Conference moira::parenting

    I try to get up 30-40 minutes earlier than I need to, most weekday
    mornings, to either walk 2 miles or do yoga. It's the only time during
    the day that I can fit it in.
    
    Lynn
    

why not walk or jog during the remaining lunch breaks?
i realize it's not as much exercise as aerobics but
every little bit helps!

    Boy, can I relate!  I have a 21 month old daughter and finding the time
    to exercise is like finding a needle in a haystack.
    
    Exercising after work is pretty much out for me (my husband is in
    school 3 nights a week) so I've taken to do my running at lunch time. 
    You are definitely on the right track by taking an aerobics class at
    noon, can you do that 3 times a week?  I know that sometimes there's a
    lot of work that needs to get done during lunch but I find by getting
    out and clearing my mind and body I'm much more productive in the
    afternoon (no 2pm slump).
    
    Is it possible to have your husband watch the kids for an hour while
    you pop an aerobics tape into the VCR, what about having a neighborhood
    kid watch the boys for an hour?
    
    Another thing I find is taking advantage of any quiet time.  Last night
    I had a mountain of laundry to do, so in between loads I did situps and
    stretches, nothing too intense, just enough to remember that I have
    muscles.  My daughter also thinks it's hysterical to do situps with mom
    (hmmm, maybe you can make it a family event??)
    
    Anyway, good luck, you've really got to be inventive.  And just think,
    too, you're probably getting a pretty good workout chasing after the 2
    1/2 year old!
    
    Susan

    Exercising with a todler at home???  Not an easy thing. 
    
    Here at LKG they offer several different exercise classes both at lunch
    time and after work.  I do go swimming at a local health club at lunch 
    time a couple days a week (good or bad I don't know but I'm not paying 
    for this so when it runs out, I probably won't renew it). 
    
    How about simply walking at lunch time and on the weekends.  Yes,
    someday the warm weather will be here and make it a bit more
    pleasurable to be outside.   Another suggestions would be to ride an
    exercise bike after the kids go to bed or get up a few minutes earlier
    in the morning. 
    
    I personally find it a work out of sorts running after Lindsey and
    keeping up with the housework. 

At the Merrimack Y, they have something called KIDSTOP. You phone ahead to say
when you're dropping off your children, and then you can go work out. The
KIDSTOP is on the first floor and the exercise areas are on the floor below. If
your child has a problem, then they will bring the child to you or notify you of
the problem. I believe that the charge is $1.50/hour.

michael

    Isn't having children and exercise in itself?  With our bedroom on the
    top floor of the house, the washer/dryer in the basement, that gets me
    up and down two flights of stars at least 4 time per load of wash.  Now
    you add in running up and down the stairs to take things UP to the
    bedroom, runnning DOWN and UP to get food and things stored on the
    shelves of the cellar, now add in vacuming, taking out the trash, or
    and don't forget the special trip up and down to change the cat pan, so
    on and so on, WHEW I'm tired just thinking of what I have to do tonite
    when I get home!  Oh did we count in running up and down the stairs
    here in the building, getting things from the lobby, mailroom, etc.  
    
    Now in reality, when AJ was younger (under 5) I would work out at the
    YMCA on Main Street in Worcester.  They have free child care on most
    nights from 5 to 7.  He is restricted now by age, since the child care
    area is a small room in the ladies locker room, and many women "streak"
    from the locker area to the shower area.  This is how I solved the
    problem of husband taking classes, and me wanting to work out on those
    nights.  I really found a good work out relaxing, and relieved tension. 
    Somehow it gave me an extra wind to go home and continuing to work out
    by cleaning house.  But then again, I've always been a sort of "night
    housekeeper" doing most of my chores after dark!  Oh and my other
    solution was to get up early Saturday morning and go work out, followed
    by errands, and/or meeting a girlfriend for breakfast.  (you are
    supposed to work off the breakfast BEFORE you eat it right?!?!)
    
    Lyn

    
    	I always joke that my exercise these days is driving to the
    mailbox.
    
