Conference moira::parenting_v3

    The system you're talking about worked with my brother's daughter. 
    She was trained by 16 months.  I thought for sure she'd relapse
    but she never did.
    
    I think having the potty chair around, so it's a familiar object,
    is a good idea, even if she isn't showing any interest in it. 
    Though I don't think Steven used his more than a few times; he
    always preferred the big toilet with a stool under his feet.
    
    --bonnie

    I've heard a variety of opinions on this. One viewpoint is that girls
    often train earlier than boys, but much of that may be child
    temperament dependent.  I've also read in both Spock and Brazelton that
    Eupopeans traditionally toilet trained children at 1 year, sometimes
    with good results, sometimes not. The point that both "experts" made is
    that 12 months or so may be the initial awareness of bodily functions
    but does in no way indicate that the child is ready to understand nor
    control those functions.
    
    General rule of thumb is to let the child lead the way, rather than
    encourage, prod or push.  We got a potty seat for Ryan at 18 months
    since he was fascinated with peeing. He peed in twice, and never again.
    We now use the bottom portion of the potty as a stool for
    sitting/reading/standing in the bathroom. He often sits there and chats
    at me while I'm in the bathroom!  Around 21 months though, he began to
    let us know when he had to do BMs and has been doing them on/near the
    potty since then. I figure we have the hard part done with, and will
    deal with peeing when he's ready!
    

    We bought our son a potty chair for his first birthday. I kept it in
    his bathroom and put him on it just before his bath each night. I think
    he went into it twice but that was merely timing. He still usually went
    when his fett hit the warm water. I just wanted to get him used to
    sitting still. He is always moving (except when reading and then he
    has to turn the pages). 
    
    I don't know if it helped but he trained during the week after his
    second birthday and was completely trained (no night diapers, no
    diapers when going out, etc) within 3 months.
    
    If JA is showing interest why not give it a try? You can only gain from
    it. If she loses interest, you're no worse for the wear. Just take it
    slow with her and determine if it's temporary. 
    
    We also started reading "potty" books from 1 year old on - not
    religiously but on occasion and they are still a favorite of my son.
    
    Best of luck!!!
    Andrea
    
    P.S. Our first potty seat went on the bowl and had sides on it. We went
    for that first so our son couldn't jump off and had to learn just to
    sit patiently (even for a minute). We then went to the Fisher-Price
    3-stage potty but this one also can be used as just the toliet "ring". 

    I'm glad this note was entered. 
    
    Andrew's daycare has been putting him on the potty since around June
    and as they say, timing is everything, Andrew would pee evertime they
    put him on it.  We believe that it was timing and not "advanced-ness"
    that made him go (he's now 13 mos).  I think they put him on after
    meal times and after naps.  Apparently it doesn't bother him to be on it
    either.
    
    I don't have a potty at home, but they told us at daycare, if you put
    him on at the right time and he goes then he'll make the connection
    "ah, so that's what that funny little chair is for!" and
    when he's ready to "go" on his own, he'll "go".
    
    I thought I might be jumping the gun if I bought one now, but I guess
    not.
    
    Nancy
    

    Matt at 3 years old shows no interest in potty training other than to
    request that he be changed after a BM.  I have told him, if you want to
    avoid sitting in your mess you can DO something about it, tell us when
    you have to go.  "Uh, ok", but then he doesn't say anything.  I know
    boys tend to be trained later than girls but at 3 I think its about
    time he started to be trained.  I know "don't put pressure on him, when
    hes' ready he will let you know".  Other than rarely reminding him he
    does theoretically have control over whether he has to walk about with
    a load in his diaper we don't put any pressure on him.  "He can sense
    your frustration, ease up." No I don't think he can, because I ignore
    the situation except for what I mentioned.  Usually I don't think about
    toilet training except in this conf. it reminded me.  Jeff

    Jeff,
    
    We have friends who went through the same thing.  They didn't make a 
    big deal out of it either.  They are very patient people by nature
    anyway.  Their son didn't have any interest and he was 3 1/2 years old.
    They were getting alittle concerned because preschool wouldn't take him
    unless he was trained.  
    
    A little more time when by, with subtle prodding on their part and all
    of a sudden he was trained.  
    
    It seemed to happen almost overnight for him.  
    
    Good luck,
    
    Nancy

    re: .5
    
    Jeff, your note could describe Steven at 3.  
    
    But at 3 years and 3 months, with a visit to his grandparents
    coming up (they live in Montana so he'd never met them), he
    suddenly decided it was time.  Literally overnight.  No just days
    and not nights, no backsliding, only one or two accidents, no
    looking back.  (Nighttime accidents are another issue...)
    
    So my advice would be to keep up what you're doing.  Sounds fine
    to me. 
    
