Conference moira::parenting_v3

    Just keep reminding her when it happens, and quickly offer a substitute
    for her to gnaw on. Ryan gnawed on a rubber hand and foot (Playskool, I
    think) for months.  Or give her a popsicle.
    

    Dotti,
    
    She'll stop.  Just keep doing what you're doing.  Some things can
    take even more weeks to get it across and REMEMBERED.  I use the
    rubber hand and foot too, just as Lynn (.-1).  They're good and 
    squishy.  
    
    Anna
    

    Eric (10 months) just bit me the other day BECAUSE HE GOT MAD AT ME.
    I was shocked.  He has 2 bottom and 3 top teeth so he's been 
    practicing with them.  The other day I was reading the paper and
    he bit my knee so I said in a stern voice something like, "Eric,
    don't bite".  Then I went back to reading and he kind of yelled/
    growled/whatever, opened his mouth wide and dive bombed my other 
    knee.  I just told him the same thing.  I figure that's the only
    way he'll eventually understand.  I just couldn't believe he, a
    little 10 month old baby, would do something like that out of anger.
    Like JA, I think Eric wanted my attention.  Now I laugh when I think
    of the incident.  
    
    Donna
    
    

    Part of the problem is that those first incisors are real sharp when
    they first emerge.  Let her chew for awhile on some sandpaper or a nice
    grinding stone :-^)-  They will also dull-off fairly fast on their own. 
    Biting you doesn't hurt _her_, so she has no idea that it might be
    hurting _you_.  It will take awhile for her to learn that.
    
    		- Bruce

    I'm looking forward to the replies & suggestions to the base note.
    We're having the same problem with Nicholas (4 uppers/2 lowers @ 8
    months), although almost of his biting is directed at my wife.  He'll
    be cuddling in Kathy's arms, squirming and playing, when out of the blue
    he'll lunge at her face with an open mouth and bite her cheek. Kathy
    will promptly scold him and put him down, but he just looks at her and
    laughs, thinking it's some sort of game. When I play with him, or if
    he's at daycare, he either doesn't bite at all, or will stop when
    scolded on the first attempt.
    
    In addition to the biting itself, my wife and I are concerned and 
    puzzled about these two things: 
    
    		Why does he seem to feel it's o.k. to bite mommy?
		Why does he laugh when she scolds him?
    
    Freddie

    When Robby was 9-12 months old, he still didn't have any teeth! :-)
    
    
    But seriously, when his came in, he did the exact same thing.  Once he
    toddled up to me in the kitchen when I was washing dished.  He grabbed
    me around the back of the legs, (*I* thought I was getting a
    spontaneous hug from the little guy) and he bit me with all his might
    in the fleshy part of the upper thigh, right where is becomes your bum.
    Nothing I have ever done (or had done to me) hurt so badlY!
    
    
    After I recovered, I called good ole mom.  What she did when I was
    little (and biting) was to say NO in a terrible firm voice, but she
    also took ahold of my face between her index finger and thumb, and
    short of squeezed my cheeks together around my mouth.  Not really hard,
    mind you, just enough to get my mouth sort of in her had.  THis way I
    knew where the offending part was (much like tapping a childs had when
    they hit...)  This worked well with Robby,  I had to identify what he
    was doing wrong.
    
    
    (I guess I was really small, and one day I walked up to my mother.  She
    was sitting at the kitchen table, with her legs under the table.  She
    had shorts on.  I took a heathy chunk out of her inner thigh.  She said
    I almost didn't make it to my first birthday!!!!)

    Our 10 month old boy Adam has been biting with his 4 teeth for about 2
    months now. At first he was only biting me. I would be holding him and
    he would suddenly lunge at me and attack my shoulder. My wife never saw
    him do it, and when I told her about it, she thought it was cute!. One
    night she noticed these 4 little red marks on my shoulder and 4 more
    around my collar-bone. She asked what happened to me. I told her that
    that is where Adam has been biting me (little sucker drew blood several
    times). Now she doesn't think its so cute since he started to bite
    her!!!. We found that if he starts to attack us, we can quickly
    substitute a teething ring for our body parts and save much pain!!!
    Now he has progressed to chins, fingers, feet, and even breasts!.
    Sometimes when our 5 year old is ignoring Adam, he will attack Matthew.
    We all have bit marks all over our bodies. At first we thought he was
    just teeting but now we're not so sure.
    
