Conference moira::parenting_v3

    Hmm, I'm not sure how this ties in with cutting eye teeth...
    
    The thing that we have found works wonders for car trips (though
    admittedly we haven't done anything longer than 4 hours) is to
    play children's music - hopefully you have a tape player in your
    car!   It's amazing how the baby can be crying and just turn it
    off the minute Raffi starts.
    
    I also pack juice (bottle as it really comforts my son) and crackers
    and bring along a small basket of favorite books and toys.
    
    Good luck!
    
    Carol

    Another vote for music, though settling 8 month old Alex requires
    us singing the songs.  I end up making up a lot more verses to the music
    of songs he likes.  And singing them in silly tones of voice.
    
    We don't often take long car rides, though we have done a few three
    hour plane rides.  I can imagine it is wicked boring for a little one. 
    I do stop at rest stops and let him get some exercise if he is fussy
    and take advantage of what room there is on a plane to move around. 
    Are you nursing?  I haven't had to try it yet but you can nurse a child
    in a rear facing car seat with you strapped in next to him/her.  A
    great way to sooth or put to sleep and still continue the trip.
    
    I think if I were going to attempt a long car trip I would travel at
    night/naptime and respect the child's tolerences.  Or realize it
    doesn't fit his capabilities right now and travel by plane, invite the
    relatives to my home, or not go.  I think a battle that you "win" at
    this age only tells the child you don't value him/her enough to take
    care of them.
    
    IMHO,
    
    =ss

    I found out early on that this great kid I have in terms of eating,
    sleeping and temperament just didn't like being restrained in a vehicle
    for any length of time.  So, all 2+ hour trips are scheduled around
    naptimes.  We learned the hard way that late afternoon was a hellish
    time to be in the car, especially for Ryan, so we avoid that like the
    plague.  I still don't have the guts to do over 3 hours, because he
    becomes such a noodge.
    
    I will say, though, that at age 2, he's become much better and even
    during 2 hour trips where he's awake the whole time, as long as I have
    a big bag full of toys to keep passing back to him, one by one, he's
    fine.
    
    Make sure that his car seat is the right size -- I have a friend with
    an awfully big infant whose car craziness completely went away when
    they put him in a more comfortable car seat.
    
    Also try breaking up the trip - 5 hours, unless the middle of the
    night, is a looooong time for child to sit still.  That's why I haven't
    done the 5+ hours to Philly to see my sister :-)
    
    

	Whoa Nelly!  What an appropriate question to ask right now!  I just 
returned from driving 1500 miles with Katie who turned 16mo while we were 
traveling.  Most of the mileage came in two 550 mi chunks from Greenville, S.C. 
to Pittsburg and back.  So over the last week (+/- a day or so) we had two 
10 hour trips and two 2 1/2 hour trips.

	Sounds like Katie is a better traveler than your little one, but still 
10 hours is an ordeal for an adult much less a toddler no matter how well they 
travel.  Here's what we did (didn't) and why (not):  

1) Music - Kate loves Raffi.  A Raffi tape as a change of pace helped.

2) Crackers - Low salt and whole wheat Hi-hos kept her full and busy without 
being a total disaster nutritionally or a nightmare logistically.

3) New toys -  Small enough to play with in the carseat, complex enough to keep
her busy for longer than 30 seconds, bought explicitly for the trip and not 
brought out until on the road and frustration was setting in.

4) Infrequent but lengthy stops - As long as she was content/sleeping we did not 
stop (even if our bladders were bursting :-) ). (The more stops, the longer it 
takes to get there, dragging out the "unhappy" time.)  When we did stop we made 
it worth the stop. - diaper change, drink, run around... We ate lunch at a McD's
that had a playground and spent an hour there. 
 
5) Drugs -  Yes, I'll be the evil one to first mention this.  Several friends
mentioned giving their kids Dramamine to help their kids sleep in the car. 
I wasn't terribly comfortable with the idea.  Gary and I talked about it and I 
suggested that since we had a 15 month checkup comgin up, we ask the doctor what
he thought of this.  Gary didn't think the Doctor would condone drugging her.
When we broached the subject, he said, without batting an eye, "Actually, I'd 
use Benadryl myself."  We gave her a dose right before we hit the road and one 
right after lunch.  It helped her stretch her 1 to 1 1/2 hours naps to 2 1/2 to
3.  An *enormous* help!  (Yes, I'm embaressed that we actually did this.  Yes, 
I'd do it again given the same circumstances.  Better embaressed than facing 
murder charges for throwing her out the window over the New River Gorge Bridge.)

