Conference moira::parenting_v3

    I have no experience with this one (yet!) but my immediate reaction
    is to find a happy medium.   i.e. exploring his body is okay, but
    maybe confine it to the home or something.   perhaps find some way
    of explaining that it makes other people uncomfortable to see him
    with his hand holding the front of his pants and/or it looks like
    he has to go to the bathroom or....something!   
    
    good luck,  carol

    Actually, I'm suprised he wasn't "into" it long before 4.5 :*}
    
    Seriously, being the mother of three boys, this is QUITE normal.  A
    friend of mine described her little boy - constantly walked around with
    his hand in his pants, and when asked why he responded "Becouse it
    FEELS so GOOD!"
    
    My response to mine (ages 5, 4, and 1) has been - it's OK to touch
    yourself, but in the privacy of your own room.  If you want to do that
    now, please go up to your room.  It seems to work, let's them know the
    penis is private, both for them and for others.
    
    And remember, in your own words, "this, too, shall pass!"
    
    Regards...
    

    I think that if you give a fake excuse it will ring false.  Why
    not tell the child that touching oneself is private and that he
    should do it in his room?  It sounds like the basenoter is
    uncomfortable with the amount of time the child spends doing this.
    I tend to think that the fascination will be short-lived.  He probably
    won't stop doing it completely, but he may not do it all the time.
    My personal opinion is that "discipline" should be avoided to prevent
    the child from forming guilt about his body and sex.  I would use
    the opportunity to explain that masterbation is normal, and that
    it is his body and he can touch it if he wants, but others don't
    have a right to.
    	Linda

Ditto to .1 and .2.  I can just add that our pediatrician made essentially the 
same suggestion.

It may be difficult at the age your son is, but a child does start 
understanding that there are behaviors that are acceptable anywhere, and some 
that have limits, such as being done in privacy.

Clay

    On this same note--how do you explain to a 14.5 month old that playing
    with his penis isn't appropriate in public.  He has just discovered
    it along with his belly button and tries to get inside the diaper
    to touch himself.  In the bath and when I change him he is fascinated.
    He also seems enthralled with my husband and I using the bathroom,
    are the two related?  Is he beginning to understand the connection?
    Also, how often is considered "normal" for a boy his age to have
    erections?  More mornings than not he wakes up with one.
    
    Pam

    I have the same problem. But it is with my 7 yr old stepson. We have
    tried to tell him that he shouldn't but continues immediatly does it
    again. We ask him also if he hurts there or if he has to go to the
    bathroom, but always says no. BTW he is an only child an lives with his
    mother not us. I know that there are bad habits that kids pick up at a
    young age but he has been doing this since he was 4. I guess his mother
    has taken him to a doctor and he has prescribed a spray for the area
    that releives itching, but he says it doesn't itch. Anyway, he hasn't
    used the spray, and still continues grabbing himself, constantly.
    I suppose I should let his mother handle it because he lives with her,
    but it drives me crazy to see him do this all day long.
    
    
    
    Thanks for listening.
    
    Sandy

re: .6

>    I have the same problem. But it is with my 7 yr old stepson. We have
>    tried to tell him that he shouldn't but continues immediatly does it
>    again. 

Instead of telling him he shouldn't, have you tried telling him "If you are 
going to do that, please do it in your room (if he has one at your house, or 
"in a private place" if he doesn't have his own room)?  That way, if he feels 
the urge, he doesn't have to supress it entirely.  That's what we do with our 
son, who is also 7.

Clay

    I think it may be a nervous habit.  I have a male relative who did
    this as a child and never grew out of it, even though other kids
    made fun of him.  Perhaps you could get him to bite his nails instead.
    :-)
    	Linda
    	p.s.  Sorry for making light of this.

    
    I DEFINATELY agree with Linda!!  

    I can't offer any solutions on the question, as Eric is only
    13 months old and just recently started noticing that extra
    part that seems to be floating around in the bath tub.  He just
    looks, touches for a sec, then continues splashing.  
    
    I have a doubt about what some of you have been saying...
    "This too shall pass".  I always thought once you found it, you
    never let go!
    
    About erections in little boys, I read in one of my many books
    and/or magazines that erections in babies are perfectly normal.
    Eric used to get them quite a bit but does not very often anymore.
    I'd guess no matter how often he has them that it is normal.
    
