Conference moira::parenting_v3

    I have read about this, certainly, but would not consider it for my
    children at their ages.  I believe it would be too traumatic for them
    to see their mother go through labor and delivery.  Knowing their
    reaction to things on TV concerning this type of thing, I wouldn't
    allow it for them.
    

    I don't know what age would be recommended, I guess that would depend
    on the parents decision.  I, myself, feel that my own children are
    too young for witnessing the birth of my next, but my 3 1/2 year old
    does attend every doctors appt with me.  She is very excited and 
    involved this time.  My 1 1/2 year old could care less.  I just think
    that what -1 said is true....My daughter would be in tears if she
    were to witness me in so much pain and trauma.  But she does like
    the mild stuff...hearing the heartbeat and seeing the ultrasounds.
    
    --Lisa  --who wouldn't consider having the other siblings watch.

    Liz,
    	Penrose Community/Memorial Hospitals both have classes for siblings 
    on birth.  You may want to sign up for one and make a decision from
    there.  
        Personnally, I think it is a great idea, if the child is properly 
    prepared.  But then we video-taped the birth of our son, which a LOT
    of people think is crazy.  Of all my treasures, that film is the best
    as I can always relive the greatest moment of my life.......
    
    Malinda

    My then 10 year old daughter came with us to the birth of her sister.
    She went to the childbirth classes when the movies of the birth were
    shown. I also had a midwife who thought it would be a good idea since
    Erin had been an only child for so long. We had my mother-in-law in
    the waiting room incase Erin wanted to leave. We were lucky and were
    only in the hospital for half an hour before Traci was born.
    
    Nineteen months later when my third was due Erin wanted to be there
    again. I wanted her to say home and help my sister with Traci but
    there was no way Erin was going to miss her next siblings birth.
    
    She was in the room but wasn't really watching. As soon as the baby
    was born she was right there. My mother thought it was a bad thing
    to do but Erin was old enough to decide for herself and had the option
    to leave if needed to.
    
    My personal opinion is that if you think you can get through labor
    without the kids being a distraction and not worrying about scaring
    them then let them watch. You've got so much else going on that
    you don't need to worry about them at all. Having someone to take
    them out of the room if things get rough is a must!
    
    Vickie
    

    
    I personally wouldn't appreciate having my kid there. I had hard
    enough time dealing with it all and would probably go crazy if
    I had to worry about a young child being there. I think birth is too
    traumatic and puts a lot of stress on young kids if some emergency
    situation arises. It depends a lot on the kids, some kids(people) are
    squeamish. Honestly, if I gave my husband a choice, he'd prefer
    not to be there!!!
    
    
    Eva.
    

    
    	Our last child was born at home.  By choice.  When the time 
    	came, we had her mother (who spent the last week of Linda's
    	pregnancy with us), our other 3 kids (ages 6, 4, 2 at the time),
    	two of her sisters (one a RN) a brother-in-law (hubby of the
    	other sister -- he took pictures), the midwife and her assistant, 
    	and of course Linda and me -- all in our bedroom at the same time.
    
    	Her mother, a veteran of 8 births herself, had never actually
    	seen one.  At first she didn't want to look, but then couldn't
    	be pulled away if we had to.  She has never stopped talking 
    	about it.
    
    	The kids were awake in a flash.  They had been awaiting this.
    	We never took them to classes or anything.  It was 2:30 in the
    	morning.  We couldn't get them to sleep afterwards, they were
    	so wound up by it.  The 4-year-old kept shouting "Look, Mommy!
    	You can see the head!  Can you see it?"  
    
    	There was very little mess.  In fact we had what was called a 
    	"dry birth" because the baby was somewhat overdue.  There was no
    	blood.  The midwife preferred not to do episiotomies, and the
    	placenta was delivered without it being ruptured at all.  Linda
    	had (as usual) a very brief delivery, so the kids didn't see
    	Mommy in much pain.
    
    	Joe Oppelt

    When Steven was born, Kat was 10.  We gave her the option of being
    with us during the birth, but she decided she didn't want to.
    
    When I was expecting David, I decided that I couldn't handle the
    extra hassle of worrying about where to put the two kids if
    something didn't go right.  And it turned out that labor took all
    day and David wasn't born until almost midnight -- if they had
    come, they'd have gotten bored etc. and it would have been a less
    than pleasant experience for everybody.   This wouldn't have been
    a problem for a home birth or if we had in-laws in the area to
    bring the kids when the moment was near.  
    