6) Drove during the day - When Katie was 4 months old, we made the same trip
and drove overnight.  The trip itself was hell for Gary and I.  We had trouble 
staying awake to drive, yet we couldn't sleep enough to actually get any rest.
On the way up this wouldn't have been so bad, because we'd have the grand-
parents to look after Katie while we took a nap, but getting home, we would 
have been stuck with a well-rested, wide-awake toddler while we tried to 
sleep... 

7) Drove - didn't fly - When Katie was 7 months old, we flew to Pittsburg at 
Christmas.  What with getting to the airport 1/2 hour before the flight, the 
transfers, checking and picking up baggage, it took just as long (longer in fact
on the way home due to some bad weather) and we had less flexibility as to what 
we could take, when we could leave, when we could stop, plus it was Expensive!
(This Christmas, everyone is coming here, I ain't budging from my house!)

8) Did NOT sit in the back - Your mileage may vary on this one.  It probably 
would have been a little easier to keep her occupied, but I didn't want to set
a precedent.  Katie is VERY routine oriented.  Anything that is done twice, 
becomes a ritual.  One trip up + one trip back = two = ritual.  I don't want to 
sit in the back until Katie is in college :-) so I stayed up front.


	Soooooo happy to be home!

Tracey  



	

    The one car trip we did with our son at 20 months over 3 hours wasn't 
    too bad. We started out early in the morning (7:00) and his normal
    waking time was about 8:00. We just threw him in, pajamas and all,
    favorite blanket and no diaper change. He was awake for about 15
    minutes, being very quite and fell back asleep until 9:00. He had
    juice, Dunkin munchkins (a real treat) and some fruit then. We didn't stop
    until about 11:00 when I had to go to the bathroom. Then he got a good
    break, changed his diaper and clothes. We only had an hour or so after
    that. He did sit alone in the back. We had plenty of things to
    entertain him - raisin boxes, toys, etc. And we spent time talking to
    him - looking for animals. Music would definitely be a requirement now!! 
    
    Definitely travel during a sleep time, hoping he will fall asleep.
    If you have a bench-seat up front, maybe put his car seat up there
    but he might try to get at you or it might be too tight for the driver.
    You could even sit in the back with his seat up front as a last resort
    (I do it every day because my son gets car sick now).
    
    Even a dosage of Tylenol might be enough to relax him and get him to
    fall asleep. Yes, some pedis do prescribe baby sleeping pills but there 
    are over-the-couter alternatives that work as well (as the previous note
    pointed out).
    
    I'd avoid driving at night because all you need is to be tired yourself
    and have a screaming kid too!! Any parent would lose it real quickly!!
    
    Maybe get one of the carseat "busy boards" so there is entertainment in
    front of him. If you're switching car seats again, don't do it the day
    of the trip. Try it out first. 
    
    Pay attention to the temperature in the back as well. There are usually
    only very small vents so it will not be the same temperature as the
    front. He could be too hot or too cold. Dress him  comfortable - sweat
    suits or pj's all the way!!
    
    Hope these help.
    Andrea
                                        

Could it be that your child is "car sick"?  I used to get this
way when I was young.  Lived on Dramamine for all our family
vacations.  One thing that was certain to make me sick was
drinking any kind of acidic juice prior to travel like OJ
or grapefruit juice.  Maybe a flat Coke or ginger ale.  

Does your child's car seat sit high enough for him to see
out the window?  If he's got a "dashboard line" in his
line of vision he might be getting uncomfortable from
seeing partially non-moving scenery and partiall moving
scenery.

    Ginger is also good against car sickness - as in ginger snaps.
    

