Conference moira::parenting_v3

    Kathryn,
    
    You are not alone.  Steven (14 mos) does the same thing, but
    I am not surprized.  I tend to think that all children do this.
    This morning, he walked around with the cardboard carrier for
    a 6 pack...at least it was safer than the pens and pencils that
    always seem to end up within his grasp.
    
    I just chalk it up to their way of exploring the environment
    around them.  For now, *I'll* play with this toys!

    Monologue in small child's mind:
    
    Gee, there Mommy goes again with those silly  plastic books.  Who
    cares about that?  I never see her and Daddy reading plastic books
    -- I want the real ones, with those funny black marks on them. 
    Oh, look, the pages crumple when you squeeze them!  I wonder how
    they taste?  What's that sound -- oh, it makes that sound when the
    paper tears.  Neat!  I wonder if the cover does that too.
    
    Now she wants me to play with that whirly plastic thing again. 
    She never plays with that.  I want to know about what she's doing
    in that bowl on the counter.  I want to know about the things they
    eat with!  And what is Mommy doing with that funny long thing in
    her hand -- oh, look! It's leaving a mark!  I wonder how it
    tastes? 
    
    --bonnie

On the more positive side..... just think of how much
money you can save on toys???????  :-)

Kristen (Hi Kathryn!)

    It is so nice to know that we are not the only ones struggling with 
    this "problem".   Unfortunately, we have made some bad decisions in
    this area and now need to find a way out.  
    
    When mere toys wouldn't do for Jason, we began allowing him to have 
    the real thing when it didn't appear that there would be any danger 
    in doing so.   Well, he walked around with the blow dryer for quite 
    some time imitating the noise it makes....I guess that got boring so 
    he figured out how to plug it into the wall and make the real noise! 
    Mistake one.  So, he can't have the blow dryer anymore and is very 
    upset about that!  I guess we need to stand firm so as not to make 
    another mistake, right?   Luckily, the power cord to my hand mixer
    can be completely removed...so that interests him for now!   
    
    The second problem: the new thing is to pound anything and everything 
    against anything and everything.  He learned this after watching some
    construction at our house.   I tell him no...but he just smiles and 
    continues on pounding.....I take whatever he has away amidst loud
    wails but he inevidably finds something else to hammer with (he is
    not interested in the soft-rubber hammer I got him!)
    
    When does this phase end?????
    
    Carol

    For us an in-between course has worked with both kids -- we allow
    them to play with certain things like blow dryers or pens, but
    only under closely supervised conditions.  If the kid starts doing
    something unhealthy or dangerous or intolerable, like drawing on
    the couch with the pen, then we take the pen or whatever away for
    the time being.  
    
    We also explain how things work and what they do, especially how
    they could be dangerous and how it's safe to use them.  In this
    way they're prepared when they are old enough to learn to do
    things like mix cakes with the mixer, or whatever.
    
    --bonnie
    

   Yep, that sounds about right.  :-)  :-)
   
   You could even find someone who was buying a large appliance - grab
   the empty box, flip it over, and cut a couple of doors and windows
   in it - kids love that sort of stuff!  I've even heard of people
   cutting magazine pictures up and pasting stuff inside the box.
   
   Hmmm... I'm guessing that the phase will end about the time they
   are ready for the real items...  Does that sound about right?!?!?
   
   :-)  :-)
   
   - Tom
   

    Gee .... I never thought it was a big problem.  My kids have ALWAYS
    been more interested in 'real' stuff than with their toys.  And, within
    reason they've gotten either a) REAL stuff, or b) a toy that's LIKE the
    real stuff, but safer or more appropriate size-wise.  
    
    If he's interested in Daddy's drill, Fisher Price has a kid's toolbox,
    with a plastic drill that runs on batteries.  Even has a board that you
    can 'saw'.  
    For hammering, there are many wooden hammering toys that are a lot less
    frustrating (and a LOT louder) than the plastic ones (have you ever
    tried to hammer the plastic pegs through the plastic holes??  THEY
    DON'T FIT!).
    Pens/pencils they're allowed to have .... sitting at the table.  'You
    don't see mommy or daddy running through the house with them!'
    We save the "NO!" for things that could REALLY hurt them.  Keep their
    curiosity on the cupboards of pots and pans, NOT the medicine chest.
    We've also never made a huge deal about stuff, but have always (as
    someone else pointed out) been careful to explain how it might hurt
    them before they have it, and how it is supposed to be used.  For a
    smaller child, 'hurt' yourself with it and say "OUCH!!" (VERY
    dramatically).  
    There's a lot of things that they CAN have, if you can remove the
    'dangerous' part.  For example, I'm diabetic and take shots every day. 
    The kids are fascinated by the syringes, but I'm not ABOUT to let a kid
    play with a syringe - by itself.  However, when I'm done with one, I'll
    remove the needle part and the rest of it is safe for them to play
    with, and their just as happy, and understand that the needle part will
    hurt them (TRY getting them near it - HUH!!!).  Get's them off my back,
    and they're off playing like they're real Dr.s
    
    I haven't seen any evidence that they want our stuff less ... they're
    just old enough that they can use things suitably.  And if you need to
    take something away and they scream and holler, so what??  Get out of
    ear shot (or them out of ear shot) if you need to - they'll soon learn
    screaming and hollering won't get them anywhere either.
    
