Conference moira::parenting

    Dr. Spock is a great advocate of pacifiers since they can be
    "controlled" in terms of usage and getting rid of them much more so
    than thumbs!! :-)  Take a look through his book, and then Penelope
    Leach's "From Birth to 5"[or title similar to that] for a pretty good
    discussion of the pros/cons of both.
    

    My son started out sucking his fingers, not the thumb. My mom kept
    telling me to give him the pacifier, since you can take it away.
    I didn't, one because I figured he could find his fingers easier
    at night if he needed comfort, and two because he never wanted the
    pacifier. He didn't suck his fingers very long. Once he sucked them
    so hard that he had little blisters above the nail line. After that
    he stopped, and we never had a problem with it. 
    
    I still see kids his age (20 months) in the daycare he goes to with
    pacifiers in their mouth. I am thankful he doesn't. It all depends
    on what you wish to do. I didn't listen to anyones advice, but did
    what I wanted, and what I thought Chris wanted.
    
    Good luck,
    
    Sheila
    

>    Dr. Spock is a great advocate of pacifiers since they can be
>    "controlled" in terms of usage and getting rid of them much more so

On the other hand, T. Berry Brazelton is a big advocate of finger sucking
in preference to pacifiers, since it represents the child's successful
resolution of her own needs through her own resources.

It sounds like you choose the viewpoint that matches your own attitudes.
(By the way, I'm pretty sure that we had lengthy discussions on this in 
one or more of the earlier versions of this conference.)

	-Neil

    Jessica refused a pacifier when they tried to get her to suck on one in
    the hospital (they use them to teach premature babies that sucking and
    a full tummy are related while they are still tube-feeding the babies),
    and eventually started to suck her thumb.  She typically only sucks it
    when she is tired, and used to continually suck one of her thumbs at
    night.  Now, at 1, she sucks it when she's going to sleep, but it
    usually falls out soon after she's asleep.  On the rare occasion when
    she wakes up through the night, she finds her thumb and goes back to
    sleep.
    
    Brad took to the pacifier right away, and would cry if it fell out.  We
    didn't like the idea of having to get up in the middle of the night to
    find a pacifier for him, so we showed him his thumb, but he chose to
    suck on his fingers instead.  I personally don't care for pacifiers,
    and like the fact that both of my children can comfort themselves by
    sucking a thumb or fingers.  Also, they don't arbitrarily suck.  They
    just suck on them when they are tired, or, in Brad's case, hungry. 
    
    I think it's a personal decision, and there are pros and cons to both
    sides.  As my pedi says, the baby will let you know if s/he doesn't
    like something, so try to see what kind of signals your baby gives and
    follow that.  All babies are different.
    
    Cathy

    10 weeks old? More likely your baby is teething than actually sucking
    her fingers, once her teeth start coming in and she bites down on those
    sharp little suckers, the fingers will most probably come out of the
    mouth.

    	Spencer was/is doing the same thing, he just does not make the
    connection of chewing on teethers yet. For the most part Spencer is not
    a pacifier baby, he would occasionally take one brand (and one brand
    only) but he did not do it often.

    	In fact, this weekend we discovered a great game with him, I would
    put the pacifier in his mouth and he would shoot it into baby space and
    giggle. I'd go get it, put it in his mouth, he would shoot it into baby
    space and giggle......... (the things we do ;-)).

    	As he has been recently teething big time,  once in a blue moon
    (maybe once a week), I'll give him a pacifier to calm him down so that
    he can go to sleep. Once he is asleep, I take it out of his crib and he
    does not get it again, unless he is cranky and I remember it as a tool.

    	As far as thumb sucking, I sucked my thumb until the fourth grade.
    Everyone tried everything to stop me, but it was not until *I* was
    ready that I stopped. (I started sleeping over friend's houses and
    realized that they did not suck their thumbs) Obviously, for some
    reason I needed it. Did I have buck teeth, you bet, big deal, we all
    ended up having braces, who says I wouldn't have had the braces had I
    not sucked my thumb.

    			Wendy

    We used pacifiers for both kids.  My oldest had to be coherced into
    giving it up at age 4 - the younger gave his up readily at age 2.  We
    had a friend (will be 7 in Oct) over for the weekend and he still sucks
    his thumb.  His upper lip has a red chap lined across it and his thumb
    is red and chapped as well.  Something I don't consider very
    attractive.  Now my older sister used her thumb until she was about 12
    years old.  Neither of my sons had a blanket or animal that was
    cuddled.  And they didn't go for one after the pacifier went away.
    
