Conference moira::parenting_v3

    It sounds like you're in a month-to-month arrangement, with no
    lease, correct? This makes it tough... we were (still do) have the
    same deal, but fortunately the landlords thought it was fine and
    didn't raise the rent - but that was good luck. I told them when
    I was about 4 months along, just before beginning to show.
    
    If you do have a lease, a lot of this should be spelled out there,
    (kids vs. no kids, length of advance notice before a rent increase,
    etc.) Leases give you all kinds of legal protections. They obviously
    vary a lot by location, etc. Good luck.
    
    Lucy
    

From what you describe, it sounds as if you aren't that good of friends
with the landlord.  I can't see where you should feel uncomfortable not
telling her you are pregnant, unless she were your close friend.  So
what if she sees you in the store at 9 months along?  Unless it is in your
lease (and I have never heard of such!) you have no legal or moral reason
so let her know.

Also, if she is smart and you are a good tenant, it is in her best interest
to keep you, so she has incentive to NOT raise the rent (with the intent to
make you leave, that is - she may have good reason to raise it for a business
justification).  She has to find another tenant, clean the place up and make
repairs, and take a chance that the new tenants might not be as good of
tenants!

FWIW,
Kristen

    I thought I'd respond as a landlord.
    
    I'm not sure where you live, but we own a three family in Manchester,
    NH and we're simply happy to have all our units occupied.  There are
    so many vacant apartments in our city, it's unbelievable.  
    
    I can't for the life of me, understand why a landlord would raise
    your rent simply because you are expecting a child.   The additional
    expense incurred by the landlord would be negligible. 
    (Water/Sewer,etc.)  
    
    So unless you feel your landlord would raise the rent to get you
    to move, I'd go ahead and mention it.  If your rent gets raised, find
    someplace where you and your baby will be welcome.  There are plenty 
    of family oriented landlords who would welcome you.  
    
    Best of luck!
    
    Tricia
    

    I've never been in this predicament, but I'll put in my 2 cents
    anyway.
    
    I agree with 0.1 and start with whatever paperwork exists between
    you and your landlord.  It seems, from your note, that you have
    a good relationship with your landlord- a landlord who doesn't think
    of you being the kind of persons to trash a place.  If this is indeed
    the case, then I'd opt to let her know ASAP.  If she's reasonable,
    then she's not going to put you out on the street or jack the rent
    on the spot.  If you're worried about having the rent go up, why
    not offer your landlady a (or an additional) security deposit for
    any potential damage, and avoid the rent increase?  (She may be
    pleasantly surprised that you hold her concerns for her property.)
    Bear in mind that it'll take the new one a while to be able to 
    create significant damage to the apartment.  If your landlady turns
    her nose up at you, then start looking for an apartment Now.  You
    don't want to look for an apartment when your eight months pregnant
    and trying to balance a career, marriage, OB appointments, and 
    baby-related planning.  Waiting until after the baby is born may
    mean that you'll have to look for babysitters while you hunt for
    an apartment.  Remember, the earlier you get this anxiety-ridden
    decision over with, the sooner you can begin to enjoy your pregnancy.
    
    Hope this helps!
    
    Ron

    
    It none of there business. I wouldn't go out of my way to mention it
    to the landlords.
    
    They'll find out soon enough.
    
    Doug.

I thought it was against the law to not rent to people just because they
have kids?

I grew up in Southern California; perhaps it was just a law there?

        Carol

    
    Carol,
    
    I live in southern CA and I do believe it's against the law to
    discriminate against people with kids by not renting to them.  But,
    just because it's against the law doesn't mean it doesn't happen.  We
    just happen to know that our landlady will not rent to people with
    kids, but I'm sure she's smart enough to not list that as a reason.
    
    Re: .1  You're right, we do not have a lease and rent on a
    month-to-month basis.
    
    Keep those replies coming!
    
    Cherie

    I think you should try to relax on this one.  Especially since being
    pregnant should be a happy time. You have enough things to worry about
    without adding this to it.
    