    -Scott

Dottie, as usual, your timing is perfect.  Cory's been biting for the last 4 
weeks.  We've been sternly telling him not to bite and giving him something
acceptable to chew on.

It's getting better.  Sometimes he blows raspberries on my skin instead of
biting.  My problem is that I can't tell what his intentions are and I end
up pulling away from him before he can make contact.  Poor child, I'm
probably causing him to have some sort of complex 8-).


- Terry

    Chelsea has on the past couple of weeks (she is 7 months now) starting
    biting us, and since she now has 5 teeth it has become very painful.
     We are trying to teach her to kiss people, but often what we get
    is a bite on the cheek instead.
    
    What can we do to get her to not bite people?
    
    Mark
    

The best thing to do is not make a big deal out of it. With our son, as
soon as the teeth broken through the gum he realized they could be used
as a punative measure.  With us, we saw biting coming from two
different motivations. In the one case, he was "playing" in the other
we were doing something that made him angry.  When he bit us playing
we'd just ignore him -- remove his teeth from our appendages and act
like nothing happened.  He got bored with it after a while, we healed
after a while, it's all in the past.

In the case of us doing something that got him angry, we had to
evaluate what was going on. If we wanted to hold him and he didn't want
to be held, we'd bow to his wishes.  If we were stopping him from doing
something dangerous and he didn't like it, we rearranged our grip to
avoid the teeth and held our ground. Again, he got over the biting when
he developed other means of communication like falling onto his back,
kicking his feet and screaming, and later, language.

I'm pretty sure it's important not to react to the biting itself,
otherwise it becomes a "handle" that the kid can pull you by.  But
there's no denying that it can hurt *a lot* and is hard to ignore.

                                        >>>==>PStJTT

    
    I entered a note when JA was doing this ... I think she was 7-8 months
    at the time, too.
    
    I got some good advice, so you might want to search for the note
    (HPSCAD::DJENSEN).
    
    JA "bit" up until a month ago (when she turned a year).  CURE: the
    sitter's kid took the law into HER hands and BIT BACK!  Good and hard!
    Now the sitter's kid got repremanded for biting and my kid was proud of
    these indentations in her three knuckles ... and it worked!  Not that I
    endorse it as a solution, but I'm kind of glad Elizabeth did it,
    because it's the only thing that finally cured JA.
    
    JA usually "bit" to:
    	.  get attention
    	.  get her way
    	.  or in defense
    
    Since she's a small, lightweight and Elizabeth is a powerful,
    heavyweight ... JA was using her teeth to lessen her "weight and
    strength handicap".  It worked (for a while!).  So JA has stopped
    biting now ... AND now resorts to: pushing, triping, hiting, grab
    their clothes ...
    and if all else fails, jump on their back and knock 'em down!!
    
    So,
    it, too, will pass with time ... and be replaced with another "trick"
    (quickened by another kid's bite!)
    
    Dottie
    

I always thought babies starting biting as a natural part of their development
as their teeth started to come through. That's the way we saw it with our son,
David. We just gave him "teethers" to bite on and no problems since. For us,
it was just the same as sticking a finger up your nose or pulling your hair,
he is exploring his new world using various parts of his body. Lastly, I
certainly would not pretend something that hurt didn't. How's the kid supposed
to learn?

Dave.

The question is not how the kid is supposed to learn, but what is the
kid supposed to learn?  At the young ages we're talking about it's
pointless to expect them to have abstract concepts like "things I do
might hurt someone else."  What will happen if they bite you and you
react either positively or negatively is that they learn "If I bite,
something unusual happens and I get attention."  So when they want
attention, or they're bored and looking for something to liven up the
day, they have biting in their repertoire.  Kids have a small enough
bag of attention-getting devices that biting should surface on a
regular basis and then you have to try and fight it with negative
feedback which is hard on all parties.

If biting gets no more attention than other touching, then it falls
into a much larger group of actions and is less likely to pop up at any
given time. (Especially since biting is less gratifying to a baby than
grasping or sucking.)

