Conference moira::parenting_v3

    I had a miscarriage in June too.  I started to miscarry
    on June 15th.  I got a period 36 days later on July 20th.
    So far I seem to be back on track, I think I just ovulated
    on day 14 of this cycle.  
    
    When I had my miscarriage the Dr. told me I could spot
    off and on for the next 2 months.  I didn't, but some 
    people do.  He said I may even not get a period of
    a couple of months.  That hasn't happened to me either.
    
    My Dr. wants me to wait till September to try again.
    I got pregnant while being treated for infertility and
    I was taking hormone injections so my body needs a 
    break.
    
    Well I would talk to your Dr.  Everyone is just 
    different.
    
    Good Luck,
    Deb
    

    RE .0 ... my sister had a period for ~2 weeks (no miscarriage), and her
    Dr. thought that it was a 'medical emergency' and did a D&C on her. 
    This was fairly heavy, and they were concerned about the loss of blood
    for such a long time.  After the D&C she was fine.  DEFINITELY talk to
    your Dr.!
    

    I had a D & C on June 1st, and after that I was fine.  I'm waiting for 
    my Dr. to call me today.  The nurse I spoke to thought my hormones were
    messed up. 
    
    thanks,

    TO .0:
    
    I HAD A MISCARRIAGE ON JULY 8TH AND IT IS JUST A MONTH YESTERDAY
    AND I HAVE NOT HAD MY PERIOD YET.  MY DOCTOR SAID MY BODY HAS TO 
    GET BACK TO NORMAL (MEANING MY HORMONES) THEN I WILL RESUME MY 
    NORMAL CYCLE.  
    MISCARRIAGES ARE SUCH A SCARY THING, THIS WAS MY FIRST PREGNANCY
    AND I HOPE I DON'T GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN.  HAVING A MISCARRIAGE 
    MAKES YOU KIND OF SCARED TO WANT TO GET PREGNANT AGAIN DON'T YOU
    THINK.  I'M TRYING TO GET THAT THOUGHT OUT OF MY HEAD THOUGH, I 
    REALLY DO WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN.
    IT IS SO NICE TO KNOW THAT I'M NOT ALONE.
    
    THANK YOU,
    
    
    

    
    Thank-YOU for sharing with us. (nice to be able to say that
    in return)
    
    >>MAKES YOU KIND OF SCARED TO WANT TO GET PREGNANT AGAIN DON'T YOU
    >>THINK.
    
    Boy, don't I know it. Unlike you I have been urged to wait longer
    because it was a stillbirth, but I am finding now that those two
    events ARE so similar in terms of what they make you feel about 
    having children. I am already scared about what another pregnancy
    could bring. If anything happened this next time, I am not so
    sure I'd be able to take the pain. 
    On the other hand, I am hell-bent on having children, and will
    definitely do my utmost to have them.
    
    Take care and keep on..... 
    
    Monica

    I had a miscarrage in Oct 1989 and was very confused for awhile.  I
    kept asking the doctor WHY.  Sometimes no one knows but they did find I
    had an infection which could have caused a problem.  Somehow I think
    the doctor knew something was wrong when he told us I was pregnant as
    we were excited and talked about how we were going to tell everyone
    (after 15 years of marriage).  He said "Well you might want to wait
    awhile, you are older and first pregnancies can sometimes be a
    problem".  We did not wait and 6 weeks later I miscarried.  Some
    thought the earthquake here in SF was a cause, I wondered if the
    partying I did at the Reno Air Races was a cause.  Either way, I
    worried.
    
    My doctor was adamant about us getting back on the stick.  I did not
    get a period for 5 weeks and then did not ovulate.  He feared that
    because I was older, 38, and we had not done anything to prevent a
    pregnancy for 5 years that there could be a problem.  He gave me
    something called Seraphene (sp) to ovulate (I was worried I would end
    up with a baseball team, not just one child - but he told me it only
    pushes the egg out and does not usually cause multiple births).  I did
    not feel ready but I went ahead.  Got pregnant the first month,
    ovulating on the 19th day.
    
    I worried the first 4 months until after my amnio and then settled a
    bit.  As long as I could go for ultrasounds every month to see movement
    I was ok.  After the 4th month, I could feel movement and hear the
    heartbeat each time.  
    
    I now have a beautiful 11 month boy and we are thinking about number 2. 
    I am glad the doctor pushed us as I did not think about the loss much
    because I had a new pregnancy.  However, I worried in the beginning as
    I did not know how I would react to a second miscarriage.  The doctor
    however, told us at 10 weeks that this was a "good one".  How they know
    I do not know.  We also did not tell anyone until the 12th week.
    
