
supper and bedtime at home ?

We've had one or two drink a cup of coffee, a glass of juice or pop, or
shared about 150 gms (5-6 ozs) of chips with the kids and that's it!  Once 
we had a sitter who had to come early at supper time and she brought her own 
food, in spite of being offered a meal with the kids beforehand!

Stuart

    I agree with the others-- spell it out beforehand.  On the rare 
    occasions we go out :-( , I always buy "special" snacks and leave
    them on the counter.  If we'll be gone for dinner, I usually get the
    kids fast food and let the sitter know so she can pick what she wants.
    Other than that, I usualy say, "Whatever food you find is fair game..."
    I've never had a sitter eat that much food, though.  That's a *lot*
    of food-- and beverages!  I'd spell it out clearly next time.
    
    
    

    You'll love this one!!
    
    I was in desperate need of a babysitter one Friday evening - for 2
    hours.  My regulars were busy, so opted to use someone I've never used
    before.
    
    She babysat only my 17 month old - I took my 3 year old with me.
    
    When I came home, I found an empty juice bottle in the trash.  It was
    half full when I left.  My 17 mo old doesn't drink it.
    
    I also found a medium size tupperware bowl, with the evidence of tomato
    sauce, in the kitchen sink.  I looked in the refrig and found that a
    jar of ready-made sauce was half empty.  I then looked back in the
    trash and saw an empty box of ziti.  
    
    I had made mac and cheese with the ziti for the kids earlier and
    leftovers were in the refrig - untouched.
    
    This girl came from work, stayed for 2 hours, COOKED and ate a 1/2 box of 
    ziti and tomato sauce, was watching MTV when I came home, and had time to
    entertain my child from 6:30 - 8:30????   To boot, I gave her $8
    because I appreciated her being available at the last minute!!!! (Next
    time (there will be no next time) I peruse the trash and refrig before
    I open my wallet!!
    
    Yes, she must have been hungry coming straight from work, but couldn't
    find a snack that would hold her off until she got home at 8:30??
    
    I still can't believe that her parents, who dropped her off, didn't
    either bring something for her, stop at McDonald's on the way or
    suggest something otherwise!!   
    
    I thought maybe I was being unreasonable.....
    
    L.
    

	Hmmmmmmm....

	I seem to be in the minority here.  But my reaction is what's the 
big deal?  Part the standard spiel I give Peyton everytime she stays with Katie
is "Help yourself to whatever food you can find."  (Easy for me to say, we never
have any food around. :-) )

	The only things that would make me upset would be if she made a big mess 
and didn't clean it up or if I had something special saved for a party or
something (and then I'd make sure that I let her know that it was off limits).

	But since it *does* bother you, I guess I'd arrange ahead of time to 
have something that she likes and ask her to leave the other stuff alone.

Tracey 

    I'm with you, Tracey, but not having any experience with teenage 
    sitters, didn't think my 2 cents was worth anything.    The only
    part that would bother me would be wondering if the sitter had
    friends over.  I'd want to know about that before hand (and probably
    wouldn't allow it!).   I've seen what my brother and a few of
    my girlfriends could eat as teenagers, so some of the stuff 
    in here doesn't surprise me.   I remember being so bored when
    babysitting as a teenager (after the kids went to bed) that I'd end 
    up eating quite a bit...but I always nibbled from lots of different 
    things, so it wasn't noticeable!!
    
    Carol
    
 

    I'm with Tracey.   I feel that any food I have is fair game for the
    babysitter.  (Hey, just leave the Champagne and Caviar alone ok? :-) ).
    
    It "might" bother me if it were something expensive that was devoured,
    but most stuff is up for grabs at my house.
    
    In fact, the last person I had over, I put cake, pizza, soda, you name
    it out in front in the fridg so they wouldn't be shy taking it, but she
    didn't touch one crumb!
    
    Put whatever is ok for her to eat out on the counter and in front in
    the fridge, maybe they'll figure it out.
    
     

    .5
    
    say what? I think she made a pretty cheap dinner. If I one of
    my daughters were going to sit for someone from 6.30 to 8.30
    and hadn't had a chance to go home to eat first I'd expect
    the family to provide something for dinner. I wouldn't expect
    to have to have them spend some of their money on fast foods.
    
    I do send dinner over to my daughter when she babysits at
    one house, because the people have 7 kids and have barely
    enough to feed their own kids. 
    
    But I don't think having some pasta and tomatoe sauce and juice
    (worth a couple of dollars) is excessive at supper time.
    