Later, when the kid has the ability to handle the concept, they'll
learn about hurting others.  At the age when teeth are first coming in,
trying to teach that concept is like the old saw about "trying to teach
a pig to sing."

re.4:

Does a baby have to understand a abstract concept to alter behaviour?
I "assumed" he changed because he prefered smiles, laughter, and praise to 
sad looks, crying, and stern voices.

Our son stops doing things we complain about, he usually follows any such 
event with either a cuddle or an attempt to involve us in play by handing
us an object or pointing or perhaps doing something he knows makes us 
laugh. He exhibits other socialble behaviour as well, such as yesterday 
when he fed a biscuit he was given to a younger baby, holding it 
until the baby had finished! 

I'd like to think he has learned this from us. I am certainly not convinced
that a child will stop biting, when teething, if you ignore them but 
different things work for different people, don't they?

Dave.

    My 10 month old son began biting in retaliation, or defense, about 4
    months ago.  He bites the babysitter's little boy, who is also the same
    age.  The reason he bites is because he and Alex are usually struggling
    over the same toy.  If both of them have both hands on the toy, how
    does he get leverage?  BITE!  That way, he doesn't have to loosen his grip
    on the toy!  He does learn when he hears a loud voice "DAVID! STOP
    THAT!", he removes his teeth from Alex's arm, hand, leg, head (that's a
    tough one, but he usually goes for his head because it's usually bowed
    in his direction), then looks for something else to play with. At this
    stage, intervention seems to be the only thing that works until he can
    understand language a little better.  
    

    
        
    Hi, my son Alexander will be 15 months old on Feb. 4th and has just
    started bitting last week, mostly just me.  I don't know if he picked
    this up from one of the kids at daycare or if he just started it
    himself.
    
    My question is how do you break a kid of bitting.  I have told him no
    and tried to tell him not to bit mommy but he just sits there and
    laughs at me.
    
    He has an appt with his pedi on the 8th of Feb for his 15 month checkup
    so I will be asking him this same question. on how to stop him from
    bitting.
    
    I read through this note before I entered my reply and didn't find
    anything that might help me, any help will be appreciated.
    
    
    Thanks,
    
    Liz

                                 

    First, it's a completely normal stage, so don't be concerned about
    that.  I think it's one of the first times that they realize that they
    have the power to hurt you.  The danger is if he breaks skin, cuz then
    someone will end up at the Dr.s
    
    When Christopher first went through this, he was biting HARD, and at
    the time my motto was along the lines of 'A tooth for a tooth', and I
    bit him back.  The second time he did it, I bit him harder.  I don't
    think there was a 3rd time.
    
    By the time Jason was born, all this "You're damaging your child's
    delicate pysche", and "Timeouts work better" stuff had gotten the
    better of me.  Guilt rained down, and rather than bite him back, he
    'suffered' a timeout (which was quite all right with him).  After a
    week, the biting got worse instead of better, I bit back.  It took
    about a week of biting/biting back, but he got the idea and stopped.  I
    think the longer it goes on, the harder it is to stop.
    
    I know a kid whose mother thought he'd just grow out of it and chose to
    ignore it.  A year later he was biting anyone he could, and broke skin
    a few times, and they had resorted to beating him and biting him back
    to the point of leaving marks .... obviously much worse for everyone!!
    
    My advice - Bite back and make a *BIG* deal about how bad it is.
    GOOD LUCK!!!  I know how much those little teeth hurt!
    

    Well, I will not join the Bite 'em back/NEVER Bite 'em back fight.
    I will offer an alternative that is a bit more stiff than time out, but
    falls short of biting back.
    
    Ages ago, when Robby bit me, I realized that I had to isolate the area
    of his body that I wanted him to focus on, namely his mouth.  Now, you
    can't very well crack a toddler across the chops (although that first
    time he took a large chunk out of the *very* top of the back of my
    thigh I certainly *WANTED* to).  So what I chose to do was to turn to
    him INSTANTLY and get ahold of his mouth, thumb on one cheek, near the
    lips, forefinger on the other side.  Sort of like playing "Fish Mouth".
    Once I had ahold, I squeezed his cheeks together fairly firmly, enough
    to insure my grip, and to get his attention.  Then, in my most serious,
    firm voice, I said
    
    	NO!  DO NOT BITE PEOPLE.  
    