    The idea is nice, but make sure you've made some arrangements for
    someone to take care of the child[ren] if you have to be rushed in
    for an emergency c-section or if labor takes three times as long
    as you think it will. 
    
    --bonnie

    I think that by the time a child hits adolescents, witnessing
    childbirth would be OK, perhaps even beneficial.  A little dose of
    reality when it comes to sex education particularly if they are well
    informed and prepared for what will happen.  It's just that my children
    are preschool age, and I think that's a wee young yet.
    

    I was just reading about this very subject in What to Expect the
    First Year last night.   The opinion there was pretty much "NO"
    for young children in that it could be quite traumatic for them.
    The reasons stated were several....watching Mom in pain, distracting
    to Mom, potential for complications with labor or baby could change
    the "mood" dramatically and quickly and potentially cause "life-long"
    - I think they said that - problems for the siblings.   The
    recommendation was to have the children in the hospital and bring
    them in to meet the new family member immediately after delivery
    and cleanup!
    
    FWIW,
    Carol

    My 11 year-old (at the time) was there for her sister's birth.  We also
    opted for a home birth.  The midwive's 8 year-old and 4 year-ole were
    also there, as well as assorted friends and family.  No trauma, and we
    made things into a birthday party in a real sense.  Nine months later I
    was there with her kids for the birth of their younger sister, as well
    as my daughters.  
    
    	One BIG difference between home and hospital births, however, is
    that there is plenty of room, so that bored kids can stretch out, or
    head outside to play, whatever.  Also, there were enough other people
    there not directly involved in the birth to hit balloons with kids in
    the other rooms and just pop in to check.
    
    	I think it depends on attitude, and how easy or difficult your
    other births were, as well as how mature the child(ren) is/are.  I
    think it might be a lot more frightening in a high tech situation, than
    in a simpler, birthing center, or at home.
    
    	Meg 

    My doctor discussed this issue with me just before my second was born. 
    I really hadn't seriously considered having Elizabeth (a tad over 2 1/2
    at the time) attend the birth.  My doctor agreed.  She didn't feel kids
    should be in the delivery room 'till they're a little older (I think
    she mentioned 7).  
    
    As it turned out, my husband picked Elizabeth up from the sitter within
    an hour after the new baby was born.  Personally, I think that worked
    out fine.  
    
    FWIW,
    LZP
    

    I asked my daughter (6 at the time) if she wanted to be at the birth
    of our child. She was estatic. She already knew where babies come
    from(kids in Day care discussed this issue quite completely over
    lunch one day when she was about three they just didnt explore the
    question how the babies get there in the first place). She was read
    stories and saw a movie and heard stories about our friends births
    through the children who were present at them. 
    
    Angela was supervised by my mother who was absolutly awed at being
    asked to be at the birth. Mom took her to eat and to the park and 
    for walks and in general kept her entertained so I could just
    think"Open...Open...Open" I had back labor and was very uncomfortable 
    with it. Angela and Mom showed up when the Dr did and waited patiently
    Mom answered her questions or fielded them at a nurse or Dr who was
    not busy. Angela was so excited about the birth she wouldn't leave
    his (the baby's) side until he "christened" the nurse when they were
    weighting him. She laughed so loud I could hear her in my room(they
    were across the hall) She ran back to tell me then ran back to the
    nursery to watch them finish checking him out.
    
    The next birth I had both children at Grandmas and they did not arrive
    in time to see the birth They walked in when I was being stiched up.
    One of Devins first questions was "Why do you need iches Mommy".
    I could not understand the question. But he did learn alot about birth
    that day.I think it will benifit him. The desition of whether or not
    children should be in the birth room at the time of the birth should
    be up to the parents.(Not an issue desided by the Dr.)Once they say its 
    ok preparation for the birth is nessesary so that the child can
    chose to or not at the time of the birth. An Adult for each child would
    be the best way to go so that each could chose to stay or go and have
    a supporter with them to answer questions or play with them.
    janet
    
    Its not fun to have young children hanging around for the long labor
    part. I just want to be left alone and have lots of moving(walking)
    room and somone to press on my lower back when I say"NOW". 

    My last two deliveries have been in the middle of the day.  What has 
    worked great for us is to have grandparents baby sitting while mom is
    in labor.  As soon as the baby is born, grandparents (both sets) come
    immediately to the hospital.  The kids (and even better -  the
    grandparents) get to see the baby very early after birth.  My kids were
    with me within 20 minutes this time.  They "helped" give the baby his
    first bath, and watched Mom nurse for the first time.  Within an hour
    and a half, my three girls and grandparents all had held their new baby
    brother/grandson.
    
