Conference moira::parenting

My biggest suggestion is to listen.  For example,
when you are changing one kid's diaper, ask him
simple questions and wait a long, long time for
the answer.  Get eye contact before you ask, so
he knows he's in a conversation.

Suggests on questions - does he want this
diaper, or that one?  Does he want to hold toy xxx
or toy yyy (don't show them, don't let him point)?

Using language is practise, so give them lots
of practise at using it.  Ask them questions at
dinner, and pretend their jibberish answers make
sense even if they don't.  There will be times that
it really *is* an answer, but you just don't
understand the pronunceation.


I've also heard of teaching specific words to kids
who need some language skills, and then expecting
them to use them.  One example, teach them the word
cup, and then expect them to tell you "juice cup" or
"cup juice".  (Like they ask for "juice", and you say
"what should I put it in?")

Pat

I believe it's not unusual for twins to lag in language development.

    Well this is a note after my own heart....thanks for starting it.
    
    Chelsea is 21 months old and she is very much at the same pace as your
    twins.  I don't think that it's a matter of lagging for any of them.
    I have had more conversations with my pedi then I could count.  She
    constantly reassures me that Chelsea is doing just fine and before I
    know it, I will be wondering when she is going to stop talking.
    
    My pedi's main concern was how much Chelsea understands.  Well this
    was a plus, because I feel that she is very advanced in comprehension
    of commands and follow thru.  
    
    Now Chelsea is not at all what you would consider quite or non-verbal.
    In fact she does alot of talking, we call her "Cousin It" from the
    Adams Family!  Even though she is talking a mile a minute and most of
    it is completely Alien to me, I always participate in her
    conversations.  We read many books and she can point out over 20 
    different animals on a page...just won't mimic back to me what they are
    or the sounds they make.
    
    I think we are up to ten words that can be completely understood and
    about five that are almost there.  The list is:
    
    Mommy, Daddy, Up, Wow, Hi, Teeth, Shoe, Eye, Uh-oh, Go, and of course
    NO!
    
    I'm not going to say that sometimes it doesn't bother me that she is
    not saying more words, but I try and not compare to where my friends
    children are at...like when they tell me that their 21 month old is
    saying 200 words plus.  All babies & toddlers are unique and develop
    at their own pace.  My pedi always pushes into my brain that some 
    babies/toddlers are ahead in their motor skills...some in their
    language skills...all-in-all, by the time most of them reach five it
    all washes.
    
    What makes me smile is I adore listening to Chelsea babble away at me.
    I know that there will be a time when she is talking quite clearly and
    I'm truly going to miss this wonder stage of alien expression!
    
    I also laugh to myself when I think back about the time that....I
    worried about when she was going to sit up on her own....she did; I worried
    about when she was going to crawl...she did; I worried about her
    walking...she runs; I thought getting her off the bottle and pacifier
    was going to be a nightmare...it wasn't.  Guess I shed a lot of
    worries...maybe it's just a first time parent thing, but it makes me
    laugh about it now.
    
    Sorry I got to rambling, but I've been wanting to put a note in on this
    subject for weeks and haven't gotten a chance to.  I'll look forward to
    other responses on this subject to hear your experiences.
    
    ..Lori
    
    
    

Good suggestions in .1 on listening and presenting choices, etc.
You can also add to their learning by giving them a "context" for words
in their world. Sort of like using new words in a sentence, but giving
them several (short) sentences, repeating the key word several times -
almost in a story form. Something like "Here's the book about ducks."
"See the pictures in the BOOK?", "Let's turn the pages in the BOOK.",
"Now the BOOK is open; now the BOOK is closed!" [make it a game], "BOOKs
are fun to read."  Now, you've given some examples of what a book
is and used other words relevant to the subject to tie it all together -
will help reinforce word association as their vocabulary grows.

At times, I felt like a walking verbal dictionary, identifying things and
describing their uses in many ways - but trying to keep it simple *and*
interesting. Also, like others mentioned, I tried to treat my son as if
he knew the words even before he said them (which is of course the case
since they UNDERSTAND so much before they speak), which I think respects
their knowledge and uses it as a base to build bigger concepts.

Another thing that worked well for us, started as an outgrowth of my son's
bedtime routine of reading "Goodnight, Moon". After reading that book, we
would carry him around the house (and often outside!) to say "Goodnight,
this", "Goodnight, that" to various things (getting things to rhyme helps,
but isn't essential). This always helped calm him down - almost hypnotic
in fact - and by repeating things helped to build his vocabulary. As he
got older, we'd try to get him to fill in some words, and it came easily
to him.

I know my son was on the "early" side for language development (~200 words
by 17 months; full sentences before 2), but I don't know how much of it
was influenced by our techniques.  It truly is fascinating to listen to,
as I'm sure you'll see as time goes by... Best of luck watching it evolve
with your two and assisting in a supportive way.