    	Like the others, I have an incredible schedule that starts early in
    the morning and does not give me a rest until 8:00 at night when the
    kids go to bed.
    
    	I pick up things, I put things away, I lift, I bend down to look
    under, etc.
    
    	It seems to me though, that I am always complaining that I don't
    get a chance to do exercise. Upon reflection, I think that what I am
    *really* saying is a combination of:
    
    	I'm still not familiar with my changed body shape and I think if I
    exercise enough, I might get my old body back.
    
    	I think I should exercise because *everyone* else does (read
    everyone else who does not have kids)
    
    	I complain the most about exercisizing when I feel like I have to
    get away for awhile. At those times, it is me who really needs a break.
    

    	I start all of my writing classes with a quote:
    
    	If the desire to arite is not followed by the act of writing, then
    the desire is not to write.
    
    	If you really wanted to be exercising, you'd be exercising.
    
	Me thinks you are probably doing enough exercising if you can't
    finds the time to go somewhere, instead of adding more stress to your
    schedule, you might want to accept things as they are for awhile (a
    concept I work on everyday).
    
    				Wendy
    

Wendy,

    I agree with most of what you said in your previous reply.  But I
think I would modify the statement:

	"If you really wanted to be exercising, you'd be exercising"

		to

	"If exercise was really one of your highest priorities, you'd
	 be exercising."


    One of the hardest adjustments I faced becoming a parent was recognizing
that these little people took alot of time, and that for the privilege of
being with these little people, I was going to have to give some things up.  
Just because you give these other activities up doesn't mean they aren't still 
important to you.  It just means they are less important than the activities 
you did NOT give up.

    Right now one of my highest priorities is getting more sleep.  Some
time around when my first daughter turned 9 or 10 months old, my desire
for exercize surpased my desire for sleep.  That's when I got back on an
exercize program by getting up at 5:00 in the morning to exercize and
shower on my "days off" before baby and hubby woke up.  My second duaghter
is 8 months old now, and I can feel the shift in priorities beginning again.

- Carol

    I don't have any children so maybe it is none of my business to be in
    this note; however, I do love to exercise which would be very hard give
    up with a child.
    
    Can I ask a personal question here?  What are all your husband's doing
    during the time you wish to get some exercise?  Isn't parenting a two
    way street?  I am currently going through a divorce and one of the most
    difficult and frustrating things I am finding with my friends who have
    children is that their husbands refuse to do their parenting job (they
    view it as babysitting) so my friends and I can get together without
    the interference of a small child.  Don't get me wrong, I *love*
    children and want one or two of my own someday (which is why I read
    this conference) but hope to have a husband who will take over with
    parenting responsibilities so I can have some time to
    myself when I need it.  My friends are working full time jobs like all
    of you plus juggling a household, and it makes me sad and angry that
    their husbands view parenting as soley a woman's job, and so they never
    have any real time to themselves.  Yet, their husbands always seem to
    have time to see their buddies and continue to participate in the same
    activities they did before children (and then have the audacity to
    ridicule their wives for gaining weight).
    
    I would have kept my status here to read only, but the creation of this
    note has me curious.
    
    -Roberta
    

    Let me start off by saying that I have a fabulous husband who loves me,
    respects me and gives me the space I need to do my thing, in addition
    to being a wonderful, loving father.  However, as a mutually agreed
    upon and temporary arrangement, I am the primary caregiver in our
    household.  The reason is that my husband is trying to finish up his
    engineering degree in addition to holding a full-time and very
    demanding job.  Our reasoning is that in the long run this will benefit
    the entire family and some sacrifices are being made on both sides.  I
    was lucky enough to finish up my degrees long before our daughter came
    along, but now it's his turn.
    
    I look at my sacrifices as minimal, primary baby drop off and pickup,
    primary dog care person (we have 2) primary home care, complete
    financial responsibility and I certainly get more tired handling all of 
    this on top of a 40 hour a week job.  So, exercise gets relegated to
    when I can fit it in.  As someone said earlier, your priorities get
    rearranged.  However, on my husband's side he sacrifices being with his
    family (the most important one to him), many hours driving to school
    and then to work and then back to school and then home, having to work
    later hours in order to get system time and to make up on work time. 
    But, in the long run we will ALL win!
    
