Conference moira::parenting_v3

    First, Contratulations!!
    
    Well, I'm not expecting right now, but just having my third 3 months
    ago, I can tell you that I was VERY nervous this time.  Even though
    this was my third, it was the FIRST natural birth.  I had never 
    experienced going into labor on my own.  My first was a ceserean due
    to the baby being breech.  No labor, just a planned "c" the day after
    I found out.  The second was a natural birth, but I was induced with
    pitocin.  He was 15 days late and just didn't want to come on his own!
    
    I really was nervous because I never broke water on my own, never
    experienced labor pains (except after the pitocin!!) coming on their
    own, never had a bloody show, or ANYTHING!!!
    
    Once you start labor, you'll probably feel a little bit better.  The
    waiting for "something" to happen is what killed me!  Just RELAX as
    much as possible and think of that beautiful little bundle you'll
    be holding soon!!!  Believe me, it's definately WORTH IT!!!
    
    Good Luck!!
    Janice
    
    

    
    Another Congratulations!!!
    
    I had Chris last September, but I do remember the feelings I had before
    he was born. I too was very nervous just before. I went through the
    whole pregnancy feeling fine about it, and confident that I could
    handle the labor with no problems. As the time neared and we started
    Lamaze classes things started to hit home. I started getting scared,
    and wondered if I could handle it. I even asked my husband (jokingly)
    if we could forget about it. I knew we'd make it through, but it
    was the first time I really thought about the labor. The classes
    really seem to bring things to your attention. 
    
    Don't worry. As -.1 stated, try to relax as much as possible. I was
    mostly scared because I wanted it to happen. The waiting is the
    killer. I too knew around 5 weeks, so it seemed like forever before
    it happened. After I had Chris, I thought to myself that I wish I
    had relaxed more before he was born, because I only stressed myself
    out.
    
    Relax, congratulations, and enjoy, you'll do fine!!!
    
    Sheila
    

    >This is my first baby, my husband and I had been trying for 
    >5 months before we finally conceived, and we're both thrilled 
    >to be adding a new member to our family...
    
    	Well, I guess we won't need to ask you any "rude" questions! :^)
    
    
    	Seriously, Cherie, I can relate to your terror.  I have had two
    	kids. With the first pregnancy, everything went alone great until
    	we started Lamaze.  All of a sudden labor and delivery became very
    	real.  Total fear set in.  At my next OB visit, I asked my OB if
    	we could schedule a C-section just so I wouldn't have to deal with
    	labor.  Of course, she said no. 
    
    	I think the thing that bothered me the most was the mention of 
    	nausea and vomiting during early labor. No way was I going to do 
    	that again.  I spent the first three months of my pregnancy with 
    	symptoms of the 24-hour flu.  I *hate* throwing up!!!  Then the 
    	day (actually late night) came.  I felt a little achey, I wanted 
    	to take a shower, which I did and I just waited to get sick, which 
    	I didn't.  
    
    	About 8 hours after feeling kind of crummy and counting my 
    	contractions (which were mild) to every 5 minutes, we left for
    	the hospital.  22 hours later I still hadn't gotten sick, but
    	I was pretty tired.  The epidural helped but I still knew I
    	was in active labor.  My husband watched the monitor during each
    	contraction and told me when I was peaking and coming down. That
    	was a great help. Still I worried I might get sick, it was an
    	overwhelming obsession to me so much so that I really didn't pay
    	much attention to the actual labor.  
    	
    	Anyways, I had a big healthy baby girl, I didn't get sick (until 
    	the next day when they gave me anti-biotics for a UTI and didn't
    	bother to check my records to see that I'm allergic to them) and
    	I don't remember the labor pains or delivery at all.
    
    	With my second, I actually looked forward to delivery, partly
    	because, I had already been in preterm labor for three months
    	(see note 20.*) and partly because I wanted to really pay attention
    	this time to the miracle of birth.  The fear of being sick and
    	pain and suffering was not even there.  And I remember much more
    	of the second birth than the first.
    
    	Relax, don't panic, you'll live to tell your story, and you'll
    	marvel at it all when it's over.
    
    	Jodi-
    

    I remember the feelings that you are having - I had them this time
    last year.  Relax!  And remember that everyone is different when it
    comes to delivering a baby.  At our last Lamaze class, our instructor
    brought in the new parents from her previous class to share their
    experiences.  I remember one that delivered her baby without incident
    after only 2 or 3 hours in labor! Others took a little longer.
    
    It really is something that will happen, that you will work through as
    you need to; and the only way to prepare is to relax and try to picture
    that beautiful little baby!
    
    Mary

    Hi Cherie,
    
    first off...it's perfectly normal to feel scared and unsure of labor.
    We all have! I was so afraid that I would lose control or be in so much
    pain that I would pass out. But once I went into labor it I as actually
    relieved because I knew that the long road of pregancy and waiting
    would soon be over. I had my first child last september. I remember the
    day I went into labor, I cried, I said to my husband "I never thought
    this day would come and I know there is no turning back now!" 
    