-Cori

How much interaction do these kids have with 
other kids? I've heard of twins who have little
interaction with other kids and have developed
their own "language".

    Chelsea is in daycare with six other children.
    
    There ages are: 8 months
                    1-1/2 year old
                    2 year old
    		    2-1/2 year old
                    3 year old
                    4 year old							
    
    She's not a twin, but I would say that she has a very broad exposure
    to children of all ages....especially those older which I think would
    be a great learning advantage.
    
    ..Lori

    This is very much how Spencer is. He is 27 months old and while other
    kids his age have been speaking in complete sentences for quite some
    time now, Spencer prefers to speak only one or two words at a time.
    	
    For us this is challenging on several levels:

    	Spencer's tropical storms (aka temper tantrums) are almost always
    related to the frustration of not getting his needs across to us (do
    you want this? this? this? booom)

    	Spencer is a very large child and is the size of a typical four
    year old. People not only expect more from him but when they realize
    that he does not talk, they tend to think he is a "problem child".

    	His comprehension though, is very advanced and so for us we have to
    be careful because we may forget that he understands what we are saying
    even though he doesn't verbalize it (you know that parent talk that
    sometimes floats over the dinner table).

    	We also have to sit on our expectations, we want Spencer to talk
    like the other kids, we want to know what he is thinking about but we
    have to keep reminding ourselves that he must develop at his pace and
    not ours.

    				Wendy

My twins will be 3 in April, and are still delayed due to their prematurity,
so I tend to expect things to happen later with them.  Brad said his first
word at 19 months on a trip to Florida at Grandmother's house (nice timing
on his part!), but basically didn't add to his vocabulary til well after
2.  Now he talks in very nice sentences, and usually uses his words though
he has to be reminded that Mommy can't give him what he wants if he doesn't
tell me what he wants and just sits there and cries.  Jessica is another
story. She could get what she wanted from just a few words (more, juice)
and didn't see a need to add to her vocabulary. She's been getting speech
therapy for about 4-5 months now, and has gotten to the point where she
will say sentences, but usually just does a few words.

Things I've noticed that seem to encourage and help my kids to talk is that
they want to know they've been understood.  If they say something, you have
to repeat it back, and they will keep saying it until I guess the right
word.  That helps them to know that I understood, and it also gives them
the chance to hear how it's supposed to be said.  I talk to them all the
time, and, like a previous noter, use lots of repetition.  We read the
same story every night in bed, and now Jessica repeats the sentences after
me (I, of course, can read the books without even looking at the pages, but
they only want those books for bedtime).  We tell them to use their words
if they're crying or pointing to something, and have found that food is
a wonderful encouragement tool (note Jessica's only words for a while were
juice and more which she learned at playgroup).

Oh, and although we couldn't understand the kids when they just babbled,
their service coordinator defined a word as some consistent sound that they
used to mean a particular thing. So it's the fact that it's their word for
something not that it's the right word yet that shows language is developing.

I'd say give it some time, and if you still have concerns after a while,
you can speak to your pedi about an evaluation and see if any therapy is
required.  And then I can give you my impressions of how that works out.

Cathy

    Cathy,
    
    When you mentioned in your note about kids babbling and defining a
    consistent word for something, I just had to reply so I could share
    one of Chelsea's.
    
    We have a ficus tree out on our patio.  Everytime we play out there,
    Chelsea will point to the tree and scream in glee "GAWDY GAWK!"
    
    So of course Mommy replies "Tree"...and Chelsea screams "GAWDY GAWK!"
    
    I finally resigned myself to the fact that either it was her word for
    tree or for all I knew there was a Gawdy Gawk in our tree!
    
    ..Lori

I love it!!  Thanks for my chuckle for the day ;)

    What a timely note. I was thinking the same thing about Neel (21
    months). He understands everything we tell him, will talk a mile a
    minute and I am the only one who can understand about 20% of what he
    says. He is into talking a lot these days in a language called
    NEELBABBLE. He goes "babble.........OK?" and I answer "OK!" and then he
    goes on to say more and we converse. I can pick up some words and try
    to imagine what he must be saying and that his facial expressions and
    gestures I answer (I hope I am right or else he must be thinking that
    Mom is really dumb :-)
    
    His vocabulary is quite large, it is the sentences that he constructs.
    Also for us we are bilingual so we speak in our native tongue and
    English. Usually kids exposed to more than one languages do speak later
    than those that are exposed to only 1 language.
    
