Conference moira::parenting

    How about hiring him out as the world's youngest escape artist? 
    
    

    
    
    
    He'd have compitition in that catagory!!
    
    I'm dying to hear the replies to this one!!  I've been going thru this
    one with Michael for a couple of months now, and its been getting worse 
    lately. He's a REAL climber, and sqirms himself right out of anything.
    
    A couple of times when he has done this, I have just taken him out all
    together and figured he wasn't hungry any longer, but then he would
    whine to crawl up in one of our laps and see what we had to munch on.
    Which made it quite difficult for us to finish our meal.
    
    So last night we stopped that one too (don't want it to become habit 
    if WE want to continue eating supper)...and this time I just put up the
    gate and put him in the living room (who's door is right next to the
    kitchen table). He cried a bit, but stopped soon, when he calmed down,
    (and I figured he was still hungry cause he hadn't eaten much), I asked
    him if he wantd to eat, put him back in the chair and he finished up. 
    
    This is what I plan on doing from now on.....and if he climbs out a
    second time (which he has), I guess I'll just take it that he's not
    that hungry after all, and try not let it get to me.  But no more
    climbing out of the highchair and into our laps to finish eating!
    
    Chris
    

    My daughter is also a climber.
    
    The info in .2 is solid.  Stick to your guns.  Maintain discipline. 
    Strap him in tight and push him into the middle of the floor if he has
    a tantrum, then ride it out.  Don't let him near the table until he's
    seated and wearing his bib.  No antics allowed.  Period.  
    
    Don't worry too much about him hitting his head.  They're made out of
    rubber. ;-)  No seriously, my daughter did a header out of the high
    chair, wailed, then proceeded to do it again.  So far, no evidence of
    brain damage. ;-)  If you have a vinyl floor, it's fairly safe.  Tile
    is another matter altogether.  After the fall, look at your child's
    eyes and skin tone for any abnormalities.  See if your child's balance
    is normal.  If your child's appearance and behavior seem normal, I'd
    assume he's ok.  
    
    Might as well relax.  Your climber will have lots more falls until he
    figures out what he can safely do.
    
    L

    On the other hand when I was teaching Special Ed right out of college,
    one of my students was a little boy who had fallen out of his
    highchair, hit his head and received permanent brain damage.

    	It was such a sad case as his older brother (of two years) was also
    in Special Ed as a result of this accident as the mother could not deal
    with the guilt and so transferred her guilt onto the older little boy.
    His damage was emotional but it was just as severe. 

    	I would never take the risk of head trauma lightly.

    				Wendy

    Maybe the high chair is too confining for your active 18-month old.  Is he 
    big enough to fit in a booster seat?  Maybe if he gets to sit at the table
    with you, he'll be more inclined to sit tight and eat.  
    
    There are also toddler seats which clamp onto a table.  We used that
    with our oldest when he was a toddler and he liked it much more than
    his high chair.
    
    Good luck!
    
    Sheryl
        

We tried the booster seat figuring that he just wanted to be at the table
with us.  He just climbs out of that and crawls across the kitchen table.
So much for that idea. 

And we do have a ceramic tile floor, so I'm not crazy about the possibilities
of injury should he decide to leap head-first. He already spent the first 
6 1/2 months of his life in the hospital.  I'm not looking forward to anymore.

We'll just keep sticking to our guns, and try disciplining him. Next, I need
to figure out how to keep him from climbing up the curtains.  My husband went
up to get him from his nap, and caught him going hand over hand up the 
curtains to get out of his crib.  Needless to say, the crib got moved, but
he's still got the ones in the family room to climb.

Cathy

    
    Cathy,
    
    I did find something in a catalog that is suppose to keep them in
    better but have just not gotten around to ordering it yet.. It this
    wide velcro belt that straps around their belly to the back of the 
    high chair. Its suppose to keep them in better. ???  If youre
    interested, I could bring it in and show you (MLO)...??  
    
    I'm going to try keeping up with the discipline I started last night
    (he's got enough meat on him, I know he won't starve if he misses a
    meal), and if that doesn't work, I was considering a sassy seat that
    hooks on the table to see if that works. (but I really don't have the
    extra $$ to spend). He does use one of these at daycare and he hasn't
    been a problem there for her yet.  
    