    --bonnie

    What about a 2.5 year old that will use the potty for mom or
    dad (more mom than dad) at home, but not for the sitter during
    the day?  He keeps telling her "mommy will help me" or something
    along those lines ..and she eventually puts a diaper on him
    just so he won't have an accident (he rarely now wets his pants)
    
    He will do fine for me on the weekends (if I keep after him to use
    the potty)
    
    Does it sound like he's just not ready?  Should the sitter be a 
    little more persuasive?  I'm not in a real rush to get him trained,
    but I figured he was doing so well with me at home, that I would
    take advantage of the opportunity.
    
    Has anyone run into anything similar?
    
    Nancy

>    What about a 2.5 year old that will use the potty for mom or
>    dad (more mom than dad) at home, but not for the sitter during
>    the day?  

			. . .

>    Has anyone run into anything similar?
    
Yup.  Both personally, and from others' experiences. Sometimes it's the other 
way around -- they do fine at the sitters, but not at home.

Ah, the mystery of potty training.

Clay

    I got Dan a potty when he was 18 mos old - he thought it was a 
    great place to keep his bath toys, and he loved to walk around with
    the seat part on his head, etc. At about 2.5, he began using "the
    big man's toilet" (!) -- never took the potty seriously. 
    
    You'll probably find as much variation on potty-training as I'm
    finding in my notes about naps, or in the one about pacifiers...
    It's always fun to see how different kids are.
    
    Lucy
    

    Funny this should be brought up now.  We started last week seeing, are
    you ready for this? a psycologist specializing in toilet training
    problems.  His personal opinion, since someone brought it up, is that
    the requirement of preschools that 3 years olds be completely trained
    is "rediculous and completely unrealistic".
    
    For our situation, AJ is 3yrs8mos, he suggested sitting him on the
    potty 3times a day for at least 2 minutes.  He said it didn't matter if
    he tooks his pants down, just to get used to sitting there.  He
    suggested praise and rewards-if you want- such as stickers, not
    edibles.  For us it works.  The other thing that seems to be working
    may sound a little harsh but here goes, AJ's bottom area seems to
    break-down and get real sore very quickly, within minutes of going in
    his diaper.  He's learning cause and effect, since he now realizes that
    if he doesn't want to get a "sore butt" he has to go in the toilet not
    his pants/diaper.
    
    Will be glad to give you the doctor's name and location if you sent me
    EMAIL (nradm::trippl or 234-4558, or husband is nradm::tripp)
    Lyn
    

    We purchased a Potty Chair for Samantha when she began to say "potty"
    after she had gone in her diaper (about 16 months).  Until 2 months ago
    she didn't really show too much interest except maybe to go over and sit 
    on it and make groaning sounds and they say "poo poo".  
    
    For the past 2 months she has on several occassions told us that she
    ahd to go and we would put her on and she would go.  Quite often it was
    when she had no diaper on and was getting ready for her bath.
    
    However, there was a time just last week that she was waiting for me to
    finish running the tub and we were in the kitchen, I went out of sight
    for just a minute to grab a towel, well I guess she had to go and
    couldn't find me to put her on the big toilet and was too upset to go
    to her little potty and proceeded to go on the floor (BM).  She began
    to cry, but it was a scared cry.  When I returned to the room (about 1
    minute) I found her standing next to the cupboards with tears coming
    down her face.  She was scared of what she ahd done.  She had never
    seen it before and didn't really know what it was.  I picked her up and
    she was trembling.  I felt terrible.  I decided that I would never try
    to do potty training again.
    
    Well after calming her down we talked about what she had done.  We
    picked it up and took it to the potty chair, got a wipey and she wiped
    her bottom and put the wipey into the potty and closed the cover. 
    After her bath I told her that she could help me put the "poo poo"
    where it belongs.  I didn't want to make a big deal of it but I wanted
    her to know that she had nothing to fear.  
    
    So we took the poo poo upstairs to the big potty and I let her flush
    the toilet.  She waved bye bye to the poo poo and off we went.
    
    Well several days later she was at my mom's house and she said "Bammy,
    have to do poo poo in the big potty, upstairs."  My mother couldn't
    believe it.  So off they went, mom lifter her onto the big potty and
    Samantha went.  She got down and wiped, and looked up at my mom and
    said "Bammy, no touch poo poo, just flush bye bye".
    
    She has several other times made mention and we have used the potty but
    she is not 100% ready yet.  When she is she will tell us.
    
    Regards,
    Cheryl
    
    
    

    re .12
    She sounds like she's doing great on her own!  We have a little book
    that we've been reading periodically to Ryan (2 and 3 mo) about Joshua
    and his potty - they have a girl's version as well. The story is very
    similar to what you described about Samantha last week - waving bye-bye
    etc.
    
    Best of luck