    I also got strength from friends (we were surprised how many people had
    miscarriages who we knew who never said anything).  One friend of ours
    told us about his sister-in-law who had two miscarriages then two great
    kids; one at 40, the other at 42.  So that kept me going to in case
    there was another problem.
    
    Keep positive and keep trying.  
    
    Good luck.
    
    Michelle
    

This reply is from a member of our community who wishes to remain anonymous.

    Carol duBois, PARENTING co-moderator


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        Some people just take longer to get back to normal.  
	
	I had a miscarriage in March in my 12th week.  I had a D&C, got
        my period exactly 28 days later (this lasted over 2 weeks). I
        got my period again 21 days after the first one (this lasted over
        3 weeks). 28 days later (about 4 days after the last period ended), 
        I got my period again.  After that, I started ovulating again, and 
        everything seemed to get back to normal.  So for me, it took 3 cycles
        to get back to normal (even though my doctor said we only had to 
        wait 2 cycles to try again).

	The hard part now (emotionally) is trying to get pregnant again.  I 
        got pregnant the first month we tried so we hoped that this would 
        happen again.  Everyone we know who has gone through a miscarriage got 
        pregnant again right away and they kept telling us that (to encourage 
        us I'm sure).  But this makes it hard, now that we've had 3 months 
        with no luck.  Our family and friends expect me to be pregnant by now, 
        and watch me carefully when we are with them, waiting for some sort of
        announcement.  If I choose a soda over beer or wine, they all start 
        guessing that I'm pregnant and we have to say no, I am not.  When I
        had a stomach bug, they all started saying that it must be morning
        sickness.  It puts be under a lot of pressure so I've started avoiding
        these social situations because they stress me out and make me dwell
        on the fact that I am not pregnant (and this doesn't help in the 
        attempt to get pregnant).
      
	Of course I am also terrified of getting pregnant because I don't
        know how I would deal with this again.  I'm angry that I was robbed of
        my first pregnancy because I'm afraid I won't be happy when I get 
        pregnant again, I will be too scared of losing a pregnancy to be happy
        about it.  But I am also absolutely sure that I do want children.  
        I do feel closer to being a parent then I used to, maybe because when 
        you have a miscarriage, you experience the heartache of parenting 
        before you ever get to experience the joy.  But I have come to 
        appreciate the miracle that birth is.  There are so many things that
        have to be perfect for a healthy baby to be born, and I hope that by
        going through this, I will never take that for granted in the future.

	I guess I'm writing this not to be discouraging but to say that I've
        been feeling like a failure for not getting pregnant mainly because 
        everyone expects me to be pregnant again by now.  I'm sure the people 
        who didn't get pregnant right away after a miscarriage haven't told us
        because they didn't want to discourage us, but it would have helped
        me if someone prepared me emotionally that this might take some time.
	

    On a brighter note...
    
    A friend of mine suffered thru 5 miscarriges in 4 years.  There was no
    apparent reason for any of them to happen.  The doctor never told them
    to stop trying, but they decided to go the adoption route.  Last
    December (just before Christmas) they became the proud parents of a 
    little boy.  And wouldn't you know it, come January she got pregnant! 
    She is due in October when her first will be just 11 months old.
    
    - sandy
    

    This is a reply to the anonymous noter in note 1064.7.  I know exactly
    how you feel.  It took us 4 months to get pregnant the first time and then
    I miscarried 6 weeks later.  I got my period again 2 months later and
    started trying to get pregnant again.  My husband and I thought if we
    could just start again, it would make the pain of the first
    pregnancy/miscarriage easier.  We used an ovulation kit every month for
    the next 8 months.  I think this waiting period was even harder than
    actually having the miscarriage.  I had so much doubt about whether I
    could get pregnant again, if my body could really carry a baby
    sucessfully, etc.  Of course in the mean time EVERYBODY was getting
    pregnant the first time they tried.  In fact this spring I knew 10
    people that were pregnant!  And during this time so many people kept
    needling my husband and I about when we were going to have a family. 
    These peole didn't know what we had been through, or were currently
    going through, so they didn't mean any harm by it.  Boy did my husband
    and I learn our lesson about not asking people such personal questions!
    You just never know what a couple is going through.
    
    Finally after 8 months (and 15 months since we first started trying) I
    got pregnant for the second time.  I am a week and a half into my
    fourth month and the baby is fine.  I've heard the heart beat twice
    (first at 9 weeks, which was very reassuring) and next month we'll see
    a sonogram.
    
