Conference moira::parenting_v3

    I think 2.8 yrs old is a great age to start learning how to help out.
    My son started around that age, and now he uses the dust buster to
    clean up his crumbs from the cookies, playdough, chips, etc.....
    
    He also helps fold (sorta) laundry, helps me with supper, stirs things,
    cuts the ends of green beans to put in a pot of water, makes jello
    (with help from mom or dad) helps stack wood, and he's 3.6 yrs old!!!
    
    He is so proud when he has accomplished these tasks, he just beams!

         I agree that now is the time to start.  My oldest son began
    helping out around two years of age by setting the table, picking up
    his toys, matching like socks together.  We occasionally give him an
    allowance to start teaching him the values of work for money scenerio.
    He likes helping out, but naturally there are days when he won't budge.
    Don't push too hard, as he will resist even more.
    

    I think that giving them age-appropriate tasks as early as possible is
    best, or certainly cannot hurt.  Kati is only 20 months and has had her
    "chores" for several months.  She puts her dirty clothes in the hamper
    (and usually mine too!), wipes up her own spills (*very* often), puts
    her bowl/spoon on the high chair at breakfast, and now puts ours on
    too.  She also throws away anything you ask her to, and once-in-a-while
    something you didn't ask her to (like hubby's wallet!).  She is so
    proud to help out with anything she can do.
    
    One word of caution is to not give them a task that you will want to do
    over again.  I'm very picky about the beds looking nice and I'm afraid
    I would have to re-make her bed, which could affect her self-esteem. 
    So if you give them a task, be sure not to redo it when they are done,
    making them feel inadequate.
    
    My $.02
    Kristen

    In my opinion, its definitely *not* too early! We start ours with
    little jobs at about 18 mos., or when its clear they understand and can
    comply with simple directions. Now, I'm not talking vacuuming the
    living room, but Daniel, at 18 mos., can do things like put the room
    trash cans back after we've emptied them, pull clothes out of the dryer
    for mommy to fold, take dishes out of the dishwasher and hand them to
    us one at a time, pur his cup on the kitchen counter, etc. And he gets
    such a kick out of helping! To them, it ain't work yet! Our eldest, 5,
    makes his bed, folds most any clothes his size or smaller, can hang up
    clothes, pick up the living room, sort and put away silverware, etc.
    They need reminders, but do what they are assigned, for the most part. 
    It'll make your burden lighter, if you start teaching and helping them
    now!
    --dave--

    If the only real time you can spend with your young child is by having
    him/her help you around the house, that's one thing.  But, I think it's
    wrong to "get them started early" just so that the parent doing the
    housework can have help. You're rationalizing if you think that you're
    helping the child.  You're helping yourself, primarily.
    
    Kids grow up quick enough and have a hard time holding onto that carefree,
    no responsibilities attitude for very long.  Every child, soon enough,
    is faced with real responsibilties as a child, let alone later on as an
    adult.  I'm sure most of us have said, more than once, that they wish
    they were a kid again.
    
    Course, if the child wants some spending money and is old enough to
    understand the term "job" (teenagers/pre-teens), then give him/her
    things to do around the house and reward them with allowance.  Kids
    should be taught the difference between doing favors for family members
    and doing chores strictly for mom/dad.  Don't take advantage of them
    just because they're too young to know better.  Teach what it is to give
    a "helping" hand.  But, don't give the little ones a list of regular
    "responsibilities".  
    
    As you can see, I'm a firm believer in "mom and dad had the children. 
    You owe them, not the other way around."
    
    -d

    RE: .5
    
    I don't think either the basenote or any of the first 4 replies
    is advocating "taking advantage of a child that is too young to
    know better"!   That one really threw me for a loop and I'm
    wondering what your experience you are basing your viewpoint on.
    
    I think it is entirely reasonable to ask a child of around 2 to
    help out with small chores.   I really think it helps *THEM* to
    develop confidence and pride (in a job well done) and a sense
    of give and take vital to the family.
    
    I also have a problem with "buying" errands as you recommend.  While
    I do think that an allowance at some point is importan to help children 
    learn the value of money and how to make choices with it, I don't think
    children should be taught to expect rewards for pitching in.
    
    We're not talking about shoveling snow; just picking up their rooms,
    setting the table, loading the dishwasher, etc!
    