    So where's my husband when I want to exercise, probably in work or at
    school or commuting somewhere in between.  However, when he's home and
    I need some time to be by myself, all I have to do is say "Honey, I
    want to go for a run or do my aerobics tape or run to the store for a
    bit." and he's pleased as punch to have some special alone time with
    our daughter.  A parent yes, a babysitter never.  Michael adores Sarah
    and it's extremely evident that she adores him.
    
    Sorry to be so long winded.
    
    Susan

    As a pretty much single parent of 3 little ones, I find that I have
    made exercise a priority.  It's amazing how a one hour work out gives
    me so much more patience than I would have if I didn't make the time to
    exercise.  Not only does my attitude and patience improve, but I'm also
    slowly regaining that pre-baby figure (not an easy task !!!).  If I
    didn't exercise, my stress level would be *SO* high !
    
    I also use my lunch hour to exercise, since I don't have the bucks
    to pay anyone to watch the kids before or after work so that I can
    get my work out done.  I tried to do an exercise tape at home, but then
    the kids think it's play time, or the phone rings, or someone stops by, 
    or.....  so that was short lived.  And once you get into the habit of
    exercising, you'll wonder how you ever did without it !
    
    -Joy
    

Since you asked how you can make the time I will
attempt to address the issue, but first a few comments.

Before I had children I was an avid martial artist.  I
would attend a 3 hour class 3 times per week and practice
every night.  After my first child was born I tried to
cut back however this did not fit my schedule.  I currently
do not work out at all.  I made a decision that my current 
schedule does not allow me the time to work out.  This does
not mean that I will never return to working out because
circumstance change as children grow.  For the first 3-4
years a child requires much more maintenence then after they
are 4-5.  This meant that for 2 children I would not have
a steady workout schedule for about 7 years, I accept this.

My wife and I both work full time and I do more than 50%
of all the household work and it still is difficult to
work in a workout!  Why you may ask?  Look at my schedule.


5:30 wake up and shower
6:00 wake and dress children
6:45 children and spouse leave for work
7:00 I leave for work
7:00 - 4:00 I work, facility has no workout space or showers.
4:20 Pick up first child
4:45 Pick up second child and go home
5:30 Wife arrives home
5:00 - 6:00 time with children
6:00 cook dinner
7:00 clean dishes start baths and do laundry
8:00 Daughter goes to bed
8:00 - 8:45 time with son or household chores
8:45 - Time is my own after this.

As you can see the only available slot is after 8:45 or
before 5:30.  Since I normally stay up till 10 or 11pm
studying computer stuff or doing laundry or working
on the bills, this would seem ideal except that 
exercise tends to prevent me from falling asleep.

As the children grow up they will require less attention
and some time may become open in the early evening
or I may discover a way to work out at lunch and
I will take this but for now exercise is a low
priority item with me and certainly with
my present employer.


What you need to do is layout each day the way I did
and see if any time can be reallocated.  Does your
site have showers?  Running at luch can be very nice
and I did this at our last place

good luck!

Harry

    I take aerobics twice a week. It's not alot but it's something and it
    does serve to get me out of the house and relieve some stress. 
    
    My schedule on these 2 days is pick up son at 5:30, get home at 5:50, 
    play with Andrew for 20 min., get dressed, husband comes home at 6:25, 
    I run out the door and drive downtown. Aerobics starts at 6:30. 
    
    This works for me/us. Actually I wholeheartedly recommend it. It forces 
    me to work out. It forces my husband to come home on time, make dinner, 
    and feed/spend time with Andrew. When I get home at 7:45, dinner is ready 
    and Andrew is almost ready for bed.
    
    If you can't get out after work, try exercising at lunch like many
    have suggested. I used to walk at lunch a couple times a week and
    really enjoyed it. Find someone to walk with and encourage each other 
    to stick with it. 
    
