Conference moira::parenting_v3

My daughter is 6 months (this weekend).  We used the Ferber technique on her
when she was 4 months old.

Our bedtime ritual is bath, go downstairs to kiss the other parent and the 
dogs goodnight, then back upstairs.  Sometimes, if she's very alert, I read
THe Cat in the Hat to her (she loves the large pictures).  Then she goes into
the crib.  Usually, she's ready by then, but if not, she talks to her stuffed
animals for awhile and sucks her thumb.

On the rare occasions that she cries, we go back and reassure her every 15
minutes, but don't pick her up.

One other thing - usually she's crying because she's teething.  So
we will give her tylenol and rock her for a few minutes until she's calm again,
but still awake.  Then it's back to bed.  That always works (at least it
always has).

I recommend getting Ferber's book (Solve you child's sleep problems) and
reading it.  You can decide if it's appropriate for you and your daughter.

    I personally feel that it depends on the child.  Each child is
    different and will respond to different things.  My son is 8.5 months
    and I have never had any problem getting him to sleep.  He will usually
    fall asleep within 5 minutes after I put him in his crib.  If he
    doesn't, I will lightly rub the back of his neck and talk quietly to him
    until he settles down (I don't pick him up) and then leave the room.  He 
    will fall asleep soon after.  
    
    I have heard him playing quietly in this crib now and then in the middle 
    of the night.  I have learned to just leave him alone and he will play 
    for a while and then go back to sleep.  I think that is where the self
    comforting part comes in.  Just because he is awake doesn't mean I have
    to get up and feed or comfort him.
    
    I think I have been very lucky and I hope me luck holds up.
    
    Kathy    

    When Eric was little, the bedtime routine was rocking and signing.
    Then one night, he didn't want to be rocked anymore (he was about
    1 year old), we changed the routine to read books.  He usually
    fell asleep during the second or third book.  Now he is almost
    3, he goes to bed whenever he is tired and will fall asleep
    by himself.  All we do is making sure that he brushes his
    teeth and goes to potty before he gets into his bed.
    
    What I am saying is it really depends on the child also the age
    of the child.  I now rock Monica (8 month) to sleep.  I don't
    see any problems with rocking.  And she usually sleeps from
    9pm - 6am.
    
    Wendy 

    When Krystin starts to get tired, I change her diaper, put her jammies
    on and then cuddle her while she drinks a bottle.  (She's 9 months
    old).
    
    If I lay her in her crib and she cries, I usually let her do so for
    about 15 minutes.  If she doesn't stop or lessen her cry, then I pick
    her up and feed her the rest of her bottle in the dark.  With crying
    for 15-20 minutes, she's really tired, and then drinking the bottle,
    just makes her more tired.  I lay her down again, and she's usually out
    before her head hits the crib.
    
    I was told by my doctor not to rock the child to sleep because then the
    child will not learn to sleep on his/her own until you rock them.  A
    friend of mine is still rocking her daughter in a rocking chair and she
    just turned 4 years old!!
    
    There are a lot of books you can read on this subject.  It might be
    wise to pick one up.
    
    
    

    
    	Just how early should you start bedtime routines? As soon as the
    babies are born and home or as soon as they can sleep for long
    stretches of time?
    
    	What woudl a routine be for a newborn (who woudl be up quite
    frequently to feed?)
    
    	Marc and I were talking about this and we basicaly differed, I
    thought that a newborn was too young to start understanding routine and
    thought that it would take a few months to get to the undersatnding
    point and Marc felt that a bedtime routine could effectively be
    instituted right away. (we haven't gotten any books on this subject yet
    but will).
    
    	Perhaps the key is to establish some sort of routine right away but
    not have any expectations for a bit.
    
    	Or am I not giving newborns enough credit?
    
    			Wendy

    
    re: .5   I don't have a direct answer to this question.  But, I do
    know that with my first and only child, I always thought he was 
    too young to have a routine at 2 weeks, 4 weeks, 3 months, and so
    on....I just kept stretching it out.   If I were to have another,
    I would try to establish a routine from about 2 weeks of age.  
    Establishing a routine or schedule in a young infant certainly
    can't hurt; not establishing one in my son certainly did hurt (he
    didn't sleep thru the night regularly until 10-1/2 months!).
    
    Carol

          Re. 5
    
    I'm with your husband on this one.  You can establish a routine right
    from the start, and should, in my opinion.  Whatever it is -- bath,
    PJs, kisses, then to bed. Or whatever would be your way of doing it. 
    Also establish a bedtime, but be flexible enough to understand that the
    bedtime and routine will change as the child gets older.
    
    When my chidren were babies, I'd generally get them into PJs around
    7:00, they'd play with Daddy and me for awhile, we'd read o couple of
    stories, then to bed at 8.  If there were signs of crankiness, it would
    be off to bed at 7:30.  As they got older, the bedtime became 8:30, now
    at 6 years of age, it's 9PM.
    