    Bonnie

    The only thing I request of my sitters is if they finish the last of
    anything to write it down on my shopping list, posted clearly by the
    phone.  I don't mind them eating, but I would like to know I need to
    replace something if it's no longer available.
                                       
    I've never had a problem with a sitter abusing the "food privilege".
    
    Regards,
    Lois
    

    Coming from someone who spent most of her teenage years babysitting, I
    think it is only reasonable to expect to get dinner when you sit during
    the normal dinner time.
    
    I babysat for plenty of people who left Spaghetti-Os (I hate them so
    much I don't even know how to spell them!) for the kids and me.  My
    mother never had things like that since she made almost everything from
    scratch and I had never had them before.  It only took one taste for me
    and after that I would bring my own dinner.
    
    I guess my rule is, I'll provide the food and if you don't like it
    you'll have to make do or bring your own. 
    
    However, I have to wonder if the sitter in the base note had some friends
    over.  Orange juice has been known to go into mixed drinks...
    
    judy  

    
    So, maybe the kid was thirsty.  What's the big deal?
    
    I ALWAYS tell my babysitter to help herself to whatever's in the
    fridge, pantry, cabinets, etc.  I also ask her if she's had dinner.  If
    not, I open the freezer and show her what I have--and tell her to help
    herself to whatever she wants.  If anything's off limits, I tell her
    beforehand.  I also make sure that I have plenty of fresh fruit and a
    bag of chips on hand at all times.  I also notice that she likes to
    drink seltzer--so I load up on that before she comes as well.
    
    My steady sitter sometimes arrives with a friend or two in tow (she
    always asks beforehand).  I know the other girls and they are very
    attentive to my daughter--I never object.  But I do ask if they've had
    dinner.  If not, on occassion, when there is no real food in the
    house--I leave money for a pizza for all of them (my daughter
    included).  They usually object ("oh no, you don't have to do
    that!")--but I remember what it was like to babysit and the people I
    would babysit for did that for me.
    
    I RARELY if ever have problems getting a sitter--even at the last
    minute.  I treat them as though they are part of our family--which they
    are, even for a few hours.  And it's paid off handsomely.
    
    Bonnie
    
    

    I tell my sitters, if it's edible feel free to eat it - none have
    ever eaten any of the biology projects in the the tupperware :).  I
    do buy special snacks for them and figure they should know when to stop 
    eating -- I let them know how much the kids can eat though. None have
    ever abused food.  If I have a sitter come at supper time, I'll let them
    know what the kids are eating and they have their choice to either eat
    before they come or eat with the kids.  

    The babysitter mentioned in .0 sat on Saturday nite from 7:30-12:00.  
    She came straight from work at a video store, so I guess she hadn't 
    had dinner.  But when I hire a babystiter, I don't expect to feed her
    dinner.  I expect her to eat beforehand, or bring her dinner with her.  
    (I seem to remember her bringing a fast-food bag in the past).  Snacks
    and beverages are OK.
    
    Rathole alert :-)  A possible explanation for the gallon of juice, 
    etc. is that this girl has diabetes (in fact, she was in Children's 
    Hospital for a month over Christmas), and I remember reading somewhere 
    that diabetics are excessively thirsty.  I don't think she had any
    friends over.  This may be completely irrelevant, I don't know...
    
    Anyway, my main objection was in feeling like I'd never know what would
    get eaten the next time she was over.  If I discuss it with her the
    next time, and be specific about what is OK/not OK to eat, we should
    avoid this problem in the future.

    
    I also leave food for her on the counter.  Mostly snacks, but if it's
    around dinner I tell her to help herself.  
    
    You shouldn't resort to hiding food, but if it's expensive and a rare 
    treat for yourself, then hide it.  As far as fridgerator stuff, tell
    her the pie or lasagna is for company tomorrow.
    
    I have a 21 year old and it costs a lot, but I don't have a lot of 
    problem and never worry.
    
    Does anyone know a babysitter off rte 7 in Nashua???????????
    
    I also babysat when I was younger and lived on spagetti-0's.
    
    Tricia
    
    

    If your sitter is diabetic, it is highly probable that she drank
    everything herself.  And being diabetic, junk food - especially sweets
    - are not a good choice for her.  Depending on her type and severity of
    diabetes, she may not be able to have alot of sugar in her diet.
    
    Perhaps fruit, unsweetened jello, yogurt, etc., would be good choices
    to leave for her.  (My sister is a fragile diabetic and has been since
    age 4.)  This doesn't make me an expert, and I may be wrong in what
    some good food choices are for diabetics to snack on.
    