    But his encouragment helped alot. He breathed with me the whole 21
    hours of labor. rubbed my back when it ached and walked up and down the
    halls with me when I was trying to progress labor. He was my rock I
    tell ya. And if it weren't for him I would have lost all perspective.
    So to make a long story short, relax and enjoy the next few weeks
    sure your anxious and scared because you are about to experience the most
    natural and unbelievable miracle you could ever imagine.......
    
    Take care
    
    Sandy

    Hi,
    
    I'm due November 2nd.  Cherie, I'm scared out of my mind.  The first
    question I had for my Dr. was "can I have a epidural" he said sure
    I said please, promise me you're not lying.  As much as I want my
    baby in my arms, I just hate the thought of going through labor, I
    am so embarassed about it.  EEEEKS.  This sounds so immature, and I
    guess it is, but this is me.
    
    When I really get frightened, I just go upstairs to the baby's room
    and look at all the little t-shirts and stuff like that, this seems
    to help alot.  I try hard not to worry about that one day.  Just
    concentrate on what a great holiday season I'm going to have with
    my new baby.
    
    All the best, I'm in your corner and you'll be in my thoughts.
    
    Lisa Barry
    

    
    	And I, on the other hand, am TERRIFIED of epidurals! I've already
    told my husband and the midwives that under NO circumstances is anyone
    to put a needle in my spine, I'd rather deal with the pain.
    
    	And so I sit, knowing that I have made this decision, wondering if
    it was really the best one to make but also knowing that as long as I
    am concious, there is no way, anyone is coming near my back with a
    needle.
    
    	I've even arranged to have general should I need a C-section. (I'm
    also very afraid of snakes, I rank this on the same level). Don't know
    where this fear comes from, but now is not the time to get over it.
    
    	I just keep using meditations and visulizations of a smooth birth
    to "prepare" myself and my body for the labor.
    
    				Wendy

    I made the same decision you did, Wendy -- I can't bear the
    thought of spinal anaesthetic. 
    
    I didn't know enough to be terrified with my first, but for the
    second I had bouts of terror and with the third I'd wake up nights
    hyperventilating I was so scared of what I was going to have to go
    through and remembering how much it hurt the other times. But once
    the pain started, I just handled it, the way you do what you have
    to do sometimes.  
    
    --bonnie

    
    My personal advice to all of you anticipating labor is to approach
    it with as open a mind as possible.   I have never heard of a labor
    and delivery that proceeded exactly by the textbook - there are always
    complications or twists of some sort; none of which make the experience
    any less special.    Also, research your options in advance so that
    you have enough information to make good choices based on your actual 
    labor experience.    Keep in mind that a healthy mom and baby is the 
    goal of the delivery - regardless of the what it takes to get there
    (anesthesia, painkillers, c-sections, etc.)
    
    That said, while I know that it is hardly always the case, my labor and 
    delivery with Jason was *no big deal*.    I mean it hurt, but it wasn't
    the end of the world.     My contractions never really registered on the 
    monitor.   I required no painkillers, anesthesia, or epsiotomy BUT I 
    would have been open to the possibility had I thought I needed them (no 
    martyr here!).   My point in telling this is not to "brag", just to let 
    some of the expectant moms know that it isn't ALWAYS awful.   You just 
    seem to hear more about the bad than the good.
    
    Good luck to you all!   You can do it!
    Carol
    Carol

    
    I have two kids ...
    
    After my first Lamaze class, I told my husband that I was perfectly
    willing to be 8 months pregnant for the rest of my life !! Yes, I
    was quite nervous, scared of the pain and scared of all the things
    that could go wrong.  I coped by talking a lot to all my friends
    who had kids (most talked about the delight of having kid(s)).
    My courage got a tremondous boost when I visualised the end-product !!
    
    I coped with labour in a rather weird way (my spouse and most of my 
    friends think so).  As labour progressed, (an euphemism for "as the
    pain increases"), I kept telling myself that I could not get my spirits
    down right now  because it was going to get worse, and I had keep my
    spirits and strength up to get thro' what was going to come !!   My
    spouse's support and all the information I had learnt in the classes
    were the two other important coping mechanisms during delivery.
    
    At the risk of repeating what a zillion other women/parents have said
    in the past, I will say, "When you see and hold the newborn in your
    arms, you will probably forget everything you just went through." 
    