    Babies DO recognize routine, in fact they come to depend upon and feel
    quite a sense of security from the routines you establish.  They key
    thing to remember is NOT to be inflexible about that routine.  After
    the routine is established, it's OK to give in now and then.
    
    My opinion, for what it's worth!
    

    re .5
    
    With my son, I noticed after the first few weeks that he seemed to
    want to go to sleep around 8:30. So I encouraged it by taking him
    upstairs at 8pto rock and sing for awhile. Over time it became
    a routine, but we've remained flexibleReHe would sleep around 7:30
    for the last several months, but in recent weeks it's been creeping
    towards 8pm, presumably because of the later days. Luckily, he'll
    play in his crib until he's sleepy. In other words, I tried to let
    him pick the schedule, then I just encouraged it.
    
    

    We started the routine right after they sleep through the
    night regularly (about 5 month old).
    
    With Monica (8 month old), the routine is: 
    
    7pm - Bath.  She just loves taking a bath.  Now she is older,
    	  sometimes she takes the bath together with her brother.
    
    after bath to 8pm - This is our family time.  All of us will
                        sit down and play games.
    
    8pm - Night bottle.  Sometimes she will fall asleep right after.
          If not, we will do quiet play (just wish Eric doesn't
          make her excited again).
    
    9pm - By now, she is definitely tired.  I would rock and sign
          to her.  She is usually out within 3 minutes.
     
    
    Hope this helps.
    
    Wendy

    I agree with .5's husband, too.  Around 2 weeks of age, James
    started showing that he was ready to sleep from 9 or 9:30 or so
    till 3 a.m., he'd wake up, nurse, then back to sleep till about
    7.  (Dear God, please let this next one do the same....)  So we
    started putting him to bed around 9 p.m.  I'd feed him, burp him
    real good, rock him for a while and then it was into the crib.
    Some nights he wouldn't settle.  I'd put him in the crib and check
    on him every 5 or 10 minutes.  If he was still crying hard after
    10-15 minutes, I'd rock him again.  I don't remember doing this
    more than a couple of nights in a row.  
    
    FWIW, people told my husband and me that we were "rigid" and
    "inflexible" with our son because he went to bed at a specified time
    (if we were out with him at a family gathering, I just put him in his
    playpen to sleep), because he took two naps a day, etc., etc.  "You
    can't take him anywhere," they said.  Well, my personal opinion is
    that kids don't belong everywhere the parents go, but that is a r
    rathole for another time.
    
    My
    mother-in-law (of all people) stood up for us and said that babies
    and young children need a routine, it tells them what to expect.
    "It's one less thing to fight about," is how I think she put it.
    (Again, a rathole for another time :-)).  So, to make a long story
    short, if your baby shows signs of wanting to go to bed at a particular
    time, put him/her to bed!  Another noter put it very well -- let the
    baby take the lead, but encourage it.
    

    I feel it is okay to start a routine as soon as the baby comes home
    from the hospital.  We did, if for no ther reason then to get US in a
    routine and use to it.  When the time came that we needed to start a
    routine, we were ready.  We let Stephen take the lead and encouraged
    it.
    
    Kathy   

    re  .10  - I absolutely agree about not taking the baby everywhere the
    parents go.  Our daughter spent her early months mostly at home
    enjoying a regular schedule and has always slept well.  She slept
    through the night at 8 weeks. (In all fairness, one reason is that she
    hates riding in the car, and I wouldn't force her to go out) But you're
    right - that is a rathole.
    
    As for starting a schedule, we let our daughter decide what the
    schedule was, and it was about 2-3 months before she settled down. At
    that she would go to bed at 10 or 11 for the night, but sleep till 8 or
    9 the next morning.  At four months she abruptly "readjusted" her bed
    time to a more reasonable 8:30 pm.  If I had to do it again, I still
    think I'd wait for a few months as long as the baby slept predictably.
    
    In my early mother's group our leader suggested "training" a baby at 2
    months or later. She seemed to think it was difficult before then.
    
    Mary
    

    I agree, you need to start the sleep pattern as soon as the baby begins
    to sleep through the night.  With both of my boys (ages 4.5 and 11
    months), as soon as they slept all night, we began the routine at
    8:00pm.  It was up to the nursery, changed their diaper, and given a
    good nite kiss, and tucked in.  I also found that it is helpful to
    darken the room, leaving only a nite light on.  Then winding the Fisher
    Price mobile all the way.  And evey night its the same thing, by the
    time the music runs out the baby is sound asleep.
    
    After such a long day...my husband and I look forward to our "private
    time".  (This is a new phrase that my oldest just came home from the
    day care center with...every afternoon after lunch, all of the children
    take naps...they must choose a book and lie on their appointed cot and
    have their private time)  Even now at home on the weekends, it's a
    great way to get the older one to rest...he generally falls off for a
    nap in less than half an hour.
    
    
    Hope it helps some!!!!
    
    
    
    Lillian