    I imagine youre going through the same things we are with them climbing
    onto EVERYTHING!  Our latest has been the kitchen chairs. I haven't
    minded the living room chairs too much, because there is rug, the
    chairs are padded, heavier (less tippable)...but the kitchen wooden
    chairs are making me NERVOUS!! 
    
    He's most certainly a CLIMBER!
    
    Chris
    

    If you don't want to spend the money on the strap, they are easily made
    with a piece of quilted-like material about 4 inches wide with a wide
    piece of velcro or even two strips to hold more securely.
    
    Another thought I had was getting one of those harness straps and
    attaching it to the back rests of the high chair so the child is being
    held in from the waist and the shoulders.
    
    We used discipline, but then my kids were more interested in FOOD than
    in climbing.
    
    -sandy (who is appreciative of low-maintenance kids)
    
    
    

Patrick has been in this 'stage' for so long now I can't remember when he ate
at the table in a normal fashion. He'll sit still and eat for a few minutes if
we're lucky, a lot of the time he doesn't eat at all. He may want to sit on
my lap but he still won't eat. What he really wants is to be in control of the
situation. If he doesn't feel like eating, Mom and Dad shouldn't either. I can't
give advice as he's still doing it, but we don't allow sitting on laps anymore.
We'll take him out of the seat and he'll throw a tantrum. Sometimes after this
he'll ask to be put back in his seat (sassy or booster, doesn't matter) and 
he'll eat. We've also tried moving dinnertime back an hour without success.

Good luck

Chris

I tried one of those straps.  I made those chair-pad holders and use them
in the store shopping carts (lately, he's been climbing out of that, too).
Last night we were desparate, so we tried strapping him into the high chair
with the high chair strap plus the quilted velcro strap around his waist.
It made me feel better, but didn't do much as a deterrent to him.  I think
he's like his mother -- just loves a good challenge.  I'm making harnesses
for when we go out as I don't like the one I bought at the store, so we're
thinking of putting that on him to secure him from the waist and shoulders
(we're getting pretty desparate) but it sounds too much like tying him up,
and I don't want to have to do that.  In the meantime, we're sticking to
the discipline, but he's the type that thinks 'no' means 'I_can_do_it_til_
mom_comes_and_removes_me', and he doesn't seem to mind time-outs.  Heck,
I think he actually enjoys them!

I don't like the sassy seats, so won't try one.  My husband's sister used
to sit in one at the table til she knocked over the entire table and got the
dinner all over her (thank goodness there were no hot pans on the table)
by flinging her head backwards.  My husband won't even have one in the house.
And I won't not feed Brad as I know he's still hungry, and he needs all the
calories he can get, so going without dinner is not an option.

Other suggestions?

    Maybe his desire to climb onto the table is fueled less by that
    climbing impulse than by curiousity about the things on the table.  If
    so, perhaps you could talk to him about what's on the table, explain
    what it is, let him touch and smell.
    
    Maybe you could put on some music to occupy him.
    
    Maybe you could try giving him more stuff to keep busy, such as his
    plate, bowl, cup of milk, cup of water, napkin, placemat.  My daughter
    keeps busy with all these things.  She makes quite a mess but
    at least she's not playing with the serving dishes. 
    
    When she stops eating and just plays, it is time to get down.  She
    doesn't like that much, but that's the rule.  She may have a second
    chance to actually eat, but if she reverts to playing, she goes down
    for good.  I "top off the tank" with warm milk before bed time,
    especially if she doesn't eat much dinner.
    
    Regarding the difference between his behavior at home and at daycare,
    many children have better behavior at daycare.  They are less inhibited
    at home.
    
    On the one hand, you want to enforce discipline and let him know you're
    boss.  On the other hand, you don't want to engage in an ongoing battle
    of the wills.  It really might be better for him to miss a few meals
    until he learns to behave.  
    
    By the way, I don't want anyone to think I'm making light of head
    injuries.  I'm just saying that if the child falls despite your best
    efforts (which is frequent with climbers), don't wear yourself out with
    worry when the child seems to be fine.  Many times I've had the same
    fears.  
    