    We can't tell if you have a lease or not, but even if you don't, you've
    been there for 4 years, paid the rent on time, and have been a very
    good tenant.  Having been on both sides, I really believe those are the
    most important issues. I once had a landlord that I wasn't too friendly
    with, but she was happy that we were good tenants and left us alone.
    Maybe yours is that way also.
    
    I suggest you tell her if it will make you feel better, even if it
    results in an increase in your rent. There is no reason that I can see
    for an increase by the way.  Babies don't do damage as mentioned by a
    previous reply. It could be that the apartment in front has been a
    problem for some time, and she identifies families with older children
    as more problem tenants than a couple.
    
    She will find out eventually, and in the meantime it is causing you
    concern.  Why should you bear the burden?  I have always found more
    communication better than less.  My $.02
    
    Good luck with your pregnancy!
    
    Mary

    .4's suggestion to be up front with your pregnancy is, IMO,
    the right thing to do.  Since the landlord has apparently
    indicated no desire to rent to someone with children it's
    going to be just a matter of time before you have to move.
    Depending on circumstances, pressure to move could start
    immediately, or when your child is a toddler.  In addition,
    attempting to hide your pregnancy from her will do nothing
    but strain any trust relationship you might have.
    
    If you're up front about it things may work out as well as
    .4 suggests.  By being up front about it you are controlling
    the situation and have an opportunity to make the situation
    as comfortable and convenient to you as possible, instead of
    waiting for some reaction on the part of the landlord.

	Maybe you landlord is concerned about YOU and having kids to
	"bother" you in the front unit.

	Maybe their afraid YOU would move out if they rented the
	front unit to a family with children.....

	/robin

    Re: .10  Robin,  That's a thought, but we've never given her any 
    reason to think that we think children are 'bothersome' (which is 
    not the case, BTW).  We're very happy living where we are, in fact
    we would find children a wonderful change of pace from some of the
    people she's rented the front unit to!  
    
    Cherie
    
                       

    Speaking from a landlord point of view, I would much rather know
    up front that you are going to have a baby.  If you are a good tenant,
    (whice is sometimes VERY hard to find...) she probably wont bother 
    you.  And like someone else said, there is no reason for her to raise
    the rent just because you are pregnant.  I certainly wouldn't.  She
    may just be concerned about you being bothered by someones noisy
    children next door.  Talk to her and I'm sure you'll be surprised!
    

    In California, there is a housing discrimination law in effect
    regarding age.  About the only place it is legal to place an age limit
    is in a retirement housing community.  The old "adults only" clause is
    *vert* limited now in this state.  I would check my rental agreement,
    and if there is nothing in there about "adults only", then I would
    place a call to the local fair housing agency and get the scoop for
    your county or city.  Then and only then, would I even consider
    approaching the landlord.  And I probably wouldn't even at that point
    unless she brought it up, because your pregnancy is not her business. 
    What if you told her, she made a stink, you moved out and (God forbid)
    lost the baby?  She could find herself liable....
    
    Of course, this is just my two cents worth,
    
    Cathy, Santa Clara
    

    I just saw a typo in my previous reply and I don't know how to fix it -
    *vert* should read " *very* ".  Sorry,
    Cathy
    

    
    We *own* an apartment building in Orange County and Cathy is right
    about the Fair Housing laws.  Bear in mind that rents are very "soft"
    in O.C. right now, so any landlord with sense will hang onto a good
    tenant.  The issue about raising your rent should be moot also, [Unless
    you live right on the beach] Rents have not significantly increased
    in the last 4 years. If you look carefully you'll see that there are
    a lot of places for rent right now.  Raising your rent would cost the
    landlord more if you move out. 
    
    Our tenants have always told us well ahead of the time when they
    were expecting.  It never caused us any concern.  Although, tenants
    with children usually are more motivated to buy their own homes!
    
    Under no circumstances should she charge you an additional security
    fee.  The fee is to guarantee that you will leave the place like
    you found it.  It is illegal to charge more because you have a child.
    