    I used to babysit for most of my teen years.  My dad was/is a blue
    collar worker.  That meant he was home after 3:00 and supper was some
    time thereafter... 4:00, 4:30.  So sitting from 7:00 til whenever (in
    my cases sometimes TOO late - 1:00, 1:30...) - is a LONG time for
    teenager.  I used to go for scrambled eggs.  There wasn't alot of stuff
    to munch on in this family's home.  I suspect finances had something to
    do with it.  But even when I ate two scrambled eggs, cleaned my mess,
    etc., I felt guilty about it.  The youngest made a mental journal of
    everything I did/ate/etc., and reported back to mom!  Talk about making
    me feel akward!
    
    My point is - kids, especially teenagers - get HUNGRY.  That's normal. 
    I would expect that they would want to snack during the evening.  I
    think if I were in the position of needing a sitter - I'd let him/her
    know what I had available to snack on.  If there was anything OFF
    LIMITS, I'd let him/her know that too.
    
    Bonnie has the right attitude:  If you want to have steady, dependable
    sitters, and they are teenagers... think of it in terms of when you
    were a teenager.  Make them feel welcome and part of the family. 

    I think that the big deal here is that it was not expected.
    
    Someone mentioned that the sitter should be feel like part of the
    family.  Fine.  We don't pig out after supper.  We don't let our
    kids pig out after supper.  We don't expect a sitter to pig out
    after supper.  We OCCASIONALLY snack on bicuits and cheese, a few
    chips or a couple cookies ... but that's IT!
    
    There is a big difference between a snack and pigging out which
    it sounds like .0's sitter did.
    
    If a sitter comes near a meal time and has not eaten, then I think it's
    up to the sitter to say so ... I have no objection to feeding a sitter,
    but I don't like SURPRISES!
    
    Stuart

    
    I think that .16 started on what may be the root of the "problem"
    here.   If the sitter is an insulin-dependent diabetic then she
    may have *had* to eat and *had* to eat specific types of food.
    I don't know enough about diabetes to go into specifics, but I 
    do know that diabetics need to maintain a routine with respect 
    to eating and exercise.
    
    And, as for -.17, I believe that the babysitter under discussion
    didn't have a chance to eat supper between her job and her babysitting,
    so your comments about her pigging out are kinda off-base, in
    my opinion.
    
    Carol

    I'll never forget the time I was fired from a babysitting job for
    eating the last piece of cheese as opposed to the chips and other
    "junk" food that was left for me.
    
    I agree with the other noters, if you don't want your sitter to
    eat something, let them know, otherwise, it's fair game.
    
    Lori B.

    
    Something that just occurred to me that hasn't been mentioned is the
    difference between an organized and an unorganized person.  Also--the
    difference between a family that "snacks" vs. the family that has
    a designated meal time and formal meals.
    
    One or two people have stated that they expect their sitter to come to
    a sitting job either having eaten dinner--or with dinner in hand. 
    That's great if their sitter is an organized person.  Frankly, I'm the
    type (and always have been) who doesn't think about things until they
    are ON TOP of me--hunger included!  How many times have I popped in on
    a friend--only to realize it's lunchtime--and to say, "hope you don't
    mind, but I'm making myself a sandwich..."  I've also come home from
    work--realized there's no food in the house--and called up a neighbor
    to say, "there's nothing here to eat.  Can I invite myself over to
    dinner?"  My house is the kind of house where people know they can help
    themselves to whatever there is in the frig.--and they do.  I hardly
    think anyone minds me grubbing a meal here or there--since it's very
    recipricol.  The bottom line being--I could NEVER get it together to
    eat dinner or bring my dinner somewhere BEFORE I was actually hungry. 
    My mind simply doesn't work that way--unless I'm specifically told,
    "this is a picnic or this is a potluck--bring this or that."  So, most
    likely, I would be the kind of sitter who would show up at your house
    with a hungry stomach.  If you were the kind of family who would mind
    me scavenging in your frig.--then we'd probably do better to part ways
    and for you to find a better match for yourself.
    
    As far as "pigging out" goes--I hardly think that drinking a lot of OJ
    is pigging out.  If you told us the sitter consumed a complete dinner,
    a bag of chips, a quart of premium ice-cream, etc.--I'd probably
    chuckle and think, "that was one hungry kid!"  
    
    One thing that would get me livid though--is if the babysitter cooked
    something or ate something and left a mess.  That's my hot button.  I
    don't care what they eat...but leave the place the way you found it. 
    That includes putting away any toys--crayons, markers, games, etc.  I
    expect the house to be straightened up when I come home.
    
    Bonnie
    
    
    
    

    I've got a teen that eats *a lot*.  For the two of us, I fix dinner
    for three and come out somewhere about even.  Then he spends the
    rest of the evening snacking -- whole bags of chips, several cans
    of soda, entire boxes of cookies.
    