    I found that recovery was a little more difficult.  After the 
    adrenalin levels came back to normal, I felt tired and weak.  Rasika
    was very very colicky (24 hrs for 3 months).  I coped by crying a lot
    and not doing anything except taking care of the baby and myself -
    no cooking, no cleaning, no laundry, no shopping, no guest visiting me
    at my home (please leave me alone, I cannot be a hostess), calling my
    friends when I felt like it rather than talking when they called,
    resting whenever I could etc. etc. Most of all I did not feel
    apologetic for anything I felt.   I relaxed by handing over the baby to
    my husband, staying at home  and taking in little pleasures - taking a
    nice relaxing shower, looking at the flowers in the garden, reading a
    nice book in bed etc.  All in all, I feel that I managed my recovery
    rather well.  I came out of the  first-time experience optimistic
    enough to do it a second time !!
    
    Cherie, your coping mechanisms could be completely different from these,
    but I learnt that you have to do what you feel like doing .. don't let
    anyone talk you into anything.  If you feel like being noisy
    during labour, do it .. don't be cowed down by anyone who says that
    "they" were very brave and quiet.  After the birth, if you feel
    like going shopping in the first week, do it without tiring yourself
    out too much.  (BTW, my ped warned against taking the baby to malls
    and recreation areas for about 3-4 months, he is rather conservative 
    about these things, and so am I).
    
    Anyway, I have rambled on.  The whole experience is so intensely
    important in my life that I love to re-live it .. the good and 
    the bad !! Wish you all the best.
    
    Pam
    
    
    P.S:  We keep our Lazy Boy rocker recliner in the baby's room.
    It is the most useful pre-baby purchase I made. It is useful from the 
    ninth month of pregnancy onwards.  After the baby arrives, it is 
    much more conducive to a sore bottom and feeding a newborn 
    than the traditional nursery wood rocker.  Even now, it is very
    convenient when the only way to comfort my kids during a
    "can't-breathe-unless-vertical" cold and to get some sleep while they
    are sleeping on my shoulder.  
    
    Pam

    I remember as I headed to the hospital the FIRST time, saying to my
    husband "But I'm not ready yet!".  When I went back the second time, I
    still was not ready.  Even by the third time, as I was wheeled into the
    delivery room, 36 hours of labor behind me, I was still saying "I'm not
    ready yet".  Most women, during the last trimester, are complaining that
    they want to "get it over with".  I never said that, because I was so
    scared.  Of what? I had no idea...
    Sarah
    

    This is probably going to get me into trouble, because this is one
    of those things that you're not supposed to talk about or even
    think about when you're pregnant, but maybe it's better to have it
    out in the open.  
    
    >I never said that, because I was so scared.  Of what? I had no
    >idea...
    
    Of pain, of the possibility of something going wrong.  I was sure
    I was going to die, or the baby was going to encounter some kind
    of tragic accident, be strangled by the umbilical cord during
    delivery (and he did have it wrapped around him, so maybe at some
    level I knew) or something.
    
    It is painful even at best, and it is dangerous even at best.  The
    odds of something going wrong are very slim, but it could happen.
    I'm not going to get into telling pregnancy horror stories because
    in all likelihood everything's going to be fine -- but I also 
    don't think it's irrational to be afraid of something that is
    potentially painful and dangerous.  
    
    Plus I think there's a kind of cosmic connection -- conception,
    the mystery of birth, is really inexplicable when you come down to
    it.  Why two bits of random tissue from two separate adults who
    connected for a few minutes and maybe will never see each other
    again should combine and make yet a third separate being who is
    part of both and yet neither is something that makes no sense at
    all when you think about it.  It can't be captured in rational
    words.  And in the mystery of the beginning of life is the mystery
    of its ending, and the awareness of its ending. 
    
    --bonnie

    
    	Cherie, I'd be worried for you if you *weren't* nervous! Everybody
    with any imagination gets nervous about stepping into the unknown, it's
    part of the coping mechanism.
    
    	Do fathers-to-be get nervous? Of course we do, but we all react in our
    own way. Friends of mine have been moody, irritable, manic or just
    plain irrational. Personaly I thought I coped rather well! However I'm
    in a minority of one (I can't repeat how people described my
    behaviour during the last couple of weeks, but it was something like
    "difficult").
    
    	At the end of the day though, releasing all that nervous energy
    forms part of the most wonderful experience imaginable (IMHO).
    
    
    			Ian G. 

    
    Re: .13 Bonnie...
    
    Boy can I relate. I've been sitting here reading all these replies
    wanting to enter a reply, but not. I guess the "pain" of the labor
    process hasn't started to bother me yet, and I'm thinking it probably
    will once I start my lamaze classes....but what you said fits how I'm
    feeling at this stage in my pregnancy (6+ mos) to a tee!  Afraid of what?
    Of the *danger* most of all.
    
    The chance of something happening to the baby, be it the ambilical
    cord, or some freak thing that his/her heart stops...or something to
    this effect.  The chance of going through these last 6 mos, and the
    future 3 1/2 mos, all for something to go wrong, and my dreams to be
    shattered. Its just this scary feeling I have. 
    