    I guess I am extremely lucky, Joshua has been back and forth to
    Denver (8 hours) at least 5 times since he was born.  He is now
    15 months old and still seems to travel fairly well.  Most of the
    trips were made in the car with only Josh and I.  Some lifesavers
    were toddler pretzels, a special tape with songs about "Joshua",
    comfortable clothes, juice boxes, and McDonald's playland about
    half way between Denver and home.  I also talk almost nonstop to
    Josh about everything that comes to mind and Josh seems to enjoy
    conversation.  I did diaper changes when I stopped to go potty myself
    unless the smell indicated otherwise.  Josh's seat also sits high
    enough to see out the window and there were great distractions along
    the way--cows, trucks, signs, etc.  I did keep him in the back seat,
    which is his normal station in the car.  One more tip--I hung a
    clothes bar across the back seat with all kinds of hanging toys,
    etc.  And believe it or not--3 trips were made in the heat of summer
    without an air conditioner!!!
    
    Pam

    Some baby's like the cars/trucks, some don't.  Mine is in the
    'don't' catagory.  Since Alex's first ride in the car (at 2 days
    old) till now 3.5 yrs old, he is terrible.  We took a ride up to
    Portland Maine and we (the parents) went nuts.  We took all his
    favorite foods, i.e. raisens, apples, juice boxes, celery, carrots,
    then we pack his favorite toys, i.e. blocks, coloring books,
    stuffed toys, etc....he lasts about 45 minutes and then starts
    complaining.  We made lots of frequent stops, took us about 4
    hours to get there verses 2 hours normally.
    
    We have never, never found a way to please him in the car.  We
    have also changed car seats, changed position of the seat and
    he just doesn't like riding in the car or the truck we own. Not a
    pleasent thought, but some kids just don't like the motion!

    We just returned from a long weekend in Vermont (3.5 hour ride)
    with our active 11 month old that HATES being confined 
    (especially in a car seat).  He was an angel!
    
    What made the ride successful was MUSIC.  A few months ago
    my husband was at his wits end.  They have a 20 minute (each way)
    ride to and from daycare each morning.  Steven would moan, groan
    and whine both ways, everyday...I had heard that kid's love music
    in the car, so I bought "them" a "Sharon, Lois and Bram" tape.
    It did the trick!  It definitely made the difference on our
    trip also.  When the tape wasn't playing, Steven was not as
    happy as when the tape was playing.
    
    It's worth a try!
    
    Linda_who_can't_stop_singing_Little_Rabbit_Foo_Foo_after_hearing_it_all_
    weekend!                                    

    We frequently travel to Vermont, which takes three hours. We do what
    most of the other noters do, but when my son really starts to get
    cranky, I sit in the back and play with him. I think some of the
    problem is that he's lonely and feels left out. I can't really blame
    him, its not much of a view looking at the back of someone's head !
     
    He likes it if we read a book together and he can turn the pages and point
    to the pictures. Its the hands-on participation and company that
    soothes him. He seems to know this is reserved for the long trips because 
    he doesn't expect anyone to be in the back with him normally.
    
    I have to admit I'd rather be up front snoozing, but this way makes for
    a happier kiddo and the over-all trip is usually quite pleasant.

    These notes are VERY helpful.  I'm going to try the kiddy music one (as
    soon as I get a Raffi tape or something fun).
    
    Andrew HATES being in the car too.  The problem? It's too confining.
    The way he reacts is like "to be confined is to die".  I see it the 
    minute his butt hits the seat and the seat straps go on.  Instant
    discomfort.
    
    He normally won't even fall asleep even if we travel at bedtime for
    him. 
    
    Nancy (who hates to hear, "oh but he'll sleep in his car seat on the
    way home" and who has to travel to CT with him alone next weekend!)
    

    I have a little trouble relating, as my kids were both among the 
    (I _think_ great majority of) babies for whom a car ride was the only
    guaranteed colic cure, and they have loved most all car trips ever
    since.  But maybe some of our favorite pastimes would help others.
    