    Donna
    
    

    Erections in males of any age are perfectly normal.  It's the
    absence thereof that's a problem.
    
    --bonnie

    Thanks Bonnie, for a great chuckle!! :-)

    At least your four year old isn't announcing --to his two aunts and 4
    female cousins (all under the age of 6) --in a crowded toy store--in front
    of a teenaged cashier--in a loud, fascinated voice --peering down into
    his shorts...
    
    		"Hey guys, my pee-pee is getting bigger!" 
    
     

Gee, y'all are talking about 7-month olds just starting to show an 
interest...  Well, Michael must be an advanced child because he's been 
holding and playing with it at every opportunity since he was around 4-5 
months old!  I've christened it his "handle" and we've been very amused at 
his fascination with it.  Like someone else mentioned, he can twist the 
thing into the most painful-looking contortions, but he seems to enjoy it 
immensely.  We've just been hoping that this interest would wear off 
eventually, though it's hard to deal with when a poopy diaper is removed 
and the little hand *immediately* goes down there to "play."  Anyway, we're 
just ignoring it as much as possible, and hoping it'll go away someday...

Steve

    If you make a big deal of it you may make him feel that it is wrong for
    him to touch his penis and set him up for sexual guilts. Its his body,
    he has the right to touch it.  If he is touching himself in public or
    if he does it in front of others and it makes them uncomfortable then
    he should be taught that there is an appropriate place to touch his
    penis, and that is in private.
    
    The orignal noter said he is doing it too much and enough is enough.
    It sounds as if you are uncomfortable with the frequency as much as
    where he is doing it.  I wouldn't worry about the frequency, but I
    would teach him that WHERE he is when he does it matters.  Adults tend
    to forget that for the most part kids know their needs and do quite
    well without excessive controls.
    
    The little boy who answered the why do you do it question with 'because
    it feels so good' summed up the motivating factor behind much of human
    behavior.  Why would he give up something that feels good and doesn't
    hurt him?  Ok, so direct it so that he does it in an appropriate place.
    
    The furor or masturbation during the earlier parts of this Century
    caused alot of harm... lots of people with sexual hangups developed
    as a result of Social pressures to 'never touch oneself except when
    going to the bathroom'.  
    
    I urge you to direct the behavior rather than try and stop it.
    
    Jeff
    

    In my experience, the "penis fascination" NEVER goes away! ;-)
    
    Regarding one of the previous - as for embarrassing situations - how
    would you feel if your 2 and 3 year olds after discovering the
    difference between boys and girls, their penises, went racing up to
    their grandfather one Sunday morning, and screamed in his face as they
    greeted him - "YOU HAVE A PENIS, DON'T YOU GRANDFATHER?"
    
    Talk about wanting to slide into the woodwork.  Yup, kids say the
    darndest things.
    

    
    This topic hits home for me... We've got six kids under 8 and 5
    of them are boys.    Talk about pulling and tugging!... and
    this facination with ones "private parts" isn't just limited
    to boys...  but the response from us is always the same... 
    " Do you have a problem or have to go to the bathroom? "
    If they respond with a no to both questions then our response is..
    " Then please touch your private parts in private. "
    
    Its normal... but, speaking from the view point of being a foster
    parent and having worked with sexually abused children.. observe.
    There's a fine line between touching, twisting, playing and generally
    doing something natural that "feels good" but anything more advanced
    then that could be a warning sign that a child has been sexually
    abused.
    
    I love this notes file, it never fails to bring a smile to my face.
    and to end with one of those " out of the mouth of bab's things"
    ... My now 7 year old when he was about three walked in on me in
    the bathroom... being that the door was locked but not closed all
    the way it wasn't intirely his fault so about all I could do was
    ask him to please nock next time.... well, one of the social workers
    we worked with was visting at the time and Josh ran out with eyes
    open wide shouting "WOW, MY DADS GOT A BIG PENIS! WANNA SEE!" and
    grabbed her hand to get her to come along... we still work with
    that worker a lot and every once in awhile she brings the topic
    up again!
    
    Tony
    

    Gawd, these replies are hilarious!
    
    I just have a short one...
    
    Andrew has discovered his penis as well.  Used to like to diddle with
    it in the tub (then 9 +mos old) but no serious playing with it.
    