    He has friends, mostly those who are very active in sports, who
    *will not touch* junk food.  No soda, no pizza, no chips, no cookies.  
    They fill up on fruit juice, fresh fruit, sandwiches, pasta and the 
    like.
    
    Many of these kids are incredibly busy, particularly once they are
    in high school and not junior high.  It is entirely possible that
    they simply are not able to get to a food source between their other
    activities and the babysitting job you asked them to do.  Personally,
    I'd expect to feed supper to any teen in my home between the hours
    of 5:00 and 8:00, or fraction thereof.  
    
    My take - the most important thing is to know what your sitter's
    needs/wants are ahead of time, and whether or not you can/want to
    meet them.  

    Alison

    I just re-read .0 .... If the sitter had eaten ... that's pigging out
    If the sitter hadn't eaten, then she sure tucked in to a lot of stuff
    and it looks close to pigging out!
    
    Re Carol's comment about my being off base saying she pigged out ...
    
    I generally read notes via an automated notes reader and so go through
    them at convenient times, so there is often a delay between the last
    note I read and the time I might reply.  This has the advantage that
    I can note at times that won't imapact work, but has the disadvantage
    that more information can creep in between the last note I read and
    my reply ...
    
    Also I guess our definitions of pigged out can vary too ... 
    
    
    The bottom line is that I consider it grossly inconsiderate to tuck
    into stuff in our larder unless asked or offered, whether they've
    eaten or not.  I don't see that the kid having not eaten and not
    bothered to tell me should become a problem for me.  If a sitter
    told me that they hadn't eaten, then no problem, we can certainly find
    something, and I wouldn't even mind dishes left ...  BUT DON'T
    TAKE ME OR MY LARDER FOR GRANTED.
    
    Stuart

    Perhaps I'm a little sensitive to this since I am diabetic ... but I
    hope that you haven't said anything to the sitter yet, and will
    consider this;
    
    a) She's not usually like this
    
    b) She didn't have a chance to eat dinner (most likely)
    
    c) She's an insulin-dependent diabetic
    
    It all makes a LOT of sense - even 1/2 gal of O.J.  If she didn't eat
    dinner, her blood sugar probably dropped very low.  If she's ANYTHING
    like I am, and how I was as a sitter, she was probably *VERY* concerned
    that her reaction could become severe and she may not be able to care
    for the child(ren).  Diabetics are instructed, at the on-set of an
    insulin reaction, to DRINK ORANGE JUICE or other sweet things.  If you
    don't feel better within 15 mins, go for more etc.  Since she was
    probably a little scared, she may have drank more than the normal 8-12
    oz. glass (to be 'sure'), and she may have had to go through 2-3
    'doses' before she felt better.
    Let's assume at this point that she STILL didn't eat any real food
    (carbos or protein).  The whole nasty thing can repeat itself within
    1/2 hour, depending on her particular circumstances.  I would guess
    that eventually (after going through 1/2 gal of O.J. and still feeling
    terrible) she decided she better eat SOMEthing, and resorted to
    the macaroni and cheese.
    
    I wouldn't consider 'punishing' your babysitter until you found out
    what may have happened as a result of her medical condition.  If that
    was me in there, there would've been lots more food gone - just to be
    SURE.  Sounds like she held back!!  And she's probably much too
    embarassed to EVER mention it, and is probably hoping you didn't
    notice.
    
    As far as for us, the babysitter is free to eat whatever she can find. 
    My only limit right now is use of the oven (micro. is fine), just cuz I
    think that young teens (our babysitters!) are a little less than
    diligent about paying attention.  You can blow up the microwave, but it
    won't burn down the house! (I HOPE!)  If you're going to ask someone to
    sit at dinnertime, or you think they might not have had the chance to
    it, I think you OWE it to them to make SOMEthing available - or at
    least not complain when they find something.
    
    ....but that's just my opinion!!
    
    Patty

	The fact that the girl is diabetic REALLY puts a whole 'nother slant on 
things.  I've had a couple of friends who were diabetic.  I can vouch for the 
I have to EAT, NOW! Whether it's convenient or not.  I can also vouch for the 
fact the young people can feel pretty weird about this.  One of my friends used
to let himself go way too far into an insulin reaction rather than speak up in 
a group of people.  Some of us became adept at noting when he needed food and 
INSISTING that we HAD to eat now.  It made it a little easier for him to take
care of himself.  