    Karen 
    
    
    
    

I want my body back, but it is definitely a matter 
of priorities.  We've been starting to rearrange 
things so that I can get in some form of exercise 
4 days a week.  That is enough. Note that it has 
taken 3 years to figure out how to make this work.

The favorite exercise times seem to be - early morning,
lunchhour, right after work, and after kid's bedtime.

In my case, my husband works every other week; leaving
at 7:30 pm, and returning about 7AM. Also I work slightly
shifted hours so we have more family time in the evenings
(7:30-4:30), so that eliminates early morning.

Lunch hours are so valuable.  I sometimes do my grocery
shopping then (in the winter, that is) so I can play on
the weekends. Or keeping up at work. But I spend two lunch 
hours going running. So there's two workouts/week.

One night a week, Steve picks up the kids from daycare, 
and I go straight to the pool to swim laps.  (Normally, 
I pickup because they are just 1/4 mile away, while he
cooks dinner).  I come straight home and he has fed them 
dinner or is in the process.  I take over and do bath so he 
can get ready for work.  (On the weeks he doesn't work, I 
take my time and find things to do after working out - movies, 
shopping, dinner with friends or alone , etc.  It becomes my 
night off.)  So there's another workout - makes 3/week.

And one weekend day, I get in some form of workout.  Usually, 
during nap, my husband will workout, then "take the comm" 
and I go.  On weekends, I prefer to leave the house,
so I can't be interrupted for "emergencies".  (We have a
Nordic track in the basement to use when my husband is
gone on a full week trip.)

It *can* be done, but it is very difficult. All it takes is one
sick kid or snow day to blow the whole thing apart.  I'm looking 
forward to the temperature going above 20 degrees so the kids can go
in the baby jogger.

And note - my husband is a very participatory father, but
like anyone who has small children, the pressure can get to
him.  Not surprisingly, if I'm willing to sacrifice time for
me so that *he* can have it, he'll take it.

Pat

                       <<< Note 700.9 by JUPITR::KAGNO >>>

-    Can I ask a personal question here?  What are all your husband's doing
-    during the time you wish to get some exercize?


	The answer is obvious in my case :-)

	
			HE'S ON THE STAIRMASTER!

ROCHELLE

    
    Chasing after the 2 yr old or climbing up and down the stairs
    doing laundry is *not* exercise, per se.  While it may help a little,
    it's not going to get you back into pre-pregnancy shape.
    
    Walking, jogging, aerobics, swimming, stairmaster etc. are the types
    of exercise that will work.  Pack up the baby & stroller and go for a walk.
    If it's too cold outside, pack up the baby and stroller and go to the
    nearest mall, and walk.  Most malls allow walking and/or jogging before
    opening hours.  The dishes can wait...the laundry can wait....you come
    first!
    
    

First of all, thanks to everyone for their interesting replies, and for the
INSPIRATION to get back into working out... Yes, the starting is the hardest
part for me (we'll see if it lasts ;-).

I agree with the comments about priorities and that if you make it a
priority you will find the time to do *something* for exercise. But, I can
also relate to just putting the whole thing "on hold" so as to avoid the
constant "I should be..."'s (which just cause MORE stress).

Even if you can't get away to do "formal" exercise, you can still benefit
from a 15-20 minute walk or doing a few rounds of flights of stairs
(assuming you can find them in most sites) without a lot of the "overhead"
involved in some workouts.  I suggest to actually PLAN these activities
into the day - like the night before, commit to doing them by saying to
yourself that you will do xx at xxx time for xxx length of time. This helps
me because if I leave the decision to the last minute, it's way too easy
to come up with excuses to avoid it!

My latest outlet is rollerblading - it's a great way to get a workout but
seems much more fun to me than running. Of course, it's easier to do in
California (was just in Boston for their 15th storm of the season and can
understand the lack of blading activity... although I did see a few cross-
country skiers "working out") but if you can find some smooth sidewalks or
parking lots, it's worth it!  Definitely a perfect lunchtime activity since
you can get outside in the warmest part of the day, and it can get done in
a half-hour or less if you want.