    All the while hanging onto his face.  For this to work, you do need to
    have a firm grip (yes, I am sure it does hurt a bit), and a stern/angry
    voice.  I had to grab him three times to ensure that it stopped
    happening.
    
    Now, as a 4.5 year old, he is sometimes unacceptable verbally
    aggressive.  I employ the same "Grab the lips" technique to challenge
    this behavior.
    
    Your mileage may vary/.

    A very timely topic...  My daughter (also 15 months) is a biter
    too.  I've tried holding her little face in my hands and speaking
    very firmly to her, but it hasn't worked so far.  It's mostly me
    that she bites, but sometimes my husband and my father.  I know
    she hasn't picked this up at daycare, so I'm inclined to believe
    that this is something that they just learn on their own.  She'll
    bite me under any circumstances (while we're cuddling or while I'm
    cooking dinner) and anywhere she can sink those sharp little teeth
    into.  Yesterday I was home sick and she bit me (hard) on the shoulder.
    I told myself in the past that biting back wasn't the answer, but I
    finally did it.  I didn't do it particularly hard, and I did it on her
    hand so she could see me doing it.  Well, she bawled her eyes out,
    composed herself, barked at me, and to retaliate, bit me even harder
    on the chest!  She hasn't bitten me since, however, but I don't believe
    the problem is over.  I'm going to try what -1 said if she does it
    again.  She's normally such a wonderful child and I don't really think
    her biting is intended to be malicious (although the last bite on the
    chest *was*) so it's really confusing for her to see me get angry
    with her.  Perhaps the biting is a sign of affection from little ones?
    After all, they only bite the ones they love.
    
    - Kathryn
    

    Let me clarify my method.
    
    I do not mean that you should cradle their face.
    
    I mean touch the insides of thier cheeks together inside the mouth!!!
    (Okay, so not quite *that* hard, but you get my drift).
    And do it with lightning speed.
    
    Good luck!
    
    Sue

    My husband is a truck driver and is gone for extended periods of time. 
    He came home this past Tuesday after 8 weeks on the road.  Our son,
    Stephen is now 10 months old and just loves the time he spends with his
    dad.  
    
    The thing is that since his dad has been home, he will play with him 
    and then come over to me and bite me, then go back over and play with 
    dad again.  He has never done this before and I am not sure what to do 
    about it.  When he bites me, it feels like I have been suck with knives it
    hurts so bad. He had me in tears last night when he bit me on the shoulder. 
    
    When it comes to him being tired though, he wants to be held by me and
    not his dad.  He is very loving to me at this point, but this biting
    stuff has got to end.  I have bruises on my arms and shoulders from him
    biting me.  He never has bit his dad.
    
    Any suggestion, ideas on what to do?
    
    Kathy

    There's lots of replies in this note about biting ....
    
    We always bit back, thus only was ever bitten a few times.  Usually on
    their forearm.  I honestly believe they don't realize how much it
    hurts, and as soon as they figure that out, they're quick to stop.  My
    guess is it's just a coincidence that this 'phase' happened when Dad
    was home.
    
    Good Luck - I remember how sharp those little chompers are!!
    

Michael also started biting at about the same age.  We didn't bite him 
back, because it seemed we would just be validating his actions.  We just 
immediately scowled and said harshly "Don't bite me!" whenever we thought 
he was about to do it.  He soon learned what that phrase meant, and the 
behavior soon abated.  He still sometimes thinks about it, but if you can 
catch him just before he does it and issue a very strong warning, he'll 
stop.

Good luck!

Steve

I have a slightly different problem.

My 15 month old son is constantly getting bitten at daycare by the other
children. It is against this center's policy to disclose the names of the 
children that bite, but they assure me that it is not always the same child 
that is biting my son. Although, I have been told that there may be one 
child that causes more trouble than the others.

I am very concerned by the frequency and the severity of the bites that my
son has received. I have spoken to the director of the facility a couple of 
times regarding this problem, and she is open to suggestions. She says that 
in all her years running this center she has never had such a terrible biting 
problem.

