Conference moira::parenting_v3

    Well, I think it depends on whether you are having a family party or
    one with their peers.  My sons shared a birthday party this year (they
    are 21 months apart) because they were both sick with chicken pox at
    the time of the younger's birthday.  They have the same peer group for
    the most part (neighbors - kids same ages; church friends - both in
    same class; and the oldest had one friend from school).  It worked out
    great in this case - 13 kids between 4 and 7 years of age.  We usually
    celebrate birthdays separately - this year was under special
    circumstances.
    
    -sandy
    

    My two oldest sons are 2 years and 8 days apart.  My sister's two
    oldest are 3 years and 4 days apart.
    
    We always have two seperate birthday parties for the boys.  I know it's
    a pain (and can be expensive) but they have VERY different
    personalities and friends.  What we HAVE started to do is combine the
    "family" party (where my in-laws and other family members are invited).  
    
    I keep the "kid" parties short - no more than 1 1/2 hours.  You could
    plan one party "outside" (McDonald's, Chuck e Cheese, etc.) and then
    have the other at home - switch from year to year.  We did this one
    year and it felt like we weren't having constant parties!  
    
    I stretch the two parties out as far as possible.  I try to have them
    two weeks apart - one gets his party a little early, the other a little
    late.  You could probably stretch yours out to a week apart.
    
    As one of my friends says, it may be trying while you're going through
    it but at least it's over quickly!  (Until next year!)
    
    

    My brother and I were born one week short of two years apart, so I
    remember going through this.  
    
    We never had "parties" with friends and such -- it was always just
    a family gathering, and it was usually held on the Sunday between
    our birthdays.  Sometimes we thought it was great to share, and
    other years we were at each other's throats, depending on our ages
    and our family situations. 
    
    So what I'd recommend is, ask the boys how they feel about it, and
    go with their preferences.  Be prepared to negotiate if one wants
    to share and the other doesn't.  Ask again every year, making it
    plain they have the right to change their minds.  Also decide how
    much leeway you want to give them in terms of what kind of event
    they want.  Given a choice, my oldest nearly always chose a
    special event like a movie or video games with her best friend
    over a big party.
    
    I presume that the youngest is too young to have a preference
    right now, but I'd start it this year anyway.  (As an aside, we
    never had the friends-over kind of birthday parties for any of our
    kids until they were old enough to ask for one.  Just the family
    special dinner and presents.)
    
    --bonnie
    
    

    My two kids are 2 years and 7 days apart.  I haven't had any 'friends'
    parties yet, but the combined family birthday party has worked well so
    far.  At 2 and 4 years old, they ahven't been old enough to complain
    yet. Moving from New England to Colorado and leaving all family behind 
    will drastically change the rules next year.  What I have in mind
    right now is a small 'mom,dad,bro,sis' dinner with cake for each on the
    actual day of their birthday. Then the weekend before february 1st and 
    the weekend after february 8th I'll have separate 'friends' parties.
    Of course, all that is subject to change anytime before february....
    
    I have two sisters whose birthdays are 3 years and 1 day apart.
    They have always had a birthday party together, family and friends
    at the same time.  I just talked to the younger of the two and
    she said the only thing she remembers not liking was that her pile
    of presents was not equal in height to the other pile sometimes. 
    I always felt sorry for my father whose birthday was one week later
    and used to get his cards from everyone except us kids at my sisters'
    party.  
    
    Donna
    

    My niece and nephew's birthdays are 3 yrs. 1 week apart. They always
    celebrated with a cake, family presents, etc., and the actual birthday,
    and then had a family party on the weekend in the middle. They were
    never big on friends parties, rather preferring to do something special
    with one or two friends, and that could be done anytime near their day.
    
    Our 2nd and 4th children are 3 weeks apart (well, 4 yrs and 3 weeks),
    and we will likely have only one family party in between, but will
    definitely celebrate with cake and presents on teh actual day.
    
