Conference moira::parenting_v3

    I am under the impression that while solely male themes
    notwithstanding, this kind of information is part of the normal
    ciriculum of the couples' prenatal classes. Perhaps you are right
    that some of the topics discussed in the class should also focus
    on what the father-to-be may be experiencing, much of that WAS part of
    the class we attended. What is normally not, can be supplimented by 
    extra fathers only lectures or reading lists/pamphlets, no?
    
    Monica
    

Our hospital taught baby-care classes, not gender-related (except for the
breast feeding part).  Some offer VHS tapes for either/both parents.  Many
organizations teach PARENTING courses, although my experience has been that
75%+ attendance is women, and the men who come do so with their spouse.

I would think that there would be ways to improve attendance by males at
the existing courses, as a better alternative than providing a course solely
for males.

My $.02
Kristen

    The prenatal class we went to at St. Joseph's in Nashua covered
    most of those topics.  As I recall, there was even a session while
    the pregnant women went on a break while the men had a brief
    men-only discussion of concerns they didn't want to voice in front
    of their partners.  It wasn't geared to actually assisting at the
    delivery, though it was assumed that the father would be right
    there when the baby came out.  
    
    --bonnie

    While some of those issues were addressed in our prenatal classes, I
    think they merit some attention in a fathers only class.
    
    My hospital offers a new mothers class for babies 3 wks to 3 mos. They
    have a companion class for fathers - it is shorter, but for fathers
    only. And they are encouraged to bring their babies to class with them,
    just as the mothers do.
    
    I question whether there is a need for anything more in-depth than
    that, but I do like the idea that a few sessions give the fathers a
    chance to ask questions without the mothers present - maybe some will
    feel more open to the other fathers.
    
    Mary
    

Please keep in mind that not all non-pregnant partners are men.  There are
many of us who are going through the same type of thing that expectant
*male* parents are going through, and need the same type of support.

When I was trying to get pregnant, my spouse was trying to figure out her
role in all of this, and found some comfort in the books addressed to new
fathers.  However, she also felt like an outsider, even though the authors
of the books had the *intent* of making people feel better.

Now my spouse is again trying to get pregnant, and the roles have reversed.
Although we are already parents, and don't need as much help as we did before,
some of the things that you suggest for your class are things I could use,
too.

Thank you for your consideration.  There are lots more of us than you might
think.
        Carol

    Carol,
    Could it not be that you are your spouse have the advantage here in
    switching places? I think that a lot of the differences between parents
    stem from the problem of not being able to understand what the other
    partner is experienceing or thinking. The fact that you and your 
    spouse have reversed roles may prove the advantage because you have 
    experienced the other person's position, would you not?
    
    Monica

<    Could it not be that you are your spouse have the advantage here in
<    switching places? 

I agree that *I* am helped by this, Monica, but it doesn't help with the
first baby (what Shellie went through when I was pregnant with Evan) or
with couples who don't switch after the first birth.  I was trying to speak
regarding generalities, but at the same time using us as an example to show
that yes, this does happen.  (I don't imagine that he is in Colorado, but
if he was, I *would* look into his program, assuming he allowed me to).

In Colorado Springs alone (conservative capital of the state) there are dozens,
maybe hundreds of other lesbian couples who are in this situation.  I totally
agree that husbands need support and information, and urge the basenoter to
pursue this if he feels that currently available childbirth classes are not
adequately providing it.  I am only asking that he consider opening it up
to *all* non-pregnant partners who feel that they need it, too.

If he does start a group like this, and decides to make it just men, I would
understand that, too.  I think the choice of topics that he brings up 
indicates a real awareness of the difficulties that men specifically might
share, which originate in the way boys are socialized.  Although these 
difficulties are not foreign to all women, I do feel that he would have a 
legitimate reason to make the group an all-male group.  I think that the
makeup of the group should be a choice, rather than a default, though.

      Carol