    When I think of the pain part of it, I get nervous and scared a bit
    yes, but I think of all the women out there who made it through okay..
    and many with alot smaller builds, etc than me.  I've also gone through
    2 bouts of severe food poisoning (one a parasite) where I was
    hospitalized, and the pain was the most intense thing I have ever
    experienced in my entire life! Maybe someone out there will tell me 
    "wait till you go through labor"...and many have...  but what I went
    through with those bouts, was pretty severe. And one of them I had to
    endure all alone, in a California hotel/emergency room 5000 miles from 
    home with not a friendly face in sight.
    
    But...as I said...this is just my thoughts right now...I imagine when I
    start my lamaze classes my fears may change. Especially once I view
    those vivid movies I am hearing so much about..
    
    Chris
    

    I never thought about the complications because it would have made me
    more of a wreck than I already was. To enjoy your birth experience to
    the fullest you really have to put all other things out of your mind
    and concentrate on the moment. If you are attending childbirth classes,
    use the breathing it really works. Most people i talked to said that 
    they didn't use it. But I used it for 21 solid hours and it really
    helped. You don't pay that good money for Lamaze classed for nothing.
    
    
    SANDY
    
    
    
    

    I remember being OK until I went on STD.  All of a sudden I realized
    the next big event was BIRTH.  Until then I was ok so I called friends
    again and said "OK, now be honest - tell me the WHOLE story".  Some
    said they could not remember or that it was OK.  A few still remembered
    but could not find a way to correlate the pain to something I would
    understand.  (I later understood what they meant.  After awhile you can
    forget and you know it was different and painful but it can go away).
    
    One piece of advice.  PRACTICE those Lamaze breathing techniques.  My
    husband could not get past "Take a deep cleansing breath".  By the time
    I was in transition and my water broke I told him what to do with those
    deep cleansing breaths.  I forgot what came next so I hung on to the
    railing.
    
    Next piece of advice.  If you think you will want something TELL THE
    DOCTOR NOW.  I did not have my "order in" and my doctor was on vacation
    and the doctor on call was already delivering another baby so the
    hospital did not have a doctor's OK for anything.  By the time I REALLY
    wanted something it was too late.  
    
    One thing somebody told me once was that this is an event that ends. 
    It will be over.  If you fight it, it will be harder.  If you can relax
    and go with the contractions it is easier.  
    
    About the only thing I can compare it to is like having a charley horse
    in your abdomen, a stong charley horse in your abdomen.  The type where
    you tell yourself to relax your leg so it will go away but you have a
    hard time doing it.
    
    So practice, practice.  I felt a tremendous feeling of accomplishment
    after it was over.  But would practice more next time and do more
    Kuegels (sp) as it took longer for me to recover and I kept leaking all
    the time.
    
    Good luck.  It is great
    
    Michelle

    re: .16
    
    You're right, of course, but I found admonitions like this nearly
    as maddening as when you're in a stressful situation and people
    who aren't in it tell you to "just relax."  I know they meant
    well, it just didn't connect with reality. 
    
    It's good to try to focus on the positive, and to take what steps
    you can to deal with the potential outcomes, but it doesn't do any
    good to pretend you're not afraid if you're afraid.  I tried that
    a lot, putting on the cheerful face and saying how wonderful
    everything was going, and all that happened was, as I said, I
    spent a lot of time lying awake nights in the middle of a panic
    attack.  
    
    Also, there were times (see "losing it" note) when if I had
    concentrated on the moment, I really would have lost it.  The only
    thing that kept me going was thinking "Next year at this time the
    baby will be out of here, and sleeping through the night, and
    toddling around the room pulling itself up on the furniture.  This
    will all be over."
    
    So yes, you do need to learn to focus on the positive, but not to
    the point of denying that sometimes it's difficult, and sometimes
    it's painful, and sometimes it's dangerous, and sometimes it's
    just generally awful.   
    
    I think perhaps if I had been able to admit that up front and go
    past it, rather than trying to ignore it, I would have had a lot
    easier time of it. 
    
    --bonnie

    
    I thoroughly enjoyed being pregnant, knowing I was going to have a
    child but still able to spend time alone with my husband.  
    
    The scary episode started with the childbirth classes and watching
    "the movie".  Suddenly, this was real and I was going to have to have
    this baby one way or another.  I had some bleeding 3 weeks before my
    due date and the doctor was sure I was going to deliver any day.  {I
    ended up delivering only 5 days early - there went my STD!}. 
    
    Anyway, I had an epidural and I don't think I could have gotten through
    some of those contractions without it.  The laboring nurse held me so
    tight while the needle was being inserted that my shoulders hurt the
    next day from her grip.
    
