Conference moira::parenting_v3

    I think I would not use the term "exposing them to" rather "experience
    realities of life with children".  We have two boys 4 and 6 and have
    been asked many questions that I took for granted.  Why is their
    mommy's skin brown, or that brown skin person, or why can't he walk
    like me, or why does he look different.  We live in a great
    neighborhood for these experiences - we have very handicapped boys
    living next door, we have an interracial couple with children, we have
    an Indian family, and we had a family that allowed the kids free reign
    of everything - the 16 yr olds were left responsible for the two young
    girls (age 5 and 7) and those girls were exposed to EVERYTHING
    imagineable.  And that's just the families within 4 doors to my house.
    Luckily, my boys are still at the age where they are comfortable asking 
    parents questions.  We, too, deal very honestly with them and take their 
    questions very seriously.  I think this is the most important learning 
    process kids will go thru.
    
    Now if I could just convince them that smoker's are allowed rights too. 
    Boy do they get on my parent's case at every meeting.  They are worse
    than reformed smokers!!
    
    -sandy
    

    re: -.1
    
    I think that, on the whole, if a kid is old enough to ask questions
    about something, he or she is old enough to be exposed to it. The
    context of the exposure is important, and here you have considerable
    influence.
    
    If your fear is that some of this exposure will in some way harm your
    child (whether by troubling him in a way he can't deal with yet, or by
    influencing him toward thought or action which you consider harmful), I
    would answer that growing up in a loving family is what gives him the
    strength, security, and self-respect to deal with the troubling aspects
    of society. Your ability to hide these things from is limited. Your
    ability to help him cope with them is far greater.
    
    Part of the context you provide is the simple explanation of the
    differences you cite. At some point the child must also think about the
    significance of those differences. What, for example, is the
    significance of the difference in skin color versus the difference in
    eye color?  Or, why are there beggars and homeless people now (so you
    ultimately get into political and economic issues)?
    
    Kit
    
    

    .2 was, of course, a reply to the base note.

    .0 -
    
    One of the reasons we continue to live in the city is to have these
    realities be part of our everyday life. We live in an interracial
    neighborhood and take public transportation regularly, so some of the
    people and sights you mention have been part of our son's life as long
    as he can remember (he's 3.5). He still asks the same questions as your 
    son. 
    
    I think at a certain age kids begin to notice differences and wonder
    about them; I'm glad personally that our kid gets both information from
    us and information from his own experience and observation. 
    
    I too have the urge to protect my son, but in sum I feel it is much,
    much better for him to experience the diversity of life than to be
    protected from it, even when it is upsetting (like the street person we
    saw on Sunday verbally abusing passers-by, including us. I didn't enjoy
    it, but I want him to know such people are part of our world.) 
    
    Lucy

    
    
    re .0
    
    My daughter, almost 6, has been "exposed" to a lot of difference since
    she was little. There is no other way - I am Chinese and my husband is
    English. There are people in the grocery store with food stamps.
    There are kids whose parents are divorce, etc. A lot of these
    differences are just facts of time. I think, there should not be 
    this magic age concept. Kids are smart and the earlier the exposure 
    begins, the better. I would recommend not giving your child a big
    dose all at once, but bring to his attention everyday occurrences and
    encourage him to ask questions. Give him straightforward answers without
    much judgement. When he can understand the concepts, when he is more
    mature then you can tell him what you think of those experiences.
    
    Eva
    

    We (or at least I) don't give our kids the credit of insite they
    deserve. AJ is 4-1/2 and understands the concept of some boys and girls
    don't have two parents, even understands the meaning of divorce=going
    away forever.  The little oriental girl at daycare who had a tall
    red-headed daddy (adopted), or the new boy in daycare who is mildly
    mongoloid, and doesn't speak clearly.  He too noticed when we visit
    Boston that it's quite different, noisy, and busy compared to his
    quiet, fairly rural home town.  For that matter I'm still adjusting
    after ten years in Central Mass, after spending the first 20+years of
    my life in a suburb of Boston, where I truly believed that your
    neighbors moved in and out at the begining or end of each college year!
    
    Lyn