    Hope this helps!!  It gets EASIER, but I don't think it gets BETTER.
    (-:

    
    Patty,  I thought the Fisher Price Power Workshop would be a 
    great toy...it was, for about a week....but I think it's like
    Bonnie says, they don't see their parents doing work with the 
    little yellow drill, they see them using the big gray thing that
    makes a huge noise...
    
    What I hear people saying is that this doesn't ever go away.  Sooo,
    I'm going to take Kristen's suggestion and quit wasting my $$$ on
    toys for now.
    
    Carol

    Yeah, it never goes away . . . when they're 15 months they want your
    pen, when they're five they want to mix a cake on the mixer, when
    they're 15 they want to play with your car . . .
    
    --bonnie

    It's comforting to know I'm not alone, but a little discouraging to
    hear the last couple replies.  It turns out that my husband and I
    play quite a bit with Allyson's toys but she just doesn't care.  I've
    become quite accomplished on the Little Tikes piano and my husband
    can build just about anything with duplo blocks and we really do try
    to get her involved, but....  she'd just rather walk around with a
    damp washcloth hanging out of her mouth and a hand towel on her head
    while searching for ball point pens.  I've tried to show her the proper
    way to use a pen, but she's way too young to understand.  She got a
    hold of a pen one day while I was laying on the floor in the living
    room (we had been playing) and she walked up and stuck me with it,
    puncturing my right cheek just below my eye.  So even if she's
    supervised, she's still dangerous.  I must say though, regarding the
    puncturing, better me than her.  Our house is baby-proofed, but she
    can still see things up on shelves and yearns for them...
    
    - Kathryn
    

    Kathryn,
    
    As you've seen through the last couple of notes, it doesn't get better.
    Although, sometimes can be worse then others.  My two (twin girls, age
    7) are much more interested in my personal belongings then their toys.
    They love to cut paper, cloth, hair, etc. into tiny piece and then just
    leave it all over the floor and walk away to destroy something else.
    (Note: be thankful Allyson doesn't have a partner in crime!!)  Their
    mission seems to be seek and destroy anything and everything they 
    can get their hands on.  I spend hundreds on toys that they play
    with for a little while then they are board.  They'ld much rather
    get into my make-up or cut each others hair.  I let them play with
    make-up, clothes and shoes that I no longer want and they are in
    seventh heaven.  Sissors I try to keep them away from because they
    will hack each others hair off (really, they did this again not too
    long ago!) they both have nice long hair with pieces on the front and
    top that are about 1/4 an inch long and sticks straight up, it really
    looks radiculous.
    

    
    .0 > . . . but when is she going to start acting her age?  
    
    Just what do you think she's doing already?
    
    		- Bruce

    
    re .4
    
    Your reply brought back a not-so-fond memory of the first day we moved 
    into our brand new house.  We were hanging pictures and my 18 month old
    son imitated us by taking the claw side of the hammer to the new wood
    floor in the kitchen.  Arrrgh!!!, later on that day he was being a pest
    while I was fixing my hair, so I gave him the blow dryer, he plugged
    it in and melted the new carpet in 4 perfect circles! Thousands of $'s
    worth of damage in just a few hours.  His nickname was "DR. DESTRUCTO".
    
    We put all the non-hazardous kitchen utensils in one drawer in our
    kitchen, it's the only one without a baby lock on it.  Until he was 
    4 years old, kitchen utensils were his favorite toys.
    
    #2 is just now opening cupboards -- here we go again!
    
    Rochelle

    Going through some older notes.  You'll LOVE this one.
    
    When my husband was a kid, he adored his electrician Dad, learned how
    to use all his tools, and went with him on jobs.
    
    One day his father and a coworker were fixing an oil burner in the
    basement of a large apartment building.   They were intently working
    and Bill disappeared.  The coworker nudged Bill's father and said,
    "Look what your son is doing."  Bill had a huge wrench and was working
    on opening a valve.  His father jumped up and screamed, "NO!"  Bill was
    trying to open the valve to the oil tank.  If opened, it would have
    spilled hundreds of gallons on the floor!
    
    Now Bill is an electrician.  If our child pulls any such stunts, she's
    her Dad's responsibility, I say.
    
    By the way, if your child is inquisitive, don't hand them a
    screwdriver.  My friend's son Henry was dismantling the house at 18
    months.  Whoa.
    
    Take care.
    Laura