    By having the epidural, I could concentrate on delivering my beautiful
    baby girl, Kristen Katherine, and didn't have to see the look in my
    husbands eye which told me every time to expect an even harder 
    contraction {his eyes were glued to the monitor}.  I have to say that
    I will have another epidural next time if needed.
    
    The most vivid memory I have of labor {outside of being sick the
    morning I went into labor}, is placing your complete trust in the
    laboring nurses {or midwives} as well as in your S.O.   Just knowing
    that my husband was there to help me through it was the most genuinely
    special part of going through labor.
    
    When they handed my daughter to my husband, the tears in his eyes told
    the only true story.....a miracle.
    
    -Patty

    
    Thanks for all the replies....it's nice to know that I'm not going
    crazy!  Or, if I am, I'm not alone! :^)
    
    Bonnie, you brought up alot of the things I've been worrying about.
    They're not pleasant things to think about, but the fear of the unknown
    and all that goes with it is definitely a reality.  I think alot about
    all the things you mentioned, plus I worry about tearing/episiotomy,
    recovering from that, and a million other things.  Seems I think of 
    something new to worry about every day!  Hearing someone say "just
    relax" when I feel like breaking down and crying doesn't really give
    me alot of comfort.
    
    They showed us a birthing film at our Lamaze class this week, and I'm
    happy to say that I feel alot better about my approaching labor and
    delivery than I did before watching the film.  I had never seen a
    woman laboring or delivering a baby, except in movies.  It seems that
    in movies they show women saying "ooh....ahh" once, grunting and pushing
    once, and voila, a little Gerber baby is born!  The film they showed
    us this week was of real labors and deliveries, 3 different women, and
    although the women looked like they were in real pain and very
    uncomfortable, it didn't look as horrendous and I had imagined.  Of
    course, I was an observer, if I had been in the bed my opinion of the
    whole experience may be very different, but I feel more at peace with
    what is coming after seeing the film.  I'm still nervous, but at least
    I haven't had a panic attack at 3am since the class Tuesday night!

    Thanks again for all the replies and I look forward to hearing from
    more of this community!
    
    Cherie
    

    
    I'm glad that the movies helped. It's always nice to at least have
    some idea of what to expect!
    
    The biggest help I had was the great labor nurse I had. She was 
    wonderful. She really help me and my husband out alot.
    
    My husband, of course, was the biggest help. The poor guy stood for
    13 hours, and held my hand, wiped my brow and just encouraged me.
    Afterwards, he told me he felt like he really didn't do anything,
    but I felt he did tons!!! I definitely couldn't have made it 
    without his support. He was terrific. As as was stated earlier,
    seeing him hold that little bundle with tears in his eyes really
    made me forget everything I had just went through. Talk about
    feeling love for someone, you will feel like you want to burst
    at that point!!
    
    Good luck, it's normal to feel scared. I know it's hard to relax and
    everyone tells you to, but do what you feel you need to do to get
    through it, because you will!!! 
    
    Sheila
    

    
    I will be delivering at Leominster Hospital ....Has anyone else 
    heard anything about the fact that they "don't" do Epidurals there?
    I was talking to a friend of mine who just finished her Lamaze classes
    there, and she said they "don't do them" there????  or at least her
    lamaze teacher (a nurse/midwife at Leominster) said she has never had
    to give one in 11 years.   ?????
    
    This is starting to worry me...  I have been considering an epidural
    if the pain is too much (I have a very bad back)...and am now afraid
    I won't be able to have one if I want one...   I plan on asking my
    Doctor on my next visit (3 weeks away) but wanted to check in here too?
    
    Chris
    

<    all the things you mentioned, plus I worry about tearing/episiotomy,
<    recovering from that, and a million other things.  

If it's any consolation, Cherie, I tore a lot, but it never bothered me.
When the doctor was stitching me up afterwards, I didn't even notice.
Nor was it a problem afterwards.  That first week I just lay reclined a lot,
like a Roman, I guess.  :-)  I didn't *have* sit upright, so why bother?!

       Carol

    I'm due the September 28 with my first baby.  Talk about being
    nervous!! I start Lamaze classes next week but have already taken an
    Expectant Parent class where I saw a movie with 3 births.  Like a
    previous noter said, they looked like they were in pain but they handled
    it. I've talked to so many different people about labor and everyone's
    different.  Some say "take the drugs" others say "go natural".  I have
    my last monthly Dr's. appt. today and I want to discuss my options as
    far as drugs go. I guess I keep thinking I want to go natural but I
    should know my options.
    
    I think I'm also nervous about the reality of being a mom after the
    labor.  I don't know what fear is worse. There's probably no reason. I
    have had a wonderful pregnancy. No problems what so ever.  A freind
    said it makes it easier if you've had a hard pregnancy because you
    want it to be over ASAP.
    
    All I can say is I know its going to hurt- I just hope its fast and
    everything works out okay.. I wish the same for all the rest of the
    mothers-to-be that have replied.
    