    From the opposite end of the spectrum,
    Carol

    I figure, everyone lives in the house.  It's the responsibility of
    everyone who lives in it to help keep it clean, pleasant, and
    running smoothly, to the best of their ability.
    
    That means everyone one has responsibilities around the house
    (usually called chores).  
    
    A small child might not have a regular responsibility, as in
    "Every week you will empty the cat's water dish."  It might be
    more like asking the child to empty the water dish while you're
    cleaning the bathroom -- just as one example that comes to mind. 
    But everybody who lives in our house helps.  
    
    --bonnie

re: .5

>    But, I think it's
>    wrong to "get them started early" just so that the parent doing the
>    housework can have help. You're rationalizing if you think that you're
>    helping the child.  You're helping yourself, primarily.

We disagree there.  My experience is that, at least for a period of time, it 
is more work, or less convenient, to have the child "help".  At best, it is a 
marginal advantage.  So if you do it to help yourself, primarily, I think 
you've got pretty poor judgment, IMO.

Clay

    .6 and .7 is exactly why I said we need to teach children the
    difference between doing favors for the family and doing chores.  If
    the little one asks to help, fine.  But, if mom/dad calls a 2-yr old
    over to fold the laundry (didn't say the noter did that), then that's
    another story, again, and too much of that is no good.  Give them space
    to be babies.
    
    BTW:  I don't have kids.  But, one doesn't need to already have kids to
    know how they're going to raise them when they do.  
    
    -d

    I, too, am somewhat baffled by .5.  Surely, something like "from each
    in accordance with her ability, to each in accordance with her need"
    applies within the family, however unfashionable it now is when applied
    to society as a whole.  At least in my family, the kids more often
    consider helping and responsibility to be coveted privileges than
    unwelcome burdens.  They squabble to be the one to take daddy's plate
    to the dinner table (bloodshed is prevented since each is always
    allowed to take his own), or to "help" shovel the snow in the winter. 
    Some day, these forms of "help" will be helpful to me; they are
    certainly helpful to the kids already (as well as enjoyable).
    
    		- Bruce
    

    
    Ah.  I think .9 helps make clear why a number of parents found .5
    rather odd.   The one certainty about parenthood is the surprises in
    store.
    
    		- Bruce

    Yup, Bruce.   I, for one, am forever modifying my "master plan for
    child-raising". 8-)
    cj/

	Yet, another dissenter.

	Katie, at 17months already has one "chore" that is hers (and has been 
for over a month). She brings the newspaper back from the end of the driveway 
every day.  Now this is not generally a big help to me.  It takes about 3 times 
as long when she does it, cause the paper is almost a big as she is :-) and 
we have to move slowly to keep from dropping it more than a couple of times.
But God help me if I try to carry it in instead.  This is HER job! The look of
pride on her face when she "helps Mommy" is just amazing.  She also likes 
loading the dryer and the dishwasher (and when our dishwasher was broken she
loved putting the dishes into the soapy water for me to wash).  Also when she 
spills, she cleans it up (including throwing away the paper towel).  This is 
not a punishment.  If she spills on purpose, we talk to her about it and then 
she cleans it up.  When it's an accident, we let her know that that's ok, 
accidents happen, it's no problem, but it still needs to be cleaned up.  (BTW,
we also say the same when we spill.  "OOps!  Mommy made a mess, she'd better 
clean it up.)  It really is no burden to her. I think it both builds her sense 
of self-worth and responsibility.  

	I know that something you're gonna hate to hear from now until you're a
parent is "you'll understand when you have kids." :-)  But... You really do 
change your mind about some things.  I, for one, would never have thought that a
child of Katie's age would be ready for/interested in having responsibilities.
Not only is she ready for it.  She CRAVES it.

Tracey     

    I know people with kids who agree with .5/.9, so I wouldn't
    dismiss the ideas just because the person who wrote them doesn't
    yet have children.  She may change her mind, but she might not. 
    She has a valid point. 
    
    Deb, when does this childhood innocence you're advocating end?  In
    this society you've generally got between 18 and 22 years to teach
    a child everything she or he needs to know to live alone in this
    world -- how to keep their clothes clean, eat a balanced diet (and
    buy it and cook it), maintain a household, a car, a checkbook, set
    priorities, and manage their schedule.  They need to learn how to
    get along with other people, how to take responsibility for
    themselves, how to present an idea creatively and compete without
    hostility.  Among a million other things.
    
