Conference moira::parenting_v3

    I've had similar problems with children of close friends.  When at
    home, my friends let their children be hateful little twerps.  When
    they first came over to our house, I told the child and the parents
    that I didn't care how they behaved at home, "they weren't going to do
    that here".  I explained to my kids that my wife and I don't consider
    their behaviour acceptable.  If they can't abide by the rules of our
    house then maybe they should not come over.
    
    You are the one who decides what the standard is for your kids
    behaviour.  If they understand that and you understand that, then maybe
    your neighbor' views are unimportant.  I'd tell the kids that.  I'd
    also tell them that you don't feel that the parent of the other kid is
    being rational so they should just avoid him/her.  If the entire family
    behaves like a bunch of nuts, then maybe they aren't worth the bother.
    
    I know this may sound unfeeling, but I've long since given up on trying
    to live by someone else's standard or compromising mine just to be
    "nice".
    
    Ron

    Oh, I forgot to mention this.  My neighbors are a bunch of drunks. 
    They have a teenage son that used to hold wild parties otu in the
    street at all hours of the day and night.  The others in the
    neighborhood were afraid they'd alienate this family if they called the
    police and had the parties broken up.  Since I really didn't care what
    this family thought, I made friends with the local police and explained
    what was going on.  They came over regularly and broke the parties up,
    often taking this particular delinquent off to jail.  When the
    neighbors asked if I knew who had been calling the cops I said that I
    had.  They became somewhat indignant but I calmly explained to them
    that the neighborhood was for all of its inhabitants, not just the
    unemployed drunks.  They left in a huff.  BYYEEE!
    I guess my point is that life is too short to let some dimwitted
    dunderheads decide how you and your family are going to behave.  If
    they don't like the way you live they'll avoid you.  
    
    Ron 

    I think you're doing O.K.  I hate getting involved with the kids'
    bickering.  My 7 yr. son has a couple of on going hate/like friendships.
     This neighbor you speak of sounds like a real pain.  I recall this
    terribly mad woman pounding on my door, screaming how she was going
    to kill my 8 yr. daughter once she got a hold of her.  I told her
    in a very calm tone, surprised myself, that I'd be willing to hear
    anything she had to say, but after she calmed down.  I also warned
    her about making threats.  She immediately softened down, and described
    the incident.  Apparently, my daughter and her friend were monkeying
    around in the laundry room and spilled detergent into this woman's
    washload.  I made my daughter pay $5 for the detergent and also
    took the 4 of us to the other girl's house.  Resolved the whole,
    thing.  But, I tell ya, this mad woman acted like her 3 kids were
    the best angels in the neighborhood.  It's a good idea not to boast
    to loudly, for you never know what your own may do.

Juli's neighborhood friendships grew from a whooping "0" to "12" when they
observed a big box with "sandbox" written across it being dragged into our
backyard!  Once lined up on "the outside of the fence", they further
observed the swingset and gym.

That was back in April/May sometime and 82 Edgewood has never been the same
since!!!

This motley crew is aged from 11 to 2, mostly sibling groupings.

Since I'm home for an hour or two BEFORE Jim/Juli arrive, I learned "the
hard way" to set OUR HOUSE rules and limits AND STICK WITH THEM (as the
kids do push them out as far as they can!)

.  I do not "babysit" neighborhood kids!  You must bring an older brother
	or sister with YOU!

.  No hitting or nasty verbal putdowns (although some shoving and
	verbal confrontations do occur ... what I don't want is ganging
	up on one poor soul - which is usually the youngest or weakest!)

.  When rules get broken (abusing the toys or other kids) ALL KIDS go
	home.  I don't care who started it, who said what, who did
	what or where it ended ... "everyone HOME! ..." and that's it!

.  HOUSE IS OFF-LIMITS at all times (bathroom included! - unless, of course,
	an emergency) ... since everyone's house is within pitching range.

.  No one comes into our fenced-in backyard (via the breezeway/porch)
	UNLESS "JULI" is home  (don't knock on my door if Jim's car is
	NOT in the driveway!, thus Juli is not home either!)

.  I have the kids' parents phone numbers (in case of emergencies)

.  Jim/I will "watch the clock" and get kids home "on time"

.  We usually hand out a popscicle or small treat to all the kids.

.  ALL toys are picked up and sandbox closed BEFORE the last kid leaves.

.  Tell Jim/me when you're headed home  (usually Jim's outdoors anyway).

So far, the above is working out FANTASTICALLY!  Keeping in mind, of
course, Juli's only 22 months of age ... and the fact that they're on OUR
turf somewhat keeps the kids in tow -- not to mention Juli's folks (who
are easy-going - BUT FIRM - and the kids take us REAL seriously -- for
some reason!!).

Ask me how this is going in another 4 years, though!

Dottie