    As infants and toddlers, most of their formal education occured driving
    back and forth to homecare or pre-school.  They acquired half their
    vocabulary in the car.  They learned to count in the car.  They learned
    color names in the car.  They sharpened their powers of observation in
    the car.  As one object of attention, I strongly recommend fire
    hydrants as a source of endless fun and education over many years. 
    Learn the name.  Learn to spot them.  Compete to spot the NEXT one
    first.  Name the colors.  Learn to count them.  Learn that different
    towns have different distinct color patterns, and thus learn local
    geography.  Learn some useful engineering (how they work, how they are
    connected . . .).  Now, I grant you that hydrants are generally not
    available on the interstates, and the like, but much of this is
    transferable.  School busses are immensely fascinating to pre-schoolers
    (and even now, at age 4, I know that on field trips Eric and his
    classmates are MUCH more excited about getting to ride on a bus than
    they are about the destination), and sorting trucks by color and
    function can be endlessly fascinating.  On long haul trips, many of the
    higher mental powers first developed on hydrants can be immensely
    strengthened when focussed on license plates.  And while both boys
    learned the alphabet from books, they definitely learned to read whole
    words from street signs:  STOP  |  NO PARKING  |  SLOW  |  BUMP.  On a
    looonnnngg trip last summer, Eric first had the insight that he could
    decode words phonetically from the letters;  he did it with the word
    EXIT.  He was so please and proud that he pointed out every sign the
    rest of the trip with EXIT in it, and in doing so also spontaneously
    taught himself to decode double digit numbers, thanks to the wonderful
    work of the Maine Turnpike Authority ( EXIT 19 | EXIT 20 | ... EXIT 31 |).
    Signs generally have a clear advantage over hydrants in nighttime
    visibility, wherever you are.  Another great pastime in the dark is
    competing to see who can stop the most vehicles with a burned out
    headlight (the technical term for which is "paddiddle").  Anyone
    spotting a police car paddiddle is instant champion.  And, of course,
    there's no need for reliance on visual stimuli.  My kids and I have
    exchanged and invented more riddles, puns, and silly jokes in the car
    than in the rest of our lives put together.
    
    Music, as others have suggested, is a wonderful companion, but as our
    involving and creative alternative to tapes (not to mention that I've
    never had a car with a tape player!) we sing our own.  I don't think
    we've ever gone more than three straight hours without repetition, but
    I bet we could.  I'm afraid if I had to loop a Raffi tape for three
    hours I might feel compelled to hurl myself under a moving van (which
    is not a criticism of Raffi!).
    
    Develop your techniques right and you can add 50 points to your kid's
    IQ, improve their disposition and sense of humor, and get them to the
    point where they won't let you stay home.  Of course, you may go
    bankrupt paying for gas, and become decrepit from lack of exercise, but
    you can't expect a free lunch.
    		
    		- Bruce
    

    re: .13
    
    What GREAT ideas!  I always run out of things to look for after we all
    get bored with "I see You see" (aka "I see something green"), fire
    hydrants are always around (or are they, now I want to go look!)
    
    I'd like to hear more of your ideas about expanding our children's
    minds with simple activities - maybe in another note? - when you have some
    time. I really believe in this, but don't know much about it.  
    
    Jane

    re: .13
    
    Bruce, have you been hiding in the back seat of my car for the
    last five years?
    
    We also look for/count mailboxes, works if your not on an interstate.
    Another pastime Sam always enjoyed was making up a story.  Some
    times they were just variations on stories he knew, Winnie-the-Pooh
    etc, or sometimes it was "tell me a story about a mommy, and a daddy,
    and a little boy, named Sam...."  When they are a little bit older
    you start telling the story and let them fill in the blanks.  
    
    "Once there was a silly old bear named Pooh.  He lived in the (Sam
    would pipe up 'the hundred acre woods').  His friends were ( fill
    in the blank)"  I always liked this one because *I* didn't have
    to think about all the details!
    
    I think that STOP was the first word Sam learned to spell, beside
    his name, because of all the STOP signs we have on the way to daycare!
    