It seems that the biting occurs during different situations. Sometimes it 
appears that it is almost a showing of affection - like a handshake ("OH, 
there's so-and-so, I think I'll just walk over there and give him a nice big
chomp!"). Sometimes it's more aggressive. Whichever situation, as you probably
know, this is not something that you can predict - it just happens.

I researched daycare providers for a year before choosing this particular 
center and have been very happy with the quality of care that my son has 
received for the past year. I do not want to just withdraw my son from 
this center, I would prefer to offer suggestions to eliminate the problem.

Have your daycare centers found creative, effective methods for dealing with 
this type of problem. 

(Please don't suggest biting these children - I'm sure the Office for Children 
would not encourage that kind of behavior)!

Thanks!

Alison

    It's too bad your child isn't old enough to tell you who is 
    doing the dirty deed.  When our daughter was about 4, she
    came home several nights with her toe and fingernails bitten
    off.  I asked her each time I noticed, how it happened (she
    didn't bite her nails then, does now...).  Each time, she 
    told me, Melissa did it.  Melissa was a mischievious little
    girl at pre-school who was quite capable of performing such
    bizarre acts.  She would do it at nap time when my daughter
    was resting or sleeping.  I spoke to the school director and 
    she agreed it was probably Mel but just couldn't catch her 
    "in the act".
    
    I told my daughter to ask Mel to ,please not bite her nails
    anymore, but that didn't work.  One day I finally had had 
    enough.  I arrived at school to pick Amber up and she was 
    playing with Melissa.  I walked over to Mel and asked her if 
    she was biting Amber's nails, she said, "no".  I then turned
    to Amber and asked if Mel was biting her nails, she of course, 
    said "yes". I then turned to Mel again and asked her to please 
    stop biting nails and she agreed and it never happened again.  
    
    I find talking kinding to children, at their level (crouch down
    to talk to them) really goes a long way to solving little
    problems like this.
    
    Jodi-
    

    In our previous daycare, there was 1 little boy who bit.  Everyone.
    We thought that eventually he'd outgrow it, but after 4+mos of my boys
    coming home with nasty bite marks, we had to remove them (we were also
    displeased with the sitter anyway).
    
    The ONLY luck that we had, which was minimal, and was only when we and
    the boys were at the end of our ropes, was we told told Chris (then 4)
    if J.R. bit him again, to smack him.  If nothing else, it sure made Chris
    feel better.  *OBVIOUSLY* I don't normally condone this, but there was
    simply NO controlling that boy, and they tried everything from quiet
    conversation to borderline-abuse.
    
    Good Luck!

    RE:.23
    
    Steve - We tried the scolding technique and it worked!  It took a few
    weeks, but he doesn't bite me anymore.  Now when he comes up to me, I 
    get a smile then he will kiss me and gently pat the place he kissed.   
    
    Thanks.
    
    Kathy

    I have a five-year old, Maresa, who has come home the last two Fridays  
    with a rather large bite from another five-year old, Michele.  One time
    the bite was completely unprovoked; the second time, Maresa was trying
    to fix Michele's slip under her dress, and pulled the dress up to fix
    the slip.  Michele got mad and bit Maresa.
    
    The bites have been almost identical, in the same place, on the left arm. 
    The second one nearly drew blood.  When I walked into the center to
    pick up Maresa last Friday, I nearly turned white.  I was extremely
    upset, and did not know that the other mother that had come in at the
    same time was Michele's mom.
    
    After meeting her, I suggested that she bite Michele back; it worked
    for me -- when Maresa was _two_, and I only had to do it once.  I also
    found out that the mom is a single mom (like me), going to school
    nights (like me).  I suggested as nicely as I could that it could be an
    attention-getting thing.  She agreed, and told me that her counselor
    agreed also.  It seems that the mom and Michele are both in counseling
    -- I didn't ask for details -- but the mom is recently divorced and is
    now engaged to be married.  Sounds to me like there might be some
    lack-of-attention problem with the mom and Michele.
    
    I have told Maresa to keep away from Michele no matter what.  I hate to
    do that, because, on her own, Maresa went over to Michele after I had
    talked with her mother, gave her a hug, and said, "You can still be my
    friend, but don't bite me anymore."  Michele just stood there with
    absolutely no expression whatsoever.
    