	I'd suggest a combination of things that have been suggested here.
Someone mentioned putting stuff on the shopping list if you eat it all.  That
shoulds like a reasonable approach.  I'd also suggest the ask her what she'd 
like on hand.  (The fact that you bought chips and stuff shows that you are
trying to be a "nice guy" just misguided in your choices for her.  :-) )
Finally the surpise element that Stuart mentioned is now gone.  from the 
replies here I'd suspect that you now know that the expectation to feed the 
sitter is the norm not the exception.  If you REALLY don't want to feed her, 
you need to let here know what your expectations are.  

Tracey

    I think 1/2 gallon of OJ, 1/2 gallon of seltzer, a can of M&C, and some
    raviolis is neither excessive or "pigging out".  Particularly for a
    teenager.  Particularly not having eaten dinner, perhaps not having
    eaten for several hours!
    
    Anyone who comes to my home is welcome to eat if they are hungry.  Even
    the lowly babysitter :-) .  Heck, you gotta keep the good ones, is my
    take!  They're hard to find!
    

    I generally leave money for Pizza for my oldest when she sits Carrie. 
    There is always sandwich and other food and juice stuff in the house,
    and on the occaisions when I've had a sitter in the house, they are
    told they are welcome to anything.  If I have something I am saving for
    family I mention it.
    
    Meg

    As the proud owner of two teenagers, and having hired, fired and been a
    babysitter - I'd like to speak.
    
    I believe both the babysitter and the parents are a little out of
    order.   As a sitter, I usually asked if it was ok if I cooked (it was
    stated somewhere in the Girl Scout manual, I think), what I was
    supposed to feed the children, etc....
    
    As a parent who hired a sitter - I absolutely NEVER expected a sitter
    to be there at mealtime without having prepared for him/her a meal.   I
    also documented either verbally or orally what they could not get into
    (even stating the obvious, like booze and caviar are forbidden).    
    
    As a parent of teenagers - I am surprised that you think the amount of
    food or drink you described is excessive.   Diabetes is not the onlyl
    excuse for eating a full meal.... most teenagers are hungry most of the
    time.   Most teenagers who sit regularly are probably used to being
    fed, or if not, cooking for themselves.   
    
    If such independent behavior (like cooking for oneself instead of using
    up the family's leftovers) upsets you, just don't hire the teen again.  
    I prefer someone who can think for themselves, cook, eat, and clean up
    all without prompting?   
    
    But if you are serious about your original question - just stock pizza
    and OJ.   If you feel compelled to do so, declare other foods off
    limits.
    
    
    -m

    ........maybe she SPILLED the OJ?!

    I don't mind the juice and seltzer (seems like kind of a lot, though),
    but I don't think it's appropriate for her to eat regular dinner-type
    food things.      

    		Then tell her so.

    Other times she's babysat for us, I bought popcorn, chips, nuts, etc.,
    and she never eats any of it.  I guess I'll have to ask her what she
    likes to eat before she sits the next time.  

    		Sounds like a good idea to me! 
    		Why by stuff she doesn't eat?

    I also plan to ask her not to eat leftovers and canned goods. 
   
    		How else will she know your preferences?
     
    What is people's experience with this?
    
    		Sounds like you've had enough experience, as you've 
    		solved all your problems in your basenote.

    		I'm just starting the babysitter routine. My son
    		is almost 5 months and we are just starting to look for
    		sitters for week nights and or weekends.

    		Good luck! 
    		Norma

    I can't help saying this one more time, though.  It would be very
    helpful if you had things on hand that are okay for a diabetic to eat: 
    fruit/yogurt/Nutrasweetened Jell-O/etc.  Munchies are not usually a
    good choice.  
    
    A few noters suggested that she may have needed to eat.  That may be
    true.  And unless she's a brittle diabetic she probably WASN'T going to
    have a reaction.  I hope no one here ever thinks twice about hiring an
    individual with diabetes for fear of a reaction.  Most diabetics are
    fully cognizant of how to balance their diet, insulin [IF Type I],
    etc., to lead normal lives.  Even in worse-case scenarios, diabetic
    insulin reactions can be avoided with the immediate intake of sugar.
    
    Perhaps the next time she is going to sit for you, you may ask, "Is
    there anything special that I can get for you to snack on while you're
    babysitting?"
    
    My only fear here is that some parents who aren't familiar with
    diabetes may be hesitant to hire a sitter with that malady [for fear of
    an insulin reaction].  It is controllable and very often, not even
    apparent to those who aren't aware of it.
    
    Rgds,
    marcia
     

    But be careful how you phrase it . . . 
    
    For years -- since Kat learned to operate a can opener, in fact --
    we've had trouble keeping ANYTHING on hand, even things that are
    intended for a meal and that she knew were intended for a meal. 
    When she got hungry -- which was frequently since she sometimes
    dances for six or eight hours of rehearsals -- anything was fair
    game.  And she wasn't into junk food.  She needed real food. 
    