    
    Good luck..
    Robin

    I went into labor with the feeling that, I will handle the pain as long
    as I could before asking for medication. I went from 12:30 in the
    afternoon untill 10:00 in the evening without anything. Then asked for
    an epidural. It was very welcomed! It eased the contractions quite a
    bit. It also slowed down my progress so they had to let it wear off. 
    So by the time I actually delivered at 10:00 the next morning I had no
    medication at all! So the birth itself was natural but the transition
    stage of labor I was medicated. I also pushed for 4 hours, and that
    created a natural anesthesia. My advice is, go into your labor
    experience with an open mind,(I'm sure your lamaze instuctor will tell
    you that). There are so many choices, and you might not need any thing
    to ease the pain. You can't make a decision untill the time comes,
    because of the uncertainties.
    
    Whatever your choice is don't feel guilty, you do what you think
    is best for you.
    
    
    Luck!
    Sandy

I just had to say a couple things:

First, I was pretty scared too, until I realized that in my life I had done
some difficult things, where I felt I had pushed to my limit, both physically
and mentally.  The one I thought of was extending a hike beyond what I
thought I could do, because it was a once in a life-time opportunity.  I cried
from exhaustion the last mile, but I made it.  That helped me face labor
because it taught me I could do more than I had thought I could.  And you can 
too.

Second - just an alternative method of dealing with pain.  I didn't take
Lamaze, because I don't handle pain by concentration and distraction and a
Lamaze instructor explained Lamaze to me that way.

I do better by going into the pain, so to speak.  I try to feel it as much as
I can and experience it.  I have a hard time explaining this.  I guess, by
accepting it and letting it have my body and realizing that it is a part of
living, it hurts me less than if I try to ignore it or control it.  And it
was fairly easy to do this with labor, because labor is constructive pain and
somehow that makes a big difference.

Just an explanation in case Lamaze doesn't feel right to some of you...

> Second - just an alternative method of dealing with pain.  I didn't take
> Lamaze, because I don't handle pain by concentration and distraction and a
>Lamaze instructor explained Lamaze to me that way.
>
> I do better by going into the pain, so to speak.  I try to feel it as much as
> I can and experience it.  I have a hard time explaining this.  I guess, by

This is strikingly similar to the Bradley method approach to childbirth
preparation, which strongly emphasizes relaxation and acceptance rather
than distraction.

	-Neil

    	I understand what you are saying about staying with the pain.

    	I also have had tremendous pain in my lifetime (non-stop for weeks
    at a time after my leg was splintered, transplanted, and screwed back
    together) and I have also found my best coping mechanism is to "get
    into the pain". This does not imply that I am getting any kind of
    enjoyment out of it, but I have found that if I concentrate on pain
    long enough and accept it for what it is, it becomes just another
    sensation or feeling with neither good nor bad implications.( this is
    actually a take off of a Buddist meditation) This means that I have to
    try to get beyond the emotional aspect of pain and what my
    interpretations of pain are (I'm in pain because I am being punished)
    and just accept it as a message from my body. Sometimes not an easy
    thing to do.

    	I was recently reading an article that described this method (or
    something similar to it) as the Bradlee (?) approach to childbirth. I
    find it very interesting and certainly a better approach for me than
    all of the outward, chaotic concentrations efforts of Lamaze.

    	I do not, however, think that this would be a good method for
    someone who has never truly experienced deep physical pain. I would
    think that the physical shock of pain sensation (I was amazed that my
    body would "betray" me so when I first felt pain after my first
    operation) would not make inward concentration possible and in that
    case, all of the huffing distractions would certainly be a better
    approach.


    	I am not afraid of the pain of labor, I am concerned of the
    uncertainty of it (I still try to pretend that I have control over my
    life). I am concerned about the possibility of surgery, when it will
    happen, how long it will last, the usual nerve-racking items that
    usually intrude into my thoughts during the wee-hours of the dawn.


    			Wendy

    Wendy,
    
    Believe it or not, this method can work for people who have never had
    anything more intense happen to them than skinned knees or sprained
    ankles.  I used the Grantly Dick Reed method for my first child,
    (worked ok), and then used a method similar to Bradley that my midwife
    recommends when I had Carrie 11 1/2 years later.  Listening to my body
    and being very relaxed and tuned into what was happening as labor
    progressed made having carrie almost fun.  Deborah strongly encouraged
    me not to do so much as curl my toes as it causes other parts of the
    body to tense up and then things hurt.  With only one exception out of
    60 babies has she seen this method fail.
    
