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Conference moira::parenting

Title:	Parenting
Notice:	Previous PARENTING version at MOIRA::PARENTING_V3
Moderator:	GEMEVN::FAIMANY

Created:	Thu Apr 09 1992
Last Modified:	Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:	Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:	1292
Total number of notes:	34837

68.0. "prom night" by SMURF::HAECK (Debby Haeck) Mon Apr 27 1992 14:02

    My daughters prom is this Thursday night.  (This is the Merrimack High
    School prom.)  They are having an "after-prom" party at the Merrimack
    Athletic club that will run until the wee hours of the morning.  So
    far, so good.  But then she and her friends want to drive to the beach,
    Hampton I think, and watch the sunrise.  This part bothers me.  She
    will be doing the driving, but even if someone else were driving, this
    would bother me.  That's a long, monotonous route, and it seems to me
    that it would be awfully easy to fall asleep, or make some minor but
    fatal mistake.  They would be traveling 101 sometime after 3am. I've 
    tried to explain this, and get the standard "but EVERYONE else is going 
    to be there!"  I have told her that if she skips the after-prom party 
    and comes home and naps that she can drive to the beach, but she doesn't 
    like that idea.

    So, if there are any other Merrimack parents out there with a daughter
    and/or son going to the prom, what activities are you allowing?

    btw:  to be perfectly honest, I also don't like the idea of her
    spending the night with her boyfriend, but I have examined my own
    motives and that is not the primary reason for my not wanting her to
    drive to the beach.  The primary reason is safety and health.  She is
    not accustomed to long distance driving at any hour and she had mono
    this last winter so I hate to see her get too tired.

T.R	Title	User	Personal Name	Date	Lines
68.1	Let her go.	MLCSSE::LANDRY	evitcepsrep ruoy egnahc	`Mon Apr 27 1992 15:03`	17
	Debby, I understand your concern about your daughter. However, sometimes you really need to trust her to do the right thing. I'm sure there'll be enough rucus in the car to keep her awake. She's not driving there alone, right? As she said "everyone else is going." Asking her to come home and take a "nap" is a bit much. After all, she's not a baby anymore. I say let her go, tell her to have a wonderful time, and find something for yourself to do so you're not sitting home worrying about her all night. (Which you will anyway, I'm sure.) For what it's worth...
68.2		SUPER::WTHOMAS		`Mon Apr 27 1992 15:18`	20
	I also say let her go. Don't worry about her being able to stay up. Don't you remember your prom night?, somehow the adrenaline kept us all up to have breakfast parties at 5 and 6 in the morning. (Kids can do it, I can't these days it's lights out at 10:30). Warning her of hazards, reminding her to be responsible is about all you can do. If you show her trust, she'll probably act to keep your trust. I remember in high school my mother let me go on a vacation where 3 friends and I rented a cabin (2 boys, one other girl) at Cape Cod for a week. We drove ourselves up and back. Nothing ever went on between all of us (we were truly just friends) and to this day I am still impressed that my mother trusted me enough to let me go. I would have resented her forever if she hadn't. Wendy
68.3	It was 9 yrs ago, but..I did it!	EMDS::CUNNINGHAM		`Mon Apr 27 1992 15:22`	14
	Debby, I vote to let her go also. My main reason for saying so, is that "I did it". And we were just fine. Our Prom ended around midnight, we all went to a friends to change, then off to Hampton Beach around 2 am. Like one noter said, their adrenaline will have them all pumped up, and as long as she promises you she won't be drinking and driving, I think she should do okay. let us know how it goes. Chris
68.4		HYEND::C_DENOPOULOS	Parking Lot Flyer!!	`Mon Apr 27 1992 17:36`	11
	Where are they going on the beach?? IF they get there too early they'll be thrown off the beach, and there's nothing else to do there 'til late morning. EVERYBODY is going means about 5 people will actually make it. The rest won't be able to get permission but won't admit it, then they'll come up with some excuse the next day. My daughter went to an after-prom party at a house in Hampton that EVERYBODY was going to. The person that lived there and the people in my daughter's car were the only ones to show up.
68.5	I did it....	WMOIS::ALEXANDER_D		`Mon Apr 27 1992 17:58`	13
	I too went 9 years ago after my prom. It was a great night my husband(then boyfriend) and I watched the waves in the wee hours of the morning. We went with a few other couples and each took a sand dune at the state park. However, just as we were leaving a cop on horseback came by and told us we had to get off the beach....so we did get kicked off. Luckily we didn't (and still don't) drink...so that was never a factor. I say let her go...but then again I'm not a parent yet...so your probably a better judge. Deb
68.6	How about a limo?	CSTEAM::WRIGHT		`Wed Apr 29 1992 16:58`	27
	In your base note, you didn't mention if this was a Senior or Junior Prom. (My high school had both.) If it's her Senior Prom, I'd vote to let her go. This is a BIGGGGGG night in her life. She, and all the other kids, will be so filled with adrenaline that they probably wouldn't be able to fall asleep even if you gave them all Sominex. :^) I really don't think you need to worry about the hazards of being tired and therefore having a car accident. If she misses any part of this night, she will probably regret it for years to come. Drinking and driving is a worry, though. Here's one solution. My brother recently went to his prom, and four couples got together and hired a limo for the night. I seem to recall that the parents contributed some money, too. They were glad to pay and know that the driver would be a chauffeur, who had not been drinking, was not all hyper-excited, was not trying to chat with friends while driving, etc. They hired the limo from 6:00 pm to 6:00 am. It was a large enough limo to hold all four couples. A side benefit was that no one couple was alone in a car at the end of the night, if you know what I mean. (There was no question of "getting in the back seat".) The chauffer had a car phone, so parents could call and check on things during the night if they were really concerned. I think my brother's group of friends had the chauffer drive them around Boston in the wee hours of the morning, then take them to a 24 hour HoJos for breakfast. All very innocent fun, yet safe, and a night I'm sure my brother will never, ever forget.