Conference moira::parenting_v3

    No personal experience on this particular topic, but maybe it's time to
    see if you could get some advise from a lawyer, especially if a police
    report has been filed.  Usually the first consultation is free, the
    police also have an obligation to you to let you read, and give you a
    copy of their report, and your children (the "acused") have the right
    to make a statement in their own defense.
    
    Not to make light of this but shall we expect to see you and your
    children on Judge Wapner's show?
    
    Lyn

    re.1
    
    I don't expect to be on his show, but I do remember there being
    a case such as this, and it could not be proven that this child
    had in fact vandalized a neighbor's property.
    
    I really hate this! 

    
    
    Another thing to consider, take pictures of vehicles in question right
    away so that you can't get blamed for any furthur damage... Also to
    prove that the black car wasn't touched and the accusing neighbor was
    wrong...  You might even have a case against that person (for $$$ spent
    trying to defend yourself...) Again, contact a lawyer and the police
    right away...
    
    What a horrible (best word I could use in this conference) situation
    to be in...  If the accusing neighbor wavers in any way, then you have
    a case...
    
    
    John
    

    Also, it would be a good idea to write down things that have been said,
    when they were said, by whom, especially if stories have been changing. 
    If this ever goes to court, it'll be a LONG time and things will be
    fuzzy by then....  Better to have written down too much than not be
    able to remember.  Events/conversations, dates, involved parties,
    details.
    
    GOOD LUCK!
    

    Being accused falsely of a crime is a terrible thing.  You have my
    empathy.
    
    I recommend that you obtain the services of a lawyer.  Look for someone
    who is recommended by his/her peers, who knows the local prosecutors
    and judges, and who has experience in criminal cases.  If you don't
    know any lawyers, you may be able to get recommendations from other
    local professionals such as your accountant or doctor, or by speaking
    to local friends or church members.  If there is a local NOTES file,
    you can look there, such as NEW_HAMPSHIRE.
    
    The lawyer will advise you to write a detailed description of
    everything you and your kids remember happening.  The lawyer may be
    able to persuade the landlord and the prosecutor not to press charges
    if the case is very weak.  This will save you a lot of money in legal
    fees.  It is worth spending the money on a legal consultation up-front
    rather than waiting to see if charges are pressed.   Don't count on
    getting your legal fees back from the landlord if the judge rules you
    innocent; this requires counter-suing and MORE upfront legal fees from
    you.  At this point you may be so tired you just want out.
    
    Persuading the accuser and prosecutor not to press charges is far and
    away your best course, best aided by an attorney.  You may choose to
    offer some minor compensation (some might call it a bribe) to get this
    guy off your back.
    
    In the meantime, it is an unfortunate thing, but I would set aside the
    money needed for legal fees, which can be substantial even for small
    things.   If you can't afford it (who can these days?) don't hesitate
    to cry for pity from the lawyer who will probably give you a break.
    
    I hope the whole affair blows over and the landlord acts sensibly.
    
    Good luck,
    Laura

    
    	It sounds as though you live in an apartment complex or
    	similar environment, no?
    
    	If so, I wonder how much responsibility the landlords
    	provide when vehicles get scratched.  My poor car has
    	got scratches and paint chips on it merely because we
    	have to park in a parking lot and some other tenants
    	can't seem to do it right, or they just don't take care
    	in opening/closing their doors, etc.
    
    	I guess what I mean is that it seems most complexes
    	take limited responsibility when it comes to parking
    	cars in the parking lot.  (on the same idea as park and
    	ride areas not being responsible for someone breaking
    	into your car or laundromats not being responsible for
    	stolen clothes, etc)  ?!
    	
    	/Kim

    re.6
    
    You make a good point.  And yes, I do live in an apartment complex
    with just about every unit housing at least 1 child.
    
    I don't know at this point, whether or not the landlords plan to
    sue or merely ask that I shell out some big bucks for damage that
    my kids and the other 2 insist mine had no part in.  This incident
    is so totally strange!  We are paranoid to allow our kids anywhere
    outside of our sight.  We have laid down a law that will be strictly
    enforced...they are only allowed to play in front of our apartment
    in the park and at no time, anywhere else at all, unless they have
    asked us first.  This was our rule anyway, in the beginning but
    I guess we got a little lax and allowed them in open areas between
    some of the units.  WEll, no more.  It is very hard to go up against
    an adult's word and that of a child.
    
    After reading some of these replies, I'm a little worried.  We and
    the mother of the 2 boys wrote everything said by everyone.  But
    I haven't taken pictures of the cars, but I still could do that.
     I haven't told the landlord of the 2 small girls running their
    plastic shovel across his jeep either.  I guess I should, too, right
    away.  Now, I'm very concerned.  I can not afford to go get an attorney
    and all this other stuff, but I guess I need to find out exactly
    what this landlord proposes to do, so that I can be prepared.
    
    Thanks for all replies!  I'd love to hear from someone that has
    experienced something like this.

Don't offer the landlord any money unless a lawyer okays it.  It could be
taken as an admission of guilt.

Yes, do take the pictures, and tell about the small children.

If you can, have the witnesses on your side write up a statement themselves
of what they saw.  This may hold more weight than what *you* write up.

Is your landlord aware of the adults who say that they saw your daughter
elsewhere?  This may help him realize that his witness was not entirely
reliable.  Is your landlord aware that *his* witness has been changing her
mind?  This may help you, too.

If you can give his witness a way out of this while still saving face, that
may help.  She might stick to her original story just because she's afraid
of being considered blind or stupid.

Good luck!!!!

    Carol

	Btw: don't assume that you can't afford a lawyer.

	My sister is a lawyer ( in Virginia, so I doubt she could help you :-))
who does so much pro bono work (work done for free or at reduced rates for 
worthy clients) that she has a hard time making ends meet.  (Not all lawyers are
sharks. :-) )

	And as somebody else pointed out, many lawyers will have a free first 
consultation with you.

	Good luck and my sympathies for you in ths tough time. 

Tracey

    Don't give the guy/gal a dime!!!!  His car could have been scratched at
    any time before or after the "alleged" event.  Unless he went down to
    his vehicle at the time of the incident, he doesn't have a leg to stand
    on.  
    
    Mike

    
    
    	RE: .10
    
    	That about sums up my feelings, too.  Like I mentioned
    	in my previous reply, the fact that the complex allows
    	children is practically an invitation for scratches
    	to be had on your vehicle.
    
    	Try not to fret too much unless the landlord approaches
    	you about it.  There really isn't any way he can prove
    	it was your children that did the damage...
    
    	/Kim

    If you're served by NYNEX in New Hampshire, in the front of the
    telephone book there should be a two or three page section of
    public service phone numbers.  Usually it lists one or more legal
    aid societies that take such cases for free or greatly reduced
    rates. 
    
    I presume most NYNEX phone books have this listing but don't know
    whether other telephone companies (which I know are common in
    central MA) include them...
    
    --bonnie

    Thanks to everyone for your replies!
    
    Looks like the landlord has changed his mind.  The mother of the
    2 other boys came by the other day and told us that her boyfriend
    went over to speak with the landlord and that since the incident
    the landlord has changed his mind but he sure as hell doesn't want
    to see any kids in the parking lot ever again!
    
    We're fortunate to have a nice park right in front of us and that's
    the only place I better ever see my kids playing.  I really don't
    like the "protectiveness" I have to overseer but at least I'll know
    where they are most times.