    Kathy
                                                         

    Well, I'm not sure I'm clever enough to anticipate what activity is
    going to expand the mind in what new direction.  Example.  We
    certainly liked to play the "I'm thinking of something green . . ."
    game, in the car, and it turned into an unexpectedly interesting
    adventure in moral development.  When we started this, sometime in his
    twos, I think, Eric would sometimes "cheat" by changing his choice if I
    guessed it right.  I was confronted with the problem of how to approach
    conveying to him that this was "wrong" (and I didn't even have my trusty
    Kohlberg Moral Development Scale handy!).  I at least deluded myself
    into imagining that I did a creditable job of teaching him about mutual
    trust by a combination of pouting, blantently cheating myself, and
    talking about it.  Anyhow, he stopped cheating!
    
    		- Bruce
    
    { p.s.  Bonus tip for the day:  If you're lost some time, and spot a
    black fire hydrant with a silver top, your probably in Lexington, Mass. 
    On the other hand, if it has been painted into a red, white, and blue
    Uncle Sam, you've probably been teleported into some Mid-Western town
    in the year of the Bicentennial. }
    

    Music is out for us because I have trouble driving with the radio
    on -- it's too much of a distraction.  When Kat was little, we
    couldn't have afforded a supplemental tape player anyway.
    
    If you are on the interstate, a good source of interest for most
    kids is tractor-trailer rigs.  You can speculate about color,
    content, destination.  You can make up stories about the drivers:
    what they do at home, what they're going to do with the load, what
    happens when they meet space aliens just over the next hill --
    your imagination is the limit.
    
    Another thing that kept Kat occupied for hours when she was about
    four was looking things up in her 500-word picture dictionary. 
    I'd name an object and she'd look it up.  If she didn't find it,
    she'd tell me "It's not there, Mommy," and we'd try another one. 
    If she found it, she'd tell me, "I found it, Mommy," and we'd try
    another one.  
    
    Counting items typical of the area you're passing through can be
    fun -- barns, or silos, or radio antenna, or Minuteman missle
    installations, or oil wells, or peanut sheds, or . . .
    
    Tell stories.  Round-robin stories are fun -- one person starts
    the story, the next person tells the next part, and so on.  
    
    Talk.  Ask about their opinion of the Persian Gulf situation or
    whether they should build a new firestation in town or whatever
    the adults around you are talking about.  They will have opinions. 
    You'll be surprised.  Talk about "What would you do if . . ."
    situations.  Talk about what you used to do when you were little,
    not in a preachy way but as sharing stories.  Tell tales of your
    ancestors or others in the family.  Ask where they want to go for
    vacation or what they want to do when they grow up.  
    
    I agree with Bruce about the contributions signs make to
    children's reading abilities.  The first word Steven could read
    was STOP, and he noticed and understood when someone vandalized
    the sign at the end of the street to read SLOP.  He was three at
    the time.  Other early words he learned from signs include
    LECHEMERE, MCDONALD'S, BANK (we go past several in downtown
    Nashua), and HOSPITAL.
    
    --bonnie

    This may have been mentioned but for older kids road alphabet is
    a great game to pass the time.  Any stationary letters (ie. not
    license plates or bumper stickers on moving cars) are usable.  The
    first person to get to "Z" wins.  You call out the letter and the
    word when you spot it.  Divide the players up to the sides of the
    road.  We played that you couldn't reuse a word, but I'm sure you
    will come up with your own rules.
    	Linda

    re .17
    
    Bonnie's comments on Steven reading signs reminded me of my
    stepdaughter - she and her Dad were driving somewhere when she was
    about 4, and being a good reader she enjoyed reading signs.  The tough
    part came when she saw a sign and then asked her Dad, "what's EXOTIC
    DANCING"? :-)
    

    .18
    
    My husband and I - just the two of us - play the "alphabet game"
    whenever we take drives of longer than an hour!  It's really fun,
    though sometimes I wonder if he's paying enough attention to the road
    when he's driving. ;-)  
    
    The competition is sure to get more challenging and fun as our 
    child(ren) get 7exit
    older!
    
    Cheryl
    

    re .20,  we played it well into teenagerhood on Sunday drives to my
    Nana's house in East Boston.  I still remember "Q-Kappy's Liquor!"
    	Linda

A variation on the alphabet game that my husband and I play is to take 
the three letters on the license plate of a car and try to think up a 
three-word phrase that applies to the car or driver and begins with 
those letters (e.g. [123-CMS] => Car Moves Slowly).

Meg