    So one night I was getting supper ready, and I was going to have
    macaroni and cheese dish with the chicken-and-tomato casserole I
    planned.  
    
    Well, I opened up the cupboard and there was no can of tomatoes. 
    There was no box of macaroni and cheese.  Even the chicken was
    gone from the fridge!
    
    I started in yelling . . .
    
    and she said very innocently, "But Mama, didn't we have that for
    supper last night?"
    
    And she was right . . . 
    
    --bonnie

Hurray for all the people who stuck up for the babysitter.  As to the food 
part, isn't it true that many diabetics are told to eat frequently 
throughout the day (rather than 3 large meals) and would be told NOT to go 
through a 5-hour stretch without eating anything?  As to the OJ and the 
seltzer, maybe she mixed them to make a sort of sugar-free orange soda.

And OF COURSE she's sensitive about discussing this -- I have trouble 
getting my teenage babysitters to talk about anything important, from how 
much they charge, to how long they're comfortable spending in the house, to 
whether or not they have eaten.  

My experience with teenage girls has been exactly the opposite:  one diet 
soda apiece -- no matter what time of day or how long they're there.  I 
kind of wish they WOULD eat stuff...

    After reading all the replies, from beginning to end I've come to
    appreciate the girl (young woman of 20 actually) who babysits for me,
    and the other one, same age who is kind of a "backup sitter".  Although
    they are both on the "larger side" the only thing I've ever seen them
    eat while sitting is half a bag of munchies, and one or two diet cokes.
    I usually leave a medium bag of Doritos, or Smartfood or carmel corn,
    or sometimes I'll try and put some premade cookies in the oven.  They
    know it's there, and I pretty much tell them that whatever they can
    find is fair game.  I've jokingly said to them the beer and wine is
    downstairs on the cellar stairs, and made it clear if they took me up
    on the offer it was AFTER AJ was asleep! but that's because my primary 
    sitter won't be driving, she lives next door.  And reality is no on has 
    ever taken me up on the offer.  She has occationally had her boyfriend
    or a girlfriend stay with her, with permission of course, and one night
    the boyfriend had brough his own bottle of diet coke with him.  I guess
    I give these girls a little more slack, because they are older.
    
    We had two occations within the last year to need a sitter quite early,
    before 4:30pm, both of them were offered a supper type meal, both had
    already eaten by the time they got there.  Neither one was my regular
    sitter, as luck would have it, but they too stuck to minimal soda and
    chips type things.
    
    Just my thoughts
    Lyn

    Having two teenagers who babysit I'd like to add my 2 cents. I have a
    son who can eat a pound of spaghetti by himself along with a salad,
    juice and desert!!!! He is very active in sports so he is always
    hungry and everyone that has him babysit for them is well aware of his
    appetite and prepares for it. Especially if he will be there for the
    dinner hour. As for my daughter she doesn't eat as much (thank
    heavens), but she won't eat junk food either so her clients will leave
    her favorite lunch meat or something else that she likes. 
    
    Trudy

    I wanted to add this somewhere, but figured since I started this string
    I'd put it here.
    
    Tomorrow night hubby and I will be heading out in different directions
    and we've hired a sitter who is new to us.  Hubby is leaving work early
    since I will be gone most all day and not coming home until late night,
    to make sure AJ is bathed, and we've asked her to arrive at 5 to allow
    for a half hour "orientation" to the house and AJ, the cats etc.
    
    Since we're trying to maintain as close to a normal routine for him,
    should I plan on enough food for the sitter?  I'm probably going to
    pull out one of the frozen casseroles from the freezer and just let it
    warm slowly all day in the crockpot, there will certainly be plenty.
    I'm just not sure if I should presume that she will or will not have
    eaten.  Or does hubby just feed AJ and let her know it's there if she
    wants it?  She's a freshmen in H.S. and I do believe she goes right home
    after school, i.e. no activities.
    
    Secondly, it's been so long since we've had a "new" sitter I'm not sure
    what I ought to leave as far as snacks. Do I assume Diet cola of some
    sort, chips, do I go home tonight an whip up a batch of cookies or
    brownies.
    
    She will probably only be there until 9 at the latest.  But has come
    highly recommended by several neighbors.  I've never had a sitter
    younger than 17, so this 14 or 15 year old is kind of strange to me.
    
    Can some one please advise, on a last minute thing?
    