By the way, my kids are 2 1/2 and 4 months - they, too, benefit from a more
relaxed, content, and fit Mommy!  Only problem is my son wants to go with
me (if I go on the weekend around home) and hasn't quite mastered the Fisher
Price skates (the kind that attach to the shoe)... But yesterday he was
racing me on his scooter and that was almost as fun ;-)

Good luck to everyone dealing with this dilemma. Just do what you can when
you can squeeze it in because even a little bit of time for yourself can
go a long way to relieve stress.  And as the kids get more independent,
there should be more time available for exercising...and more need for it,
no doubt!

-Cori

    
    	Cori,
    
    	I've got a 22 month old and a 5 week old.  Before my son was
    	born, my husband and I sat down and worked out a workout
    	schedule for both of us.  Two weeks ago, we put the plan into
    	action.  He works out Tuesday and Thursday evenings, plus Saturday
    	mornings (like now!).  I workout Monday, Wednesday and Friday
    	evenings.  Workouts get done immediately after work, and we just
    	eat a bit later.  This week, I managed to do a step workout
    	in the afternoon while the kids slept, giving us some extra
    	evening time.  Of course, I'm still on leave, so it's a little
    	easier.  I've mostly been walking to start out, so I usually take
    	the baby in the stroller - then I know he won't be looking to my
    	husband for food, which Daddy doesn't have!  It also gives him
    	a bit more one on one time with our daughter.
    
    	When I return to work, I plan to go back to teaching aerobics at
    	least one night per week.  I also plan to run or bike-ride at
    	least one day a week during lunch.  We're also planning to combine
    	one night's workout together, where my husband puts Emily in the
    	backpack and walks the dog, while I push Andrew in the stroller.
    	We did three miles together this way the other night, and it was
    	great.  
    
    	We know that exercise is a priority in our lives, so it just took
    	us a little while to determine how to fit it in.  If my husband
    	wasn't available in the evenings, I'd do all my workouts at lunch.
    
    	If you plan to join a gym/club, look for one that has babysitting
    	during the times you plan to workout.  Before my son was born,
    	I was going to Friday morning aerobics and putting my daughter
    	in the daycare for an hour.  
    
    	Enough rambling...
    
    	Good luck!
    
    	Karen
    

    For those parents who don't have enough time to exercise because
    of their children, I would like to say that I wish my parents had
    found the time , for my sake.
    I'm in my 30's and my parents are in their 60's. My husband is 
    the same age as I am & his parents are about the same age as mine.
    The difference in the physical fitness between his parents and mine
    is incredible. Both of my parents have heart problems. I am really
    worried about their health. My mother can not even walk very well.
    His parents still play tennis, golf, swim , hike ... When we go
    on vacation with them , they can keep up with us hiking, biking ..
    (and we do a pretty good amount of sports). When we go on vacation
    with my parents, my mother complains about walking anywhere, 
    and I can not believe how slow she walks.
    I really wish that my parents had stayed in better shape, I think
    that if they had just watched their cholesterol and walked regularly
    then now they would be living more healthfully and probably longer.
    Carol

    I have very weak stomach muscles (even pre-child) and wanted to know
    if anyone has used that new 'abdominal exerciser' advertised on those
    horrendous infomercials, if/how well it might work.  I hate stomach
    curls and situps.  I have a nordic track for the aerobics.
    
    Thanks - Kathy

    
    re .20 
    
    I haven't try those gadgets, but in place of situps, you could try 
    this. 
    
    	- Lay on your back on the floor, with legs stretched out.
    	- Place your hands underneath your hips to 
    	  keep the small of your back flat against
    	  the floor.
    	- Lift both feet off the floor to the height of
    	  6 - 12".
    	- Hold your feet in the air as long as you can.
    	- You will feel the tighten of stomach muscles.
    
    You could also reverse this by sitting up straight on the
    floor with your feet stretched out in front. Try to lean back
    using your stomach muscles to keep your back up, while keeping
    your legs on the floor.
    
    
    Eva 
    

	Leg lifts don't work the abdominals, they work the hip flexors.
	You feel a contraction in your abdominals because the abdominals
	are stabilizing the exercise.

