Conference moira::parenting_v3

    How nice of you, Lyn!
    
    I have a pretty basic suggestion with respect to clothing for the
    mother and girls.  I'd stick with tops - shirts, sweaters, sweatshirts -
    and avoid bottoms - pants, skirts, etc.   There's a lot more leeway
    for fit in the tops.  You'll want something that they'll get some use 
    out of so I'd also suggest basic colors.   Underwear, socks, and pajamas
    would be nice too - often what we take for granted would be really 
    welcomed by the truly needy.
    
    I'd also try to balance the practical items with some speciathingsgs -
    especially for the kids.  Sorry don't have any ideas for what's in
    with this age group but I'm sure you'll get plenty of suggestions.
    
    Since you're in Marlboro, you might want to check Marshall's for 
    the clothing items.  They are running a great sale now - 25% off
    of many departments - and a $20 gift certificate if you spend $100.
    The gift certificate would come in handy for the family too!
    
    Good luck, bless your heart!
    Carol

    I agree with Carol about getting practical things first - sweaters,
    shirts, underwear, pj's, socks. 
    
    How about gift certificates to a shoe store? I would get any gift
    certificate specificaly for a certain type of store (shoe, clothes,
    coats, etc) so that there is no chance that it gets spent on something 
    of no desperate value (like a popouri simmerer or something).
    
    How about things like blankets or sleeping bags? You didn't say whether
    they were still in the shelter but if they are now living on their own,
    the heat may be turned WAY down during the winter. They make some real
    cute "character" stuff - the Turtles, Dick Tracy, Barbie, Bart Simpson,
    etc - in comforters, sleeping bags, sheets, etc.
    
    How about a personal toiletries package for the mother? Fill a laundry
    basket with nice soaps, deodorant, maybe a personal razor, bubble bath,
    feminine needs, etc. Unfortunately, all this stuff gets to be real 
    expensive but I'm sure it is needed. You could even fill it up with
    towels and sheets and detergent.
    
    This is probably the "happiest" Christmas shopping you have had to do!
    
    Andrea 

    One other footnote:
    
    I'm not too wild about the idea of getting makeup for the girls.
    Now, I admit that I was raised in the dark ages, but I wasn't 
    permitted to wear makeup at 10-11 years old.   So, I think that
    this gift idea would be one of those grey areas of judgement that
    is best avoided.
    
    For what its worth,
    carol

    Lyn, here is an idea for at least the ten-year old girl.  My daughter,
    who is also ten loves to read and some of her favorite books are the
    American Girl series and the Babysitters' Club.  
    
    The idea of the basic clothes such as sweatshirts, pajamas, etc. are a
    very good idea.
    
    Good Luck
    Donna
    

    Lyn,
    
    How about solid-color sweatshirts with some stuff for jazzing them up
    themselves?  You can find tubes of shiny or puffy fabric paint in any
    craft department (Ames has lots) and/or sequins that can be added by
    using the paint to stick them on.  There are also books of ideas, if
    you want to add that.
    
    I know girls that age that love this kind of activity / clothing and
    it's a mix of practical + "fashionable" + fun.
    

    As far as clothing goes, elastic-waisted pants, sweats, etc,
    should be just fine - and are in vogue at the moment - 
    this was part of the advice I was given for my group, which
    is participating in Adopt-a-family.  If this family has a
    home now, a food basket with canned hams, foods, non-perishables,
    laundry detergent, etc., would be appreciated.  A basket of toothpaste,
    toothbrushes, deoderant, powder, soap, etc. would also be nice.
    
    How about a family game?  If this family has been in a shelter
    and displaced from their home, they may not have games, such as UNO,
    Sorry, Monopoly, etc.
    
    The three year old in our family wants puzzles, matchbox cars, and
    Fisher-Price roller skates.
    
    I'm putting in a package or two of candy canes, some nuts, a Holiday
    plastic tablecloth, etc. for a little extra something to brighten
    up the holiday.
    
    Have fun with your shopping, and bless you for brightening another's
    day!
    
    Val

    My group at work just did this (in fact, I took the presents to the
    DSS last Friday).
    