    Lyn

    I have one sitter who eats nothing!!!  Lucky me!  And I have another
    sitter who (on occaision) will eat a "stand-by Lean Cuisine" meal.  If
    she will be feeding the boys dinner, I always let her know there's
    plenty available to her also.  You need to decide if it's best for AJ 
    to eat with Dad or with the sitter and decide from there.
    
    I try to assume that if the sitter is there anywhere from 4:30 - 6:00,
    she may have missed her own dinner time and will offer something from
    my kitchen.
    
    -sandy
    

    I always offer the sitter the entire kitchen.  Especially, for dinner
    time, I would try to have to have something prepared or really easy
    to fix up.  Hopefully, the sitter will be polite and clean her own
    mess.  I don't appreciate impolitness and if the sitter took advantage,
    I'd have to be more blunt next time.  I wouldn't want it to be a
    drag for the sitter to come over my home, even if they are paid.
     i don't know, this is kind of a wierd question, actually.

    I'm usually very direct and just ask, "Will you be having dinner with
    Gina?"  What kind of soda and snacks do you like?"  Sometimes they
    tell me, sometimes they don't.
    
    If they tell me, I get what they like.  If they don't tell me, I tell
    them they can eat what they see in the snack cupboard/fridge and let
    them deal with it.
    
    judy

    Although it's a wonderfully generous offer to bake your sitter brownies
    or cookies, as a former sitter, it always me feel a little guilty.  I
    always knew that they would not have been baked otherwise, and then
    felt obligated to eat some.
    
    I agree with the advice to ask her, and then accomodate her if she has
    a specific request.  I doubt it would be, "Oh great!  Would you please
    make me some double fudge brownies?"
    
    W-

    Our sitter is VERY shy, and she'd rather starve to death than actually
    ASK us for something.  I also remember sitting, and getting REALLY
    hungry/bored, and wishing they'd had something that I liked.
    
    Soooooo .... we asked her mother what she likes to snack on, and she
    told us, and I got it and made a point to tell her to help herself -
    which she did.  I think we were all a little more at ease with that.
    
    Also, I always offer the whole kitchen.  If there's something I DON'T
    want her to eat, I'll tell her.  "You can have anything you want,
    except for the Chocolate Cake cuz that's for a party" .... or whatever.
    
    Of course, by now the sitter's come and gone - how did it go??
    
    Patty

    I know this is going to sound wierd, but I never actually met the
    sitter!  I had a commitment that took me out of the house at noon, and
    not back til midnight.  My husband said she was very mature for her
    age, and virtually didn't eat a thing.  I left a small crockpot of
    american chop suey, for AJ, hubby and the sitter if she wanted, (she
    didn't) a bag of smartfood, and I keep several different varieties of
    soda and juice-waters, as well as iced tea, milk and juice.
    
    We will be needing her again this Wednesday, and plan on leaving some
    of the "scratch" brownies I made yesterday. I will freeze a good
    portion of them though, I'm a real bad chocoholic!
    
    AJ was a real good con-artist, telling her he couldn't eat his supper,
    "it was too hot", and insisted we always let him stay up to watch that
    new program about Dinasaurs.  He was sitting on the couch watching TV
    with her when hubby arrived home at 8:45.  He told her that AJ is the
    next "Joe Isuzu", and not to let him con her anymore.
    
    Just one thing that disturbed me though, she insisted on walking home. 
    Granted it was only 8:45, and we live in a very safe, well lit
    neighborhood, but was it a good idea?  She insisted she walks home all
    the time, and didn't want a ride.  Any advise on this one?  She's the
    first sitter I've ever had who didn't drive.
    
    Lyn

    I, too, preferred to walk home at that age - just ask that she give a
    quick phone call when she arrives so you know she's safe.  One instance
    that happened while I was the sitter for a single parent up the street
    was that she watched me from the sidewalk until I went in the house and
    flicked the front light.  Remember, most teens are immortal! 8^)  (or
    at least think they are)
    
    -sandy
    

I always walk or drive the sitter home, and wait until she is in her home
before I leave.

Overall, it's probably just fine, but Shellie's sister was raped walking home
from a babysitting job, and so I like to be really sure our babysitters are 
going to be safe.

      Carol

    My guess is that your sitter feels a little uncomfortable about being
    alone with you or your husband.  (You said she was shy, right?)  No one
    has *ever* accused me of being shy, but I would feel uncomfortable in
    the car with the Dad. I think cause the woman usually made the
    arrangements and we could just chat about how it all went.  In those
    days, the Dads weren't that involved.
    
    Also, one time the Dad made a pass at me.  I was about 17.  Needless to
    say, I didn't sit for them again!
    
    judy

I have pretty much the same practice as Carol D.  I drive the babysitter home, 
and wait until she is in the house.  Also, I am very careful to avoid saying 
anything that could remotely be construed as a "pass", and never drink enough 
to be even remotely considered impaired.