    L

    Our daughter has been a climber since she discovered her ability to do
    so....We have handled dinner alittle differently, because we decided we
    were not going to spend every evening battling with her.
    
    We stopped putting her in high chair and let her sit or kneel on a
    regular dining room chair.  No booster seat for her, it would just get
    knocked down by her constant movement.  She does have a tendancy to 
    stand on the chair but we have her sitting between mom and dad so if
    she goes over one of us can catch her (she's only fallen once in 6
    months, so their more sure footed than they look!).  We have taught
    her no legs or feet on the table.  She may get down and go play
    rather than eat if she's not hungry, but once mom & dad are finished
    dinner is over.
    
    She does still sit in her highchair for the sitter for lunch, but once
    she's finished eating she will start climbing so she needs to be
    watched.
    
    I think Ashley's climbing out got worse the more we tried to restrain
    her.  Once we quit putting on straps and insisting she sit, she calmed
    down (took a few days) and stopped trying to buck the system.
    
    Good luck, I know how frustrating it can be when you're trying to
    relax (ha!) and enjoy your meal and the next circus performer is
    climbing next to you!
    
    Sharon

Re. .12

We tried an approach like what you recommended last night just to see the
effect. We ignored him when he stood up figuring maybe he just likes the
attention.  He sits next to my husband who kept a close eye on him just in
case, but he did keep standing up and then sitting down to eat.  I'm thinking
maybe if we just give him some latitude but keep telling him he has to sit
down to eat that he'll get the message, and he'll have some say in the
deciding.

Last night seemed a little better.  Let's hope he keeps improving.

Thanks for all the help.
Cathy

    
    I had some observations last night too. My husband has been working
    nights for 4 mos now, and just yesterday finally switched back to days.
    I started thinking about WHEN Michael climbs out of his chair the most,
    and its really when we ALL sit down and eat together (which has mainly
    been on weekends). I realised that "I" personally hadn't been having a
    huge problem with it when alone with him at dinnertime except after
    he'd eaten enough and was full. But the one thing that stood out in my
    mind was that when home with me alone at dinnertime, HE usually eats 
    ALONE. I used to make his dinner and give it to him in stages,while I
    did the things I need to do without his interference (unload/load the
    dishwasher, make lunches for the next day, etc - which cannot be done
    with him underfoot).  I usually haven't been eating much for dinner
    myself, or occasionally will sit down with him 1/2way thru his meal..
    so basically he eats without someone sitting 2 ft in front of him, and
    no distraction of other food/people at the table next to him. And he
    usually eats plenty.
    
    So, I was thinking I may see if this is a factor (last night was the
    first time this thought "kicked in"), and think about maybe letting him
    eat his dinner before us, and then say giving him a snack while we eat
    a little later on. (which I did last night). 
    
    As much as I'd like us to eat together as a family...:-(
    
    We shall see....whatever works!
    Chris
    

    My son who is 2 yrs old, not only climbs out of the high chair,
    but into it too!  I bought a strap that I put each arm into and it zips
    up the front, then I put the bib over it.  He can't get out of it and
    actually hasn't tried to, yet.  
    
    Kathy

    
    Kathy, where did you find the zipper-up strap??  And how costly???
    
    Chris
    

    My son went through a time where he didn't like the high chair or the
    booster seat.  What worked for us was..... sitting on the floor!   I
    would set up a little "picnic" for him on the floor (clean floor, of
    course), and he would sit down to eat.  I think he found this less
    confining than the highchair or booster seat or regular chair.  
    
    The only rule I had was that he had to be SITTING, not standing and
    certainly not walking, while eating or drinking.  
    
    

	Our 20-month-old son has never been happy about sitting in his
	high chair for more than 10 minutes at a time, if that.  When he
	was about a year old, we bought him a table and chair set of his
	own where he could sit and eat most of his meals.  He's up and
	down a lot but he definitely gets more of his meals eaten this
	way, and we're all a lot happier.  We still use the high chair
	on occasion, but not too often.  In fact, since we don't make
	him use it, he sometimes asks to use it, and stays in it a bit
	longer than he used to.