    I bought for a lot of kids, so here is a short breakdown:
    
    5 year old boy, need educational stuff:
    
    	Memory developing games (My first Memory...)
    	Counting games (Chutes & Ladders)
    	Flash cards
    	Workbook type color books
    	Legos (fine motor)
    	cars/trucks
    	
    13 year old girl (mom stated boots and mittens for list)
    
    	boots
    	matching navy blue hat/scarf/mittens
    	small set of 10 pairs of earrings (they were all small, gold tone)
    
    12 year old boy (same as above)
    
    	boots
    	hat and gloves
    	backpack
    
    10 year old
    	
    	boots
    	hat/gloves/scarf
    	small leather purse
    
    Hope this helps
    
    Sue

    I was thinking about this last night, how about some McDonald's gift
    certificates if there is any extra money left over after the
    "necessities" are bought? I bet it would be a real treat for those kids
    to go out for lunch or dinner (something we take for granted,
    especially this time of year when we just pick up McD's or a pizza for
    dinner because we are so busy). Maybe even movie gift certificates?
    
    Andrea 

    Thanks for all your suggestions and do keep 'em coming!
    
    Here's a couple thought I'd like some opinions on, tonight after work
    My husband and I are going shopping for some items for them, but here's
    a few I wanted a yea or nay on;
    
    For mom, I already have a supermarket gift certificate (donated)
    I wonder about a jiffy-lube gift certificate ( presuming they have a
    car), buying "BJ's size" of shampoo ( probably Johnson's baby shampoo)
    and conditioner.  BJ's size of cherios, some dish and bath towels,
    placemats and/or tablecloth,
    
    and for the youngsters gift certificats to McDonalds or Abdows, and an
    opinion on tickets to some soon-to-come event at the Centrum.  I think
    one of the ice shows or circus might be soon.
    
    Thanks for everyone's help!
    Lyn

    
    RE: .10
    
    Hmm...I'd scratch anything from your list that includes an assumption
    (i.e. jiffy-lube, tablecloth).   Dish and bath towels sound like a
    good idea as do the wholesale-sized goods (though I don't care for
    them personally).
    
    I'd also vote "nay" on the Centrum event.  You'd be making the 
    assumption that they would be available on said date AND have the
    transportation to get there.  I'd opt for Andrea's suggestion 
    of movie passes that can be used whenever/wherever (within the
    particular chain) the receipient pleases.  For what its worth, movie
    passes are typically available at your Employee Services at a 
    discount rate.
    
    Carol

    The  shampoo, cereal, and stuff all sound great, and really
    useable.  
    
    As far as the Jiffy-Lube, maybe you could find out if these
    folks do have a car?  Ditto on the gift certificates - if
    they can't get to the places, they might not be able to
    use them!
    

    I'm not so sure that a women who wears a 7-9 would be a small.  I am a
    size 5 (at least I was before I got pregnant) and that was a small. 
    And even then sometimes I'd wear a medium.  I think a 7 - 9 is more of
    a medium, and 3 - 5 is more of a small.
    
    I like the cinema passes also.  Some other fun things for the girls
    might be some trendy hair barrettes or combs (inexpensive), small
    purses (the kind they sling over their shoulders).  If you're in New
    Hampshire, I think there's an inexpensive but fun accessory store in
    the Pheasant Lane mall.
    
    I also think gift certificates at shoe stores or other clothing stores 
    would be useful.  I'm sure that this family has been getting other's
    hand-me-downs and gifts recently and it might be nice for them to pick
    out something on their own.  Also, a shopping spree might cheer them
    up.  I know it cheers me up :)  
    
    I think it's great that you are doing this.  I think I'll try something
    like this myself next year.
    
    Nancy

    It's a little late for this year, but let me add something from
    the perspective of having grown up on the borderline of poor:
    
    We were generally able to provide the basics -- food, shelter, a
    small amount of clothing for school and work -- clothing that was
    reasonably clean (usually hand-me-down or homemade, which was a
    heck of a lot cheaper then), work boots and pants for my father,
    winter coats for all of us (a necessity in Montana in the winter.) 
    If the family you're buying for is very poor, they may need even
    this minimum level of help.  The ones we've purchased for so far
    have been at this level.  You might want to check to see whether
    the most useful thing you could do is pay off the heating bill, or
    provide a deposit on an apartment.  
    
    We seldom had good underwear or socks -- they're relatively
    expensive, not available second-hand, and holes don't show, after
    all.  Buy underwear and socks for everybody.  Buy pantyhose for
    the adult women.  
    
