Conference moira::parenting_v3

    Yes, it's normal.  Yes, it will pass.  Yes, it's a pain in the
    posterior until it does.
    
    --bonnie

    I had a similar change with my son.  Up until the age of 4 or 5
    he was fearless and, seemingly, painless.  He'd be outside, get
    hurt, be bleeding, and no one would know until he came inside. 
    Even then, we'd only know about his problem by seeing the blood
    - he simply would not complain.
    
    Somewhere that changed, and for the past seven or so years he has
    become almost a hypochondriac.  The slightest problem and he
    brings it to any adults he can find.
    
    So, his tolerance and acceptance of even minor pain has 
    changed tremendously,
    and the change has been relatively permanent.
    
    On the other hand, he is still as daring as ever.  He is still always
    willing to try new things - it's just that he thinks about the
    consequences much more before trying, and will take a lot longer
    to decide he wants to try something new.

    I think a sudden onslought of fears is pretty normal at this age, when
    a kid suddenly discovers they have more independence than they
    feel ready for, and that unpleasant things do happen in this big new
    world.
    
    It will pass.  Chances are the next annoying thing you'll notice may be a
    phase where he prefers daddy to you.  Probably he does fine with daddy
    now as long as you aren't there.
    
    		- Bruce

    Bruce,
    
    You are right.  Josh is fine with his daddy, grandparents, daycare,
    etc. as long as I am not around.  Does this mean I am spoiling him?
    
    Pam

    My just-turned-a-year son, Jason, has become a real pain in the
    past couple of weeks as well.   Like Josh, he is fine when I'm
    not around.  If he catches a glimpse of me, he turns into a 
    screaming monster, scrambling across the floor and hanging around
    my ankles - howling all the way!   He is also into everything he
    shouldn't be, climbing, and refusing to have his diaper changed -
    you get the picture!
    
    I have been accused of spoiling him but am at a loss as to what I
    can do better.   I try *not* to pick him up when he only whimpers
    but usually pick him up or divert his attention if he gets into
    hysterics.   It's getting more difficult to distract him as he
    seems totally uninterested in his toys.
    
    Any suggestions?
    
    Carol

    .4 > You are right.  Josh is fine with his daddy, grandparents, daycare,
    .4 > etc. as long as I am not around.  Does this mean I am spoiling him?
    
    Not at all, but it may well mean that _he_ is spoiling _you_, at least
    if he gets you to expect this to last indefinitely!  Almost all kids
    seem to alternate periods of preference for different parents, though
    the intensity and duration of phases varies a lot.  There may be a
    general lean toward the primary caretaker and/or opposite sex parent
    somewhat more of the time, too (both of these tending your way in this
    case).  It has not seemed to me that the (temporarily) "preferred"
    parent is so due to being "nicer" or "laxer" (i.e. spoiling), or
    necessarily has any greater influence, either.
    
    		- Bruce

    In this particular case, what it probably means is that because
    he's very secure in his attatchment to you, he feels comfortable
    letting you see his fears and help him deal with them, where in
    daycare, for instance, he might prefer to pretend to be brave. 
    When you're there, he can let down his guard. 
    
    If he hasn't already, he'll probably share other aspects himself 
    with his father or his grandparents that he doesn't feel
    comfortable letting you see, either.  That's perfectly normal and
    healthy, as far as I can see. 
    
    --bonnie