But recently it's never been an issue with us, since recently the babysitters 
we've had all have lived far enough away that walking home was out of the 
question.  Several years ago, we did have a neighborhood kid babysit, whom I 
let walk home alone.  He was a high school kid about a foot taller than me.  I 
figured if he couldn't take care of himself, there wasn't much I could do.
:^)

Clay

    Kat always walked home from neighborhood babysitting jobs. 
    
    --bonnie

    We used this young lady again this past Wednesday.  She *IS* a
    wonderful person!  On the topic again, due to some fluke in timing
    hubby and I arrived home together, it was about 8:50, and I had decided
    on the way home to at least offer to take her home.  I suggested that
    it was pouring out, and wouldn't she like a ride?  She accepted, and at
    the same time realized that from where she lives to where we live we
    can just about see each other's homes.
    
    I do tend to agree with others that maybe she declined my husband's
    offer to drive her home, just because he is a man.  He wouldn't do
    anything, but she is a bit timid it would seem.  By the way she ate ONE
    small brownie, that's it.  I had left her chips, soda, juice and told
    her anything she found was fair game.  Including the fact that AJ and I
    were eating supper when she came.  She sat at the table, but didn't
    have anything.
    
    I do feel much more relaxed knowing that we may have finally found a
    reliable babysitter, who will hopefully be able to help us for a few
    years to come.  I only hope she doesn't become too involved in school
    activities!
    
    Lyn

    I envy you!  I just lost my sitter to a pizza joint!
    
    Bummer dude!
    
    -sandy
    

    I don't have the time to read through all of these replies, so  this
    may have been answered before!
    
    I will be having a high school student come after school 2-3 days a
    week to help out with house work and the care of our  twins.  What I
    was wondering is what is a fair hourly pay.  If this person works out
    to our satisfaction, we would also like to have her babysit for us so 
    that we can still go out occasionally so I would also like to know what
    to pay for this type of babysitting.  
    
    Some additional info:  She is 15 and we live in Nashua.
    
    Thanks,
    Jennifer

    I pay between $2.50 and $4.00/hour in Nashua.  The $2.50 is to 14-year
    old girls for our 16-month old daughter.  We pay $4.00 for the 19-year
    old woman who is also Gina's daycare provider at the center she goes
    to.
    
    I'd pay a little more to get the house cleaned, and of course, you have
    two kids...
    
    judy

    What would you do if you were me?
    
    I am hiring my babysitter (a high school girl) to come at 7 pm, baby's
    bedtime, on a weeknight, so I can go out to get my hair cut.
    
    I only need her for an hour, or maybe 90 minutes.  I feel chintzy
    paying her only $3 for her trouble.  She drives to my house, a 7 minute
    trip.  Her hourly rate is $3.
    
    What is the minimum you would pay her?  Should I pad my trip by going
    food shopping or something?
    
    Laura

    Laura, a subject very near and dear to my heart....we did this
    frequently last fall.  Several times I had to be out of the house by
    6:30 or 7:00, my husband was usually home from school by 8:30.
    
    We always made sure she received a minimum of $5.00.  BUT... many
    nights if it was going to be an extremely short night, say a quick exam
    followed by early dismissal, hubby would "treat" himself to say,
    something like McDonalds or the local pizza joint on the way home.
    
    On one occation we were both out, but again it was an abreviated night. 
    We stopped by our son's Godparents' home for coffee, and killed another
    hour.
    
    Did this help or confuse?
    Lyn

    I too think that $5 is minimum for her--especially since she drives
    to you.  If you had to pick up the sitter, you would want to be gone
    long enough to make it worth your while.  So, I'd give her the same
    consideration.
    
    judy

    You seem to imply that she has a standard hourly rate of $3.  That
    seems like a very reasonalbe rate, so I don't think you would be
    risking too much if you asked her if she has a set minimum.  

    Well, she came for 1 1/2 hours last night.  I was dead tired when I got
    home from the hairdresser and the supermarket.  I paid her $4.50 and
    she had no problem with that.  In hindsight, I wish I had given her the
    $5, but I couldn't think straight.  Next time I will, in a similar 
    situation. 
    
    I had asked if she had a minimum, and she said no.  She is very easy
    going, I guess.  
    
    By the way, I found her by calling the local high school guidance
    office.  They contact kids who are interested in babysitting, and have
    the kids call you.  They contact 3 at a time, until you find someone
    you can use.  It worked out very well.  It was the guidance counsellor
    who said $3 is the minimum I should pay.
    
    Laura