    About a month ago (1yr old) he was being a royal crank; I had to change 
    his diaper and he protested!  I mean he wailed.  Well, during the changing 
    his little flailing hand happened to hit his penis.  SILENCE!  His wails 
    changed to a stupid grin. Of course he diddled with it little more!  It 
    was amazing.  
    
    It's nature I guess.
    

    re:<<< Note 308.18 by CLOSET::FONTAINE >>>

>    Gawd, these replies are hilarious!
>    
>    I just have a short one...
    
    I cant stop laughing...

    Re: .18
    
    Yes, I caught alot of flack for that one.
    
    I guess it's just too late to say - no pun intended!
    
    NANCY (< that's why!)

    A couple of years ago, Steven and some of his friends were running
    around the yard on a hot summer's day having a water-pistol fight.
    
    At one point Steven ran up to me and, after watching the stream of
    water dribble and fade, he asked,
    
    
    
    Mama, do they call it a pistol because it looks like it's pissing?
    
    --bonnie

    5 year old Jeff (me when I was a kid) in a crowded Supermarket:
    (pointing at hotdogs)  "Hey Mom, those look just like penises!"
    My Mom about went through the floor and replied, "Oh those arent
    peanuts those are hotdogs"    
    
    Jeff

    These replies are hilarious. I hate to move on to seriousnous, but...
    
    My 5 year old son and his friend both say they want to be girls. It
    seems they are absolutely fascinated with girls. They chase them on the
    playground, and stare in awe and any girl with long hair. Today when I
    picked him up from Kindergarten he decided he was so disappointed
    because he FORGOT to ask Amy to marry him.
    
    Anyway, then he goes on saying he wants to be a girl. What is this
    stage? I haven't had a chance to look it up in my Louise Bates Ames
    book yet.
    
    G

    My 3 year old nephew also has a penis facination.  My mother was
    telling me that while he was visiting her a couple of weeks ago, he
    proceeded to put a small piece of plastic tubing down the pants of one
    of his boy dolls.  My mother asked him why he was doing that and his
    reply was, "Because he's a boy, and he needs a penis".
    
    Lori B.

re .23, you sure your son hasn't been reading about the famous Colorado
Springs cheerleader incedent?

Liz :-).

    RE:.25 re .23
    
    Cheerleader incident? Care to enlighten us new Englanders?

re: .25

Hmmm.  It made both the Dallas papers and the radio DJs had a great time with
it.

Bob

    re: boys wanting to be girls, and vice versa
    
    It seems like at that age it's just another thing they want to be,
    like being a teacher or a fireman or whatever.  
    
    --bonnie

    New rather well built (take as muscular) girl made the cheerleading
    squad, with no tryouts or anything... only to find she was actually a
    early/mid 20's guy....  totally past everyone by, and attended classes
    at Coronado High School.... nobody questioned it for a while....

    My mother usually sends me all the weird and unusual articles from the
    Gazette.... but this one she "forgot"... I saw it in the Manchester, NH
    Onion Misleader....

    I guess we're now in one of the penis awareness stages - Ryan (2 in
    July) took a shower with me last weekend and suddenly asked "Izza your
    penis, Mommy?"  I explained that mommies don't have them.
    
    He hung around in the bathroom while my husband took a shower after us,
    and after a discussion between them, came out and announced to me "When
    me get big, Mommy, me have big big BIG penis like Daddy"!
    

    God, this brings back memories!!!
    
    Robby, after a similar "hang out with Dad in the shower" time, came out
    and announced that 
    
    	"Daddy's peepee has a moustache!!!!"
    
    I thought I would wet my pants!
    

    Re: .31 What a riot!!!!  Kids say the darndest things don't they.
    
    I remember when I was 12 years old, I was babysitting for my cousin's 2
    year old son.  I was reading a book to him when all of a sudden he
    pulled down the front of his jammies and started pulling on his penis. 
    He then pronounced to me "look how big it gets."  Well, since I was
    only 12 at the time, I was absolutely horrified.  I think I said
    something like "that's nice" to him and then ran out of the room and
    called my mother.  I think that's when I got the male version of the
    sex talk.  I may have had nightmares for about a week too.
    
    Anyway, I'm much older and wiser...
    
    Nancy