    You can contact me offline if you have more questions.
    
    Rochelle

    It is against the law in Mass., I believe, to discriminate against
    families with children.  But, landlords DO find their way around it.
    
    Before we bought our house, we rented from a nice guy who lived in the
    3 decker he rented.  He used a real estate agent to rent the apartment. 
    That woman, believe me, was also hired to screen the prospective
    tenants.  That's how the landlord gets around some of these issues that
    can point to discrimination.  We learned later that there was another
    couple who the real estate agent thought was a good fit, so she did
    refer them anyway (a commission is a commission to her).  Anyway, we
    got the apartment over that other couple.  Why?  They had a teenage
    son.  That's poor... real poor.
    
    Unfortunately, discrimination does happen-- even though it shouldn't.
    The fact that you are pregnant is your business.  In my opinion, and to
    echo what's already been said, the cost utilities, etc., won't be
    dramatically higher.  Your infant won't even be walking for quite some
    time, so there's no need for additional security money.  
    
    If you get the feeling that she is the type to be discriminatory,
    perhaps you'd be better off in a family oriented type dwelling.
    
    Best wishes; I hope this turns out okay for all of you.
    
    Rgds,
    marcia

    In New Hampshire, the landlord can't charge > 1 month rent.
    
    Why not check the laws for the state where you live?  At least that
    will give you a factual starting point for your rights as an "at will"
    (no lease or "Month to month") renter.  Some libraries have the
    relevant legal materials.  If you know a lawyer, you could ask for a
    photocopy of the laws.
    
    Laura

    I wouldn't say a thing ... it's none of her business!!  You're charged
    $xxx.xx rent/month based on the value of the apartment.  Having the
    baby there does not make the apt. worth anymore.  If you're concerned
    that she'll raise the rent, even MORE of a reason to let her figure it
    out for herself.
    
    If you REALLY don't feel comfortable not saying anything, then I would
    suggest some sort of conversation that you're already 'concerned' about
    the additional cost of the child (but don't make it so she thinks you
    won't pay her), so that she'll think a few times before she considers
    raising the rent....
    
    It never ever would've occurred to me to tell the landlord when I was
    pregnant ....!  
    
    Good Luck!!
    patty

	You are obviously concerned about this.  That's the last thing 
you need right now. 

	Your landperson WILL find out. (Take it from someone whose fiance' tried
to hide a cat in his "no pets" apartment. :-) ) why not casually mention it so 
the suspense is over?  As others who are landlords have pointed out, rentals 
abound in your area right now.  And there are laws against discrimination based 
on age.

	If you are concerned about the landperson trying to circumvent the law,
I wouldn't really too concerned about that.  The cases in which people get away 
with that type of behavior are ones in which people just sit and take it.  My 
sister is a lawyer in Richmond Va.  She occasionally does work for the Fair
Housing Administration.  She is currently representing the plaintiff in a case 
of racial discrimination.  The FHA sends "sandwiches" of people to test the 
landperson.  I.e. first a white person or couple, then a black person or couple,
then another white person or couple.  In Kel's case, the landlord, accepted an
application from the white couple, a few minutes later, claimed no vacanies for 
the black couple, then a few minutes later, accepted an application from the 
second white couple.  I believe the FHA is paying Kel's fees, so the people who 
lodged a complaint are not out any money.  In your case, I would bet that if the 
landperson DID turn into scum on you, you could talk to the FHA and if they 
found merit, they might be able to get a restraining order from the judge to 
stop any action on the part of the landlord while legal action was pending.
Personally, I would not want to stay with a landlord that had to be forced to 
rent to me, but a restraining order could give you time to find other 
accomodations...

	Talk to the Fair Housing people in the your area to see what they could 
do in your situation.

