| I've been going through this a little myself recently. December 24th
is my due date at which point Matthew will be a little over 20 months.
Sometimes I look at him and think about how much he's still a baby
himself and am I really ready for this!
My mom told me that she remembers thinking 'how am I ever going to love
this new baby (me) as much as I love this first.' Then, right after I was
born, she said that fear totally disappeared.
While I'm excited and happy about having #2, I know things will be
different when our household doesn't revolve around Matthew. In an
earlier version of Parenting, I remember someone writing;
'Your first baby is magic but the second one is the glue'.
For some reason, that thought has eliminated most of my ambivalence.
Good Luck,
Carol
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| I too have been thinking the same thing as well (due Jan 20th). For
almost 3 years our world has revolved around Berk. He honestly is the
light of my life. I always wanted more children but there is such a
special relationship between he and I (and he and my husband) that I
often wonder if it will be the same. The only "sad" thing I can
really see is that the second child won't have the opportunity to be an
only child. I worry that I won't be able to give #2 the same dedicated
attention. I know I will give the same love and I am really excited to
extend our family.
My husband and I have discussed this at times. He has 2 older children
so he has been through the anticipation and arrival of the next child.
He said it was just as exciting and he loved his kids even more. I
don't know if there is a easier time of this when you have a boy and a
girl versus 2 of the same sex. Half of me wants a girl so I will feel
like it is totally different and I can be a "dedicated" to a totally
different "model". The other half of me is so in love with a little boy
that I want another (in hopes of having the exact same relationship,
which most likely won't happen).
I suppose once I lay eyes on the new one and see us as a family, no of
this will matter!!!
Andrea
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| Liz,
I went through this when I was expecting our second baby - just like
you described. I had the book "Your Second Child" (you can borrow it
if you want it and if I can find out who has it!) and there was a
section about the grief-like stage when you realize that this
relationship with your first-and-only is going to change with the new
baby. It helped me to know that this was normal and that it had a
purpose - to help make the transition.
I also remembering feeling a real panic when I looked at Sally and
thought "I could NEVER love another child this much!" - I felt like I
loved her with my whole heart. But, somehow, I love Kathleen with my
whole heart, too. I guess your heart just expands to make room!
Now that we're established as a family, we can see that we took
something away from Sally by "dividing" our attention, but we more than
made up for it by giving her Kathleen!
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| My second child was born in June, and I felt some of the same feelings
that you have all described, too. I imagine this is as natural as the
feelings that I had before the birth of my first child, along the lines
of "Oh, my, what have I gotten myself into??" Remember those feelings?
Adding a second child to the family was a *lot* less of a change for
me and my husband than adding the first. And so far, having a household
that revolves around 2 small children hasn't seemed all that different
from revolving around one. I still never have enough time to get
everything done, always feel like I need an extra 2 hours of sleep,
and still thoroughly enjoy my family. We still have our good days and our
not-so-good days.
And I love it every time David comes into the room where Gregory is,
and the two of them break into gigantic grins with delight at seeing
each other. And when I find my husband sitting with both of them,
reading a Beatrix Potter story to them, both boys totally fascinated.
And when I check on them both, fast asleep and so peaceful, before I go
to bed at night.
To me, it felt like adding a second child was what made us a real family.
It added that final set of interactions, sibling-to-sibling, that we
didn't have with just one child. No, I have no objection to one-child
families - a two-child family is what we have now, though, and it's
wonderful!
cheryl
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| I think everyone has the same feelings.. I know I did. My
daughter is 3 1/2 an her brother was born 11 weeks ago. At the end
of my pregnancy I felt so guilty because I was so big an so awkward,
an I felt as though I was ignoring my daughter. I still feel that
way sometimes, but she seems to be taking it so well. She loves her
little brother and it is so cute to see the way she mimicks me when she's
with him. It's amazing how you think you could never love anything as
much as your first, but then when you have that second one an the
feelings start all over again.
-Julie
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