Conference moira::parenting_v3

    Unfortunately, you can't be with them every minute.  Yes, I do believe
    (and hope) that most parents do teach their children to look both ways
    for traffic.  I know I've done that with my son as did his daycare.  He
    is 9 years old now and in the summer I've noticed instances when he
    tears out of the yard, down the driveway on his bike, right out into
    the street.  I've reprimanded him for it, and I know I've taught him
    the right things - however, once they "leave the nest" you can't make
    them do it every time.  I wish you could though.  I'm not saying what
    the boy (or my son) did was okay.  And I'm thankful that my son has not
    been hurt, but they are not thinking of those things all the time as we
    do.  
    
    Now I know why mother's worry once their kids are allowed to leave the
    yard!  God forbid he start driving!
    
    Kathy
    

    Oh Liz, how much I feel your pain.  Purely my belief, parents should be
    the ones primarily responsible for such basic things as look both ways
    before crossing the street.  We pounded this into AJ as soon as he
    started to walk and talk.  But even today at 5, he understands the rule
    *only* when reminded.  And forgets frequently as places like malls and
    shopping centers.  We also hound him about being careful around our
    mailbox, which sits right on the street.
    
    As for the incident you mentioned, I'd say if it hasn't already been
    done, contact the police department and tell them you witnessed the
    accident and express your belief that you feel the man was NOT in the
    wrong.  Explain that you saw the incident and believe the boy ran out
    between parked cars without looking.  As guilty as the police may want
    to make the man look, I know from experience that there has to be
    enough evidence to convict the driver, and that most police(persons)
    are open minded enough to see when a child does something without
    thinking.  
    
    Personally, I would blame the parent.  First for not being there to
    supervise a minor child, and secondly for not impressing on the boy
    that you HAVE to look both ways before crossing into traffic, and that
    you HAVE to cross in a crosswalk
    
    From personal experience, we had a woman in our town his a couple years
    ago by some teens, who infact had only had their license a couple
    weeks, the woman was seriously hurt and did die shortly after.  The
    driver was NOT charged.  The reasons included the fact that it was
    after dark, the woman was dressed all in dark clothes, she was not
    crossing the street in a crosswalk or intersection, and the driver was
    not exceeding the speed limit.  
    
    However, and this is a biggy, the family can still sue on a civil
    basis.  But the chances of winning are slim based on the fact that the
    police decided there wasn't enough evidence to charge the driver.  At
    that point you may be summoned into court to testify as a witness.
    
    I can tell this is disturbing to you. I would strongly suggest you seek
    out the help of EAP.  There is something call "post traumatic syndrome"
    which people who experience or witness violent or traumatic incidents
    can suffer from.  I also believe this assistance can be gotten through
    UMass Medical center, dept of psycaitry.  You may just need to talk
    this out with someone who is trained to listen.  It really is
    disturbing.  Our ambulance group has someone available to us for such
    incidents.  We've all had a call or two that has really "gotten to us".
    
    Catch me off line if you need to talk more.
    Lyn

    RE: .2
    
    Lyn,
    
    Very good advise for the basenoter.  However, there is one statement
    you made that I question.  You said you blame the parent for not
    supervising the minor child.  I got the impression that this was not a
    4 or 5 year old child but an older boy.  If that is the case, I can't
    see how you expect a parent to supervise this boy every time he leaves
    the house.  My son is off playing with his friends who live on other
    streets, and at the park which is a couple of blocks away.  I am not
    always with him to supervise his conduct.  I have to trust in what I
    have taught him to date.  It does concern me, however that this child
    did not want to contact his parents, the police or an ambulance.
    
    I do agree that if the basenoter continues to be upset, she should
    contact EAP.  They could be of great help to her.
    
    Kathy
    
    

    Well, I just got off the phone with the Leominster Police Dept.  They
    told me to call back on Saturday after 3:00pm cause that's when the
    office who took care of the accident is on duty.  He is off for 2 days
    and won't be back until then.  The officer I talked to on the phone was
    very nice and thanked me for calling.
    
    I tell you I have had a headache since this happened and it is very
    disturbing.  The officer that I spoke to mentioned that the kids was
    not hit by the car.  But I saw the car brush him.  I will go to court
    if I have to to testify on behalf of the man who "hit" the kid, as it
    was the kids fault and I don't think that the man should get in trouble
    for it.
    
    Thanks Lyn for the advice.  I might go talk to the EPA guy here in the
    Mill, I have some other stressfull problems right know that are also
    bothering me.  For instance I am in the process  of looking for a job
    and I know for Secretaries its not that hard.  But the scary part is
    that I only have until the end of this fiscal year to do so.
    
    
    Thanks,
    
    Liz

    I have a question along this same line of traffic/safety.
    
    I am not sure if people from up north will know what I am talking
    about, but here in Dallas most of the residential areas have alleys. 
    They are behind your house, and are used for trash pickup and to park
    your car.  The garages are in back of the house and that is where you 
    pull in to park in the driveway.  It is suppose to make the street in 
    front of the house nicer looking.  Anyway, I am scared to death to let 
    my son out in the driveway.  People come down that alley going 30 miles 
    an hour.  If he ever got out there before I could get to him he would be 
    killed instantly.  The speed limit is 15 which in my opinion is still to 
    fast.
    
    Anyway, the question I have is if there is anything I can do about
    getting this speed limit enforced.  Not just for the reasons of
    children getting hit, but even someone backing out of their driveway
    would be killed by these nuts.  The alley is blind until you get out in
    the middle of it.
    
    I find myself parking in front of the house just to avoid this whole
    scene.
    
    Kathy
    This is a real concern of mine.
    
    Kathy

   re: Alleys...
   
   Well, I'm a Northern boy myself :-) , but how about speed bumps in
   the alleys?  They seem to have some affect here in parking lots...
   
   - Tom

   ps - in case the phrase 'speed bump' is foreign to someone reading
   this... typically a speed bump up here is a strip or mound of
   asphalt that is laid out across the whole lane in such a manner
   that you A) have to drive over it, and B) are inclined to drive
   slowly over it to prevent damage to the car.

    re .0 I feel for yo and the driver.  I was in an incident where a kid
    on a bike swerved in front of me without looking and I hit him. 
    Fortunately he was not injured though his bike was totalled.  There
    were no witnesses but the skid marks showed that I had pulled into the
    opposite lane to go around him and they were very short showing that
    I was going slowly.  There was no blame put on me.
    
    What really got me was the boy's father called and wanted me to pay for
    a new bike for the kid (a high school kid, by the way!!).  I told him to
    buzz off, who was going to pay the $350 damages on my car?  What kind
    of values are we teaching our kids!!!
    
    It took me quite a while to get over seeing that kid flying thru the
    air every time I closed my eyes.  Real tough.