    At what age do you think a child should start to learn that
    keeping clean clothes in the drawer and good food on the table is
    work, lots of work?  What age should they become responsible for
    at least a part of themselves and the place they live?  Do you
    count cleaning up their own toys? 
    
    --bonnie
    

    Just last week, one of Eric's pre-school teachers (now mid-20s) was
    complaining that she was _still_ suffering from having been "waited on"
    by her mother when a kid.  When she went off to college she had no idea
    how to cook, how to do laundry, almost how to change her sheets.  In
    retrospect, she really resents it, and she still feels really
    incompetent at skills like these.
    
    		- Bruce

    I have tried to gradually give responsibiliy to my children as they
    have shown the maturity for it or as survival has demanded.
    
    Picking up toys is one of the 'firsts'. The task is shown as
    adventagous when the space is available to play with a different toy.
    The children can ask for 'special toys' and these are brought down
    when the room is tidied and the toys are put away.
    Teaching a child to 'finish or complete a task' is a mildstone in
    thier development. Short and easyily performed tasks are found in every
    day living around the house. John puts his Disposable diaper in the
    trash and his dirty clothes in the hamper. Now for a while Steve and I
    were wondering why we had so many cars and little people in the 
    laundry hamper til i spotted the two year old 'putting toys away'
    right into the clothes hamper.
    
    I think that learning about chores and responsibilities and helping
    each other is an ongoing prosess. My daughter is finding that I resent 
    making holloween costumes with only two weeks notice. When it takes
    me 7 or 8 hours just to cut out and sew together an outfit. I have
    given her various tasks to perform that she normally would not just
    so I can spend more time to complete the costume. She is also doing
    some of the hand work (hand sewing and putting elastic through the
    casings) I told her next year I would help HER make her costume(I 
    would be a consultant). She has done some sewing with the machine
    but does not understand the written directions real well. Maybe
    she just does not want to follow the directions.
    
    
    I do try to balance the home responcibilities with more opportunities
    to do things with her friends. I.E. When giving concent to attend
    a planned event I take into account the kindnesses and concideration
    she has shown her brothers(younger). If she comes back from an event 
    and harrasses her brothers or is unpleasent to be around she is treated
    like the child she is acting like(I usually send her to bed assuming
    she is tired) When she talks about her
    feelings/experiances/anger/sadness/excitement I recognise that she is 
    acting the adult that she is becoming and reward her with special
    consideration. Special activity, present thats being saved for the 
    'right' time, or just verbal recognition that I think she is a
    wonderful woman.
    
    We are just starting puberty and the hormonal swings. i am attempting
    to teach more indepth communications skills(by demonstration). And
    trying to give her a variety of opportunities to try different things.
    When she helps Steve check the car(oil,transmition and brake fluids)
    it is presented in a way for her see it as a fun way to be with Steve.
    When I suggested she help Steve fix the bathroom sink I did it because
    I remembered the first time I tackled one on my own and thought "Gee
    I wish I had been taught how to do this." She has done different
    odd jobs around the house and the ones she does without being asked are
    the ones I try to give the most credit for(iniciative).
    
    I really feel that learning to clean and tidy and fix should be
    done and encouraged at the earliest age that they show interest. And
    the tasks should be acording to how well they pick up the new idea or
    task that you are trying to teach them.
    
    My four year old is so 'into' helping me that I have a hard time 
    coming up with things that he can do. I have started having him
    clean the toilet(with supervision) as he does not aim and is making 
    the bathroom cleaning job undesirable for others. He can clean the
    bathtub and bathmat and is requested to do so on occation. He looks at
    is as something fun to do because he gets bored playing with toys and
    really wants to be a contributing member of the family. now these tasks
    are usually over and above sorting toys and clothes to put away.
    
    With each new task they learn in the home there are many new ideas to 
    learn. Chemicals, cleaning solutions, some cleaning can be prevented...
    the list is endless. I dont advicate haveing children as slaves but
    teach them the rewards and benifits of working/playing together as they
    show the interest and skill for it.
    
    Working together means we can get the camper packed and out-a-here all
    that much faster and we can have fun doing it TOGETHER. We can then
    praise each member for doing a great job on such a hard task.
    