    --dave--

    
    What a timely note !! My two children are 1 year and 364 days apart.
    The older one (Rasika's) d.o.b is 7-18-88 and Bhavika's is 7-17-90.  We just
    celebrated their 3rd and 1st birthdays the day-before-yesterday and
    yesterday.
    
    Since they are both fairly young, this year we did/are doing what we
    liked to do.  I like the idea of asking what they want to do.  From
    next year, we will play it by ear.
    
    Please keep the ideas coming.  I have many many many many more birthdays to
    celebrate !!
    
    Pam

    My brother and I were born 7 years and 1 day apart.  My cousin
    and I are 4 years and 1 day apart.  When growing up we always had
    family parties celebrated on a Sunday which stopped when we were
    12.  I never minded sharing the birthday with my cousin, and now
    with my brother (we still have a party with just immediate family
    on a Sunday).
    
    I never had birthday parties with friends which would have made
    a difference, I'm sure, but I loved the family gatherings and
    sharing the day was fun.
    
    Donna
    

    Mine are 5 years and 6 days apart.  Family stuff is together, friend
    parties are separate.  (We also celebrate 1/2 birthdays just for fun
    with a family cake!)
    

My oldest sister and youngest brother were born on the same day twelve years
apart.  Judy always
resented that.  So Mom always made two cakes and we always same Happy Birthday
twice and it was like two different celebrations held on the same day.  The
first phrase Tom learned to say was "Judy's birthday present".

My parents couldn't afford birthday parties so that was never an issue but
the double cakes, etc. continued even into adulthood.

Cheryl

    
    My kids are 23 months apart. (Spener 9-18-88, Tanner 8-12-90)  I was
    wondering the same thing this year!  My sisters b-days were only a
    couple of days apart and they both told me they hated sharing the same
    parties!  But I also felt it was alot for family and friends to come to
    2 parties only a couple weeks apart (and alot for us too) Where they
    are so young and friends are really the same (kids of our friends and
    family) That this year we are having a combo, with 2 cakes.  I'll see
    how it goes next year, but I also like the idea of asking the kids.  I
    think when Spencer gets older and he has his own friends, then we can
    do separate parties with the kids maybe a joint for family members.
    
    p.s.  I feel so guilty this year about b-days!  Spencers first B-day
    was a big blow out, and Tanners first will be shared with his brothers
    and nothing like his brothers first.  Does this happen alot with the
    second kids??????  Peter keeps telling me the kids don't know the
    difference, but I still feel guilty!!!!!
    

    My brother and I are also 5 yrs and 1 day apart.  We always had our own
    cakes on our own birthdays and my mother would cook our favorite meals
    for our day. She still does this for us.  It gets complicated because
    her birthday is September 10 (I do the cake for her), My brothers is 
    September 28, Mine is September 29, and my husbands is October 6.
    
    We rarely had friend parties, I think I had two (5 and 16yrs old) 
    and my brother two (8, and 18).  We would have never had a combined 
    party due to the differences in our ages, sexes, and interests
    We would have killed each other.
    
    We also would have a large party with the rest of my family, aunts,
    uncles, cousins, grandparents on my fathers side every September since
    there were so many of us who had birthdays in that month. We always
    enjoyed them.
    
    Angie

    
    My brother and I were 1 year and 2 days apart.  We always celebrated
    the family get-together part of the birthday on the day in-between.
    We did have seperate cakes though!

    My brother and sister were born June 13, 1958, and June 14,
    1966 - 8 years and one day apart - My mom always tried to have the
    family parties together, but no way for the friends party !!!mg 

    My children were born on the same day - 8 years apart.
    This year we celebrated 9 year old and 1 year old birthdays.  It
    happened that the date (9/28) fell on a Saturday this year.  My son,
    the 9 year old had his party first - on 9/21 and we had a small
    gathering for my daughter on Sunday, 9/29.  The 28th we just stayed
    home the 4 of us.  Since my children are far apart, right now the 9
    year old is the only one that really has any preference - and he wants
    his party first, since he came first.  This seems to have appeased him
    for now.
    
    Kathy