    We had to wear our shoes until they were falling apart.  The
    suggestion for a gift certificate to the shoe store was an
    excellent one. 
    
    I didn't have any fashionable dresses until I was a junior in high
    school and earning enough money to buy them myself.  And when I
    was in junior high listening to the taunts of the kids, wearing a
    shirtwaist dress in the era of Mondarin-print shifts was about the
    worst humiliation the world had to offer -- the only thing that
    was worse was getting caught in something that could be labelled
    "poor clothes."  Sweatpants would have been included then, but as
    an earlier reply pointed out, they're fashionable now.  I now
    avoid buying anything that I would feel ashamed to wear myself.  
    
    While winter is the most urgent time for needs as well as the most
    generous time for giving, don't overlook summer.  We threw in a
    couple of pairs of shorts and t-shirts last time. 
    
    For small children, include blanket sleepers.  For older girls,
    sleep shirts are the rage and have been for some time.  School-age
    boys appear to be sleeping in sweat suits these days.
    
    Something else we never had was much that was extra or nice. 
    Accessories like headbands or hairclips or belts or scarves,
    extras like chocolate chips for chocolate chip cookies, or olives
    to serve with a special meal, anything that's not in a basic color
    or a classic style.  There were times I would have done almost
    anything to get a pair of fishnet stockings (dating myself there!)
    or a bottle of Coke.  So while it's a good idea to think basic,
    think of what will last, think of what's really needed, don't
    overlook the extra, either.  
    
    --bonnie

    Ok people, THANK YOU! from the bottom of my heart!
    
    I delivered a *car FULL* of goodies to the mother on Christmas Eve
    morning.  I was able to provide a huge box of basic groceries,
    including BJ's size things like baby shampoo, cherios and ALL the
    ingredients for a Turkey dinnner.  Each child and the mother was give a
    huge bag full of practical and pampering things like a 12 pack of
    "slouch sox", nite shirts, cosmetics (donated by my friend the Avon
    lady) toys, blankets a sweatsuit for the 3 year old, toys, puzzels
    dolls, building blocks, race car sets and a gift certificate to the
    local supermarket, donated by them.
    
    The mom and I exchanged tearful hugs of gratitude, and I went home ever
    so grateful that my home and family were at least stable, and that the
    material things under the tree were not as important as the love we
    were able to share!
    
    Happy new year!
    Lyn
    

                      <<< Note 570.15 by NRADM::TRIPPL >>>
                      -< A follow up note, and THANKS!! >-


Lyn, I'm so glad there are people in the world like you.

We donated a small amount of food to a guy who sets up in a warehouse
that used to be a store he used to own.  He gives food and clothing
away each Christmas to anyone who comes, no questions asked.  I was
moved to tears and so very greatful for all we have.  From what I gather,
about 7,000 people showed up this year.  It hasn't been easy in Colorado
Springs lately.

Liz

    This year the family we're buying gifts for includes a
    2.5-year-old boy who, according to the information we've got,
    defines new boundaries of hyperactivity.  
    
    Any ideas for toys for such a child?  This is out of my range of
    experience.
    
    --bonnie

    A "Nerf (tm)" ball: my 2-year-old (who is not hyperactive) likes
    his, and it's harmless when thrown.
    
    The more open-ended the toy the better, I think, to insure long
    play duration.  Reducing possible damages is also a consideration.
    
    		-John Bishop

    Wow, great idea, John!  That one hadn't even crossed my mind.  
    
    I had been thinking about the survival of the toy, but a Nerf ball
    should score well on that front, too.
    
    --bonnie

    AJ is very active, but small trucks and cars seem to keep him busy long
    periods, he also does well with (belive it or not) just coloring books
    and crayons NOT markers!  Lego's, tinker toys, Mr. Potato head keep him 
    busy for hours, Don't know where you are, but I had lots of luck with
    good, inexpensive toys last year at the Christmas Tree Shop.
    
    Since I'm not in charge of our group this year, we're just contributing
    to the Gazette Santa, but I plan on looking up last year's "adoptive
    family" and doing something for them personally, even if it's only the
    makings for a dinner and some warm mittens.  I forgot to mention that I
    did receive a warm thank you note from the mother, penciled on notebook
    paper, I was so pleased!
    
    Lyn