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Conference moira::parenting_v3

Title:Parenting
Notice:READ 1.27 BEFORE WRITING
Moderator:CSC32::DUBOIS
Created:Wed May 30 1990
Last Modified:Tue May 27 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1364
Total number of notes:23848

1209.0. "how do you explain BOTH of us have to work?" by ICS::NELSONK () Mon Nov 11 1991 13:52

    I did a dir/tit=clinging, but didn't really find what I was
    looking for, so here goes.
    
    James has started expressing his displeasure at the fact that
    both Mike and I work.  On Saturday, Mike had to go to a job and
    when James found out, he burst into tears.  "I don't *want*
    Daddy to go to work," he sobbed.  "I don't even want you to
    go to work."  (Thanx, kid :-))  I told him that Daddy and I
    would like nothing better than to stay home and play with him
    and Holly all day, but that things cost money and the only way
    to get money is to work, that if Mommy doesn't work, we'd better
    not get sick, etc., etc.  How else can I explain "we have to
    work" so that a 3.5-year-old can understand it?  He's very
    bright, but he's still a kid, after all.  Any help out there?
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1209.1Mama's little boyBSS::SHUTEMon Nov 11 1991 14:2021
    Although I'm the only one working right now, when my husband was
    working a temporary job for three weeks, we went through this with
    my 3.5 year old also.  He went to the same daycare center he & my
    daughter to before when my husband was working about a year ago.  
    Of course, there are new caretakers and new children.  The first week 
    went smoothly.  He was excited because he felt he was going to school 
    like his bigger sister.  But then, the second and third week was very 
    stressful.  Whenever my husband or I dropped him off in the morning, 
    he did not want us to go to work (especially me because he is in the 
    stage of mama's boy).  All I could do to help him out was pretty much 
    what you did.  I told him I would much rather stay home with them but 
    I had to go to work and that I would always be back to pick him up.  
    The "picking him up" statement seemed to reassure him sometimes.  It's 
    as hard on me to leave him crying or sad when I leave him at the daycare.
    I sometimes peek back in to see if he would settle down.  
    
    There's even a book that I read to him about this exact situation and
    it seems to be his favorite also because he can relate.  If you would
    like the name of the book, I will get it and enter it.
                 
    Karen
1209.2Just look aroundMCIS5::TRIPPMon Nov 11 1991 14:3124
    Has anything changed recently?  Usually when AJ became clingy it was a
    real clear signal that something was going on either at daycare or
    home.  Have you two been having some conflict, or "serious" discussions
    recently at home.  Has there been something else going on like
    overnight business trips, or plans to go away (with or without him)?
    Has something changed at daycare?, teachers, a new center, even
    something new in their attitude?  Are you expecting, or planning on a
    new sibling?  Off the wall as these may sound, I've found that kids can
    sense so many things, without you even being aware.
    
    Have you changed his daycare schedule, full time to partime and back to
    full time again, do you leave him home with a relatively new sitter?
    
    I'd say just try to take an objective look at his environment, there
    may be something going on.  When you drop him off at daycare take as
    much time as you need so he doesn't get the feeling you're too rushed
    to spend some time with him. At my son's daycare they have a "breakfast
    club" for kids who want to bring their breakfast with them and eat
    there, last week I walked in to see a father sitting at the little
    table eating waffles right beside his 4 year old, would you be able to
    try something like this?
    
    Sending warm thoughts your way!
    Lyn
1209.3ISVBOO::CHANGLittle Dragons' MommyMon Nov 11 1991 15:2215
    I went through the samething with my 3 yr old.  He either 
    wouldn't let me leave the house or he insisted to go to
    work with me.  I told him that I must work to bring home
    money to support him and his sister.  He told me that his
    Daddy makes lots money already and his Daddy will support
    all of us :-)).  The phase lasted about 1 month, he then
    back to normal.  He now still asks me in the morning will
    I stay home today.  But at least, he won't throw a tantrum
    if my answer is no.   He only did this to me and never to
    his Daddy. 
    
    Wendy
    
    
    
1209.4How long does it last? Is it typical?ICS::NELSONKMon Nov 11 1991 15:346
    Everything seems to be the same here and at daycare.  I work
    very hard to keep changes in the environment at a minimum.  And
    this doesn't happen every day, it's just that when it does happen
    it breaks my heart.  He loves his daddy so.  I want to comfort
    him, at the same time helping him understand that this is necessary
    to our survival.  how long does this phase last?
1209.5not longTLE::RANDALLliberal feminist redneck pacifistTue Nov 12 1991 13:363
    Only a month or two, if you handle it gently but firmly. 
    
    --bonnie