    -sandy
    

    Daniel used a pacifier for one week when he was 10 weeks old.    He 
    then took a dislike to it and refuses to use one since.   He now sucks
    his hands and thumb.    Now if only those teeth would start appearing.
    
    
    
    Bernie

    Hi Shelia,
    
    Mitch sucks his fingers/thumb/hand all the time.  It's a riot
    trying to watch him put his whole fist in his mouth!
    
    I'd let her suck her hand...consider yourself lucky...she will
    always find her hand at 2 am.  You can't force her to take a
    pacifier...Mitch liked them for about 3 weeks and now he won't
    have anything to do with them...likes that left thumb better!
    
    Once she gets a little older she'll start putting other things
    in her mouth and her hand/fingers less...he's just starting to
    do that now.
    
    Kristen

    Thanks Neil for the input.  I think T. Berry Brazelton has a VERY 
    valid point and like Kristen in note 96.8 said, Tiffany's fingers 
    will keep me from attending to her sucking need at 2am.  I guess the 
    more I think about it, thank God for fingers!! :-)
    
    It's probably just a phase so I'm going to wait it out.  
    
    Thanks everyone and I'll keep you posted.
    
    Sheila

    Personally, I prefer for my son (20 months) to have a pacifier then to
    suck his finger.  The pacifier is more controlled.  He only uses it
    when he is upset or I put it in his mouth when he tries to bite me.
    (which happens when he is getting teeth).  I notice he is using it less
    and less and I think by age 2 I am going to make them disappear.  

    I believe that by having a child suck their finger it is harder to
    stop.  My neice is 6 and her parents are still trying to get her to
    stop sucking her thumb.  My cousin sucked her thumb until she was 11
    (which I am sure is an exception, not the rule).  I also think a child
    can catch more germs through thumb sucking.  I neighbors child got
    impetigo from sucking his thumb.
    
    IMO a pacifier is more controlled and easier to keep clean.
    
    Just my .02 cents worth
    
    Kathy

    My daughter decided that she wanted to suck her fingers instead of the
    pacifier.  She also chose to have a blanket.  We did stop her from
    taking the blanket out of the house so she decided to hold onto an
    object out of her diaper bag to calm her.  Usually this object was a
    pair of sweat pants.  So now she has her "Minnie GA GA" and a "pants GA
    GA" or "shirt GA GA".  It was cute when I had to explain "pants GA GA"
    to her new daycare.
    
    Alicia is now 4 and she has stopped sucking her fingers.  She had a bad
    case of impetago (sp?) and the doctor told her that if she kept sucking
    her fingers they would not be pretty.  We put socks or her hands for
    two days and she quit.
    
    Jessica is going to be a pacifier baby.  I really don't think there is
    much that you can do to stop a child that has their minds set on an
    object and apparently they need something something so I am leaving it
    up to my children.
    
    Angie

    
    Both of my daughters used pacifiers as babies, but I took them away
    before they got old enough to get attached to them.  My oldest daughter
    took a pacifier at birth, and I took it away at 3 months.  Since I
    breastfed my daughter, it was real handy if she suddenly got hungry
    when we were in public.
    
    My second daughter didn't care for the pacifier at birth, but started
    liking it at about 2 months.  I think I took hers away at about 6
    months.  Both kids enjoyed the pacifier, but weren't bothered when I
    took it away.  They were sometimes using it to fall asleep at night,
    but I didn't place it in their mouths during the night if they woke.
    
    I believe the pacifier can be a helpful tool for fussing babies (and
    busy mothers :}), but I felt strongly about my kids not becoming dependent
    on the pacifier as toddlers.  Neither of my kids ever sucked their
    thumbs, so I guess I am lucky they didn't have a real strong sucking
    instinct.  
    
    

    I have not read the other replies here, so I apologize if I'm being
    reptitious...
    