    Now all this is great in theory but I have yet to master these lofty
    ideals 100% in my own experiance but I think the concepts are sound
    and if unconditional love is the center of what a family is. The
    children(and parents maybe) can learn and make mistakes and be forgiven
    before we screw up to badly in public. I would rather learn when thier
    is someone I can go to who can help me get out of the basement bathroom 
    with two inches of water than when I have no one to tell me how to turn
    the water off from the main line to prevent futher damage.
    
    janet
    
    

    In our house, everyone has things that they're for which they are
    responsible, and the assignment is age-appropriate.  Kathleen (3) and
    Sally (5) "bus" (or as Kathleen says: "bust") their own plates and cups
    after dinner.  We all do.  If they ask "why?" I tell them "We all pitch
    in around here.  That's the way this family works" [ I got this from an
    excellent article about kids and chores and it goes over pretty well]  
    You can see that they feel proud that they have a job and do not (always) 
    have to be reminded to do it.
    
    There are other things that they do alongside us, like unload the
    dishwasher and fold cloth napkins/washcloths.  As they get older
    they'll have more to do.
    
    I think this is great for them.  They are learning how to participate
    and they feel good about the things they can do.  It doesn't lessen the
    work load on us at this point (as mentioned earlier, I could do it
    myself easily) but I feel like it's building a foundation for the way
    the family works together.

    I feel like the guy in the ad..."OK, last time...this is your brain..."
    
    Last time...
    1.  There is nothing wrong with pitching in.  I'm a firm believer in
        sharing.  What I don't like is parents who consistently expect their 
        young child to do their given list of chores routinely and to be
        punished when they don't.  I'm not naiive.  I know kids love
        helping out.  But, let it be their decision when they're so young
        that they look at it as play.
    
    2.  I may change my "master plan" after we have our own.  But, not by
        much on this one.  When I babysit others or have them at our home,
        there are certain things I expect them to do for themselves to  
        learn responsibility, i.e. you want to play with that toy, but get
        tired of it within minutes...then put it back before you take
        another out.  I certainly don't believe in pampering and constantly
        waiting on your child.  There is a balance.
    
    3.  I don't think you can put a specific age on anything when it comes
        to child-rearing.  But, certainly, I don't think it's right to
        bribe your children, either.  I think it's awful when a young teen,
        who's just beginning to socialize and is stepping into a whole new
        world from child to young adult, gets a last minute offer to go
        somewhere/do something, and the parent says, "no" because they the
        dishes aren't done on time.  You create resentment with the child.
        It's not his/her fault the invitation was last minute.  This is
        where I say, "let him enjoy himself while he's young".  He'll have
        plenty of time in later years to have to say "no" to the
        invitation.  Instead, explain to him that he'll have to make up  
        what he didn't do the next day (or whatever).  Too many parents,
        instead, play mind games with their kids.
    
    Well, I've certainly re-hashed this one enough!  I'll let you know when
    our children offer us new insight!  ;-)
    