    I'm giving that background, because here's my concern:
    
    What if, the next time Michele bites, she draws blood?  I have
    mentioned to the teacher that if it happens, regardless of the reason,
    I will do whatever is necessary to get Michele tested for AIDS.  Every
    mother's daycare horror, I guess.  I have already talked with the
    director, and Michele's biting will not be tolerated much longer.  She
    will be asked to leave the center, since Maresa is not the only child
    she has bitten.  Maybe the third time's the clincher, but I don't want
    my daughter to suffer for it.
    
    Opinions, anyone?
    
    Catherine
    

Re: .28

Get some information on how AIDS is spread.  Biting isn't a high risk
method unless the biter in question is bleeding into the wound at the same time.

Any particular reason for fearing AIDS over anything else?

>>>==>PStJTT

    No particular reason...I know that all of the kids have to have their
    shots before being allowed into the school.  Maresa hasn't missed a day
    of school in three years, so I'm not too worried about other stuff.
    
    I guess I'm tired of hearing all the freak AIDS stories (dentists,
    kids, etc.).  I read somewhere a few days ago that before you know it,
    AIDS'll be spread by looking at someone who has it (joke, but no joke). 
    It's not a laughing matter.  Just concern from a single mom's point of
    view.
    
    Catherine
    

Catherine, please don't worry about AIDS.  Neither of the children are
in a high risk category, don't do IV drugs and I would assume that at age
5 they haven't had sex with any men.  I'm not trying to make light of your
concerns; I think every parent is concerned about their child's health
and safety.  What I am trying to tell you is that your worry is going to
be more of a problem than the size of the risk.

Back in 1983 I met my first AIDS victims.  I hugged them, I shook hands with
them, and then I went to the house of one and ate food that he had prepared
AND TASTED before serving to me.  I was terribly frightened back then, not much
was known about the disease, and I wasn't sure if I could trust what was 
known - kind of like you right now.  But I lived.

Since then I have met many people with AIDS.  I have lost many former dance
partners and church brothers.  I have continued to hug them and love my friends,
and I have allowed my 3 year old son to be around them.

It is true that blood is an avenue that is dangerous, but the blood that you
have been talking about is only your daughter's blood.  If both girls were
bleeding, then there would be more possibility of transmission of the 
disease.  However, saliva is not high risk, even if your daughter was bitten by
a person who really did have AIDS. 

Most importantly, Catherine, the little girl's chances of having AIDS are
so incredibly slim, and the chance of her passing it on through a bite are
terribly slim, too.  Your worry may actually cause far more problems to the
children than anything that you are worried about. 

Deal with the biting, because biting is painful, but don't let your fears
take over on this, please.

      Carol

>                                           Neither of the children are
>in a high risk category, don't do IV drugs and I would assume that at age
>5 they haven't had sex with any men.

My understanding is that most children with AIDS are babies who got it
in utero -- their mothers were IV drug users or sex partners of IV drug
users or bisexual men.

AIDS babies generally die long before they reach 5.

    re .24, in our daycare situation ANY injury, whether is a cut, serious
    abrasion, broken bone or EVEN a bite is reported by the teacher to the
    parent IN Writing!, there is a section on the form for how the injury
    happened, what the teacher did for first aid, and a section for the
    parent to take to the doctor for him to fill out, explaining what
    further treatment was given (stitches, tetnus shot etc.), and should be
    returned to the teacher.  A copy of this report is also placed in the
    child's permanent record at daycare. I think your daycare has the
    obligation to let you know with whom your child is having difficulties,
    just so you can track if its one child in particular or several.
    
    We had an incident a few months ago where AJ was bitten by a child, it
    didn't break the skin but left a bruise, he had apparently tried to hug
    a child and the child was frightened and reacted the only way he knew
    how, by biting.  I agree my child was wrong here, but both children's
    parents were informed of the incident using this form.
    