    I did not want to use a pacifier with Jackie, but the hospital did and
    when we got home she always seemed hungry, so we gave her a pacifier in
    between feedings.  She is now 23 months and still has a pacifier at
    night for sleeping.  I CAN'T GET RID OF IT!  She is now in a bed and if
    she loses the plug during the night, she comes in to get me.  It is
    like her security blanket.  We were up to about 9 or so pacifiers in
    the house until February..  we're down to 2 infant ones (she thinks the
    cats threw the other ones away).  I've tried to take the current one
    away, but by the end of the day, I'm so tired that I don't have the
    energy to fight her on it.
    
    My advice is to let your child suck the fingers and stay away from the
    pacifier.  When I have my next child, I will try *not* to use one.
    
    Just my opinion..
    Mary
    

    First three kids never went near their thumbs. Sometimes would have
    been more convenient! They each gave up the pacifier before the next
    child was born, ie. around 19-21 months. Up until then, from about 6
    months, they only used it at night.
    
    Child #4, used a pacifier for the first 7 months, and then found his
    thumb. Nothing we could do short of tying down his arm would make him
    not suck his thumb when he is tired or cranky. He never uses a pacifier
    any more. 
    
    I firmly believe that each child chooses what he wants... and there
    isn't likely anything you can do to change it!
    
    All of first 3 chose blankets as cuddlies, but don't *need* them, just
    like them. Jacob has chosen a cloth diaper. Hand him one, and his whole
    body relaxes! Ah, well, at least you can wash those more easily than a
    blanket!
    
    --dave--

One more data point, and one more piece of evidence in support of Neil's 
theory.

#1 used a pacifier.  She is 11 and has been off the pacifier for a long time.

#2 sucked his thumb.  He is 8 and has been off the thumb for a long time.

We prefer the pacifier, for reasons already mentioned.

Neither of them is neurotic or any sort of axe murderer.

Clay

We used a pacifier and liked it.  Evan gave it up some time around age 3.

For me, there is an additional reason to use a pacifier: I *hate* wet
fingers, and my son (like me) is a very physically affectionate person.
He would want me to hold his hand all of the time, and I *hate* holding
wet fingers.  I was grateful to the pacifier that this was something I 
didn't have to worry about.

     Carol_who_loves_to_hold_her_son's_hand  :-)

    Russell uses a pacifier at bedtime only, and he usually spits it out
    after he falls asleep.  One reason we haven't tried to get rid of it is
    because he's still teething.  When his mouth hurts, he won't let us put
    our fingers in his mouth, but he will chew on a pacifier with teething
    gel on it.  It's a lot eaisier to smear the gel on his "bink" and give
    that to him at 2am than to fight with him trying to do it with our
    fingers.  Since he doesn't walk around the house with it in his mouth,
    I'm happy.  
    
    marianne
    

 I'm sure this isn't a problem for those of us who are already dealing with
 pacifiers, but this is just a reminder for those getting to that point
 now... 
   
 Be careful to periodically examine the pacifier for wear and tear.  A
 recent reply talking about teething reminded me... especially when they
 start to use the pacifier for a teether, pacifiers do wear out and there
 is a chance that it *could* start to break apart while they are chewing on
 it.  We don't really want to have to deal with little ones possibly
 swallowing or choking on little pieces of pacifiers.
   
 Disclaimer - the chances of this really happening are probably pretty
 slim, but then the amount of work it takes to completely avoid the
 possibility is minor, and, I believe, worth doing.
   
   - Tom

    My daughter used a pacifier untill she was 8 months old.  She only took
    it when she went to sleep, very rarely when she was awake. One night we
    gave it to her like usual and she pit it out and never paid any mind to
    it again. I feel they are fine to use. My daughter never took to
    sucking her thumb or anything like a blanky or stuffed animal, so we
    found the pacifier to work and used it.  I think another reason she
    dropped the habit so fast too was because she started getting teeth at
    5 months, by the time she was 8 months she had 8 teeth and she probably
    found it not be the same.
    
    Sandy

    I'll probably get flamed for this but I don't really care!
    
    I HATE PACIFIERS!!!  I hate how they look in baby's mouths and I hate
    them even worse in toddlers.  It's funny that because I hate them so
    much, I never gave one to my son and he never needed it, nor was he a
    finger sucker.  I wonder if I didn't hate them so much, would he need 
    one?  Of all the parents that I've spoken to who feel the same way I do 
    about pacifiers, none of their children ever needed them either, nor were 
    any of them finger suckers.  On the other hand, of all the parents that
    I've spoken to who didn't care either way, their children for some
    reason needed to have pacifiers and a lot of them were also finger
    suckers.
    
