Conference moira::parenting_v3

    There's a cute book...I think it's called "Where Did I Come From?" that
    deals with sex, love, conception, etc.  It's written for the young
    child, preschool to early grades.  It's illustrated with (more or less)
    anatomically correct cartoons.  
    
    I can't remember the author but there's a whole series of books that
    deal with family issues - adoption, death, new sibs, etc.  Any decent
    bookstore will have them in the "life issues for children" section.
    

    The "experts" consensus is:  Keep the answers simple and geared to the
    age of the child.  Answer the question asked and don't launch into a
    big lecture.  
    
    When I was pregnant, my 4 year old friend Colleen asked "How do you
    know you are pregnant?"  UH-OH, fast thinking.  I said, "When a woman
    is pregnant her body changes.  She knows what those changes are and can
    be pretty sure.  Also, I got a test from the drugstore and the test
    told me for sure."  She was satisfied.  In retrospect, the only thing I
    would have added was, "Only women can get pregnant, not little girls."
    
    One answer to the were do babies come from (for young 'uns):  "Mom (and
    Dad, if married) decided to have a baby. This is something a grown-up
    woman (and man) can do.  Then Mom got pregnant.  The baby was in her
    belly before it was born."  FWIW
    
    Laura

A few weeks ago, Andrew, 2 3/4 yrs., starts asking about where things come
from. It was easy to start with. Where did the table come from, Where did
daddy's car come from. Answers... Daddy bought it here, or there... etc..
finally, Daddy, did you buy Andrew? NO Andrew, we made you. Oh... Who made
daddy? Nana and Granddad... Oh... Seems happy with this, until a friend visits
with a new born. Daddy, you make a baby like this one for me?

Well, he understands the principle, I think I'll leave the mechanics for a few
years...

q

I did tell her that a mommy and a daddy together can have babies and that 
satisfied her for the moment, although she did ask "how", meaning, how do a 
mommy and daddy get a baby together.  I think she dropped it because I was busy with
with the baby, but had I been just sitting on the couch with no immediate task 
in hand she would have kept asking.

I do believe that I don't need to answer more than she asks.  I'm just wondering
what to do if she wants to get explicit - Marisa is the kind of child that
knows, for example, that cholesterol is not good for you because it will make
your heart not work right BECAUSE cholesterol goes in your bloodstream AND 
mommy had too much cholesterol in her blood and that's how she ended up having
her gall bladder taken out!  

I will check out the library.

    When mine started asking about such things as this I was startled too. 
    But I got a book on human anatomy, a children's book , and brought it
    home.  We sat down and went through it.  It was a bit advanced for
    their ages, but I did some editing on it in reading it to them.
    
    They WILL ask, for details too, given time.  Be ready with what you
    want to tell them, at what level of detail.  When I was pregnant with
    my 4th, my other 3 got more and more curious about just how that baby
    had gotten in there anyway.  The book had explained the egg and sperm
    bit, and I repeated what the book said.  But they wanted to know HOW
    the sperm got to the egg.  Hmmmmm.  I hedged a bit, trying to find out
    what exactly what they were asking for.  Then, I just told them the
    truth, in as simple terms as I could.  They were 5, 5, and 4 at the
    time.
    
    Curiously there is usually some hidden agenda behind their asking in my
    experience.  Really, my daughter was asking if she could have a baby at
    her age, though  this was only gotten out of her by some questioning on
    my part.  She was afraid of having a baby.  I told her no, she couldn't
    have a baby.  Then she wanted to know how NOT to have a baby.  I told
    her that there a re ways of NOT getting pregnant if you don't want to. 
    She was quite satisfied with that.  
    
    All three of the children took the information in quite calmly, but you
    could see the wheels turning in their heads!
    

    And then there's the little boy who asked his daddy 
    
    "Daddy, Where did I come from?"
    
    and Dad spends lots of time and effort and goes into excruciating
    detail about how babies are conceived and the whole bit and finally
    says to his son;
    
    dad: "Do you understand?"
    son: "Well, yeah..."
    dad: "Why did you want to know ?"
    son: "Well, at school today, George said he comes from Ohio and Bobby comes 
    from Florida, I wanted to know where I come from ...."
    
    ....  It may be easier to find out WHY they're asking first, and then
    tell them enough to answer THAT question.  PERSONALLY, I think that
    knowing "all the details" before 9-10 is too much for a little one to
    have to be thinking about.  
    
    ...can you tell I haven't been asked yet? (-:

	That book (Where Did I Come From?) is also in a video.  It's done
	rather well.

	AA