    -d

    I guess I must take rather heated exception to the opinion expressed in
    .5, .9 and .18.  Our kids *are* allowed to be kids, every day, for many
    hours a day. But for a total of 1/2 hour or so (split up) a day, they
    are expected to be vital, contributing members of our household. They
    are expected to participate *to their level of ability* and only to
    that level. If we let "kids be kids" all the way up to teens, they will
    *not* develop the sense of accountability and responsibility for their
    actions as an adult. This is their learning time, the time to make
    mistakes and learn how things work in the relatively safe environment
    of a loving, accepting home. To use Deb's example of a teen getting a
    last minute invite, and not having finished the dishes.....if you let
    her/him off the hook....in other words, show him by your actions that
    his responsibility to contribute was not as important as his leisure
    time, then you are setting him up for big trouble out in the real
    world. Yes, he might be angry he has to finish those dishes
    first....but, wait. Shouldn't he have already done them? If he had, the
    invite would've been free to be accepted. By not living up to his
    responsibilities, he now must suffer the consequences of his choice to
    not finish his assigned task in the household. What will this child do
    if always allowed to get away with neglecting chores when something
    more "fun" comes along? What if he has work to do at home, but a
    "better" opportunity comes up? Will his boss think "hey, its okay"? I
    doubt it! So, he'll learn it then, the *very* hard way, in a very
    unforgiving atmoshpere.
    Our children are acknowledged as vital, necessary parts of our family
    and our home. It creates great guilt in some children to never be
    allowed to contribute (I realize this is not what you advocated). Our
    children are loved, praised and greatly respected for the people they
    are becoming, and they are developing great self-respect as a result of
    learning to do jobs well, and from being "counted on" to do things
    properly. We do not expect too much. But they need to learn *now* that
    for all actions or lack thereof, there are consequences, and they need
    to learn to choose wisely whether or not to complete things they are
    responsible. Its the way the world works....if you don't do what you
    are responsible for, there are usually unpleasant consequences (failing
    a test for not studying, getting a ticket for not staying in the speed
    limit, lsoing your job for not completing your work in a timely
    fashion). If they are taught from the time they are first able to
    comprehend, it is much easier on *them*. We let our kids know that we
    appreciate their contributions to our household...and frankly, with
    three kids and one on the way, we could not function if they did not
    contribute. They are members of are family, they have responsibility to
    see that things run as smoothly as possible. They are not our slaves or
    servants, and we encourage them not to view mom and dad as theirs!
    Enough.
    This is a very touchy one with me, and I know that you, Deb, probably
    hate hearing "Wait till you have kids!" If I had a dime for everytime
    I've radically changed what I thought I would do from "before kids" to
    "after kids", I'd be a very rich man! No one can tell you....it's not
    possible to believe it until it happens to you. So many people told us,
    befoe we were parents, "oh, you'll feel differently when you have
    kids!", and while we sincerely believed each of them thought so, we
    were equally convinced it wouldn't be us! Never have I been so wrong on
    anything in my life. And 99.9% of those I've talked to have the same
    experience. You simply *can't* believe it'll be different until you go
    through it. 
    Gee, could you tell I feel strongly on this one????
    --dave--

    Last year we had an exchange student from Germany.  He was a perfect 
    example of we owe everything to our child theory.  He did not know how
    to make a bed, make a simple sandwich, or do most anythig for himself.
    His mother had done it all for him.  He was seventeen.  Then he met the
    mother form hell.  My wife.  Before he left us at the end of the year,
    he could clean his room, do laundry, cook a meal that would rival a
    lot of cooks, including German foods.  He could survive alone.  We
    never did discuss where in his life that he would have picked up these
    skills, but he and his friends were never expected to do anything at
    home.
    
    I rather think he enjoyed his new freedom.  All our children have
    regular and unscheduled chores to help around the house.  As a matter
    of fact sometimes they don't even think of them as work.
    
    Silly me, I had chores as a little kid too.   And I don't even resent 
    my parents.
    
    ed
    

    We started our kids out at about 2 with "safety" chores.
    
    I agree with a previous noter, having small kids 'help' 
    can be more work than not.  So we came up with chores
    that teach responsibility without being coordination
    dependant.
    
    Amber's first chore or 'job' was to remind everyone to
    wear their seat belts and lock the car doors. She never
    forgot to remind us.  Michael reminds us to turn on the
    kitchen fan when we cook so we don't trigger the smoke
    alarm.  These chores give them responsibility and pride
    and truely help us out without the frustration of having
    a 5 minute job take an hour or broken dishes or...
    
    When the kids get a little older, chores requiring more
    coordination and logic, can be added.  But when they're
    young, let them concentrate on safety and common sense.
    
    Jodi-
    

    My only comment (being the basenoter) to .5 is that you will DEFINITELY
    change your masterplan once you have kids. I thought the exact same
    thing as you, especially the putting one toy away before taking
    another and that one went quickly out the window!!! Wait until you
    have a 2 year old who tells you that he needs every toy in the house to
    make an airplane. They need the blocks for the fuselage, books must go
    between every layer of blocks, every stuffed animal is needed to play
    passenger, pilot or cabin crew, every scrap of papaer is needed for
    tickets, etc. 
    
    Children do need age-appropriate chores to help them understand
    responsibility, develop a sense of how a family works, etc. Kids are
    kids for such a short time but I would hate to be one of those people
    who is suddenly "fed to the lions" when they are faced with the reality
    of how the world works. 
    