    I have the same views about bottles.  As soon as a child is able to
    hold a cup on his/her own and uses it well, take the bottle away.  My
    son was off the bottle completely by his 1st birthday.
    
    Lori B.

    >   I HATE PACIFIERS!!!
    
    No flaming from me!  I agree 100%.
    
    Sheila

    
    
    We too avoided using a pacifier with our daughter.  She had a very
    strong sucking urge, so for the first 3 months we did give her one.
    After that we stopped and she was fine.  She was breastfed until
    7 months old and "loved" sucking on her bottle anytime we would let
    her...an empty bottle was great as far as she was concerned.  We weaned
    her from her bottle at 13 months and she has now become a finger
    sucker.
    
    I told my husband, her message to us is...
    
    "You can take away the pacifier, you can take away the bottle nipples,
    but you can't stop me from sucking....I can always use my fingers"
    
    So be it...it makes her happy and I'm sure she'll quit when she's
    ready.
    
    
    Sharon

    >   "Be careful to periodically examine the pacifier for wear and tear. 
    (96.18)
    
    I know there is a notes file for recalls, but just in case ...  
    Pacifiers made by Evenflo decorated with Donald, Daisy, Micky
    or Minnie have been recalled.  Characters may detach from pacifier and
    choke infant.  Call 800-356-2229 for refund or replacement
    
    Sheila 

Elise took to the pacifier when she was colicky.  She found her thumb at about
4 months, but liked pacifiers too.  That was the point when we took her pacifier
away at night, since she had her thumb, but she could have it for naps.

At about 13 months (about when she gave up bottles), she lost interest in the
pacifier.  She would suck a couple times, then hand it to me and say "thank you".

Now at 17 months, she can have the pacifier if she wants it, but usually just
hands it back in a couple minutes.

A friend of mind says Elise isn't a particularly sucky baby.

What I find amusing is she only sucked her *left* thumb.  The right hand was
for holding her right ear.  (when rocking her or carrying her up to bed, I had
to be careful that her left hand was free or she'd get all bent).  Now all of 
sudden, a year after she started, she's an ambidextrous sucker - it can be 
either thumb, but the other hand must be holding the ear.  Go figure.

    
    Our daughter liked the pacifier.  At about 13 months, we took it away
    without any problems (OK, a little crying)  At 16 months, we moved and
    she had chicken pox so we decided to let her have the pacifier back
    because she could use all the comfort she could get.  I remember
    thinking that it was so easy to take away the first time that it could
    be done again.  Well, I was wrong. At 16 months she had formed definite
    ideas about wanting her "binky".  Needless to say, she kept it until
    she was a little over two.  I got here weaned  from it at that time by
    telling her that her pacifier was in the dishwasher and if she could
    just go to sleep this one time without it then she could have it back
    for bedtime.  That pacifier stayed "in the dishwasher" for about 3
    days, and then she just forgot to ask for it anymore.
    
    I might add, that I hate the was a pacifier looks, especially in a
    toddler. Somehow I had manged to restrict Amanda's use of it to
    crib-time only.
    
    Our son is 3 months old and he seems to love both his pacifier AND his
    fingers.  I guess he's just an oral personality.  When he was only 
    2 hours old, he managed to find his hospital ID bracelet to suck on.
    Only time will tell what he eventually settles on.  
                                                         Marlene
    

    
    They started Michael on a pacifier in the hospital, and I continued
    when we got home. He used it alot int he first couple of months, but
    has pretty much settled down to only using it at sleep-time, or in the
    car.  I always have one on hand, but the bigger he gets, the less he'll
    take it. He's 6 1/2 mos.  I've thought about weaning him, but I really
    don't feel it is a major problem yet. 
    
    Chris
    

When Michelle was 3 and 4 months old she would wake at least 2 or 3 times a night
crying for her pacifier.  At that time I would have given anything to have a
thumb-sucker instead of a binky addict.  But even at that tender age she had 
very definite ideas of her own.