    As an EMT, we use a form called "unprotected exposure form", which has
    been designed by our fine Commonwealth, to be used in the case of a
    patient who gets "bodily fluids" on the EMT. This form is kept on
    record at our headquarters and a copy given to the hospital who has the
    option to see if the patient should be tested for various communicably
    diseases, if he/she meets "the profile", the hospital will subsequently
    send the EMT a letter stating that either "your recent patient" ( a
    name is never disclosed) either tested negative, didn't meet the
    profile, or that we should come to the hospital to be tested ourselves. 
    Bodily fluids can be blood, saliva, urine, feces.  Recently I had a 
    patient who attempted to bite me above the wrist line, I was wearing 
    rubber gloves, but it was just above my wrist watch.  And asked both my 
    director and the receiving hospital if I should fill out one of these 
    forms.  Both of which said not necessary since he hadn't broken the skin.
    The patient was intoxicated and had a questionable drug history.  I did 
    however wash it thoughouly several times with disinfectant and alcohol
    and document it on the run report.
    
    Saliva CAN transmit the AIDS virus. but AIDS can only live a few
    minutes outside of the body.  Hepatitis, however CAN live quite a long
    time outside of the body,as can several other diseases and some can 
    be as deadly.
    IMO, don't point to AIDS in every case, there are other serious
    illnesses out there besides HIV!
    
    Lyn

    I couldn't have found this notesfile any timelier.  My two-year-old was
    being threatened with expulsion from his daycare for biting.  He bit
    indiscriminantly but usually as a defense mechanism.  He even got to
    the point where he would warn the offending child before taking aim. 
    My husband and I got to the point where we were both afraid to pick him
    up from daycare and have to face the music as to who our child bit that
    day.  And heaven forbid, if we ran into the victim's parent.
    
    I checked out all my baby books to see what the expects had to say.  I
    checked out some additional books in a bookstore under the childcare
    section and promptly decided to not buy any of them.  One book (sorry,
    I don't remember the title or the author) suggested that when my son
    bit, the caregiver take his hands and repeat 20 times along with him
    that there is no biting (Yeah, I can see that one working!).  Another
    one that I thought was pretty good, suggested that (depending on the
    situation--daycare or at home) the caregiver focus all of his/her
    attention on the hurt child while ignoring the offender.  I think a
    home environment would be better in this case--too much is going on in
    daycare.
    
    I got pretty frustrated and asked anyone for their suggestions.  I
    finally asked my pediatrician.  The scoop on why two-year-olds bite and
    keep biting after they've been told not to, bitten back, slapped, sat a
    hundred hours in time-outs is because they do not have the ability to
    reason and generalize.  They also bite out of an emotional
    need--frustration, fear, anger, or excitement.  Yes, they hear the 
    tone in your voice and understand that you are angry.  They can even 
    repeat that the rule is "no biting".  Then, they turn around and bite 
    again.
    
    My doctor suggested that I tell my child not to bite "Johnny"; that he
    will understand not to bite him.  But that I'd probably have to tell
    him not to bite each child in succession of their names after that.  He
    also told me to be patient and that it could take a couple of weeks or
    more before the cannibal had mended his ways.
    
    Another thing to consider is how the daycare provider is handling the
    disciplining of the biting child.  I discovered (through no fault of
    theirs) that we weren't being consistent.  My son did not bite anyone
    at home and reserved the canines for his young victims at daycare.  I
    couldn't understand why he would bite at daycare and not at home.  The
    answer was that he didn't get the chance to bite anyone at home--we
    were able to intervene before he chomped down.  But with daycare, there
    is usually a lot going on that would focus the teacher's attention to
    something else.  They usually use avoidance, deterrent methods, but if
    they don't get there in time to intervene, the damage is done.
    
    The bottom line is that the daycare center and my husband and myself
    got together on a plan of discipline.  We were consistent in
    administering the directives.  Then, luckily for the other children,
    we went on vacation.  That may or may not have had anything to do with
    it bu my son has not bitten another child since.  And payback is always 
    a bi*ch! he got bit yesterday by another child.  He now fully understands 
    that biting is not nice and that it hurts.
    
    For parents of all children:  your child may not ever be a biter,
    but almost assuredly your child will be a victim.  If you find your
    child is being bitten by another child, either a one-time only deal or
    all the time, work with your daycare provider to find out what they're
    doing to help the situation.  Offer your own suggestions if you think 
    that would work.  I think it's important to know that biting is just
    something most kids go through and it doesn't mean you're an awful
    parent if your little innocent becomes the daycare terror!  

