Conference moira::parenting_v3

    Patty,  I have the same dinner problems as you do with my son Alexander
    who just turned 13 months on 12/4.  Except he throughs his dinner on
    the floor, he used to feed it to the cats until we had to get rid of
    them due to other problems.  So what I have done lately is try to cook
    things that he likes and can feed himself with such as pasta, hamberg, 
    chicken and some kind of veggie.  He doesn't eat the veggies to much
    but he likes french fries, I try to feed him alot of finger foods which
    he can eat himself which he likes to do cause Alex is a very
    independent person and likes to do things for himself.  You might want
    to give this a try and see how it works out.
    
    
    Good luck.
    
    Liz

    
    If you pick your daughter up at about the same time everyday
    you could perhaps talk to the sitter to get your girl ready
    (physically and emotionally) for your arrival, ie. put the coat
    on and winding down. 
    
    Maybe a longer nap in the afternoon would help with the crankiness.
    It is difficult trying to play with a tired child. I never really
    played with my daughter at that age, we roughed house a bit and
    she would settle down on my lap to doze off when I watched TV.
    
    My daughter was in the high chair for at least 2 years (for safetly
    and cleaning reasons). I stopped spoon feeding as soon as she could 
    feed herself. I was too busy to sit with her to watch or help. 
    I would give her all the food and let her do it. But I would be right 
    there in the kitchen if she needed help.
    
    Kids around a year old kind of slow down their food consumption
    and they get picky, also. If your daughter eats well during the
    day, then maybe a small dinner will do. 
    
    Eva.

    Now that she's at a more cognitive stage, she might need some more time
    before leaving the sitter's -- just a few minutes to mellow out, as it
    were, with you before she's hustled home.  
    
    Dinner time is really anxiety-producing - it's the end of the day,
    everybody's tired etc. Make it as easy as you can for you and her. Sit
    and cuddle, as suggested earlier, rather than getting her wound up with
    busy things..... Brazelton has a wonderful suggeston about sitting down
    with your kids when you get home and hug them til they struggle to get
    up. They and you need the transition time....
    
    good luck,
    

    Depending on when she has lunch and whether she has any snacks,
    she might well be starving by the time you pick her up.  You
    might experiment with having the sitter giver her a nutritious
    snack, or even her dinner, before you pick her up, or giving her
    the snack in the car.  David (14 mos) is a howling miserable wreck
    for the afternoon if he doesn't get his juice and some crackers or
    something after he wakes up from his nap, and then he'll sometimes
    be too hungry, tired, and crabby to eat! 
    
    --bonnie

    We just went through the same thing when picking 16 month old Eric
    up at daycare.  What Kathy does is, 15 minutes before I am due
    to arrive at her home, put Eric in the playpen.  She says he
    doesn't make any fuss but she feels bad because he stands
    there watching the other kids play.  Point is, when I arrive
    he is thrilled that I'm there to take him from the playpen.  It
    completely solved the problem of the screaming and wiggling when
    trying to put the coat on.
    
    Never had much of a problem with dinner time, so can't offer any
    advice there.
    
    Good luck.
    
    Donna
    

    
    Patty,
    Hannah used to throw a fit when I would come and pick her up from
    daycare--she would run away from me, refuse to put on her jacket, cling
    to her daycare provider, say "I don't want to go home," etc.
    
    I tried everything, ie: letting her play a little longer...physically
    forcing her into her jacket, having a surprise waiting for her at home,
    etc.  Nothing seemed to work.
    
    Finally, what did work was having daycare get her coat, hat, and
    mittens on about 10 minutes before I was due to arrive.  That did it. 
    She would literally run into my arms.  It was great.  
    
    After a few months of this, she seemed to outgrow it.  Now, she readily
    comes with me--coat on or not.
    
    Bonnie
    
    

    Re .-1  Why does having daycare get her coat on before you get there
    work?

    
    I don't have a clue!  I honestly don't know why having her coat on 10
    minutes before I arrived made her thrilled to come home--but it did.
    Maybe she was hot and just wanted to get her jacket/hat/mittens
    off??!!!
    
    Bonnie
    
    

    I think it's because when the kid puts on coat, etc. and is ready
    to go, they start looking forward to seeing the parent who's
    picking them up and going home.  Whereas if you show up in the
    middle of whatever they're doing, you're interrupting.
    
    --bonnie

    Thanks to everyone who responded with their ideas and suggestions.
    I had my sitter feed her a late afternoon snack yesterday and I took
    a bottle of juice with me for the ride home.  It worked wonderful.
    No tears on the ride and when we got home, I was able to make dinner
    and actually start eating before she showed an interest in having her
    own dinner.
    
    The new thing though is crying when we put her in the crib at night.
    She has been going to bed at 7:00 since she was five weeks old and
    now I am wondering if I should let her stay up later - she doesn't
    seem ready for sleep at 7:00 anymore.
    
    Any hints?
    
    Thanks again!
    
    -Patty

    How long does she cry when you put her in? If it's a few minutes, that
    may be her way of "winding down" - only you can really determine that
    since you are familiar with her patterns.  does she have a nightlight?
    Does she seem fearful of something? 

    Re .-1.  HA!  Marc is doing the IDENTICAL thing!  After one full year
    of going right to sleep with no complaints, last week he started this
    thing of immediately jumping up as soon as you lay him down in the
    crib, and standing there screaming.  A friend suggested that he is
    simply at an age (13 mos.) where he realizes you are putting him to
    sleep, and he has _much_ better things to do than sleep :-)
    
    We gave him back his before-bedtime bottle (since this problem started
    when we tried to discontinue bottles, although the two may not be
    related, who knows...), and satisfied ourselves that he wasn't in any
    teething discomfort.  Then we just let him cry, making sure to visit
    every 15-20 mins. or so.  The crying lasted one night 50 mins., then 30
    the next, then 5 or so, then last night back to normal!  Hopefully,
    this was just a short-lived phase.
    
    BTW, Marc sleeps 11 hrs. at night, usually from 8:30 p.m. to 7:30 a.m.
    (and 2-3 during the day).  7:00 would be pretty early for him, but I
    guess it depends on how early you want them up in the morning.
    from 50 mins. to 

    Thanks again everyone - it seems that one of the reasons for the
    interupted sleep patterns is in fact two ear infections.  We started
    the Bactrim last night and sure enough, she slept from 7:30-6:00 at
    which time I had to wake her.  I am anxious to see if all gets back
    to normal once the medicine takes its course.
    
    This notesfile is wonderful!!!
    
    -Patty