    I remember a roomate in college asking me to take her food shopping.
    She was 21 years old and had absolutely no idea what to buy. She could
    not guess how much milk she drank in a week or how much food she even
    consumed. Food was always there at home and her mom never even
    mentioned the idea of her coming shopping with her. She resorted to
    eating in the cafeteria and sending her laundry out because she was
    basically helpless around such issues. She still prefers to buy clothes
    that need to be dry cleaned becasue it is one less artilce of clothing
    she has to think about washing. She's obviously an extreme example but
    there are people out there who have no clue about everyday
    responsibilities because of their up-bringing. 
    
    My grandmother always tells us the story of her youngest son asking her
    to make a cherry pie after a neighbor had just dropped off some freshly
    picked cherries. She was busy with remodeling the attic and said she 
    planned on doing it the next morning. He kept hounding so she asked him 
    to make it. She gave him a recipe book and showed him where all the baking
    utensils were and the come to her if he had any questions. Well, 2
    hours later there was a cherry pie in the oven (with latice work). Kids
    can and need to do things on their own. They need to know that parents
    don't ask "how high?" when the child wants them to jump. It works the
    other way as well (but to a lesser degree IMO). 
    
    Andrea

    re: -1
    
    Bravo !
    
    
    Jerry ...

    Well, you'll be happy to know that this is the last time I reply to
    this note!  My face is a fine shade of blue, now, thanks.  ;-)
    
    There is a balance to be found here.  I don't believe in doing
    *everything* for the child his/her whole life.  But I think there are
    times, more often than not, that we need to remember "kids are kids"
    and *we* need to give in, not expect *them* to do the adult thing.  
    
    I'm an only child (now, hold your comments....) and, though my parents
    never gave me a lot of responsibility in the way of daily "chores"
    (that I can remember, anyway), they sure as heck made sure I knew, as I
    grew up, how to do a great many things.  They always feared something
    happening to them and my being left alone.  I know I could turn on the
    stove and heat up soup when I could barely see the top of the stove;
    and, I knew how to make a bed by the time I went to camp at 8; and, I
    probably could find the wastebasket at 2.  But, I wasn't forbidden to
    go out with friends because I didn't do something, unless that
    something was homework. So, trust me, I know the value of education and
    responsibility...and so did my folks.
    
    Maybe it falls under a motto that many of us believe:  Teach, don't
    preach!
    
    -d

    I think Deb's got a valid point here, guys . . . children are
    children, not just small adults.  True, they need to learn
    responsibility.  But being responsible is only one part of being
    an adult, and I know too many serious-minded adults who are so
    responsible about everything that they've forgotten how to have
    fun.  
    
    And the issue of whether chores should prevent a teen from
    socializing is more complicated than just a matter of
    responsibility.  A lot of it depends on the teen -- in this case
    my daughter -- whether she's generally responsible, whether she
    had a reason for not getting her chores done, and so on.
    
    For instance, on Thursday Kat's dance classes start fairly early. 
    If she has lots of homework, she won't always get her chores done
    before she leaves.  That's all right; all she has to do is tell
    us.  No problem.  But if the same thing happens on Tuesday night,
    when the first dance class is at 7:30 . . .
    
    Similarly, because of her committments to dance and to getting
    good grades, the only night she has available for socializing is
    Friday night.  We're a lot more flexible about her chores because
    of that.
    
    Sometimes we practice chore-trading -- "All right, Kat, I'll do
    the dishes and clean the cat boxes tonight so you can go out with
    your friends, but you have to mow the lawn for me tomorrow." 
    Sometimes Kat practices bribery -- "Mama, I scrubbed the floor in
    the cats' bathroom and cleaned the toilet without being asked. 
    Can I borrow the car tonight?"
    
    It all gets very complicated.  Much more complicated than just
    theories about what a teenager "should" or "shouldn't" do.  It
    turns out that they're separate people with their own ideas and
    interests, and as long as I respect her separateness as a person,
    we muddle along all right.
    
    I think that's true of children of any age, even the very small
    ones.  Even newborns.  And I try to act that way with them,
    respecting their separate personhood.  But that means a lot more
    flexibility and a lot more really listening to the other [small]
    person and a lot fewer rules.
    
    --bonnie

re. .24

>    Maybe it falls under a motto that many of us believe:  Teach, don't
>    preach!

Afther reading .24 and .25, I am reminded of two other mottos/cliches.

	Foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.

	(Almost) never say "never" or "always".

If parenting could be reduced to a bunch of inviolable rules, then it would be 
easy.

Clay