    As to the right age to witness the birth, I think it all depends on the
    maturity of the child.  3.5 is much too young!
    
    Donna

    My sister-in-law's brother's wife is expecting (get this) number 9!!!
    Their children range in age from about 2 to 19 and when a new little
    one is about to be born, the mid-wife comes to the house and all the
    kids gather 'round to watch.  This is one really wonderful family.
    All the kids are very close...

My son, almost 9yrs old, has expressed interest in being in the delivery
room when his new sibling is born.

My husband and I are talking about it, and trying to figure out how to come
to a decision.

Has anyone out there in "parenting land" had an older sibling in the
delivery room?

My son knows all the "mechanics" of pregnancy and birth, from a child's
perspective, but we've spoken alot, seen films on it ("Miracle of Life"),
etc. etc., and I feel he could gain alot by being there.  We just don't
know how he might handle it - seeing mommy experience pain mostly.

Any experiences out there to share on the subject?
We need to decide relatively soon - "Jr." is due July 14.

Thanx in advance for any/all feedback, shared experiences, suggestions.

-Caryn

    I had my daughter in September of last year and I thought about having
    my other three daughters (17, 14, and 11) in the delivery room with
    me.  I also was concerned how they would react to seeing me in alot of
    pain.  As it turned out they were with me through most of the labor
    (about 4 hours) however towards the end the 17 year old and the 14 year
    old chickeded out and decided to stay in the waiting room next door. 
    My 11 year old stayed till the contractions were coming every two
    minutes and I could tell she was starting to get upset and I wasn't 
    able to concentrate on my breathing and was losing control so I asked
    her if she wanted to leave and she quickly jumped at the chance.  She 
    joined her sisters in the waiting room but they all came in within five
    minutes after Katelyn's birth and were the first after her daddy to
    hold her.  I'm not sure what advice to give you.  You could play it
    by ear and see how he does.  Personally I feel that nine is a little
    young but some children do very well.  Mine just couldn't see me in 
    pain I quess.  I was told that if they were to stay in the room for 
    the whole thing they would have to have a coach of their own who 
    could take them out if they freaked.  
    
    Good luck with your labor and delivery!!
    
    Vickie
    
    

    Just my opinion, but think about the "what if" scenario.  What if you
    suddenly need a Csection, are you going to allow a 9 year old to
    witness that, or who would stay with him during it?  Or what if
    something goes wrong, and I know from personal experience it can, and
    the baby has a problem.  I'd say leave the child at home and after you,
    your husband and the new baby have had some private time to bond, then
    have someone bring you other child to the hospital. My feeling is that
    as important as involving the whole family in a birth is, you and your
    husband need some time together, just the three of you immediately
    after birth "to get acquainted"
    

    I read a pamphlet on this subject put out by my hospital. They
    recommend that there be a special companion for any child attending
    a birth, sort of a "labor coach" for that child. This person should
    ideally not have any other tasks during the birth, and should be
    someone the child is very comfortable with. This way, if the child
    changes her/his mind, or if an emergency arises like Lyn mentioned,
    there's someone to take care of the child.
    
    Even with this advice, I plan to leave my son (3.5) at home with his 
    grandparents when the time comes. I think it might be too distracting
    for *me* to have him there.
    
    Lucy

    Lolita was there to witness Carrie's birth at home, as were a couple of
    the midwifes kids.  The question you need to ask yourself is how well
    you do with labor and delivery.  I have been to several homebirths with
    other children present, and have not seen any problems with the kids
    handling births.  There are usually family members and/or friends who
    can manage the small one's should there be a problem.  The children ask
    lots of questions that an extra person, who is familiar with a normal
    birth needs to answer, but they seem to take the whole thing in stride
    much better than alot of adults do.  Kids aren't looking for anything
    that might be wrong, they are watching a process that involves a new
    sibling being born.  Since complications aren't on their minds they
    don't seem to have the fear that grownups do.  
    
    This is a choice that is up to you and I don't see a right or wrong way
    to make it.  If you like the idea of an opportunity for your entire
    family to bond with the new baby, and expect no serious problems, I'd
    say go for it.  It sounds like you have done a good job of prep work
    with you 9-year-old.  If you have a steady adult friend or relative
    besides you and your SO that is willing to be prepped and be with your
    son, so much the better.  
    
    Meg