    I have learned that the first miscarriage was an isolated experience,
    and doesn't imply anything for future pregnancies.  It was a fluke, and
    it means nothing about me or my ability to have children.  
    Unfortunately, even though people told me that, I didn't really believe
    it until I successfully carried a baby through the first trimester.  I
    don't know why it took so long to conceive the second time (some people
    reading this will think that 8 months isn't long, but when you're using
    an ovulation kit each month, and doing everything the way you're
    supposed to and nothing happens, it seems like an eternity) but all of
    the waiting and grief finally disappeared once I was pregnant again.
    
    Please send me mail to OAXCEL::FLYNN if you want to talk/write about
    this more.  I know it's really hard, and unless you've been through it,
    it's hard to really understand all of the emotions involved.
    
    Yes, there are happy endings to look forward to!
    
    Robin

    Robin,
    I am hoping for you!!
    
    Monica
    

    
    Can anyone give me information on the types of testing and the success
    of the tests after multiple miscarriages?  2 1/2 weeks ago I had
    my second miscarriage in 15 months.  This last one was particularly
    discouraging because we had seen a heartbeat at 8 weeks.  Anyway,
    my doctor has lined me up with a set of tests (once I have gotten
    my first period).
    
    The first test is an Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) - which is an X-ray
    procedure to determine if there is any abnormality in the shape of
    the uterus.  That will be done around day 10 of my cycle.  After
    that they want to do blood tests to see if my levels of progesterone
    and prolactyn are good.  And then at the end of my cycle they want
    to do a biopsy of the lining of the uterus - again to check if the
    progesterone level is okay.
    
    Has anyone had these tests before?  Did they find anything?  I am
    kind of relieved that we are doing something, but I am also scared
    that they won't find anything!
    
    Thanks!
     Terri

These are all standard tests in an infertility workup.  For more information,
take a look at the infertility notes (DIR/KEY=infertility).

    You may also suggest having  chromosome tests done for BOTH you
    and your spouse.   I've had 4 miscarriages. One before my first
    son and 3 after him, before we finally had our second son Michael
    this past May.   
    
    After my second miscarriage my doctor had a chromesome study done of 
    the miscarriage and the result showed a chromesome defect.  Both my 
    husband and I had the chromesome tests, which is a blood test. It
    takes a few weeks for the results. The result is I am a carrier of a 
    chromesome defect and have a 20% chance of conceiving a baby with this 
    defect. Only a 1% chance of carrying a baby to term with this defect.
    
    Knowing that I am a carrier makes a big difference in decisions
    on prenatal testing and any type of hormonal treatment while pregnant
    to try and keep a pregnancy.  Also, it helped that I didn't require
    further infertility tests and procedures.
    
    We also went to genetic counseling to understand all about the defect
    and what it meant to us and our children.  It doesn't impact them, only
    that they may be carriers too. After the counseling it was like
    a large burden had been lifted from our shoulders.  It didn't make
    it any easier when I had the other miscarriages, but at least I
    understood why it was happening. It was my body reacting to a bad 
    pregnency.
    
    Hope this helps,
    
    Pat K.

    Like the noter before me, I too had 4 miscarriages, one before my
    first son and 3 after him, before we went on to have 2 more boys.
    We too, went through chromosomal testing.  They found our chromosomes 
    to be "normal".  Interestingly enough, during my 7th pregnancy (the one 
    that resulted in our third little guy) I had an amnio and the found a 
    chromosomal abnormality that was of concern.  It is called a trans-located 
    gene (2 genes had swapped pieces).  They went back to our records and 
    looked to see if either of us carried this gene and couldn't find it.  
    With this info, the odds of birth defects were greatly increased - I was a 
    basket case, but 2 days later the head of the laboratory called us back to 
    say that he found the SAME trans-location on 2 of my husband's genes (he 
    said it was extremely subtle and easily missed). Since it was simply some-
    thing that was being passed down and not a NEW translocation it was safe 
    to assume it would not manifest itself in any adverse way, i.e. it was an 
    already "tested" gene translocation.
    
    The theory, however, is that my miscarriages were caused by an
    unsuccessful translocation of these 2 genes.  I will have to inform
    my son when it is time that he, too, may have trouble conceiving due
    to this gene translocation.
    
    Sorry to be so long-winded.  I wish you much luck in finding out the
    source of your miscarriages.  I how how it feels to not know WHY or
    what you can do about it.
    
    Many hugs,
    
    -dorothy