    Meg     

    
    
    	Hi, have a few moments here while Spencer is still asleep (shhh).
    
    	just wanted to say, IGNORE ALL OF MY LAST ENTRIES IN THIS STRING. I
    knew not of what I was talking. It turned out that Spencer was a full
    two weeks post term and showed no signs of coming out (even though we
    had gone to the hospital twice in the last week with 5 minute
    contractions that eventually petered out). I was induced on the two
    week day after an ultrasound two days before showed that the baby was
    having little movement, little lung activity and a head size that
    registared off the scale. (ask me if we were worried that weekend
    before the induction - but then if you know me from my noting, then of
    course you know I was worried).
    
    	We arrived at the hospital at 7:30 am and they started the Pitocin
    drip at 8:00, from then on I had a contraction every 1-3 minutes until
    he was born at 1:27 the following morning.
    
    	At four in the afternoon, they broke my water and increased the
    drip, I took the contractions until 7:00 at which point I accepted
    (gladly) a shot of nubane. At 8:00 I literally broke down and let them
    start an epidural (read the previous notes about how I would NEVER let
    them do that to me - live and learn). At 11:00 pm they stopped the
    epidural and increased the drip (yet again) and I started pushing
    (nothing had prepared me for that experience! of course by then I was
    exhausted and hungry and so it probalby seemed worse).
    
    	Spencer was born at 1:27, although I did avoid a C-section (by the
    skin on my teeth) I ended up getting an episiotomy from , as one woman
    described it, "ear to ear". An electric breast pump and Metamucil have
    become my two best friends.
    
    	It was quite the experience, certainly not what I expected. But you
    know as bad as it was, I'll be doing it again (not in the very near
    future though) because look what you get out of it! I mean I knew I was
    pregnant with a baby that whole time, but I didn't realize that this is
    what a baby is and means! (he's just as cute as a button).
    
	next time though, I think I'll accept whatever h elp they have to
    offer at an earlier time, had I had the epidural earlier, I probably
    would have conserved more energy for the last stage.
    
    	Well, all has turned out fine and Marc, Spencer and I are having a
    ball (oh and did I tell  you how cute Spencer is?)
    
    			Wendy

    Wendy!
    
    Somewhere else in here is some congrats ... but here they are again.
    Welcome back to the world of noting ...
    
    As you've now discovered, your life will never be the same again! In
    both good and not so good ways!!! :-)
    
    You know you are supposed to deliver babies before they reach 3 months
    old (by weight)!!!
    
    Still, I'm glad it all worked out OK in the end.  Welcome to the
    wonderful world of parenthood!  There will be times when you wonder
    why you bothered, but then as you've discovered, you look at them
    when sleeping, and your heart melts!
    
    Good luck, and enjoy this time ... in fact enjoy all the time you
    can ... babies have this horrible habit of growing up !
    
    Stuart

    
    
    Did any of you start worrying more when you started your 3rd trimester?
    I worried a little bit (of miscarraige) the first trimester.  I'm 
    at the end of my 2nd trimester now and I just started to really worry.
    I'm half way there and now I think that something terrible is going
    to happen such as, the umbilical chord is going to wrap around the
    baby, or one day i'll wake up and there won't be fetal movement or
    the baby is missing limbs, etc...
    
    The funny thing is, i'm not afraid of the actual labor or the pain
    i'm going to encounter.  I'm more concerened for the baby's health
    than my own.
    
    Just wondering if anyone else has felt this way.
    
    Thanks
    Chris

<    <<< Note 1048.33 by CLT::KOBAL::CJOHNSON "Eat, drink and see Jerry!" >>>
<                         -< Starting to worry a *lot* >-

Hang in there, Chris.  It's normal to worry, but the chances are that 
everything will be fine.  Perhaps you would feel better if you talked with
your doctor about your fears.  Maybe s/he can suggest something that would
help you.  For instance, if you really are worried *a lot*, perhaps an
ultrasound would show you that everything is fine, and therefore bring
your stress level down.

      Carol 

    Chris,
    	Don't feel bad about talking to your ob/gyn or his/her nurse.  I
    think all soon-to-be moms have fears and are afraid to say them.  I
    kept telling my husband how scared I was and a lot of what if's....
    Bill would console me and tell me not to worry.  I had 4 ultra sounds
    when I was pregnant.  I was hospitalized early in pregnancy with the
    flu (had two when I had the flu).  One to make sure it wasn't twins and
    one for date verification.  My doctor was great.  She answered all my
    stupid questions and not so stupid questions.  
    
    	I had a lot of non-stress test run on the baby towards the end of
    my pregnancy.  Alexandra decided that she didn't want to move and
    curled up around my right hip.  I thought the worse and called the
    doctors. She had me go over to the hospital and they did the non-stress
    test.  All they do is put a monitor on your stomack and listen to the
    babies heart beat.  She always purred like a kitten and moved for the
    nurses.  
    
    	During your regular checkups the doctor listens to your baby's
    heart beat and can tell from talking to you what's going on.  He/she
    will ask about movement, etc.
    