	To work the abdominals, the exercise needs to include flexion
	of the spine.

	The easiest and safest way is abdominal curls.  If you hate
	those, you probably won't like the abdominal exercisers, either.

	Try doing the curls in front of the TV.  I use the clock on
	the VCR, and do curls for a predetermined amount of time.  That
	way, I don't need to count.  I do 5 minutes.

	Situps don't really benefit you any more than curls, and greatly
	increase the risk of injury to your back muscles.  

	Karen

    re .20
    
    Kathy,
    
    I'm seriously thinking of looking for one of those 'AB-FLEX' "things".
    ...and I feel the same way about those d__n infomercials.  I can't
    believe I'm considering it, but I have scoliosis affecting the top 
    vertabrae, and it's really very uncomfortable for me to lie flat on 
    my back.  It seems that it would be less painful for me to use this.
    I thought I'd check out Costco, Lechemere, though, before I order it 
    from TV.
    
    I also have a Nordic Track.....and a Soloflex (which my daughter has 
    at her home right now).
    
    I, too, would be interested in hearing if anyone has tried the AB-FLEX.  
    
    
    Lorraine 

    I have Tony Little AB Isolator, what I like about it is that it makes
    you keep your back flat against the floor.  There are 4 or 5 different
    exercises which are very easy to do.  My excuse for not using this is
    that it has been just too hot.  I used it for two week and then the
    heat came in, so can't say for sure if it really works.  But think that
    it will if I really stick with it (like anything else).  I bought mine
    @ MVP for $29, it's on sale this week @ Caldors for 27.  I believe the
    "AB-flex" thing that looks like a bow is also @ Caldors.
    
    I still haven't watched Little's video, he's so loud on the
    infomerccial he drives me crazy, so can't comment on what he has to 
    say.
    
    Julie
    

    
    re .22
    
    	I wasn't very clear. I didn't mean leg lifts, the legs are not
    repeated moved up and down. What I was describing was a actually
    yoga position that the legs had to be held in place in mid air by 
    the stomach muscles. 
    
    Eva

What have you found to be the best way to knock off weight around the tummy (
without running out to buy some new exercise gadgets)?  Would situps help? 
Someone mentioned abdominal curls..but I am a stranger to exercise..so could
someone describe this for me?

--CR.

    
    The most effective way to lose weight combines calorie reduction and
    aerobic exercise.  Aerobic exercise alone can also produce weight loss
    as long as your food intake does not intake.  It will be more gradual.
    Similarly with calorie reduction alone.
    
    Toning exercise, like situps, will get your muscles in shape but will
    not help you lose weight.  You'll still have that nasty layer of
    fat around your tummy, hiding your muscles.  It is true that building
    muscle will increase your metabolism because muscle burns more calories
    than fat.  You will also gain weight, initially, when building muscle
    since muscle weighs more than fat.
    
    Aerobic exercise, not situps, is the way to reduce your waist.  The
    situps will just make the muscles firmer but not make your tummy 
    smaller.
    
    I suggest aerobic exercise 3-4 times/week for 20 minutes.  Combine
    that with 5 minutes of warmup and 5 minutes of cooldown and you've
    only exercised 1/2 hour.  That should be your minimun exercise.  
    If you can squeeze in 15 minutes or more of toning, like situps,
    a couple of times per week, thats great and your results will be that
    much better.  But, always get that 3 times of aerobics in first.
    
    I'm not a fitness instructor or anything like that, but I've read
    alot on this subject and that is what I'm relaying here.
    
    Karen
    
    
    
    

    abdominal curls are sort of half-situps.
    
    Lie down on the floor with your knees bent. What you do with your arms
    is optional -- some people put their hands together behing their necks,
    others just keep them straight next to their sides.
    
    Anyway, pick your neck, shoulders and chest up off the floor about 6 to
    8 inches and hold that position for several seconds. Then relax and lie
    down again.
    
    Repeat.
    
    Abdominal crunches are similar. Lift your upper body as above, but at
    the same time lift your feet and pull your knees in toward you chest.