    LIke one noter said all kids are unique and will develop on their own
    time as long as it is in the normal range and once they start talking
    there is no stopping them. I have a tough time switching between Avanti
    (5 yrs in June) and Neel on way home from school. Both talk at the same
    time and I try to respond correctly. :-)
    
    But I love to listen to Neel's babble. He looks are sounds so cute
    especially when he is talking on the phone - a little executive in the
    making :-) :-)
    
    Shaila

    
    Yes, they develop at their own pace but...
    
    They get frustrated when they can't communciate and that leads to
    behavior problems. Many developmentally delayed kids develop behavior
    problems as a result of the frustration.
    
    I'm a strong proponent of intervention...and few pediatricians have
    been trained in child development. They are trained in medecine. So,
    if you are worried, push your pedi for a referral to soemone to
    evaluate...an Early Intervention Program, etc. Some kids need a little
    help.
    
    Also, try nursery rhymes when changing diapers, etc. The word for
    taking a temperature and for thermometer in our house are "diddle,
    diddle" for "hey, diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle". After a
    while children fill in the rhymes. 
    
    Also, listen and respond. Repeat what they say and do what they say.
    There is no greater motivator to language than to have mom and dad 
    respond. When my daughter said "down" she was allowed to get out of
    the high chair whether or not she had finished dinner. You can teach
    manners later.
    
    All this from a mom who spent a year and a half with child in an Early
    Intervention Program. Always trust your gut. My pedi wasn't as tuned in
    as I was; teh neurologist ended up calling it cerebral palsy and the
    intervention made all the difference in the world.

RE: .5
Devon and Duane share a babysitter with several children ranging in age from
5 to 2 years old.  I've seen them play with the older kids (the chase while
screaming at the top of your lungs game).  I feel that they have good, varied
interaction with other children.

RE: .3 (I think)
Thank you for the suggestion of looking into their eyes and offering choices
to them; naming these choices as I offer them.  I've begun to test that.  
Results are mixed at the moment.  But that's okay 'cause I'm not expecting
instant results.

RE: .12
While I am not too, too terribly concerned at the moment, I have to tell you 
that my underlying concern is that poor to late language development will 
directly affect their social development; could indeed lead to frustration and
acting out behaviour.  I intend to take the practical, based-on-experience 
advise I receive here and apply it.  If I see little to no progress, you can 
believe I will not be shy about getting professional, specialized help for my
boys.

RE: others
Thanks for your suggestions.  Please continue to share your experiences and
other recommendations!

    Has anyone out there had experience with children learning two
    languages?
    
    Our Jamie is now coming up to five and is speaking both Dutch and
    English, Dutch being the primary language as we live in Holland and he
    therefore goes to Dutch school (and all his little mates are Dutch as
    well!!)
    
    We recently had a bit of a scare as the school thought he was a little
    slow with his speaking abilities and referred him to speech therapist.
    They have diagnosed that he is around 4-5 months behind the normal
    capability of his age, although they didn't take into account the dual
    language. I reckon that is probably OK, especially as he understands
    both languages fine and never mixes them up!
    
    Any other parents' experiences would certainly be of interest,
    especially as I feel we are going to be seeing more and more
    multi-lingual families appearing as Europe really unites!!

>    Has anyone out there had experience with children learning two
>    languages?

See topic 678.

Clay 

I'll strongly second the suggestion of Early Intervention. An EI evaluation
is comprehensive and will determine if your child needs assistance. If a 
problem is discovered that will require continuing service, the EI service
plan (IFSP) will be the most important basis for continuing support from the 
Special Education department in your school system. The earlier that 
intervention is deployed, the better the chances are that the child will 
succeed in school. There is nothing to lose. Even if no problems are found, 
you will have gained a much greater understanding of your child's capabilities 
by participation in the evaluation.

Chris
who's son is an EI success story

    I remember a comment made to me about my (then) 2 year old.  We were at
    a family reunion where all but 10 people in the house of 50 were
    strangers.  My son was complimented on his ability to hear, listen
    understand, and communicate all unverbally.  Until that point, I
    didn't realize he wasn't talking!  We had always understood what he was
    communicating.  Luckily, my S-I-L is a former speech therapist and told
    me that if he was making basic sounds and could get his point across,
    it would be a matter of time.  My son was 2 1/2 before he actually
    spoke in sentences.  He learned alongside his 18 month old brother!!
    
    -sandy

    I am an identical twin, and can remember my mother telling me that my
    twin and I spoke to each other in an understandable babble, which no
    one else could decipher, for quite a while. Gradually we added more
    English words and lessened our unique language.
    
    It sounds like the basenoter is doing lots of good things, especially
    in being attentive to the twins' language and encouraging them to
    express their needs. I would add one other point, and that is to
    encourage both twins equally, since frequently one twin becomes the
    spokesperson for the two of them and the other finds less need to
    speak.
    
    Best of luck,
    Lynn