Tracey  

re: .0

     Are you in Massachusetts?  How old is the house?  One angle
that nobody has mentioned is that adding a child MAY be a
landlord's business to the extent that in Massachusetts, and some
other states, landlords are required to make sure that there is no
exposed lead paint to a height of x from the ground if there are
any children in the household.  In some cases, the repairs might be
extensive and costly.
     I don't remember the regulations exactly, particularly when
it's a matter of current tenants and not new tenants moving in.  You
certainly don't want to have to find temporary living quarters or to
bring home a baby to a freshly painted apartment.  If no Parenting 
noters have had to deal with this, perhaps someone in the real estate 
notesfile could help, or a call to the Office for Children, or whatever 
department administers the lead paint regulations.

Clay

    Re:  back a few (Rochelle) - If what you say about security deposits
    is true (they insure that you leave the place the way it was when
    you moved in), then we'll have to do some serious destruction before
    we move!! :^)  The place was a shambles when we moved in, my husband
    and I landscaped the yard, put down new floor tiles, painted the entire
    interior, laid new carpets, etc.  I really think our landlady would be
    nuts to want to raise the rent enough to prompt us to move, but my
    husband is still adamant about not wanting to pay any more for rent
    than we do now, however reasonable it may be.
    
    Everyone has some great thoughts on the subject, I think I'm going to
    initiate another discussion about this with my hubby.
    
    Cherie

    I'm pretty sure that Reagan signed the Fair Housing Law for U.S.  I do
    not believe there are any states that allow discrimination....
    
    Personally, it's none of the landlord's business and don't worry
    about it.  And as far as your knowledge about whether or not
    they rent to people with kids or not, play dumb (not really
    any of your business either..no offense intended ;^) ).  Just forget
    about it.  It's the landlord's problem not yours.  If there
    is no mention in your lease that you need to inform them of
    'family' status changes, just go on with your happy life.  
    
    Read your lease.  I cannot believe for a minute that 
    having a baby can increase your rent or security deposit.
    And if my landlord told me I needed to pay more, I would
    ask for written justification for the increase and find
    out my rights....(does this mean if a family member
    leaves, you pay less ??)
    
    I honestly would play dumb; and just go on with my life.
    If the landlady notices your 8 months pregnant and
    you didn 't tell her, so what.  No big deal.  
    
    Kristen
    
    

Subtle way of telling Landlady... INvite her to Baby Shower...

Or have some baby furniture around when she comes to collect the rent...

q (Otherwise, tis none of her business.) 

    I too believe the Federal discrimination act prohibits a landlord from
    denying housing to a family with children, along with the usual things
    like age, sex, marital status.  I'd kind of side with one of the
    replies that perhaps the landlord is concerned that if he rents to a
    family with children that you might move because of the children, and
    he wants to keep *you* because you seem to be a good tenant.  
    
    Do you think you landlord would be willing to create a lease for you?
    Something that says that for the next XX (6 or 12 or more) months you
    will pay XXXdollars in rent.  That way your finances, rentwise at
    least, will be stable.
    
    RE:  the lead law, in MA I'm pretty sure it 36" (3feet) above the
    floor.  Check with your, or any pedi's office they will almost
    certainly have the info right at hand, since they too will administer
    the lead testing.  Our home is only 14 years old and we are still
    required to have AJ tested for lead annually.
    
    Lyn

    
    Well, this little problem took care of itself very nicely!
    
    I had my monthly checkup this morning and as my husband and I
    were walking out of the ob/gyn's office, who did we almost walk
    into?  My landlady!  She had an appointment at the same office! 
    Being a little more than 5 months pregnant, it was kind of obvious
    what we were doing there, so I very cheerfully said "Have you heard
    our good news?" and rubbed my belly.  She looked thrilled for us,
    even gave us a hug, and we went our separate ways.  I couldn't have
    walked away without saying anything, the 'guilties' would have eaten
    at me all day.  Even my husband said that the way it was brought up
    was great, so he's feeling ok about it.
    
    Just wanted to update all of you!
    
    Cherie
    

    
    (didn't realise this was you Cherie!)
    
    Glad to hear it all worked out okay!
    (Hopefully!)
    
    Chris