Conference moira::parenting_v3

Lyn,

Have you tried  the Learning Disabilities notes file?  See note 7.6 for 
access information.

Also, Is there some reason he can't go back to his former daycare?

Clay

    Lyn, 
    	Definately check the Learning Disabilities notesfile, it used to 
    be ADD file.  There is some WONDERFUL help in there!!
    

    I was a firm believer in daycare centers rather than home day care.
    It was very logical -- a place set up just for taking care of kids (no
    making dinner, cleaning the house, etc.), kids grouped by age so
    activities could be age appropriate, lots of peers to interact with.
    It made sense with my daughter (my older child), who is very social.
    
    However, for my son it was a disaster.  A very sweet kid at home, or
    in small settings.  You show him the Legos and remind him to eat
    every few hours and that's all the care he needs or wants.  Take him
    to a daycare center and he's bouncing around, completely unmanageable.
    
    It's not his fault.  It's not the center's fault.  Some kids just can't
    take all the distraction and noise and stress of "sharing" toys with
    lots of other kids.
    
    My son is school age now, and still can't take large groups for very
    long.  He's in a classroom part of the day, but he knows whenever he
    wants a quiet place away from distraction and stress (like kids teasing
    him) he can always go to the resource room.
    
    He could easily be labeled as ADD, and given drugs, but it's so easy
    to deal with him by just putting him in the proper environment.
    
    Radia

re: .3

>                     -< Daycare centers not for everyone >-

>    However, for my son it  [a daycare center] was a disaster.  .  .  .
>    It's not his fault.  It's not the center's fault.  

100% agreement here.  No form of daycare is "best" for everyone.  

>    He could easily be labeled as ADD, and given drugs, but it's so easy
>    to deal with him by just putting him in the proper environment.

However, here I have problems.  ADD is not an elective label.  ADD is a 
condition.  Avoiding the label does not change the condition, any more that 
not "labeling" a kid an asthmatic means the condition doesn't exist.  And a 
diagnosis of ADD does not necessarily mean that a child is "given drugs" 
(though I don't read your note as saying that the two go hand-in-hand).

And just as with the example with daycare, all parents need to understand that 
needs change and that not all kids are alike.  Our daughter didn't even need a 
special environment, and still doesn't.  But eventually, the fact that the 
work required more intense and prolonged attention caused her frustration, and 
we needed to at least try more aggressive therapy.

Clay

    
    Clay:
    
    I was going to open a new note on this, but then thought "maybe" this
    is "kind of" the place for the "question":
    
    	How do you distinquish between:
    	   a HYPER-active child;
    	   an ADD child; and/or
    	   an active busy-body?
    
    JA has always been very active ... a real busy-body.  I was calling her
    HYPER-active and the Pedi corrected me and said "no, she's not
    necessarily HYPER-active, but just plain "active".  JA "CAN" get on
    one's nerves because she's here, there and everywhere with a toy under
    each arm and one dangling from her mouth.  She chatters, runs, climbs,
    rocks, rolls around with the dog ... and never sits down to relax EVER!
    
    Now I think the "fine-line" is ... how long can she entertain
    herself AND can she entertain herself independent of other
    children or adults?  Well, JA is OK in this arena.  She WILL entertain
    herself and she will play with "something" for 15-20 minutes.  She's
    very challenged (puzzles, Weebles Farmhouse, shapes in the box, books,
    etc.) ... and she can play alone, however, she prefers other kids.
    
    She does not do that well with "instruction".  She has a mind of her
    own and will "plant her feet firm" and take the consequences, rather
    than give-in or accept the situation and/or "off-limits".  
    (Jim/I feel we are quite flexible, so there aren't a lot of 
    off-limits, but "some" nonetheless).  Even at 13 months, she FULLY
    understands what we are saying and what we mean -- almost acts 
    like she's an early-Terrible-2 year old -- or HYPER-sensitive!
    
    So ... how do you go about identifying if there is a possbile problem
    AND ways to diffuse (and/or "attempt" to show her ways to control
    her behavior before it becomes a REAL problem?
    
    Thanks,
    Dottie
    
    PS:  On the "upbeat" side, I do believe that JA's  "high-activity" 
         was a contributing factor to her early development and her
         high level of motivation for "challenge" and thus "more" growth.
         But like I said earlier, it can grate on your nerves sometimes!
    
         Thank Goodness we have an excellent daycare provider, who NEVER
         complains!  (home care provider with two kids in school and a
         17-month old "girl" of her own)

    As this is a "borderline" case, you might find another regular
    pre-school with different ratios, experience, or the like, where he
    would do fine.  On the other hand, there are kids who simply aren't
    ready for the relative chaos of regular pre-school. There are also
    special pre-school programs geared to different types and degrees of
    special needs that might be good for you; I suggest that you inquire
    through your local school.  Where there may be a "diagnosable"
    condition, Mass. schools (at least) are obliged to provide guidance
    services, and perhaps to fund special pre-school programs.  I would
    guess that there is more detailed info int the other notesfile
    referenced in earlier replies (though I haven't followed it).
    
    		- Bruce

    I just talked to my doctor about this same thing today. My son has a
    short attention span, a language delay and a few other
    concerns. A few people suggested I enroll him in a nursery school a few
    mornings a week for the exposure to other children his age so he can
    learn from those kids. 
    
    My doctor thought that was a bad idea. I have my son at home with a
    sitter now. My doctor said that kids with needs like my son's often get
    frustrated in day care and become behaviour problems - something we
    don't need to start right now.
    
    G

    
    
    Re 5:
    
    	What I heard on a T.V. program is that one of the differences
    between an active vs. hyperactive child is the difference in
    concentration.  
    
    	An active child can still concentrate on something without being
    destracted by surrounding noises.  A hyperactive child will be
    distracted by surrounding noises and discontinue whatever he/she is
    doing.
    
    
    					Darlene
    
    
    P.S.  A Mom who knows her kid is not hyperactive--and so do the
          teachers but the older relatives believe he is.