    	Please feel free to drop me a note and I'll help try to help you
    through your fears.
    
    	Alex is my only child and she is and always will be very special.
    
    Kathi LaFrance
    csc32::K_lafrance

    
    If you have concerns, don't hesitate to talk to the doctor. That's
    what they are there for. Consider that there is a high probability that
    other women before you have asked sillier questions of your doctor 8-).

    When I could not feel the baby move, I waited a day and a half before I
    decided to call the doctor, thinking that I was just being a silly
    first time mother. Once I arrived at the hospital, and was in the 
    waiting area, my doc came up to me and told me off for not calling in
    the moment I was concerned! Doctors WANT you to relate your concerns to
    them, no matter how small, because they know that the stress this
    concern is giving you, is probably worse for you and the baby than
    anything you are concerned about.  

    Alas, I suppose I am a bad example here, since my concerns turned out
    to be justified, but I want everyone who is expecting to read this and
    understand the rarity of my case. Its been hammered home to me by all
    sorts of folks in the medical profession, that what happened to me is
    much like leaving home one day and having a car accident. Totally
    unpredictable and of very low probability (actually, LESS probable than
    a car accident). Worrying about this is like worrying about getting hit
    by lightening while wearing a red dress.
    
    Again, if you trust the medical professional you are working with, tell
    him or her your concerns, and discuss what might help you stop
    worrying. My doc says that we will have lots of ultrasounds during the
    third trimester so that both of us can worry less. (With me I am
    worried less about the baby than how I would stand up to the thought
    of have any sort of trouble with this one).
    
    Its tough, I know, but have faith -- (I suppose that's good advice 
    for me too!) Let us know how you are feeling -- I know it certainly
    helps me to converse with all these others about this. 
    
    Monica 
    

    Monica and I are from the same sort of conditioning, and unfortunate
    result.  My first birth (stillbirth) I thought the baby was "settling
    in" for delivery, but somewhere inside I had this feeling something was
    wrong - it was!  With AJ I was so scared that I would wake up each
    morning, and if I didn't immediately feel movement I would get so upset
    I would make myself sick.  Getting nauseated and sick somehow always
    made him move, but such and extreme way to do it.  I remember calling
    my OB the night after Christmas well after dinner, it was my mother
    inlaw's birthday, but I didn't care this was much more important, to
    tell him I felt the baby wasn't moving as much as I thought he ought
    to.  He sent me to the hospital for a non-stress test, and fortunately
    he was ok.  Then he had me doing non-stress tests every other day,
    that's Christmas eve through the blizzard he was delivered in the day
    after New Years.  On the day AJ was delivered by a "rushed" c-section
    the doctor looked at us and informed me that he was doing now, not only
    because he knew he was in distress, but because he knew (these were his
    own words) "that I couldn't take the stress or worrying anymore".  As a
    matter of fact, he delayed a vacation until after my delivery.  He told
    me that now that he knew I had safely delivered he felt at ease to
    leave town.  What a sweetie, I wanted to hug him!
    
    So if you have a "gut" feeling, go with it! An anxious phone call to
    eliminate your fears is better than so many years of heartbreak.
    
    Lyn
                                                                    

    
    I just checked back at the my previous reply to this note when I was
    pregnant, and need to correct myself on one thing:  Labor was DEFINATLY
    much worse than any food poisoning I have ever had by 10X!
    
    But my fears of "something" going wrong were luckily proven wrong. I
    just about had myself convinced that I would have to have a c-sec (no
    real resoning behind it), but everything went fine and Michael was
    delivered vaginally with no complications. The only problem I had was
    that he came out "too" fast and I ripped my cervix a bit, which meant
    extra stiches. But other than that, my fears were all for nothing.
    He was also 2 weeks early.
    
    Chris
    

    It's funny to go back and reread this stuff.  I was such a 
    basketcase when I wrote this basenote, and things went so
    much easier than I ever dreamed!  My water broke at 5am
    on Sunday, 9/22/91, one week before my due date.  I had
    a couple major contractions sporadically over the next
    couple of hours.  I remember thinking, while in the middle
    of the contractions, that ifthis is the beginning of labor,
    I'm gonna DIE!  But I managed them fine.  Finally around
    7:30 am or so I had some spotting so my midwife sent me to
    the hospital to see what was going on.  The nurse gave me
    an internal and I was already 10cm dilated and ready to
    push!  Those killer contractions I had at home were the
    end of my dilation! :^)  I had to wait for my midwife to
    get to the hospital, pushed for an hour (HARD work!) and
    Craig was born at 9:42am!  I'm so lucky 'cuz I only had
    a minimum of pain, the episiotomy I was so terrified of
    getting when I was pregnant didn't bother me a bit, and
    my baby was (is!) perfectly healthy and wonderful! :^)
    
    Cherie