    I'm putting this note in for my babysitter.  She currently cares for a
    2 year old that loves to sink his teeth into her 2.5 year old daughter.
    To date Justin has bitten Michelle 14 times, not including this
    mornings nibble on another child.  Thankfully, he hasn't bitten my to
    children YET.
    
    The condition is out of hand and my sitter is at the end of her ROPE.
    Her daughter has been bitten to the point of leaving bruises and has
    drawn blood on five occassions.  She hastried everything (except biting 
    back) time out, scolding, and the "corner".  She has discussed it with 
    the mother, but the problem continues.  Justin hits,slaps and pinches 
    and biting seems to be his last means of getting what he wants from the 
    other children.  It doesn't help that Justin's dad approves of Justin 
    hitting when someone else hits him.  He's an only child but has been 
    with the babysitter since he was a baby, so it's not like he's not use 
    to sharing.
    
    Any suggestions, any or all are welcome.
    
    Carole

    
    Carole,
    
    I read an article on biting in either Working Mother or Parents
    a couple of months ago that gave me a new idea for handling 
    biting.  It stressed that toddler biting was often for attention;
    not necessarily out of aggression (tho Justin's case may be a 
    bit different).  The article stated that whenever the child bit;
    he should be removed from the situation and ALL of the attention
    (hugs, kisses, etc.) should be given to the child that was bitten.
    
    Also, as with case with most discipline, it is imperative that the
    daycare and the parents use the same methods under all circumstances.
    The child needs to know that the response to undesirable behaviour
    will be consistent.
    
    My son was the bitee about six months ago.  (I took about 3 months
    for the teeth marks to fade on his arms).   We had a conference with
    ourselves, the biter's parents, and our homecare provider and the
    biting was stopped within a day!
    
    Good luck,
    Carol

    I notice my son David (20 months) has been reaching out to bite lately.  
    He does it when he is so entirely frustrated that he can't figure out
    what else to do.  Usually it occurs after he has been reprimanded for
    hitting.  He seems to remember that he can't hit, but he's also so
    wound up that he needs to vent somehow.  He has his little hands tight
    to his body, so that he doesn't hit, and leans over with his mouth wide
    open to the child, dog, or adult who is ruining his fun. I try to 
    intervene BEFORE it escalates to that point, but I imagine with more 
    than two kids it's nearly impossible to watch them for the clues.  If 
    she can pinpoint the "reason" he bites, maybe she can work on a
    solution. I know why it's called the "terrible two's".  It's not
    terrible for ME, it's terrible for HIM to try to communicate his
    feelings without sufficient command of speech!
    Sarah
     

Juli was a "biter" ... oh, there were lots of excuses for her behavior, but
the bottom line is: IT WAS NOT ACCEPTIBLE!

We, too, were at wit's end.  We, too, tried all the recommended solutions
"except" biting back.

The only solution which finally did work (and we did not advocate it!) was
when Elizabeth landed a "bigger, better bit" into Juli!  Juli NEVER bit
again!!!!!

Dottie

PS:  Thanks, Elizabeth!

    We are having a problem with our daughter who is 17 months old.  She
    has been biting off and on much like the description of the boy in .37. 
    She bites when she is very frustrated, her hands are tight to her body 
    and her mouth is wide open.  She will bite anyone and anything.
    
    Lately we have found that if she can't bite something she becomes
    frantic and she will bite herself.  She bites hard and it seems to hurt 
    tho she may or may not cry but she still does it.  You would think that she
    would learn but she hasn't yet.  Has anyone else's child done this?  what 
    did you do about it?  how did you stop it?
    
    I have a call into the pediatrician but thought I would ask this
    audience for advice.
    
    Lauren 
    
    

    I don't know the answer, but I did it myself for years...parents tried
    everything, including a cast to keep my arm out of my mouth, acrid
    solutions on my arm (I always bit the same spot).  It finally stopped
    when I was about 5, but I can still remember the movement and the
    heartache.  
    
    Thus, my advice is to stop the behavior early!  My son bit his arm the
    other day, frightened me badly, but I pried him loose and asked him not
    to do that any more (Nathan's 21 months).  I look forward to the
    replies...
    
    Adrienne