	-Kathy

    
    	Someone else suggested this to me also, but.....
    	I have so much food on the floor after Michaels meal as it is now
    	with him in the highchair, I can't imagine the mess I'd have to
    	clean up if I let him sit on the floor, or at his own table. 
    
    	Not sure if I mentioned it in here already, but my best luck these
    	days has been to kind of give him the bulk of his dinner by himself
    	in the highchair, then we sit down as he's nearing the end and give
    	him his fruit or snack then. For some reason he seems to stay in
    	the highchair more when we are not right there sitting beside him,
    	actually kind of ignoring him (preparing our dinner, unloading the
    	dishwasher, etc)....
    
    	

    Our experience lately is that Charlotte (16 months) won't eat much in
    her high chair, and what she does eat is eaten standing up. Then as
    soon as the meal is over and she's taken out, she climbs on the chair
    Daniel was sitting in and stands there, eating his leftovers! She also
    tries to eat whatever leftovers come home in his lunchbox every day.
    This must be true sisterly love, or something.
    
    Lucy 

    My son is 9 months old, and he's been climbing out of his high chair
    for a month now.  It's difficultto deal with at such a young age
    because the options of sitting in a booster etc. just don't apply
    to one so young.  He's still mostly spoon fed, so when he starts
    to squirm, I lower the spoon and tell him sternly to sit down. 
    Sometimes this actually works, but usually only for a few spoonfuls.  
    
    Since he is still learning to eat solid foods like crackers etc. he
    is at that stage where he gags on new foods.  This makes strapping him
    in a tough one because I want to be able to get him out quickly if
    he chokes..  I use a belt strapped around his chest when he's eating
    soft foods, but when i give him something he might gag on I unstrap
    him first.
    
    The only time he sits still is when he drinks his bottle, so thats what
    he gets when we sit down to eat.  Who knows what we'll do when he
    graduates to a cup?!  After reading this note, I can see that the
    challenges of a little climber have only just begun!!
    
    Marlene
    

We just got back from vacation in Florida, so I thought I'd check in here as
I started this note.  It was interesting on the vacation because we didn't
have high chairs, so the kids sat on phone books on a regular chair, not
restrained at all, at my mom's and did great. Brad ate fine and never once
attempted to climb on the table.  At my husband's mother's and sister's,
we used those quilted chair-holder pads I had made to secure both kids to
high bar stools that we put at the table, and Brad did fine. We got home
Sunday, put him in his high-chair to eat, and he promptly tried to climb out.

I happened to have an appointment with the pedi yesterday, so I asked him 
about it.  He suggested letting him eat on the floor, or keep telling him
no, putting him back in his chair, and if that doesn't work, remove him 
from the room.  He said that Brad will eventually learn that if he wants
to eat, he's got to be sitting in his chair.  I think we'll be moving both
kids to the high-chairs at the table or the booster seats this week because
I think he just doesn't like being restrained.  And if he won't stay sitting,
we'll just take him from the room, and then bring him back later to eat.  This
is a kid that loves to eat, so I expect he'll get the message quickly.

And I do know that Brad does eventually learn what is not tolerated. It took
us a while of time-outs before he learned not to go on the hearth (we have a
wood stove, though we haven't been using it), and now if a toy rolls onto the
hearth, he cries because he knows he can't go there, so we do the retrieving.
So I know if I am persistant he will learn what's not acceptable.

I'll keep trying.

Cathy

    Cathy,
    
    Do you suppose he doesn't like the confinement of the chair?  Could you
    try putting the chair up to the table without the tray?  At the toddler
    stage with my oldest, he wouldn't eat a normal meal so I used to put
    finger foods into a muffin tin and leave it on the coffee table so he
    could get it when he wanted.  We did, however, have him sit with us at
    dinner time - with no problems.  Mine did not try to get out of their
    chairs.  My sister has a step stool.  She has it placed at the table so
    the steps are always accessible for 18 month old Chelsea, and the baby
    can climb up and eat when she wants to.  Chelsea will try to get out of
    a high chair, though.  She does at my house all the time - so I have
    just started placing the chair up to the table without the tray and it
    seems to make a difference.
    
    Good luck with this frustrating time....
    
    -sandy