Now Michelle is 2 yrs old and she is still addicted to her binky.  But now I
see it as an advantage.  She is only allowed to have her binky when she is in 
her crib, so I don't have to watch my toddler walking around with some object
(thumb or paci) stuck in her mouth.  As some noters mentioned just last week in
a relted topic, it has become a source of comfort that can calm even the most
terrible tantrum.  And I think I have the only toddler in history that tries
to break INTO her crib.

I do not believe there was any way that I could have convinced Michelle to
change her strong preference for her binky.  She was never interested in her
thumb, and objected very strongly when we spent one week trying to eliminate
the pacifier when she was aroun 4 months old.

    James was a finger man from the word go.  Hollis is a "Nuk Princess."
    She's 10 months old and uses it at bedtime, along with two stuffed
    toys.  I keep 3 or 4 in her crib, so she can find them herself.
    I try never to pop a pacifier in her mouth during the day.  If she 
    wants something to mouth/chew/suck, she's got plenty of toys, plus
    her fingers.  If she's really miserable, I'll cuddle her.  
    
    I agree in part with the noter who said she hated pacifiers.  It's one
    thing to use them to help a child get to sleep.  But I have seen 3 and
    4-year-olds wandering around with them during the day, and I really
    don't like to see that.  
    
    Hollis is starting to suck her thumb, which I encourage (after all,
    you can't leave your thumb at Grandma's).  I guess, like all kids,
    she'll do what she has to do.  
    
    Meanwhile, James is 4 and still sucks his first two fingers when
    tired/upset/out of sorts.  

    My suggestion is to let the child decide which one he/she 
    prefers but don't encourage either one.  Both my kids hates
    pacifiers and they also don't suck fingers.  It could just
    be personalities but I also discourage them.  When they were
    infants, I never pop a pacifier in their mouth.  When they were 
    miserable, I will give them toys and hold them.  When they put 
    fingers in their mouth, I will pull fingers out.  I personally
    cann't stand sucking fingers/pacifier and try hard to prevent
    it.
    
    Wendy
    

    When my second son was born, we used a pacifier for a few weeks. He
    wanted it specially when sleeping, but if it fell out he would wake up
    crying and that became a pain in the ****. I talked with my doctor
    about taking it away cold turkey and he said that the child would
    adjust. So that is what we did and now Tyler is a happy thumb sucker.
    It was no big deal taking it away from him, he adjusted fine.
    
    My first son never took to a pacifier or his fingers.
    
    Good Luck on what ever you decide.....
    
    Lynne  

    
    It really *is* what the parent wants and what the baby decides..
    
    In my family of eight children, 2 used pacifiers, 4 used thumbs or
    fingers, and two showed no interest.  I was one of the thumb suckers,
    and actually (Gee, does this belong in a true confessions topic?) sucked
    my thumb until 5th grade.  *No* problems with buck teeth either! 
    
    Even in the pedi clinic I go to there's disagreement.  One docter says
    no passifiers after the age of two, the other (that I agree with) says
    the baby will give it up when she doesn't need it.  It provides comfort,
    
    Abitrarily taken away. 
    
    Your mileage may vary.
    Jamd

    Tiffany has decided that she wants to be a finger sucker and like
    everything else she has decided in her 3 mos here, there is no changing
    her mind.  She has also developed her very own feeding schedule and
    won't take a bottle a minute before she's ready.

    
    We just got back from vacation and Spencer has (over the course of one
    week) become a pacifier baby. We took it to make sure that he would
    keep swallowing on the plane and then while there he got a cold and so
    we gave it to him to help with the congestion and then of course the
    plane flights back... like or not we have created a mini frankenstein
    (IMHO - I'm not keen on the pacifier look).
    
    	Ah well, I'll just take these responses to heart and hope that
    (soon) he'll decide when he does not need it anymore. If he needs it
    though, ah, what the heck, as long as he's happy.
    
    				Wendy

  Samantha (22 months old) has always used her thumb since she got home
  from the hospital.  We don't mind at all, we find it a lot easier on us
  at night since Anthony (Mr. Elevator..:-)) had to be broken of the pacifer
  habit a few years ago.
  
  But recently we've noticed Samantha is wearing her left thumb nail a bit. 
  It's getting worn in the middle, between the cuticle and the end of the
  finger.  It's obvious she's grinding her lower teeth on it.  Is there an
  easy (yeah sure) way of getting her to switch thumbs or stop all together
  at this age?
  
  Dave